~the dearest blog that accompanied me through ups and down~

~yeah selective for airline interview !~

2012-02-12T07:00:00.000-08:00

i dun rmb wat happened much for the past 1 wk.all i remembered was just my rountine life.staying in sch after class to watch online lect ;( i really cant wait for this darn rountine life over books to be over soon.anw past few days saw the email over the selection over the scoot airline.was pretty happy over it cos didnt expect i will get selected.but probably i was tinking, they might be short of staff right now.so naturally there might be a high demand for air stewardess.actually if u asked if wat i really wan to work as, i really duno cos i nv thought much even up to now.last sem alrdy still clueless wat i wan in life.i doubt i will wan to work in engineering line, neither do i want to work in a bank environment. but i certainly know tat i wanna find a job tat can travel cos i lik travelling.but i dun like the feeling of travelling alone cos i will feel very scared. i am scared of the lost feeling when no one is out there to help me when i am lost.

anw wat can i do to my dark rings man.i wan to sleep but i always no time to sleep.shall now make it a point to sleep at 1.30 everyday now.and i haven been gg out for long to enjoy,.wanna go out play also needa think twice cos once i dun catch up the lectures, everything will pile up again then i will be damn stress.esp now so many things to do so little time.but at least now gt tat" special someone" to share the burden wif me ;) i am not alone !!!

my bro has a car in sydney.looks lik he is enjoying life now man.but economically his bank is empty after buying the car.sometimes i guess one just have to weigh the adv and disadv of living a luxerous life.

~life sucks with this mum~

2012-02-02T09:49:00.000-08:00

for the past few wks i had my first cny visiting after so many many yrs since i was young. its been long i last seen ang bao..and this yr received ard $68..considered not bad man.at least better than not having any..anw tat was the first time tat i felt family warmness between relatives..and they can be tat close.from wat i rmb when i was young, i doubt my relatives are tat close.in fact the bond in us isnt tat strong in the first place.anw tis yr my aunt did call up for reunion dinner at her hse, but my parents choose nt to go, even my dad.seriously i duno wat hatred for them, but i always heard the one sided story from them.so i cant really judge either.sometimes i am tinking who are my cousins actually.perhaps i have seen them before when i was young, but i duno who they are even if they were to appear right in front of me.

anw life really sucks now.i am really feeling lotsa stress from sch work and FYP.nv ending, no time to sleep also.wth duno why i study so hard man when i doubt come out work also these all these stupid knowledge,.last wk i really slacked and rest alot til this wk all the online lect accumulates like snowball now.hai~ uni life is just stressful. another issue is regards to home matters.seriously i cant tolerate staying wif my mum.and yes i cant wait to break ties with her.i seriously cant imagine how other ppl can stay along wif her.she just have a super f*** up attitude.always tink that she is right regardless of wat she does.whatever shit man. i just dun feel like tolerating all her stupid nonsense.and today she had a fight wif me.and yes its literally real fight..wth wat kind of mum is tat.i would rather not born in this family.why is dad is such a nice father but u are just an extreme end? sometimes certain things just cant be changed.its a fact tat u are my mum.but watever it is, i shall not tolerate ur nonsense..i tink once bro is bac, he sure cant tolerate wif her either.probably there will be more disputes.but at least now my mum will break focus or attention from me as there will be my bro to distract her.sometimes i really tink i have communication breakdown wif her.totally cant talk to her nicely cos she is just unreasonable.this kind of ppl shall not talk reason to her.

btw my dark eye rings are super jialat now.i want to sleep more, but i dun hav time to catch up wif my studies.not sure why this sem i am just nuah towards studies...perhaps its the final sem alrdy.my brain is calling me to take a break liao..actually this sem i wasnt tat lonely with my new study mate friend J.ok la, let him be the replacement for agnes. ;)

~changing for the better~

2012-01-20T22:22:00.000-08:00

i guess past mistake has left a high impact of me.the words that he said in the past and i could still remember vividly..so i told myself i should put in more effort rather than being so bo chap in future.yes i regretted terribly tat time, but it was too late.i cant have you bac, though i yearn terribly for it.

perhaps now i did put in the extra effort,but i guess i didnt gurgle it well.or maybe i should be more bo chap so that i wont bring discomfort to others.nvm i am tired of thinking alrdy.the more i tink abt it, the more upset i feel. suddenly feels lik taking a break frm everything, staying out alone enjoying peace and not tinking of anything in mind.or sitting down at the beach area sitting down doing nothing.

last night met up wif the jc gers.sometimes in life, i realised as you gets older, ur thinking will changed.last night during the short dinner we HTHT lots of stuff. perhaps in life, everyone has their weakness and strength.it really depends on how much we willing to accept them and forget the differences and stay happy as friends. Friends are for life, but ur other half can leave u anytime if things dun turn up well. at the end of the day,everything can be still bac to square one...

lately has been very emo and get upsets easily.nt sure why also.... ;(

~aimless wk doing nothing~

2012-01-19T00:45:00.000-08:00

this wk was pretty a restless week doing nothing efficient.cos apparently i am in the holiday mood alrdy.and i am somehw getting sick of this boring studying life whereby everyday needa view online lects again and again.never ending. ;(

then ytd went for skin appt again.and mr bf turned up suddenly at the skin centre pharmacy, giving me really a stunning surprise ! but that was sweet though ;) hehe can i have more of surprises nxt time my dear?? ;) ;) after tat went to explore ard that area since i nv explore balester area before, then we had ba gu teh for dinner.still after eating tat, ba gu teh is stil not my cup of tea though its stil consider nice.perhaps i would prefer something with fried stuff. after the night dinner, we took a long walk /stroll, whichever u call it.sometimes its just so nice getting away from all the stress from the sch work and enjoying the night with your love one ;) , but sad to say this enjoying moments gonna end soon after cny period cos hectic days will come immediately after cny !! ;( sob sob !

~i feel abit upset~

2012-01-15T06:36:00.000-08:00

fri went to chinatown to celebrate our 5th month.indeed time flies man.i am bac to spore in 5 mths alrdy and yes i have adapted to the life here though i still miss the days in china, the days where i have lots of freedom and wondering the streets exploring new places to go cos i am just freaking bored.i miss the slow pace life over there cos come bac spore everything will be bac to its hectic lifestyle, but this time round the onli exception is i have a special guy to pei me only.but he did add colours to my life now which is gd.sometimes i have been wondering wat i like to do actually other than watching tv and shopping..hmm i also duno man..or i realised at times i do deprived of childhood days also.mum have been pretty strict with me that i cant play games or whatever shit when i am young cos these are activities are time wasting to her.all i does was study study study and she has turned me into a bookworm who knows nothing.perhaps if last time she was to impose me to do housework rather than ask me study, perhaps by today i will help her clean the house since it has inculcate as a habit alrdy.but seems like she didnt giv a gd coaching when i was young..too bad then and so now i have really became reliant on her on housework.

anw today i was pretty upset over a remark.perhaps i am insensitive towards my surrounding, but like i always say i also do things without thinking much of the consequences.so i guess that is me. ;( duno why the impact on me was pretty upset and i did cried awhile, but i guess drowning in sch works really do helps and talk cock to ppl also helps.at least it helps to distract ur mind from the unhappiness remark..sometimes i really hope that my mind can be more complex rather than so naive..but can i really achieve that in 5 years down the road when i am 30 yrs old?? by the age of 30 yrs old i will be stepping into another phase of life.everything will be diff from now.i cant be as bo chap and ignorant as before.i have to climb on my mountain tortoise wall..but it seems so hard to achieve !!!! ;(

~to go or nt to go?~

2012-01-11T04:06:00.000-08:00

should i go or nt to go? i have been asking myself the qns alot of time..i really cant decide.heart kinda wan to travel but logic wise tells me i shouldnt when i am nt even certain if i gt the money to travel first or nt.

anw sch has started this wk..i can hardly focus..was feeling very restless..i guess i am still not prepared for sch.and i get very tried cos sch starts means tat i will start wif viewing online lect everyday and its so boring and sian ! but anw tat is sch life.i just have to endure for a few more mths and i will be entirely free ! and today went to peep at a sch event and saw ac.although i saw him i didnt wan to call out for him since he was doing his wonderful job of helping the sch to flim the entire opening ceremony.and partly i thought, wat should i talk to him if i call him.hmm like nothing man.in the past we hv nothing to talk alrdy.maybe now the same too.so i guess maybe dun call him might be a better play safe choice.unless he saw me, then i shall go with the suitation.and mr bf is there too.and if he saw him how should i intro? aiya it will be damn weird.ex bumping into the current bf..wat should he say also.i guess its better to avoid this ugly situtation.

gd bye my pentium 3 cui comp !

2012-01-02T06:58:00.000-08:00

today i went to recover my comp data.darn spend $50 on that.initally wanted to giv up hope liao, but i went sim lim to recover the data instead cos i really need some of my files doc inside my comp.but didnt expect to be so ex. first shop that i was quoted was $120, nxt was $100 , then lastly was $180...when i hear the recovery price i really damn sian liao cos its not worth recovering when its super damn ex for those photos and sch doc files..but somehow the last shop, that uncle was very fatherly.he ask me to quote my price.then i roughly quoted $50 since the max i would allow myself to pay for recovering data is tat price.then i was very stunned tat he actually agreed to it man...he say since i am a student and i needa recover my sch work. so he helped me..wah super nice man, i was damn touched ! but the recovery process was freaking darn long.i waited for 4 hrs and yet the recovery is not done.so i had to come bac another day to retrive it.but anw initally i tried to find out if the market is still selling my hardisk...wanted to tried to retrive my cui comp de.but the market nv sell 40gb IDE hardrive anymore..in fact in few mths IDE hardrive will be out of market and replaced by SSD hardisk..so i guess its not worth while purchasing this IDE hardisk since nxt time i cant get to purchase it when it spoils again..i guess i shall proclaim my cui comp as DEAD TOTALLY THIS TIME. and YOU SHALL REST IN PEACE THEN !! so sad.my many yrs of comp is gone and indeed it needed to be scrap off cos it has reached its life time !!!

~welcome to 2012 ! ~

2012-01-01T02:05:00.000-08:00

past few days has been busy wif doing stuff.apparently not much stuff were done though i seems very busy..thur nite met up wif mr ec cos i needa his help to help me carry my hse comp to the repair shop cos i predicted he cant do much to my comp either.sigh, actually this cui old comp has been with me for pretty long.not tat i dun bear to part wif it, but just tat i wanna my files bac terribly cos i dun save any backup. actually i dun mind discarding this old comp since its time that he really needs to retire..no more pentium 3.shall move on to pentium 4.but i am pretty upset all my sch stuff is gone ! not to mention my beloved memories photos.but wat can i do.corrupt means corrupt, cant retrive means cant retrive. ;(

anw the informal meet the mother session was kinda a scary one for me.i felt scared for him too.actually my intention is to help him create a gd impression in my mum by asking him to help me carry my hse comp from places to places.tat's the only way to show that he is a nice guy and helpful towards ppl, as i always believe that first impression counts really alot.and my materialistic mum wouldnt be an exception.but i was right abt her consistent bugging abt mr ec after i brought him home to help me repair comp.but apparently he is not the first guy i brought home.so i feel she is seriously over reacting. But i wouldnt deny that this guy is the special one that i would stayed on with.which also explains why she keep promting me things non stop.

then fri had dian sum buffet ! its supposedly to be my fav, but apparently i eat until i feel lik vomitting ! cos its too overwhelming... but its super worth for money la.after tat met up wif the sz gang for gathering at town for ice cream !

sat was the eve of 2012 ! this yr was special as i spent my countdown in hotel...they spent the entire night drinking and performing some fashion show.the fashion show indeed was funny..other than tat, i dun really like drinking..perhaps since young, none of my friends drink til i came uni then started to have peer influence to touch alcholic drinks.but before i was 20 i never touch any drop of alcohol..neither did i stepped into any club or plubs..tat's just the guai qm or rather i should say i have a very strict mum who set a curfew for me in the past.so i nv ever had a chance to go club after midnight.

nxt wk gonna be a super busy and packed wk for me.i shall start writing my report nxt wk.and time to get bac to mugging mode soon ;(

~i have played hard this wk ! ~

2011-12-29T02:02:00.000-08:00

last wk was kinda the play hard wk after so many wks of reading journals in sch.suddenly feel like a bird being free out of cage man.last sat which was christmas eve. This yr i spent it wif mr ec friends, where usually every yr this time round we would spend it wif the bday girl but she arent in china this time round. so this yr christmas eve i am rather free from activities.

sun went to jb early wif agnes and j. This thrifty couples wanted to explore jb by taking buses instead of taking cab so i guess i dun have a choice but to walk ard jb wif them..but somehow this trip is rather interesting as i get to see diff sides of jb.as i am rather bored going the same old place again and again..i tried the fish food spa that day..its damn fun but rather itchy and pain to certain extend.but considering its cheap and gd for the feet, i dun mind trying its again nxt time.then at nite ate at the roadside eating satays and otas.wanna whacks these fav food of mine, but i sore throat !! sian max..so cant eat much.but i stil continue eating those heaty food despite having very serious and pain sore throat.

mon and tues was the day for mr ec.mon was the shopping day at bugis for the retro clothes party.of cos shopping has always been my favourite activity.so if u ask me if i like shopping even not buying anything, i will definitely say yes i enjoy ! then tues was the cooking day at his hse and after that this crazy guy suggested to go jb sing k.i was like : " huh are u serious? " anw i also quite on de since i have my own passport now.can go overseas anytime. ;) actually singing k in jb is just a super great deal when everything is so cheap ! but this 2 days having spend quality time with mr bf is indeed very nice, cos we hardly can enjoy so much during sch period.

and wed i am back to sch again to do experiments again !!! so sian..and another sian thing is my comp break down after 6 yrs not giving me after any trouble after changing the hard disk.now problems has started to arise.and looks lik all my photos tat i have been keeping since jc will be gone ;( so sad....

~a hilarious joke, but yes i gt fine for jaywalking ! ~

2011-12-20T19:28:00.000-08:00

hmm wat have i been doing this few days?? it seems tat i am very busy with tons of things, but apparently none get done..or rather i have too many things to do til i duno where should i start from..hai ~ and i am referring to my FYP.my mentor told me so many many things to do, but where should i start from? , when i have to meet him practically for the past 2 wks almost everyday..wanna slack also cant in this holiday..sometimes when i didnt do much, then he would show me the unhappy unexpression..then i was lik "opps" ..aiya i am getting really sick of this man..holiday also no time to relax and rest..

last fri i choose not to go bac sch for FYP cos i have yet to done anything.he sure unhappy de, so i told him i have something on that day =x so ended up i took the day off to meet playmate..sat did nothing but slept the entire day for over 12 hrs !!

and ytd i encountered the most hilarious joke of my life ! i was fined for jaywalking outside the cross junction of our sch..darn, i was never tat lucky even for toto lo ! guess wat, initally i alrdy saw a police car somewhere near the junction, but i thought they wanna look for eye witness for some accident, so i just disregard everything and jaywalk the road openly like wat i always do for the past 4 yrs...only when i was stopped for my student pass and ic, i realised tat "oh shit, something not gd must be coming up" and i was right, the policeman took down my student pass and he said i was fined for jaywalking and he say 2 wks time the letter will reached my home. ;( then he was telling me stories how dangerous it is to cross the road like how i does..aiya who duno its dangerous man..i also know.i also know its illegal to cross the road lik this, but everyone is crossing the road lik how i does wat..just tat i very suay ytd tio fined !!! nvm heng its $20 only.. after which went for skin appointment..sigh even the doctor duno wats wrong wif my problem.ended up he onli did a blood test ;(

ytd my foot was hurting very terrible til i could hardly walked.in fact i was limping on my leg since it was so painful out of the sudden.perhaps the pain last wk was alrdy a sign, but i chose to ignore it..i am really scared tat my foot will return to the china days where i could barely walk much..even if i could walk, only can walk for short distance as after a while i leg gets hurtful..hai~ like tat seems like a handicapped man..thinking of that, it suddenly reminds of my SZ neighbour..that nice lovely old couple..i can never forget the auntie who came down my hse in the middle of the night just to help me rub my foot with her foot medicine cos i rmb i could barely even walk a few steps..hopefully she is getting gd now ;)

~lab work sucks to the max~

2011-12-15T02:11:00.000-08:00

i am so lonely and empty lately cos he is went for reservist..so sian.then this wk everyday do lab in sch.lab work seriously sucks to the max..today is my 1st time i really do experiment..i was tasked to capture image under the microscope by my mentor, but somehow i duno wat he wants..those image tat i captured i tink not bad, but he doesnt tink so..conversly,the final images tat i captured was very lousy cos i didnt put in effort liao cos i redo 3 times alrdy..super fed up..so i just bo chap and anyhow capture the image under microscope.but eventually he said those photos are better..i was lik FINALLY !!! no wonder my friends keep saying tat lab is a waste of time..indeed it is. from morning til evening, i did nothing except capturing a gd image.and i have yet to do my lit review cos everyday he has new things for me to do..freak !!! i am so tired !!! sigh i dun lik yr 4 life !!!

xxx can you faster come out, i am so sian..

~broke broke broke~

2011-12-12T00:07:00.000-08:00

For the past 1 wk, i have been busy wif going out and working ad hoc jobs.singing k though wasnt as much happier as shopping, but fri was the day when me n wp went to sing k.her voice was damn awesome and i enjoyed listen to her live "concert" for tat 3 hrs.nevertheless during tat session, i tried finding songs tat suit my singing voice.and i managed to find a singer tat i can sing rather smoothly..but eventually at the end of the day i needa brush up my chinese ba.

then sat went to work in the 1atitude pub/resturant..tat's the worst job i did so far since young.the job is not onli super tiring and i dun really like the environment.lucky i hv friends' company, else in the first place i wont even work in this line.but the returant view at the 62 and 63 level is awesome indeed..but the waitress job really makes my arms damn tiring and muscle ache after tat..the pay is somemore kinda pathetic for the amt of sweat we put in..nt worth man..

then sun intended to go sentosa de, but the stupid morning rain spoil everything ! so ended up went for food explore at the east side.then went robinson sales..i bought wat i needed and he bought alot of shirts and its all i choose one.LOL.but i trust my taste cos i am always v particular abt guys dressing.but ytd was a shagged yet happy wkend together ;)

mon went to work again and i was tasked to input all the information in the photocopy box..i was lik OMG, so much to be completed in 2 days. this data entry job is super boring!

~my blog is no longer a secret !!! ~

2011-12-05T04:14:00.000-08:00

guess wat, due to my foolish-ness or rather itchy hands, i actually indirectly link the impt key words to my blog.but nvm la.i shall still blog normally..shall not filter wat i wanna say or hide feelings nor emotions. and stupid dearest, i guess fate have been on ur side ya..seems like luck is always not on my side and made you found my dearest blog...

anw today went out for half a day wif mum.surprising today kinda click well wif her.firstly in the morning i woke up freaking damn early (6am) cos she damn kiasu wanna be the first patient, but apparently when we reached there, there are more ppl even kiasu than us..so eventually i was the no 9 patient.alrights wat the chinese doc said that my hives developed largely becos my immune system is too strong..lol when i was heard tat i was tinking, wat kind of crappy rubbish is this.cos usually ppl who has weak immune system then will fall sick wat, i dun see a reason when someone who has very high immune system falling sick easily..so i listen until blur blur so i decided to challenged wat the doc say..wa then the doc like kinda unhappy liao then started to raise his voice abit..then i was lik "orh orh, okok.." at this point of time i tink it best tat i shut my mouth in case i get snapped (since he is the doctor wat, then i cant say anything)

after tat went to IMM to window shop wif mum..she keep "nagging" to ask me buy hush puppies shoes for her..wth, she tinks i atm ah..i not even rich lo..in fact she much much richer than me..and she keep looking and looking and i knew tat she confirm wont buy de.so i cant be bothered to entertain her when she ask me if its nice or nt.and she try and try but i still very certain tat she wont buy..and indeed i was right !!! then after tat she keep bugging me to treat her lunch..ok lunch mayb i still got $ to eat..then i check my wallet and realised i left $5..damn pathetic..i say ok lo since u wanna eat resturant then we pay half half lo since i onli got $5..then i brought her to eat tahu tehlo ! somewat this time round, it doesnt seems as nice as the first time i tried, but tat was mum first time try, and she say indeed this dish is not bad.

then after which went to the temple to pray though i was very reluctant to go there but bo bian cos i was dragged there by my mum..and tat ends the entire half a day..was damn shagged la ! shall look forward to tmr ! i gonna to cut hair and spend the entire day with him ! ;)

~sometimes staying abroad alone indeed can be very tough~

2011-12-04T02:00:00.000-08:00

yes my final exams just ended 1 wk ago..kinda tired of nuahing for one wk liao..seriously there is nothing to keep me occupied other than watching drama online.wanna job temp job leh, but then i needa work on my FYP during this holiday and perhaps start writing some part of the reports before sch starts.i wanna work to earn some money for the grad nite and grad trip.but somehow my motivitation arent tat strong this holiday to push me to work.. ;(

alrights i just came bac from batam..overall this small island is a nice place to eat eat eat and shop..i love their avogradro drink cos its super cheap and my 2 days stay in batam i drank 3 cups of avogradro drink..the hotel was super shoik..the room are super big and awesome..there is swimming pool some more lo..too bad i didnt bring my swimming costume, else i will defintely go down the pool since not much ppl swim there.but it was a nice travelling with him.. ;) we shopped lotsa of food bac..overall its a cheap country to spend in..all u needa is money ! but sadly i onli changed $50 so i dun have much money to shop after i bought the kueh lapis, cos the this kuej lapis itself alrdy cost $29..wth so ex la..initally i still thought its not tat ex can consider buying.end up abit regret after buying.alrights nvm actually i quite gian to buy their fried donuts and tibits bac cos i always lik them since my aunt always bring tat for us whenever she comes spore.too bad this time i no money to buy bac much..wat i lik overall this entire trip is the big big spacious hotel !!! wah if i ever have such big rooms, i will be defintely damn happy..

then mum ask me the nxt day after i came bac batam.she asked why arent my passport chopped at all...opps she actually checked it ! i was wrong man, cos initally i thought she wont check at all..i was very panic at tat point of time cos i duno how to reply her..so i pretend to continue sleeping while i tink of a solution to ans her..and heng i manage to get my way out..phew !!!

today had a long session talking wif my brother...suddenly feel very pitiful towards him..he told me now he can onli eat one meal everyday cos he has no money to eat..hai~ like so poor thing man..so i told him to buy bread as alternative lo..at least it will be more filling and at least he can get to eat 3 meals, not as bad as eating 1 meal per day...he told me tat he is very stressed over this current financial status now..he needs to buy a car now but he has no money and his daily accomodation is a big problem now..the standard of living over there is super high and he has no money to pay everything..sigh, hearing tat from him i feel very pathetic towards him cos in the past he nv had this problem..he is always a glutton when it comes to food.now he has to control wat he eats cos he has no money..so poor thing man !

i am gg to see the chinese doctor tmr for my hives !!! hope the chinese medicine can heal this long term hard to treat illness..i am seriously getting irritated by the constant hives man.

~very upset~

2011-11-17T20:51:00.000-08:00

my paper paper today after half a yr nv touched exam liao.and the exam is seriously tricky max..initally i thought the paper was pretty ok one.but later i realised oh shit i have lots of wrong ans..so i was kinda sia liao..hai~but tat wasnt wat i was sad for today..i felt pretty left out today.i felt tat i am totally lost in their convo..i totally have no shit wat they are talking abt..cos most of the time they watsap so ppl lik me who dun own a data plan kinda lose out..hai~ i felt tat i was very transparent lo..hai~~~ but evertheless i hope things will be better after exams.

~am i really suited for you~

2011-11-04T19:31:00.000-07:00

ytd nite was really a depressing nite to survive through..cos firstly i was very upset over him liao..after tat reached home mum keep scolding this and tat and it got me even more frustrated..and yes i was bloody angry..and ytd i really tried controlling my temper cos its alrdy late in the nite liao..i dun wan quarrel and disturb the neighbours cos if we were to quarrel, i am certain tat everyone in the blk can hear us..so fine i let her scold all she wans..while i was crying all alone in the room..i duno why i cant stop crying ytd either..i guess i was really very upset..the worst thing is i cried for 3hrs plus here and there until my eyes got really sollwen..and yes i knew tat i was very bad ignoring all his calls.initally i off my hp cos i knew he would certainly call me..but ltr i decided not to be so mean treat him so badly..so i decided to switch on my hp and i am sorry if he called me over 40+ calls for 2hrs plus consecutively and i ignored all his calls..i was feeling real upset tt time..dun feel lik taking up his calls...i was tinking am i really suited for u?? perhaps i am too dumb for you??perhaps u should find a smarter gf??perhaps i needa a more patient guy who can love me more than i love him?? or rather should i choose someone i dun like?? at least i wont be hurt in any way?? i dun wan go bac to the old times where i take the guy for granted and regret eventually..so i chose to be with someone i like rather than someone who like me..i am tired seriously..i just wanna get away from all these..just leave me alone..mum keep irritates me with peanuts issues and it makes me bloody pissed and angry..relationship wise i always feel tat he oftens get v pek chek wif me..ok mayb i admit tat most ppl will get pek chek wif me under these circumstances..but i guess i needa more time to learn and it will take very slow..i wonder down the road if we were to walk down the marriage will you be very pek chek wif me?? i have many things tat i duno and i cant even do simple things..by then will you find tat i bring u more of mafan rather than bring you love??? i guess no one knows..although u say tat u will change..but this is something tat i am very sensitive to..i get hurt by ppl easily..haiz..i am tired alrdy..dun wish to tink anymore..today early in the morning mum quarrelled wif me again..and i am seriously very very tired of it alrdy..i dun feel like gg home anymore..she took my atm card away cos i just refused to get bac my ic to her..seriously she is just damn childish...i just wanna stay out of this hse !!!!!!!!!!!!! wat the fuck i am seriously tired of ur nonsence..i wan to get out of this hse one day once i earn enough money..hai~ i am really tired alrdy..bf pls leave me alone for a moment..i am stil hurt by u ytd..i guess i will be ok after a while..

~sometimes i really wonder if i am 24 yrs old or nt~

2011-11-04T08:04:00.000-07:00

qm sometimes i really wonder if i am 24 yrs old or nt.so many things also duno..bank transfer also duno wat to do nxt.end up also have to ask him to settle for me.ended up he show signs of pek chek..ok la i guess everyone under his shoes will be pek chek, but i guess i can still figure out how to do it.juz tat i will take probably some time to figure out.ok la i know i am blur..but afterall i will get to know how to do it.hai~ nvm la i guess ppl just have to be patient with me cos i am the blur qm..i always take a while to know wat u are talking abt.

dearest blog i guess u are still my great great friend.the one who i always confess my true feelings to..the one who always listen faithfully to me whenever i am feeling down. thanks you for being there for me since year 2004..i carried me lotsa of memories and sadness..hope it will carry on for life. Thank you for opening up to me for my sadness today !

~halloween nite~

2011-10-25T22:18:00.000-07:00

past few days have been pretty fruitful spending my days wif dearest..first time spend my halloween nite in a cementry..wa this shall be my first and last experience tat i am going there.cos encountered things over there when we joined a grp as we head down the cementry route.ok perhaps this is kinda exciting for first timer to see this, but let this be the first and last excitement to end.

anw past few days kinda bad mood,angry over him, but after tat i think its my fault afterall..cos he did nothing wrong actually..juz tat i am in a foul mood so snap at him..anw after today's test i can finally relax for a wk liao..shoik...but i must catch up my FYP..i changed a totally new topic ! oh man, i tink i am the most zai person in mse liao who changed FYP topic in wk 10 and she has yet to start any experiemtns yet..zai max, i am sure no one can ever beat me liao..

but anw i realised that i haven been updating my dearest blog since i have him..i guess things are getting kinda repeative..so abit lazy to update my daily stuff..but anw i must think of something to give him for our 3rd month..come on, giv me more ideas !!! i shall go check it out for ideas this wk before i get bust again nxt wk !

~how are you~

2011-10-14T04:29:00.000-07:00

how are u my dearest blog? its been weeks since i last updated u..have been pretty busy wif sch stuff as usual.and going out wif him..and ytd was our 2nd mth. ! so fast indeed ya..so far things have been pretty gd for both of us.he has been entertaining me and treating me real nice.i cant ask for more in fact cos he is really a nice guy.but nevertheless shouldnt take him for granted for his nice-ness.

anw wat i am worried abt for now is my FYP proj..everything doesnt seems to be going anywhere.and its pretty scary when its almost half a month and i haven started any lab work..HOW HOW HOW??? ppl are already finishing their lab when i haven even started a single one !!! and worst stil, now my mentor wants to change topic, which make me more gan jiong and panic. !!! freak man, i always feel tat my life is always damn screwed when it comes to study.hard part i will survive well through my final yr 4. i hope i can graduate with my 3rd class as i know tat its impossible to climb up to 2nd lower alrdy.so just needa maintain ;)

all i need now is strength to carry on with everything. keep me jia you man !

~recess wk~

2011-09-25T22:24:00.001-07:00

this wk is finally recess wk, but apparently i still feel very busy..sigh..wat a life man.busy wif writing journals for FYP, endless projects and lecture notes and tutorials to catch up wif..ARGH ! this is irritating.and there is OP nxt wk..hopefully i dun screwed up my presentation man.cos i am damn scared. tis wk going to JB for stress relief..hopefully i will feel less stressful escaping from sch work for the day.and he has gone for diving for the past 3 days !! suddenly feel empty without anyone msg-ing me constantly asking me wat i am doing...blah blah blah..and yes he is finally bac today ! ;)

~stress stress stress~

2011-09-14T00:03:00.000-07:00

haven been updating for long..nothing much happen recently..well i am just pretty stress with sch work when every of my friends alrdy start their expt liao but i haven even started a single expt..and wat my mentor wants me to do is to read and write jounals for now..ya even though i know he has alrdy planned out wat to do for me,..but apparently i still feel very worried and stress when i am doing diff things from my friends now.. ;( anw this few days very sleepy..cant concentrate on my studies man..haiz..i am feeling more and more sleepy and i woke up later and later as the days goes by..actually now i feel very sian in my sch life.cos everyone does their own things,rarely gt the time to get together to enjoy.haiz..anw hope i can do well for my CA nxt wk..pray hard man cos we have no sample this time round.

~a super gd job opportunity!! ~

2011-09-02T02:52:00.000-07:00

last sat stayed over in sch cos he wanted to come to sch find me after his supper at bedok..initally i dun have the intention to stay overnite one, but since i feel kinda bad tat he travelled all the way just to find me, so ok lo then i pei him stayed overnite.tat nite was a wonderful nite having just his company..if only time could stay on at tat moment, i would certainly cherish tat moments. i guess i am really very forunate and xin fu now having him by my side.someone who always cared for me and its really been a very very long time tat someone actually cares for me so much.the night sms everynight asking if i reached home alrdy and what i doing, i guess all this has become part of my life gradually.indeed ytd nite when he didnt sms me cos he slept super early..i really feel very empty inside.i guess you have really became part of my life. then wed nite stayed over in sch again to do my fyp stuff.its god max shagged man.initally i also no intention to stay over one, but since he is staying over in sch, so i joined him lo..

anw ytd just had a phone interview wif shanghai loreal, and somehw i was selected for a job interview wif them.i was really very very tempted to take up tis job if they were to offer me this job.i will confirm take up this job if i am single now !!! but then sigh i cant really decide wif i wanna go if this chance really comes true..i cant possibly leave him in spore for yrs just becos i wanna go overseas work for many yrs..this wouldnt be fair to him asking him to wait for me..but on the other hand, working overseas has been my dream.i always wanted to choose a job that can travel around.and this job offer allows me to travel to diff parts of the world every yr. Japan, china, indo and india.all these countries seems so tempting..so kinda in a dilemna..how can i resist such a gd chance..hai hai hai..so during the phone interviewed i asked them wat would be the minimum no of yrs i needa commit.they say 1 yr.hai but 1 yr seems really damn long man..anything can change in tat 1 yr.now tat we see each other practically everyday.if i needa separate from him for 1 yr, how can i tahan man..i will be super duper sad de lo..hai hai hai..

this wk i will be super busy again ! but i seriously needa piah liao..dun slack anymore !

~come on, when can i be more serious!~

2011-08-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

this entire wk i was busy with doing slides for my FYP.seriously when can i be more serious and start of my FYP !!!! i have been saying i wan to start but it nv seems to get going at all..either i too tired tat day read all the journals then keep falling asleep..jialat i really damn scared my FYP will be super super screwed, cos it seems tat i kinda heck care now.or rather i am really very lost as to where i should start from.so apparently i am not doing anything for now. but anw the met up session wif my prof was a screwed thing too.i totally utter rubbish cos i no nothing abt my project..haiz..this is seriously demoralising man..so anyway wed after the presentation we went out for dinner and somehow i felt happier..hehe.if only everyday can be tat happy how gd it would be man.but anw there is a long wkend coming up..i shall piah my studies this few days..dun slack liao !!!

i am getting more and more naughty!

2011-08-22T07:41:00.000-07:00

fri was pretty looking forward to meet up his friends.alrights so when i reached timbre, all his friends were waiting for my arrival and i was kinda stressed over it cos i dun like the attention.ok nvm so tat day i wanted to leave early to catch the last train before there is no transport for me..but he die die wan to leave with me though he is the bday boy...so i kinda feel bad abt it cos he should be the one staying behind entertaining his friends..he shouldnt accompany me bac home instead !!! and i explain to him many many times dun send me bac but he just refuse to giv in to me..ok i guess partly becos i bought his bday cake out, so he wanna celebrate wif me..but anw tat nite it was a nice chill out nite at my hse neigbourhood.we sat down at my hse nearby blowing candles for his cake..kinda relaxing..but i went home at 1 plus..

sat went out to celebrate his bday.went to the great world to catch a movie, after which we took a bus ride to joo chiat for food hunt, then nite time went to ecp to chill out..tat nite reached home at 4am !!! and guess wat all thanks to the nite rider bus for the 1 hr plus journey !!! but anw tat nite i am really happy wif the moments with him..how i wished time could stop there and no need get bac to the sch stuff ..lol but i knew its impossible !!!

~i feel very blissful now~

2011-08-17T04:36:00.001-07:00

thank you eug for stepping into my life.i really feel very blissful and happy with all the nice wonderful care that you have showered me.thanks you ! i guess its really my luck to have gone GIP and known you through this wonderful trip.if i haven gone this GIP trip perhaps i might know u. I guess its fate ya..i look forward to this fri for the meet up wif ur friends.though i feel abit weird having him introducing to his friends abt me.but anw i guess i shall try to mingle ard wif them though i know none of them.Sat we will have our own time out again..HEHE> ;) looking really forward to it

~13th aug the day to rmb ;) ~

2011-08-13T20:00:00.000-07:00

thur nite was a sweet nite out though the walking journey to my hse was rather short.so we bought one tub of ice cream sitting at the void deck eating ice cream.but ended up i finished most of the ice cream ! guilty max man ! alrights then fri nite met up wif playmate to chill.

ytd (sat nite) was a a memorable nite for me..morning went to the zoo with him..then so qiao saw mr dentist when the zoo is freaking damn BIG.actually i nv saw him til he walk closer to me..cos i was wondering hmmm this guy not bad looking, then at a closer look it was ly ! alrights this guy damn act cool la,wear wat shades man..though i could still recognise him la.LOl but we did get to chat as he was wif his classmates too and i was with him.so we txt each other..

alrights then at nite went for the selsa church dance conducted by his friend church..so i pei him be his dance partner lo..hmm i must say the dance not bad..manage to learn a few dancing steps..then at nite went to the hendenson bridge there to chill out..and i guess tat really marks a memorable day for me..thank you ;) and thank you for the hand made angel ;)

~my heart totally melt~

2011-08-09T21:15:00.000-07:00

mon was first day of sch..hai this is something sad cos i still holiday mood man..hard to get bac to studying mood.but anw met up wif anne for lunch and after which continue gossiping..then at nite as usual stayed in sch to do stuff..then ytd was national day and it was indeed a memorable day for me.in fact his guy has melted my heart by giving me a surprise call asking me out for breakfast when he told me tat he is actually at my hse downstairs alrdy..my first rxn was OMG, i couldnt believe this cos it was pretty early ard 8 plus and he called..meaning he needa wake up damn early just to travel to my hse as he stays pretty far..but i guess this small little actions did melted my heart for an instance..but i told him nxt time dun do it again cos its kind of time wasting travelling all the way to my hse just to have breakfast wif me.i know he is trying to be sweet la,but on my side i will feel very very bad lah..so ya lo..so anyway after which he passed me stuff then went bac home..those sweets tat he gave me indeed has sweeten my heart..thanks you ;)

~the club nite- an unforgettable nite~

2011-08-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

thur went to meet up wif playmate to eat again.learned this word "uhoo" from him..HAHA this guy is interesting. ;) but anw the most harvoc thing happen in the club.amw ytd was some alumini party so before i asked him if he wanna come along since i forsee i will be pretty bored as everyone bringing their partners along.then as we club i told myself tat wanna go home by 11pm to catch the last few trains.but then ytd just duno why i suddenly dun feel like going home.so i try my luck and bluff my parents tat i am chilling outside wif my friends.so wont be home at nite til the nxt morning.and anw i must say clubs are a dangerous place esp when ppl can do alot of wrong things.almost did something wrong man.but luckily it didnt happen.but ytd was indeed an eye opener for me.i get to experience how those lousy guys tried to get close to me and ask my friends to convey msg.totally interesting man cos nv get to experience this before..but now i finally understand why ppl like clubs so much.cos i pretty fall for clubs after ytd nite.its kinda a fun place to relax and forget ur woes if u can dance.the onli thing tat i failed was i cant dance. ;( nvm i shall learned when i am finished with my yr 4.OHH man, ytd seriously happened too many things.its indeed memoriable one for me.and all these things came along came along cos of the club !!! and my relliousness to go home early for the nite.if i have gone home early ytd nite perhaps everything wouldnt have happened.i guess its fate tat is helping us. come on man, i feel tat things are still very very unreal..i felt tat i have just engage in a dream ;)

~i need a breathing space~

2011-08-03T07:22:00.000-07:00

hai qm qm qm ! can you ask yourself wat u actually wan??? i really duno also...now tat i am pretty certain tat i wasnt thinking too much..and looks like he is pretty sure of wat he wants and i am waiting for him to pop the qn.but then apparently i wasnt tat excited and looking forward to it unlike in sz when the atmosphere was very keen and tense and i was hoping he could pop the qn at tat point of time. but now tat i am bac in spore, perhaps i like to enjoy freedom really alot.sometimes i really abit lazy to reply sms.or rather sometimes when i reply sms too much, i just cant focus and do my stuff then my lit review will take forever to finish..i alrdy owe my mentor 2 wks liao..and i haven did anything.sian i tink this is gonna be a super bad impression..

but i am very happy tat this coming sat he is going to pei me the whole day.HEHE so nice of him.actually i didnt expect tat he will willing to come pei me for clubbing on this sat nite, but he say he ok leh.whoo ! so this coming sat i shall see wat i can do with him..and sat i will be a ssexy qm ! HEHE.anw i am really happy when he txt me once he reached spore.at least he still rmb me.so ya thanks man ;) and it really did sweetens my heart for a moment. ;)

~i miss u !~

2011-07-29T01:26:00.000-07:00

ytd was supposed to go work in the morning..but then i overslept cos chatted with him kinda late then tat's it my $80 job gone ! .initally he jio me for breakfast one but then since my work starts real early so cant have breakfast with him alrdy..sob sob..actually wanna meet him before he flys to indo one.but then i cant make it.

and the nite before i guess the sms has sweeten my heart ;) but i didnt admit as usual..but i guess he knows it since he always knows wat i am thinking in my mind..tat day i was really very happy cos of him and ac actually..i damn long nv so happy before liao.oh my god, u are indeed slowly creeping into my heart alrdy..i alrdy promised myself to distance away from u once i get bac spore, but looks like its abit hard..CAN YOU NOT BE SO NICE TO ME??

then ytd went to bake cheesecake at ken hse.the cheesecake was a failure. ;( haiz like tat how to giv him for his bday man.ok i shall tink of alternative.if cheesecake failed again, muffins shall be nxt. and i hope nxt tues faster come..faster come bac SG !

~i finally broke the ice with mr A !~

2011-07-27T06:42:00.000-07:00

2 days of convo is enough man.totally damn shagged after taking so many photos...mon came to sch wanted to research on FYP stuff but end up wasted my whole time.totally sian cos damn inefficient spending time in sch ! alrights ytd was a tiring days taking photos with yh and maril..and today the happiest moment of my life came man ! i actually met up wif mr A and catch up wif him after so many yrs...oh man i am been dying to break this ice for many many yrs alrdy..and today will mark the day.anw wat actually happened was actually me n hm wanna get into the audi to see the convo one...but then we cant enter cos we dun hv the invitation card.so yeah i text him to help us through the bac door but end up still dun manage to go through the convo cos we came too late and the ceremony has alrdy started !

so anw after the convo ended we met up to catch up on how we are progressing in life.yeah he say i changed alot in appearance.i agree too la.the old qm and new qm differs super alot man.anw hm managed to took a photo of us.omg this photo is like damn precious to me la.cos i nv took any single photo when we dated tat time.although i dun feel for him now, but apparently this photo brings bac my jc memories, which is part of my life.

ok nvm after this exciting ice breaking and catch up wif mr A, met up wif eug.actually today i damn happy also.though i really very very scared of needles and was kana reluctant to go for blood donation cos i am frekaing scared..but somehow this guy melt my heart and managed to convince me to go blood donation wif him.so i tried and it didnt turn out to be tat pain.so nice nxt time i dun mind donate again.anw after tat we went for food hunt in chinatown.wah go out wif him really full of new places to explore.super nice ! today i am really a happy ger..how i wished things would just stay on it is and nv go away..

~i am freaking darn stress now ~

2011-07-23T02:45:00.000-07:00

i have lots of things to do and yet i duno where to start from ! tat's the worst thing ! freaking stress man ! FYP is really draining off my energy gradually man.i have seriously totally no idea wat i needa research abt and start from.hai ~ qm qm qm time to wake up ur idea alrdy.dun so slack everyday nuah ! and i am really very sian now.either its work or just seraching for fyp articles..seriously get a life man qm !

~i was just feeling empty inside~

2011-07-20T20:05:00.000-07:00

i guess this few days i was just feeling empty inside.and this rj guy came along to occupy my emptiness.but i was certain tat wasnt love.or rather he was away for malaysia so i was feeling kinda real empty inside.the await for sms from him is kinda damn long.so this rj kinda suddenly pop out of the picture these few days and everything happened damn fast..i didnt expect this guy to come into the picture cos who would expect someone whom u just knew just a few wks seems keen in you. Lol the sms, txting online and the personal qns tat he asked me alrdy reveals everything ! but then i try to act blur and continue to act blur, cos i dun wan cai chuan ppl again though i always do tat to ppl one.but this time round i decided not to do so. so these few days i have been asking myself if would i choose someone who loves me more than i do, or would i choose someone tat i like? and i guess my heart alrdy has an ans. i would probably choose someone who loves me more than i do.ok, on my part i could be selfish but then i would feel very tired in the long run if i were to try real hard to get a relationship wif a guy i like.so i would rather choose someone who likes me more.but then i am scared tat i have this tendency to take ppl for granted for those who are nice to me.and i alrdy make this GRAVE MISTAKE in my past relationship, so i dun wan history to repeat itself again..tat's my greatest mistake in my life man ! if not probably we would be stil togther.hai ~ anw its the past alrdy.i shall look forward..but anw i did told him tat though most ppl at yr 4 will be super gan jiong alrdy when they are stil single..but i am not gan jiong at all.to me having a bf or not having one makes no differences, cos i am someone who likes freedom and i dun like to be tied to someone and reporting my daily updates to him.cos i see no point.or maybe i have been single real too long, and have been used to this kind of life.so i might probably not use to having a bf? lol i duno also la.

but anw this guy surprising i click pretty well wif him though i just knew him not long nia.or perhaps i have lots of things to share wif him abt sz, so somehow we have lots of things to talk abt.cos usually guys who take the first move, most of which i have no interest in them at all.duno why also.so usually when they txt me, i would just reply coldly.or tell them straight.so in a way it can be real hurtful..i tink now i dun wan do this anymore, cos i feel its kinda hurtful to ppl.so i must minimise the impact now.tat's the way of life ..i alrdy broke a couple of guys's heart by saying in a hurtful way.thinking bac, i do feel abit guiilty also.but nevertheless i shall learn how to lessen the impact now.shall not be so direct now.but anw ytd i can somehow feel his concern abt me running very late at nite.thanks rj guy for the concern.but ya like i always tell myself tat when guys are nice to you esp when they are keen in you-you duno if they are really true or not.everything will only reveals when you get together.so yeah, its still too early to tell.though he told me tat in this half a yr in SZ, he wont get a gf.then i told him dun say too early cos i also said the same thing before i left china, but then up i did fall for a guy though he isnt my kind.its the interaction of staying wif him for tat half a yr makes me fall for him.afterall looks doesnt matter after tat.saying half a yr long also not long, but it can change alot of things within tat long duration of time.my batch alrdy churn out 3 couples from this trip.yeah so lets this be a test for everyone in this half a yr ba.if things turn out well, everyone will be happily attached.but if things dun turn well, then it will be a closure of a chapter again lo, like i always do.lol

anw ytd i went to bake brownie at ken hse.initally my purpose for baking is to let him try one.but then he is in malaysia.hai ~ so nvm lo. i guess still got nxt time..actually this few days kinda miss him badly, but then sadly this rj came to occupy this empty heart of mine.sigh duno wat i tinking also !!!!! argh ! alrights rj guy is off to SZ alrdy.he cant possibly txt me as much now since he is overseas.unless he really siao and rich to send me frequent sms.i alrdy made a mistake liao when my heart did waived for these few days when this rj guy came into the picture. qm qm qm canot like tat sia ! nvm i shall wait patiently for him to be bac frm malaysia and wait for him to txt me.i shall see how everything progress from there. qm qm qm my life is always full of uncertainty and messiness. HAI HAI

~my tao hua getting better~

2011-07-18T05:45:00.000-07:00

qm qm qm, would u choose someone whom you like or someone who likes you more? hai~ hai~ hai~ cos both seems gd to me.but i prefer him ;( but everything is left hanging there not sure wat's going to happen nxt.its the uncertainity tat i wasnt sure.come on, can you drop more obvious hints ??? and duno why suddenly lately tao hua has become better out of the sudden.initally i thought i was thinking too much, but looks like my guessing was rite cos tat guy just too obvious liao la.serious.majority of the time i always hit the bingo only one time i failed to deduce correctly.so i guess this time round i should be 90% right.hai ~ hai ~ hai~ but this guy height...play sports wise do match my liking, but then hai~ i guess the god is fair man.rj guy some more.wah damn stress.

~i dun wan to think too much~

2011-07-17T04:32:00.000-07:00

this few days we have been msg-ing and updating our daily life.hai~ thinking bac it seems like the days i had wif ac.everyday msg non stop abt our daily updates..but like tat abit weird leh cos usually i dun do tat wif normal friends one.but then why both of us are telling each other our daily updates leh.wa lao stop confusing me leh.i alrdy promise myself to forget you le after coming bac spore.so i dun wan sink deeper.but on ur side u keep confusing me with stuff.he stil jio me if i wanna join his odac friends for trekking before the railway track gets demolished.sigh can dun treat me so nice or nt.i really very confused leh,i dun wan to be mislead !.one moment i was touched but one moment i tell myself i dun really want to be attached cos afterall i enjoy my current freedom..dun wan to be tighted by relationship.and i scared i am not gd enough for him.cos i do feel tat.he is defintely way too gd for me..aiya actually i really duno lah.

actually this coming few days i tinking of baking for him and anne since both of them are coming to sch.but then i dun wan to make it too obvious.actually agnes did ask me if i miss him or nt when i dun see him.i told her my ans-i duno..looks like this is very confusing.hai !

~i stayed overnite for nite cycling and food marathon!~

2011-07-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

this whole wk has been busy with working.mon and tues was busy wif working the survey job til damn damn shagged.it was damn demoralising when everyone kept on rejecting us.and i took many days to complete my area.sigh so afterall it wasnt tat worth it also.but anw wed went for the nite cycling wif anne and her sis.after which went for food marathon at the old airport road, and geylang for supper.and i ate until damn damn full man..actually this is my first time trying nite cycling and i tink its damn fun seriously.the weather is gd cos damn cooling..and then becos i wanted to stay til 5am to wait for the earliest transport to be bac, then she asked me if i wanna go her hse stay for a nite or nt..then i say ok lo..then just now he sms us asking the 2 of us if we wanted supper so i say anything lo since its alrdy 4am at tat time and i am not intending to sleep anyway le.so yeah we met up wif him at amk 24 hr mac then chill there for 1.5 hrs before heading for our first stop for breakfast.after our first stop, then we went the second stop checkpt for our breakfast as i wanted to try the very famous bread stall in sergangoon gardens, but apparently its kinda a disappointment leh.i dun tink its nice.nvm nxt time i wont go there again.after tat headed to ntuc finest to walk walk since nothing to do.after which i headed home cos i haven been home for a day and i needa go for work ltr.actually duno why after i came bac spore, i dun really feel much for him le.hai ~ duno why also.i seems very contridicting man.i guess perhaps tat time in sz, i somehow felt tat i needa someone to be with me or rather i needa concern from ppl.and apparently i over rely on him cos he is always there to help me out when i am in need of help.so i guess overtime i did fall for him.but ya now tat i am bac in spore.my independent life starts again.and i am bac to my normal rountine now.so i guess time will tell with everything will work out for us or nt.hai ~

anw 2 days bac went to collect my luagge.and sian come home kept on scolding non stop by my mum..seriously can she just shut her mouth for all.i am really sick of her scolding the same old stuff again and again..seriously i dun feel like tolerating her anymore.

~perhaps i shouldnt have come bac spore at all..~

2011-07-09T21:12:00.000-07:00

ytd my mum had a super big quarrel with me.but i cant bothered to quarrel wif her seriously cos i get very tired if i argue bac.so let her shout and scold all she wants while i heck her and continue watching my tv..bloody hell, i shouldnt have leave stuff for her to eat man.leave some for her and she will complain tat i left abit for her and she will describe the portion size as something for dog to eat..walao seriously wat a description..i hear alrdy also angry..cos at least i still bother to leave some for her..and i dun tink its tat little either.she is just making a fuse out of it.ok fine, she wan to grumble all she wants let her grumble, so i kept quiet.then she threw my tibits tat i bought frm jb and smash everything until very cui i also tolerate her cos she wanna vent her angry.ok i let her be.then nxt she kept on throwing my things ard the house i got super angry liao cos there is a limit to a person temple.she threw my watch on the floor real hard til the glass on my watch broken into many many pieces and its badly shattered those kind..bloody hell i was damn damn angry wif her cos i like tat watch very much and now its all shattered thanks to her.then after which i cant be bothered to tolerate her liao cos she really make me angry...so i scolded and fought bac cos this is wat she want wat..she is out to throw my things ard the house just to spite me cos i kept on ignoring her.SERIOUSLY SHE IS DAMN CHILDISH ! she even wanted to took a knife to stab me..seriously i tink she is crazy, but i doubt she will dare to stab me cos its life sentence killing a person.but anw she was stopped by my dad.honestly seriously i dun understand wat has gotton into her brain ytd man..she is just totally crazy, kept on shouting on and off.wtf seriously.i am seriously damn bloody angry wif her for spoiling my watch alrdy..heng my phone wasnt left on the table ytd, else 2 of my phone sure gone case also.lucky i was fast to kept it in my bag cos i know the nxt thing she will sure anythrow throw my stuff on the floor to vent her anger. seriously sometimes i was tinking, why do i have such a mother man..ytd my dad was saying marrying her was a mistake.and only him can tahan her this attitude..my friends always say i am not very nice to my mum, but in the first place, how much do they know abt her before commenting on me not very nice to my mum.true indeed tat i am not nice to her..cos i just dun like her the way she do things.and u can see how different i treat her and my dad.alot of times i envy lots of friends having such nice mum..but wat kind of mum do i hv??? hai ~~~ perhaps i shouldnt have come bac at all.living in china for half a yr was paradise for me..now tat i am bac spore, its hell for me.which explains why i chose to go china tat time cos i wanna escape from this hse.few days bac did talk to my bro also.he didnt want to come bac cos of my mum.so both of us hv this problem.so i stil feel tat the problem doesnt lie wif me.it lies with her cos my bro also felt the same thing..seriously only staying out of home is the best way to avoid friction.she can have all the hse she wants.and i can enjoy my peace alone.hai ~ hopfefully tonite when i come home, my things are not thrown everywhere the hse.if she does tat again, i going to scream at her liao.seriously i have enough of ur nonsense.i am not going to tolerate u anymore !!!!!!!!!!!!!

he is coming bac spore soon this coming wed.looking forward to his arrival in spore.hai ~ seriously why does everything and surroundings seems to change so much this half a yr man.not to mention tat lots of my friends suddenly gt attached within this half a yr.and playmate suddenly aim-ing for one ger,which we suddenly talked abt it during my convo ytd.though it did stunned me for a while cos rarely will hear this frm him..but anw i only treat him as a very gd friend, so to me if he likes a new ger i would be happy for him.anw i tink he is not the kind of guy i would like, though looks wise he is one of the kind tat i would fall for..but anw this other guy tat i occasionally went out wif suddenly got attached a few wks bac and when i contacted him, he suddenly told me tat he is attached alrdy then i was stunned ! cos he contacted me in china so i told him when i come bac spore will contact him again.never will i expect he so fast attached ! or perhaps i always nv expressed interest for him when he jio me out.so i tink its getting too draggy.HAHA but anw we shall see how it goes.for now he is the guy tat i like.but i doubt now tat i am bac in spore, everything will be bac to wat i used to be.perhaps i should really forget u.having a nice memorable memories is gd enough le.

~trip to jb~

2011-07-08T05:57:00.000-07:00

this few days have been nuahing non stop.totally nothing to do so nuah lo.then ytd went to jb with ben ang.eat non stop seriously.and he calls me a pig..seriously i must stop the rate i am eating with him.duno why only with him i eat non stop.and i must control my diet so tat i wont gain weight.i finally managed to slim down after so long in china,so i must maintain ! anw today i did the surveyor job.shagged max..i was turned down by many household and i gt really very demoralised after which.but lucky ben ang was there to pei me do together.at least both of us could help each other out.i would do the asking, and he would be the note taker.

actually i wonder hw is he doing now.u wil be bac real soon.but i doubt u gt time to meet up wif me?? afterall our common friend said tat u are kinda a busy person? hai i really hope u can txt me soon

~i am finally back to spore on 29.06.11 after half a yr ~

2011-06-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

i am finally bac after half a yr..the feeling of stepping once again in spore feels kinda weird initally.it seems tat i have really lost touched with spore for very very long time.everything seems abit off for me..the surroundings and things seems to have changed quite a bit.apparently things and food isnt as cheap as china now, so i cant really spend llike nobody business now.hehe..anw the past few days before i left gz, he did msg me asking me to take care and have a safe trip..hehe i was quite happy in fact cos at least he still rmbs me..ok tat one whole wk for certain days i was kinda emo cos apart from being alone in guangzhou, i had to face up to the fact tat i am actually leaving china for spore ! actually i am really really very happy staying in china cos at least my life wouldnt be tat bored and being so rountined as compared to spore.i am seriously getting sick of spore life, which explains why in the first place i chose to escape to china for half a yr to seek for better life.and indeed this half a yr left me many memorable memories.and not to mention tat this trip did widen my travelling experience too. ;) seriously after stepping bac into spore once again, i do miss travelling.perhaps i shouldnt come bac tat early ya.should i hv continued travelling wif him in yunan and skip the desert trip.perhaps we could hv more time to understand each other better in yunan if i were to join him cos he is more than willing to let me tag along.cos initally he and anne keep physcho me to join them in the desert trip, but due to cost contraint i chose to leave them halfway through the journey and head for guangzhou instead.hai so duno now gt regret nt continue join-ing the trip wif they all or nt.come bac spore so early like seriously damn damn sian.i am not going to shop in spore area since i hv shopped super alot in china le.now looking bac i tink some china clothes are even better looking than spore clothes and most imptly its cheap.

anw when i stepped into spore, my mum was saying tat i did slim down quite a bit.ho ho ho kinda happy to hear tat i slim down..its hard nt to slim down in china when u are sick there for 2-3 mths non stop.so i guess it was worthwhile ..and the worst comment tat she made was she felt tat i did a nose surgery ! which i didnt ..but apparently both my landord and her also said the same thing tat i did a nose surgery ! how can it be man.the most i only did something to my eyes which is eyelash extension.anw when i came bac to sch the nxt day one of the guy also said tat i slim down, but sadly i now become flat chested..walao when i heard the word flat chested i was totally sian diao cos really very sian when you are alrdy a tang yuan liao then now flat chested !!!!! but anw i didnt take his comment to heart cos i dun really care, but sian diao only.

anw updating abt my guangzhou trip.i was asked to pay $50+ on excess baggage..totally xin tong max man.and the reason was becos i chose not to check in my luagge as i thought tat they wouldnt wan to check as i did the same time when i travelled to KL tat time but it was a diff airline though.hai totally sian max wasted so much of my money ! but anw there is nothing i can say cos i chose not to buy the check in luagge option initally.

i am bac to spore and now kinda miss him actually.wonder how is he getting on with his travelling man.although fri nite did managed to chat wif him, but apparently i hav to offline soon as i was in sch tat day.so cant continue chatting wif him though i was tempted to chat wif him until super late like how we htht in suzhou.but yeah i guess he is happy travelling in yunan now.actually i duno if i should trust hs words or nt.he says tat he wants it, just tat scared to try.but then on my part i dun tink so leh.actually i duno ! he always confuse me one cos he always so nice and cheeky to me.then i duno wat he thinking inside also.one moment he tell me this, one moment he tell me tat.totally damn confusing..but then we shall see how when he is bac.he say he will jio me for lunch or dinner when he come bac.i see hw it goes..but honestly i really damn scared to face him leh cos i dun wan sink deeper liao.i promise myself tat i wanna forget him once i get bac spore cos the wonderful memories has ended in inner mongolia.shall not extend it to spore cos i wish to withdraw frm him..but then hs say tat i should continue wif the flirting and stuff lik tat cos tat's how one build up understanding for each other.and he says tat i should seriously get a life ! true indeed i needa get a life, but then i really dun wan sink deeper ! hai ~ you are seriously messing up my life ! why do you always appear when i needa help most of the time during the crucial period.i guess heaven is trying to pray a prank on me.pls man, help me forget this gd guy.perhaps i really pei bu shan him.

~end of GIP trip which also marks the closure of my heart~

2011-06-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

GIP has ended.somewat i do feel sad over it.afterall for the past 6 mths i have been really enjoying myself really much.i believe in spore, i wouldnt have the chance to enjoy tat much also.i do feel sad when i parted with my colleagues although i rarely talk to them.but they are nice people whon are quite concerned abt me at times.thus i feel very bad and guilty at times.and eric this colleague of mine, seems very nice to me also.apparently he is the only one who can continue the convo most of the time with me cos we usually msg each other by english.i guess if he were to msg me in chinese, i will lazy to reply him in chinese cos i will type very very slow.but anw kinda touched tat he msged me most of the time asking my stay in china.in fact i was stunned tat he msged me when i am in inner mongolia,cos didnt expect he stil rmb me.i thought once i left the company everything would hv ended.anw ytd he did chatted with me on msn when i am really bored in GZ alone at nite.god bless there is internet in this hotel man.else i surely damn sian..

alrights i shall update on our inner mongolia trip.honestly speaking, i feel tat this trip was too short.i guess i feel short probably becos i only have very limited tiime to spend with him.afterwhich we will go separate ways liao.but i am really touched tat he helped me so much especially with the carrying of my baggage.cos i really feel bad abt it when he alrdy has lots of things to carry wif him also. also,the htht nite before i leave was indeed a gd one.at least i know better wat kind of things he like and his way of thinking for certain issues.anw i did teared in the early morning when i bid gdbye to them in the lanzhou railway station.hai the feeling of saying gd bye to a person really very hard esp when past few days i have been very close to them.and i kinda bu se de leaving them for guangzhou.though i really dun mind going the desert area wif them but then i money constraint now.like i say, GIP has ended.qm its time to move on to a new chapter of life.he has given you a wonderful memory for the past 6 mths and tat's enough.once i am back in spore, i believe i will probably too busy meeting up wif friends and doing fyp stuff.thus, doubt he will appear on my mind.i guess this is how i can forget him for now.but nvm its not impt alrdy.actually we did mentioned to each other abt this issue, but most of the time we came to no conclusion. so i tink lets just call it a day ba.dun tink anymore.

ok lets move on to my guangzhou trip.actually i am damn scared travelling alone in guangzhou.the first thing when i reached lanzhou.i had to take a cab to the airport.and i really dun dare take cab overseas.but bo bian.then once i reached the GZ airport i was very very lost.i couldnt find my way to the airport.some more i was carrying so much stuff.i am totally cui to the max man.and some more i can turn to no one for help.but i was very blessed with nice ppl helping me on the way on finding my hotel.got one auntie told me not to loiter around til very late cos GZ is a dangerous place for a girl to travel alone.u know tat time i was damn touched la.cos i was very helpless carrying super heavy luagge then no one could help and guide me to my hotel.i almost broke down tat time cos i wanted to giv up finding my hotel liao and randomly find a hotel i saw on the street, but apparently all freaking ex.so i was forced to take a cab though i was really unwilling cos i am scared taking cab.but lucky the hotel service came out to be kinda gd.at least there is internet for me to use.so not too bad..and i was given a double bed room instead of a single bed room cos the other guest haven check out.so i zuan dao.hehe.anw today shopped kinda a lot of clothes liao.tmr needa explore some other places...shall find a bag and assessories nxt.

~11 more days to departure~

2011-06-07T10:06:00.000-07:00

days of leaving sz is nearing day by day.hai abit of mixed feeling cos afterall i have grown to like and adapt to this place..though i dun hv friends and family here, but apparently i feel much happier here and in SG.perhaps here i really feel no stress at all.enjoyed the slow pace of life and the zhuo bo life in suzhou where everynite we will chill at eug's hse til late nite and watch movie.this life is something tat i nv get to experience before.so will kinda miss all the happy times tat i spend in suzhou.

anw last fri went to pluck pipa..its interesting to pluck fruits and peaches cos afterall its my first time plucking fruits straight from a tree and eat it fresh.and fri marks the last day of sch..which means i graduated frm sz uni le..hehe. ;) tat nite had a grp dinner with the teacher.then sun went to eug house to cook.first time in the 5 mths stay overseas cook man.not sure why i gt the sudden impulse wanna learn to cook, but i certainly want to learn someting new before i go bac SG.at least wrapped up the whole trip with beautiful memories and new skills.anw fri i gt to learn a damn shocking news.in all i would like to say, "life is indeed unpredictable..anything can happen" ...nv would like expect a suddenly couple to turn out.alrights not bad so far this gip for sz gang has churn out 3 couples also.whoo !

btw i nt sure if i wanna tell him hw i feel deep inside on the last day of inner mongolia or nt.though i really feel like telling him my inner thoughts, but apparently i really dun dare.i hv totally no couraged.should i let chance slip away just like tat? ks mentioned tat she isnt his type also, but end up they just got together ! which explains why i say life is indeed unpredictable. and saying is easy but carrying out the actions are very very hard esp i am a girl, hard to express wat i wanna express to a guy.somewat alot of times i tink he is really way too gd for me.kinda dun match him.i believes tat there are much more better gers for him out there.but if i always tink like tat, i will forever regret one cos i always let chances slip countless times alrdy.many times i met a few right guys, but i often dare not confess, so bo bian regret for countless times.but wat can i do other regretting?ｉguess tat's just qm life.its has become a viscous life of regrets.sigh..apparently i can feel the wall between us now.i ask him not to treat me so nice now.and yes he did drew a line now.at least i feel better with the line drawn now.cos i dun wan sink any further liao.sometimes i wonder once we are back in spore, will u still contact me? i know u do have lots of friends as ur social circle is super super big,but i do hope u will still rmb me as a friend whom gave u entertainment for the past 5 mths.or perhaps jio me go out eat i will be happy also.anw life is short, at times i just feel like doing things on impulse and this is the impulse tat i feel like engaging in.but high chances i wont dare to confess one.hai

~lets call an end to this~

2011-05-31T10:51:00.000-07:00

whoo ! so far i am doing pretty well.as long as i dun see him my feelings start to fade for him.i guess tat's how i usually forget ppl and i did the same way as how i forget my ex too.yeah man, just keep up the gd work and everything will be fine after 3 wks when everything is coming to end.hai duno to feel sad or nt, i am finally going bac spore..go bac spore means everything will be bac to normal again.my rountine lifestyle whereby i will mug in sch everyday, stayed bac late to avoid home and wat else i can tink of?? this time round my 2 jc gd friends hv graduated, left me alone now.emo man, i guess nxt yr my wkdays nite will be even lonelier.sigh..

last wk went to shanghai and i bought $80++ worth of clothes.omg i really spend money on clothes like water man.at this rate i sure broke cos i am really getting poorer day after day.and should i go for the photoshoot?? i really damn tempted man..cos afterall i know tat i wont come bac to SH again once i leave china.

~lets put an end to the hesistant feeling..~

2011-05-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

sun went to remove my mole.but apparently i felt tat my mole kana disfigured cos it became darker than before.duno is becos its normal cos i read online it is supposed to be darken cos it will be "dried up"..wah if really disfigured then jialat man.i shall giv another 1 more wk.if its still like tat, then i will go hospital see doc alrdy .. ;( anw i should hv removed it in the hospital man..duno why tat day suddenly so chong dong see ppl do, then i do..i must be crazy man..cos i always wanted to remove this mole since jc alrdy. but apparently SG is ex.no money so nv tried removing.

anw mon met up wif his household for dinner..and he is rather nice to offer a ride to me..initally i was quite hesistant to take his ride one, cos u know i am supposed to distance frm him now as i cant fall for him any further..but apparently i just heck alrdy, anw its just a ride, nothing else.but anw i tink tat will be the last time i am taking his scooter.. want also no more chance.lets just face up to reality ya..

ytd i booked my air tic back to Sg alrdy.i will be bac on 29th june.actually i really kinda dun feeling like leaving this place as it gets nearer to departure date.can i not leave you suzhou?? i hv grown feelings for you over this few mths.once i am bac in spore i wont be close to him anymore.doubt we will even hav a chance to bump into each other in sch.actually there are various reasons why i dun feel like leaving.one of the reason is him.second reason is tat i really enjoy the freedom i enjoy here.totally no restrictions to do anything in sz..though in sg i dun really hv much retrictions too..but afterall its a diff feeling when you hv your parents in sg to take care of u.

today went running wif him after so many mths nv run le cos leg injury previously.initally intended to postphone the run to nxt wk wif him cos he wanted to run kinda late, but i wanna reach home earlier to do report.but end up i still run cos somewat i hav the momentum to run today, so dun wan my momentum to die today.i was damn proud of myself tat i actually manage to run quite a lot without stopping alot though i do feel abit bad slowing down his speed really alot cos i can feel tat tat's not the usual speed tat he ususally run..but i told him tat u just run at ur own speed..i will catch up wif u..cos i am a person tat needa a person to run in front of me so tat it will giv me the momentum to continue running.if i were to run alone, i will definately stop and rest a lot off time which will defeat the purpose of running.anw its kinda quite a nice run wif him though its just tat 45 mins of run.haha ok la, actually i am abit of chen ji making of the chance i hv.cos anyway i hv less than 1 mth to spend wif him alrdy.after i reach sg, everything will close case alrdy. sadded man.hai ~

~my mind just couldnt focus~

2011-05-21T10:15:00.000-07:00

today somehow i am feeling quite down..somewat i just couldnt focus on anything i do..stayed at home initally to start my report, but ended up my mind just couldnt focus over ytd HTHT session.i guess my heart was feeling impactful over certain things..i feel tat perhaps your presence really did affected me..hai qm qm qm ah, how now?? i still needa face him for another 1 mth..pls tell me wat i can do to forget him when he is always appearing in front of me..hai ;( giv me another 1 month and you will slowly fade off from my mind when i am back in spore. i will drown myself and start fyp early.drown myself busy with sch work and mug really hard.i guess tat's the only way to make me forget ur presence..actually i nv thought tat ur presence will affect me cos so far not much guys hav impacted me in a way, except my ex..looks like i am really serious this time, but fate just dun exist for me..so lets be it ba..i am tired alrdy..

apparently currently i am trying to avoid him in a way..duno why also, when supposedly i should cherish the time spend with him for the last 1 mth cos when we are back to spore, there wont be chance anymore,.but apparently it turn out likewise, so its kinda an irony..watever it is today dinner i somehow avoided him..dun dare to eye contact him, tried to avoid him if possible.when he talked to me i just smile smile and reply him with a short sentence.honestly speaking, i duno wat's wrong with me man.perhaps i am just trying hard to forget him so tat i wont like him tat much..and i cant forget a person when he keeps on appearing right in front of me !!! argh ! tis is damn fann..

sometimes i really tink tat is the dream tat i dreamt of is it true??? "i rmb smt like " the gal is you.." pls enlightened me !! i really hope tat its him who said tat.but looking at things now i doubt so..anw pls just end my torture quick and fast,..i dislike the feeling of the long dragging torture..;( qm qm qm jiayou, i can defintely survive it through.all you need is just determination.perhaps i guess ytd HTHT session was a wrong one.i shouldnt hav HTHT　with him, i should hv waited for the last nite of the mongolia trip then i tell him wat i feel abt him.now tat i hv said wat i wanted to say, i feel very weird now facing him.i guess i need him to break the ice now.if he doesnt break the ice, i guess i will remain cold towards him from now on cos i just wanna forget him. ;(

~My sixth sense is wrong this time~

2011-05-20T11:37:00.000-07:00

alright so far my 6th sense have been accurate for the past few yrs, but tis time round, it totally FAILED...my sixth sense is actually wrong !!! but anw its gd to realise now than later.at least i make the right choice by waking up my idea now.no more sinking in deeper..but anw so far he is still a really nice guy tat i met so far..so near yet so far can only be applicable for now.1 more mth frm now and i guess you will go lead your own life and i will lead my own life.you will slowly disappear and fade off frm my memories..but i will always rmb the days i spend in suzhou with you guys...;) cos u guys did became part of my life which i do really cherish it really much. deep frm the bottom of my heart.. ;)

well i guess sometime life is always full of ups and down.i lost a few nice guys who are kinda nice to me in the past, but duno wat i tinking at tat pt of time.so kinda regret it now.but anw its the past. for me currently i really feel like upgrading myself..dun like the feeling of being a bimbo with no brains.perhaps i should learn more abt ren ji guan xi.i should level up my tinking..but how should i go abt doing it?? i would like to be myself, but currently i am not in the state of doing so..cos i hv alot of improvement to improve on..at times i really hope tat ac would be here to giv me advice on, cos apparently at times i do feel tat i am stil under his shadow not able to escape out of his clutches.but anw its the past and history will always be history.let it just be part of our sweet memories.

~closure to my heart~

2011-05-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

tonite had a HTHT session with this guy friend of mine, while the rest of my friends were chilling in the living room..anw i tink i should just make a closure to my heart...perhaps we are just poles apart and its kinda impossible for anything to happen..although at times i do see some reflection of ac on him..is tat the reason why i am starting to fall for him?? i duno too..but anw i feel like telling him stop being so nice to me..cos tat is my weakness..-dun ever be nice to me, cos i will be touched and fall for u...or rather just treat me just like a normal bo chap friend at least i wont continue having hopes...watever it is i should really just close my heart before i sink deeper..i should know tat he is nice to everyone, but then somewat i hv unknowningly fallen for him after interacting and bonding with him for the past few mths when initally i have totally zero feelings for him when i came china..come on, 1 more mth left..1 more mth then i will be free-ed from ur presence..ur presence wouldnt influence my heart anymore..u can continue to lead ur life and i can continue to lead my life..our lifes unlikely would ever crossed again..all i can say is, u are somewat the right guy i am looking for..but i am not the right girl for u..let's just leave it to fate...honestly speaking, first time in my uni life, i actually wholeheartedly like a guy..cos the past few guys tat i admire isnt really my kind though they are gd looking to me.i guess the god is fair..guys who are gd looking usually isnt my type, whereas guys who are avg looking are actually my type...anw qm qm qm !　u can do it..just put a closure to everyting now before u sink deeper..

and past few days el suddenly HTHT with me and he was still telling me "qm mai tu liao..u alrdy hv an ans tat u dun wan regret alrdy..then what are u waiting for??? " u alrdy regretted alot of times..and el said smt like u always like gd looking guys...now tat u met someone who is actually ur type of guy..its actually true love..and do u really want to regret again after u come bac spore?? initally i really had the intention of thrashing everything out alrdy long long ago..but i guess he alrdy knew wat i wanna say so i see no point in telling wat i feel..and afterall he alrdy knows everything alrdy..so i guess after the mogolia trip, we will go separate ways and that will mark a closure to everything alrdy. it sounds sad though but i guess your presence are fluencing me too much..i am just not the one for you..just let it be and i will count down to 1 mth departure frm you :(

~having mixed feelings~

2011-05-06T10:53:00.000-07:00

anw the huang shan trip was quite jialat.stamina was totally cui to the max and i couldnt really make it to the top..and i really feel tat i am dragging down those 2 guys who always waited for me cos i am always the last since i am feeling quite sick and i couldnt really catch up with their pace..honestly speaking, i feel tat this trip is more like a training for me rather than enjoying the trip itself cos climb mountain also hv to climb fast fast in order to catch up their pace..need a rest also no time cos by the time i reached the rest point, they would have continued with the journey. so end up i nv rest much ! so i was freaking shagged and tired til i hardly talk throughout the trip.and moreover i was coughing terribly, plus i couldnt sleep for 3 consecutive days, makes me totally drained like vampire man..and i could feel tat i was damn weak tat time.plus my freaking rashes totally spoiled my whole trip cos this bloody rashes made my legs so itchy tat i cant sleep and my legs now are like so red !! hai come here really damn suay man..legs initally are smooth and nice, now the legs are so red though the doctor say tat it will heal one..but how long will it takes man..i see wanna wear shorts , short skirts and dress ! haiz... anw talking abt the 2 guys i tink they are kinda nice to be always waiting for me cos they know tat i am always very slow in climbing..but i feel kinda bad cos i felt tat i dragged down their stamina when they could have actually climbed much much faster than the pace tat i am climbing..so yeah, so kinda feeling guilty over it..but anw tat trip i miss much of the interaction with him..aiya, another chance wasted !!! cos i still thought can get to interact more with him, but apparently end up i wass too shagged to talk to anyone..and mentioning abt tat, the 10 hrs train ride was damn bad man..cos its damn damn long and i couldnt sleep at all cos the train kept on moving and light sleeper ppl like me totally cant sleep..but anw i just told my house mate one of my secret.not sure if he will aids in helping me or nt but, but i hope he does and hopefully give me some opinions..

this few days have been having mixed feelings over flying bac to spore soon..cos afterall i have alrdy gotton used to the life here.then suddenly in 1.5mths time i need to go bac to my old life..its like everything will be bac to square one..honestly speaking, i dun really like the life in china now, but somewat i hv gotton used to it..and most importantly once we are back in spore, i doubt we will be as closed as before, and i doubt we will hav chances to meet up again.so moral of the story is i wont be seeing him tat often anymore.so its kinda sad somehow..but afterall its still life..this is something which i have to part away wif eventually..

~come on, pls faster heal~

2011-04-24T08:27:00.000-07:00

i have been feeling really tired and sleepy over taking so much medicine..the non stop coughing and flu is really damn jialat..summer pls faster come, honestly i cant take the transition temp change in the morning and nite,which explains why i always get sick here when in SG i rarely get sick man..

anw get to the topic, actually i do feel like telling him tat actually i should be honest to myself, being tat actually i do feel abit for him..but duno why when there are chances for us to walk together, i always avoid him or duno how to get the topic running..cos most of the time he is out to tease me, and moreover most of the time his tone wasnt serious at all.so i didnt take his words seriously, but if he really meant wat he say, i would be defintely happy ;) but anw left ard 1.5mths bac to SG..lets leave up to fate yeah ;) cos i predict once sch starts, everything will be bac to normal..i will mug in lwn everyday after sch..no time for relationships..and moreover this yr have fyp, i will be even busier...so most likely its kinda impossible to have any progress

~am i tinking too much???~

2011-04-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

anw my 24th pre-bday was not bad..had a really big surprise by my room mate, housoon smasking cake on my face...this was my first time getting cake smash on my face..though the whole process was damn horrible cos it is damn dirty, but it was fun cos its the process tat we had fun together..anw it was sweet of them to tink of having 18 baos for my bday..haha cos i like eating pao so much tat they can rmb tat i am a pao queen..but anw tat day i wished for something tat nite, and hopefully it will be fulfilled ;) and i do see some hope..hehe

anw fri was out to shanghai and we stayed at the shanghai ppl hse..went there to make spects on fri nite and it cost only $20..super damn cheap man ! whoo ! anw throughout this entire trip i was kinda happy over him, but i dared not admit..hai qm qm qm ah, if u dun admit u will nv get ur happiness man..then this kinda nice caring guy will be gone just like this..abit wasted ;( perhaps i should learn to be more thick skin hor.. hmm.. anw the story goes like this...sat was supposed to go for the clubbing and drinking..then end up i realised tat at the drinking pub we are sitting pretty close and apparently i do feel happy when he sits very close to me..i guess i hv really fallen for him ! else i wont feel happy when a guy sits so close to me rite??? or rather i should feel paranoid when a guy sits so close to me rite?? cos tat will be my usual reaction..but anw tat nite i do feel tat somehw he is quite caring towards me or maybe i am over sensitive..cos can see tat he keep "protecting" me during clubbing tat time..or perhaps its just guys' job to protect girls..i not sure either..but apparently tat nite i do feel happy though i really duno hw to dance, but i am happy with the company i am with...anw tat nite i wasnt sure if wat he said was joking or nt leh..he said he can lend me his shoulder and carry me cos i cant walk properly..and his tone was those joking joking kind, so i dared not take his words seriously..but i do see another ac ..how how how?? so i replied him jokingly and ask him nt to be so irritating..and the slow walk home was indeed a nice one, although the dist was pretty short..cos my legs still hurts, so cant walk fast then he purposely slowed down to wait for me..then giv excuses saying tat "they trying to create chance for us..blah blah blah.."　of cos this time round, i will take it as he is joking also cos his tone like not serious at all..but if everything tat he said was serious, then i would have gotton and given him a reply..

~swollen legs~

2011-04-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

hai today i am damn damn emo man...cos leg super pain til i can hardly walk properly..cos lately i feel very down man cos it seems tat god is trying to play a prank on me man..first is toe infection and grey nails..now swollen legs for no reason ever since the hangzhou trip..and i have to suffer all these shit..honestly speaking i really felt helpless when my foot is really pain..wanna see doc but duno which place got clinic or hospital..so super emo and sad..so i was feeling really down man..at tat point of time, i was hopping someone would concern and care for me...even if it wont heal my leg its ok, as long as there is someone to lend me some moral support..cos for nw i really need moral support..when u are overseas, there is alot of things tat are beyond my reach..and i dun wan mafan ppl also..so i kept quiet abt it til my friend asked me why i am walking so weirdly..yeah then when i was very sad tat time this sporean neighbour struck my mind...so i msg them to ask if they know any sporean doctors cos i dun wan waste my money over crap doctors..but i am really damn touched when that sporean husband and wife came down to our flat and her wife even help me rou my leg..wah tat moment of time i really feel tat she is my mum man caring for her daughter..honestly tat rou on my legs really very touching..and tmr they bringing me to some foot massage and leg scrapping..and perhaps see doc..omg i duno hw to repay them man..seriously i gonna do something or buy something in return.. anw i am counting to 2 more days to happy 24..this yr will be special cos i will be spending my bday overseas..i predict they will be cooking for me ..hehe ;)

~super heart pain over medical fees~

2011-04-05T11:42:00.000-07:00

last wk sat had a buffet at marriot hotel in suzhou.the cakes are awesome ! whoo ！ and its really heart warming to meet all the singaporeans in suzhou..when u can hear all the singlish where i haven been hearing for months..alright then after the buffet when to eug hse for movie marthon, ended up falling asleep at their hse, so stayed over at their hse til the nxt day then i go home cos tat nite was freaking cold..too lazy to go home man..then last sun was out to celebrate anne bday..i guess celebrating ur bday overseas is something special, esp when ur family and friends arent wif u and the only blessing u got from ur friends would be through ur gip friends, so its kinda a heart warming thing when u gather ur friends to celebrate ur bday..:) fri went to see doc cos i felt my toe nail wasnt getting any better..in fact its getting worst..so i am kinda scared now man..cos it seems tat more and more of my nails are getting purple..but then in order not to let my parents worry i bluff them tat my toe nails are getting better..sometimes white lies are for their gd..bo bian..first i went to the sch clinic then the doctor quite cui also..keep giving me infection medicine to disinfect my toe nail which is pointless cos it doesnt solve the root of the problem..so end up they suggest me to go to the sch hospital..so i went cos i was told most likely i needa remove my entire nail cos the infection is serious liao..when i heard tat i was totally dishearten and stunned cos i didnt expect it to be so serious.. anw when i reached the hospital, i was alrdy very sian diao alrdy cos they told its kinda serious..so went to the foot dept to see my nails..then they also duno wat's the real cause of this problem..so they transferred me to the skin dept..then the doc told me one of the nail is infection, and the other is due to grey nails..wa lao different doctor tell me diff things..who should i trust and listen man..u know i was totally damn demoralised and sadded tat day cos i felt totally hopeless..wanna see doctor and yet was totally handicapped cos i duno hw to get there and couldnt understand wat the doc is trying to convey my condition..and worst stil she still commented tat she felt tat i am a little child when i am alrdy old enough yet cant settle things myself cos i am overprotected in spore..hai this comment really sadded me man..its not i cant settle things myself..i just feel handicapped..if i wan to go that hospital, i could hv gotton there by a cab, but i chose not to do so..anw i am just sadded by her statement in short..and wat makes me even sian dao was when i was the medical fees it costs a bomb ! $90 in total..wa lao freaking ex man for seeing one doc..initally the doc wanna giv me 3 months medication straight, but i told her i just wanna 1 mth since its freaking ex..at least try for the 1st mth first to see if there is any improvment or nt.. alrights then after tat went off for the hangzhou trip..in short the trip was so so..staying in a dorm was a new thing though the toilet is kinda dirty..but there is always a first time..and tat trip i suffered terribly over cold legs..cos i didnt want to wear my boots since i thought initally i was cycling, but ended up i didnt cos i was given a option to shop over cycling..but i must say hangzhou is a gd place for shopping..although most of the shops sell many tiongs stuff, but if u really slowly shop and go through every shops, there is surely nice clothes tat u can buy..in all i bought 8 clothes items in this trip and its only for $60..super worth.. but this trip was disappointing wass tat i didnt hav much interaction wif him cos we stayed in diff hostel..so ended up most of the time the activities tat we did was own time own target..so i chose to do shopping for 3/4 of the entire trip since it was freaking cold and my legs just couldnt take it so its better to stay indoor..anw i am really scared over my toe nails..cos the doctor said it was contagious..come on, at least show me some improvement, at least giv me some slighiest hope tat there is some recovery..hai..... and my bday is slightly 1 wk away from nw..i hav a couple of wishes this time round..pls blessed me...

~i am feeling happier~

2011-03-25T10:00:00.000-07:00

anw ytd i had nothing to do til i went to do eye extension for my eyes man..its damn cool man..$7 for the cheapo one..and the outcome still not too bad..just tat the eyelash not tat curl and thick enough cos i wan those super thick and vol those kind..but apparently the effect didnt really come out like this...perhaps when i go bac spore will do this eyelash extension again..hehe..and tat day i was tempeted to do the mole removal also..cos its damn cheap..but then i scared not safe afterall its on my face..so cant play play wif this man..if i save money over this cheap things then my face gone more bo hua man..perhaps i will go do it in the sch hospital..at least its safer man.. ;)

and today i pon sch just to go shanghai for work..it was indeed a diff experience though my supervision job of ensuring those obsolute pdts must reach the incineration plant safety without any ppl sabo touch it..and i have to take photos on and off to proof tat the company pdts have reached the incineration plant safely..lol honestly speaking this job quite lame but anw my colleague asked me if i wanna go or nt..then i say ok lo since i nv do such things before..so try out for once lo..but i must say the car journey ride is kinda tortuorous..sit inside the car for ard 2 hrs and the air cirrulation is bad man..and everything ends ard 8pm when initally my colleague told me tat chop chop early afternoon should be done..but then it ended til freaking late cos everything was delayed due to the traffic jam..honestly the traffic jams here and super jialat..now i know why they say shanghai traffic is really super bad..anw when we reached office bac its kinda late liao..then i intended to take cab home liao cos bo bian cos the bus service could have ended..initally was hoping tat this female colleague of mine can send me home cos anw she drive..but sadly she is totally diff direction as me..so cant..so ended up this guy tat we met at the incineration plant send me home.and wat i scared was i was left wif him alone so naturally i damn scared la afterall i dun really know the directions here well...but he super friendly and nice to me la..so nice to me tat i am scared man..cos he offered to bring me tour ard before bring me bac home..initally i dun wan de cos i scared he is up to no gd..but after tat perhaps i thought a while thinking perhaps i should just giv ppl face lo..since he wanna bring me ard tour then just accept the offer lo..at least its some form of politeness..and he is so friendly up to the extend tat he wanna bring me ard tour sz for tmr and the wkends..then i told him tmr i needa go sch and sun perhaps going out wif friends..so somehow i just ying chou him nia cos i dun intend to go out wif him alone..like damn weird going out wif a married guy..and lately i kept on meeting those bad guys..so suddenly someone so nice to me i will naturally scared ma..i kana eat toufu in nanjing, then went shopping at nite alone got approach on the street by 2 diff guys..then naturally i will sterotype those guys le ma..and moreover whenever i stepped into the bus, i always get glanced and sometimes by starred by some guys, so naturally i kinda rate guys wif very bad impression..either they are tigou or wat..

anw he is kinda sweet to ask me ytd if i am alright through sms..and the msg saying " SMILE ;)" really did cheer me up for tat a while...actually i alrdy ok liao but when i saw his msg i really did smile somewat..then today i didnt went sch so he did msg to ask me why i nv come sch..then i say i going shanghai for work..hehe ..tat sentence is gd enough..i did smiled when i saw wat he wrote to me..

~feeling very very down~

2011-03-22T09:12:00.000-07:00

hai i feel very down recently..many things have start to surface..i guess many at times i am really not sensitive enough..cos many at times i really nv tink of the consequences of how i will indirectly affect other ppl through my actions..perhaps tat's the reason why i am feeling the "wall" between them..or rather i am trying to talk lesser to them cos i scared the more i talk, the more trouble i create..so talk less then less trouble i will create..honestly speaking when she said tat " qm can u use ur brain to ....." at tat moment i was super damn hurt..cos it was unintentional and i really didnt thought tat by air-ing my fu rong fu outside the bacony would actually spread the germs to their clothes cos all i thought of at that time was i wanna air it so tat it wouldnt be tat stink..but they tink it as i spreading dirty germs to their clothes..so they kinda unhappy wif me..ok so i apologized to them cos it was intentional and i didnt mean it purposely..but wat hurts me was the words tat she use was really impactful when it was unintentional..ok fine, past few times abt the cupboard thingy perhaps its really my fault..so i giv in to her, but she keep insisting of doing her way then i was kinda unhappy liao cos everyone has their own way of doing things..alrights mayb my way of doing things might nt be ur style but u cant force me to follow ur style when i am used to my style of doing things..first few times i gave in to her cos somehow i tink its really my fault but after a while i really cant tahan liao cos she keep nagging and i really dislike ppl to nag and luo suo at me cos i get irritated easily and tat's the reason why i escape to china for gip instead of staying in spore for IA..hai but come here i realised i am not sensitive enough to handle things..often send out unintentional wrong signals..perhaps i really need a lot of time to learn slowly..this is something tat i cant master overnite so i really need time..and the past incident at the bus..he commented tat "ｕreally have low EQ ..." when i heard tat i was super hurt man..though i appeared ok cos i wont show ppl how i feel...so mr nice came in and break the ice between us..cos i was damn sad at tat point of time liao..then mr nice said tat he can see the sadness on my face, so he tried to lessen the tense atmosphere.well, again it was unintentional tat i wanted to scold tat ass guy inside the bus in english cos i was quite irritated alrdy when he keep looking at me from head to toe..seriously wat's there to look on my body man..and moreover i dun dress til very sexy or wat..so of cos i damn irritated cos i assume tat he dun understand those chime english when he suddenly said one sentence tat he studied overbroad..then i was like OPPS..then after tat once i got down the bus i got scolded by my friend liao saying i low EQ..and somemore said tat if i were to be a guy i surely kana whack liao,,,so lucky tat i am a ger..wah u know how upset i was when i heard tat??? ok i tried to act cool as if nothing happen..actually deep down i was really really very very upset..ok nvm perhaps everything is just my fault..everything just voice down to me not being tat sensitive enough..and i didnt tink of the consenquences before doing things..i feel very xin ku and tiring now man..just now broke down in the living room when all of them was sleeping..i guess its time to release my emtions..bottled up too much for mths alrdy..anw hope this cry will last me better for the remaining nxt few mths..and hopefully tmr will be a better day yeah !! jiayou qm !

anw its been a damn long time since i last blog man..have many things to blog abt but i have forgotton most of the stuff wat i wanna to say..just today i kinda feel very sad so wanna find a listening ear and somewat my blog is my listening ear so i guess coming here to type out my emtions is the best for me..anw for the past one wk i was in nanjing..this place is awesome man..it has nite life and everything is kinda shoik over there..hehe..

and lately there is rumors between me and him..aiyo now like very gan ga man..i dare not look at him..the talk cock and joke feeling like doesnt exist now after they keep kar jiao-ing us..hai..ok maybe the problem lies wif me again.I must break the ICE ! must go bac to the funny and talk cock days..honestly speaking his personality is somelike tat i will like..but then i feel tat i pei bu shang him..i am a noob in everything..blur and always get lost..cant cook and a totally nuah person..whereas he is someone with leadership qualities..but wat am i ？？ forget it ba..just let nature takes it course ba..if sparkles do come then tat will be gd..else just let it be ba..

so wat's the moral of the story today?? QM u needa be more sensitive from now on..always needa tink of consequences before u act..u know now i really well like hving the past ac, who can guide me wat should i do and giv me advice..many at times i just always bottled up my feelings..

~i wish you can read my heart~

2011-03-05T07:14:00.000-08:00

this few days was busy with work in office doing translation job..sian..but thur i asked my supervisor if i got anything to do or nt cos i cant continue to slack ard the office doing nothing liao..cos i needa write report for my industrial attachment..cant possibly say i learn nothing in this IA.so he brought me to a new dept then i finally got something to do..at least now the time past faster now..but then now really no chance to sleep in office liao cos i will be going into the manufacturing line where i do lots of hands on..i was posted to the IQ dept where i get to test everything from the start..meaning usually ppl will see the final market product..but then i get to do everyhing from scratch..meaning adding and testing out the chemicals everything from start..honestly the process looks pretty disgusting once u saw how u actually make the final hair pdt..but overall still quite fun cos afterall its a new thing to me..i guess if i were to do these washing and pouring chemicals for many many months i sure very sian one..but now still fresh to me la..

anw going classes in uni is really a chore man..i totally cant understand anything..feel like sitting down there really waste time nia..jialat at this rate, sure cant write any eassy out of it.how how how?? damn shagged sia..anw today feeling really down man..duno why...suddenly feel tat i need someone to talk to..and he is starting to influence me day by day..hai how how how?? can u stop influencing and affecting my heart ..

~u are slowly cripping into my heart~

2011-02-28T08:49:00.000-08:00

sch has started..i can only say the lessons are REAL bored..cant really understand wat's the chinese teacher talking abt man even though i did tried really hard to pay attention to the teacher during lesson..but after a while i gave up cos the underlying reason is becos my chinese is cui la..listen hard also no use..so basically i am just wasting my time over there..lol..ok 2nd wk i must listen real hard liao,else i cant write an eassy on these lessons man...;(

alright wkend went to explore new places..went to eat some meat bbq for $8 nia..super cheap like mad..but then i couldnt really eat much..looks like my diet really cut down alot man..in the past i used to be able to eat super alot..but now i really cant eat much liao..but at least gd thing is can slim down since i cant eat much now..ok, at least now i slim down alrdy..all i ask now is to maintain my current weight then everything will be fine..but i am really stunned by my housemates tat some of them can really eat REAL alot..they super worth their buffet money, but certainly not for me..then ytd sun went out to climb a hill or mountain with ec tat household..wa that climb is kinda tortoure man..climb til fall down and leg pain..heng the day before i alrdy planned to wear slipper liao, else if i wear heels confirm plus chop cant climb at all..the steps are damn uneven and steep and to some extend some steps even need to use ur both hands to climb..and so suay tat climbing process i fall down 2 times cos my slipper no grip so i fall down..then he saw..sian , super pei seh to fall down in front of a guy..but he is kinda nice to wait for me everytime cos i am the most at high risk to fall down among the 4 gers cos i am the only one wearing slippers..lol..and tat day i feel like a weirdo to the ah tiongs cos everyone kept on looking at my legs..ok i can understand why they look at my leg cos partly its winter and its freaking cold, but i wear slipper..ppl will tink i siao..lol..ok la, for someone who can endure coldness is ok to me..afterall i dun really feel tat cold til the temp was kinda low and cold at nite..tat day i was kinda happy partly i enjoyed this trekking trip..another reason is ....

let time slowly decide how's my heart will head to..but i would say his character is someone tat i will like..

~shanghai trip~

2011-02-21T08:43:00.000-08:00

fri set off for my shanghai trip wif they all..but then this time the trip was kinda sian cos i couldnt walk much cos i wore heels..sian man..shouldnt have wore heels, else i can walk even more..anw the bullet speed train tat we took wasnt as bad, but the returned journey tat we took bac to sz was horrible..i couldnt stand those tiongs initally cos i felt tat they were very barbaric and dirty..many were like moving their hse, dragging many cui bags along wif them..and they talk damn loud and i can really felt the difference in culture between the ppl taking gao tie train and a cheapo train..ok but i must say its something new to me..so they asked me if am i going to take this kind of slow coach train again..then i say for the sake of cheaper price, i will take lo..ok but i wouldnt deny tat i am kinda baised towards them cos they dun really leave a gd impression..the worst thing is tat they sell lots of ffunny and weird stuff on the train..when i saw tat i was totally stunned..ok anw i would say this city is really much situtable for me..but then its too over crowded with shopping malls..and practically all the shopping malls sells the same stuff..so after a while u will get sick of shoppping..

anw i am not sure hw my heart feels nw..i am slowly feeling for this guy..actually throughout this trip he kinda take care of me..can see tat he is quite gentleman and nice..perhaps tat's the reason why he is slowly cripping into my heart..jialat leh..BUT THEN he is so diff from the guys tat i am looking for..lol

~sometimes i wonder...~

2011-02-14T09:33:00.000-08:00

today my company finally assign someone to bring me for a tour ard the manufacturing plant..wa lao i have really zhuo bo for one month liao doing useless things ( being a translator for them) ..now then finally ask ppl bring me ard for tour to hv a better understand of the company..sian leh..then after the touring session then no one entertain me liao..they ask me go bac office then i sit down there nothing to do..worst case is there is no internet for me, so totally bored max la..wah i seriously hate the working life here man..i cant even understand and talk to my colleague well cos gt language barrier..most of the time i couldnt understand their chinese cos its too chime for me to understand.so many at times i am the one stopping the convo first cos i cant find anything to talk to them cos most of them are married..i sick of talking abt kids and stuff like tat cos i am not married at all.

and today is vday.as usual i expected my room mate to stay at home after dinner..well this is nothing unusual.afterall i understand tat all the 3 of them have their own bf and gf, so its natural tat they wanna webcam their gf and bf on this special occasion..so i am the onli one left in the hse nothing to do..well, for such a suituation, i feel kinda sian cos everyone in the hse is occupied wif something to do, but i am totally damn sian nothing to keep me occupied..there is no tv shows.laptop nothing to surf much also..surf here and there also the same thing.lucky the other household ppl jio me if i wanna sing k or nt..then i say i anything although cos i like staying at home doing nothing.moreover i dun hv commitments to make.so no point stay at home also..so endedup my vday i join them sing k.it was quite entertaining though to hear them sing.at least come out of hse nt so bored..got ppl to entertain me..but i was kinda mindful over this guy who commented on me..actually he is the 3rd guy who say tat i am an ah lian..i duno why also leh..so i ask him is it the hair or wat? cos i sec sch got ppl say i talk like an ah lian too.duno lah..i also dun like to giv ppl the ah lian feeling.like very bad impression like tat..anw talking abt tat, i really tink tat its best i stayed single man, cos i went for some fortune reading in beijing, then ended up the person say i will meet alot of obstacles during my marriage and my nxt generation will hv alot of problems..wa when i heard them i damn sian alrdy..lik tat i might well dun marry, stay single suan le..anw i cant find any guy as gd as my ex..hard to make me fall in love again..and those guys i eye candied before, actually i dun really feel for them.i guess i am just attracted to their looks, not their personality.in fact the one that i am looking for is character, nt looks..if i can find someone who has ７０％of my ex personality i would be more than willing to try things out.but sadly i haven met anyone of this kind yet.

~vday~

2011-02-11T08:33:00.000-08:00

this coming mon is vday liao man.sian every yr vday the same one sia.no special meaning to me..but this yr i will be in china tat's all.today went out to explore again.sian leh here really nothing much to walk except supermart..no wonder my senior said their favourite hang out place is supermart..nw i realised why..

~beijing trip~

2011-02-08T08:58:00.000-08:00

beijing trip was totally sian man..i guess beijing really not for me man..everything is so historical and i felt tat i have wasted $500+　on the tour package, which i could actually use tat money to go thai or taiwan..cos i am a shopping person..then beijing has little shopping centre and practically there isnt much stuff for me to buy also..actually the last day of the trip we went to a shopping centre then, i felt happier on the last day cos i finally felt some civilization..cos the tour guide keep rejecting to our request to where ever we wants to go..so i was kinda bu shuang wif him initally.but after tat i ok le..and one thing beijing totally has no nite life except pubs..so the last day all of us when to a pub to chill..

and hor i really gain weight on my face liao..shit man ! from today onwards i am gonna to diet..everyday only eat fruits and abit of stuff.needa get bac my sharp heart face ! and now the temperature is getting better le..at least it going to hit 10 degree liao.so can start exercising le..if not if i dun exercise for this 6 mths, sure gone case one..

and tmr i needa start work again ! sian max..these few days super enjoy liao man..sian sz is getting more and more sian..initally when i reached here was kinda fresh, but now totally sian cos they hv no nite life !

~i miss the days in sch~

2011-01-30T08:39:00.000-08:00

hai i kinda miss sch life though i have friends here..but then sometimes i dare not explore places ard myself cos i have no sense of directions so cant really go out myself..and sz has no nite life at all la..most of the bus 8.30pm alrdy end their bus service.super damn sian man cos everytime needa take taxi like tat..dun like taking taxi cos i feel unsafe..

then one of the day i was shopping alone after work then met up the other household ppl then decided to stay longe wif them since i dun wan go home so early.then end up i no bus go home so i was kinda freak out liao cos i dun dare take cab though its super cheap here.but heng this eugene is nice enough to ride their new bike tat they just bought and send me home.phew ! cos i am the extra person from the other household and our houses is ard 15 mins away..and worst still i duno the directions bac to my home...actually i find it hard to recognise the roads here cos all sounds quite the same..or rather my chinese is lousy so cant really interpret.so yeah bo bian.then have to keep cycling around the estate to find my hse.when i finally found my apartment i was damn happy la ! actually when i sat behind him, the feeling really not bad ah although its really damn damn cold..but the feeling quite romantic..HAHA..and some more first time i hv to sit so close wif a guy except for my ex la..actually i like his maturity and character ba,,and quite gum to click along along...

hai my job kinda sucks man, i feel like a translator and everyday its damn boring la..totally nothing to do and i kept on fallng asleep..cos no one cares over there..and its kinda hard to click wif my colleague cos i cant really talk chinese as fluent as them..and most of the time i always stummbled then cant continue the convo liao..anw ytd me and jiayi found our shopping paradise..omg i was damn happy when everything we wanted to get is so cheap.i got a super class heels for $8 nia..and its totally worth the price..and i shall hunt for more boots for now..hehe

~firecrackers and fireworks~

2011-01-25T08:27:00.000-08:00

past few days have been going out after work then slept very work then at work damn sleepy..anw i really feel damn torturous going to work man..cos although the work isnt really tat hard, but apparently i feel tat i am being a translator over there cos its like wat the heck, they giv me one english email then ask me to rephrase for them in chinese..and my chinese honestly seriously sucks..they have lots of technical terms tat i totally cant write at all..and my supervisor keep checking on me, why i take so long to translate one short paragraph nia..ok i admit i did take super long, but then its really tough for me esp when i rarely type chinese and i have detached from chinese for many many yrs..sian, now i really feel damn sian to go work although the job if its in engligh., then everything will be very easy,.walao i really feel like tat i am doing a shitty job..duno how to write report also cos cant possibly say i go there be tranlator rite?? wa lao then my colleague all super chinese speaking and old, kinda hard to clique wif them..cos apparently i dun belong to their country..so its kinda hard to mingle wif them if i dun speak tat perfect chinese..actually most of the time i couldnt understand wat they are talking abt cos either they talk too chime or either they talk too fast..

anw last sun we have a mass sz dinner at a chinese..wa we ordered super alot and eat person only pay $8 for SGD..super cheap..the portion they come all really super big..omg, no wonder its china, everything also upsize here..lol then after tat we put out firecrackers and fireworks at one open field..first time playing wif all these things..actually it feels damn shiok man..hehe..

cny will be going beijing le..hopefully i can take the coldness there..cos i scared i cant tahan and also my skin will be super dry...now my skin really become quite jialat after i come sz..cos the air dehyrate all my water in my skin..

~i am enjoying life~

2011-01-22T10:27:00.000-08:00

hai the temp now super duper cold.-3 degree celsius ..nose gonna drop liao man..lol..anyway this few days have been travelling ard..but bought nothing much cos its now the winter season..cant really buy much clothes..perhaps nxt wk i will be going shanghai since its quite near our place..hopefully there will be more of a shopping paradise.

ｆｉｒｓｔ　ｅｎｔｒｙ　ｉｎ　ｓｕｚｈｏｕ

2011-01-18T04:42:00.000-08:00

ｔｈｕｒ　（１３ｔｈ　ｊａｎ　２０１１）was the day when i departed singapore for suzhou. The feeling of departureis kinda sad cos afterall its 6 mths and its kinda long though but then on one hand thinking bac, i can get to leave tat endless nagging from mum..so kinda shuang in a way.so tat nite when i arrived the shanghai pudong airport, the 4 of us camp at the airport and spend our nite at the burger king over there.we played card games and chatted abt our life..aiya actually its more of talking crap..heng the 2 guys was kinda chatty else sure bored me to death.ok so at 7am, the whole suzhou gang met up at the arrival terminal and after which we took the catered shutter bus to the sch of NTU at the shanghai branch and we had a try of free shanghai breakfast over there..initally i couldnt adapt to the coldness when i stepped out of the airport cos its freaking cold la.and moreover i wearing super thin clothes of cos i cant tahan..then after the briefing at the ntu shanghai branch, we proceed on to suzhou and the bus journey took ard 2 hrs..my apartment is kinda atas and nice..no wonder my senior said tat its an atas area,..true indeed and my area has lots of korean ppl staying over there..the shopping mall is filled with lots of korean food and stuff..one thing when i reached there, i felt like a queen cos everything is super cheap ! food and clothes everyting dirt cheap..but then the clothes now not really suitable since its now winter time..and most of the branded stuff over there which SG　
ａｌｓｏ　ｈａｖｅ　ａｌｓｏ　ｓｕｐｅｒ　ｃｈｅａｐ　ｃｏｓ　ｎｏｗ　ｔｈｅｙ　ａｒｅ　ｈａｖｉｎｇ　ｓａｌｅｓ．．
　　　　ｔｈｅｎ　ｆｅｗ　ｄａｙｓ　ｂａｃ　ｓｔａｒｔｅｄ　ｍｙ　ＩＡ　ｌｉａｏ．．ｉｔ　ｓｅｅｍｓ　ｔａｔ　ｍｙ　ｃｏｍｐａｎｙ　ｐｐｌ　ｓｅｅｍｓ　ｎｏｔ　ｂａｄ．．ｂｕｔ　ｔｈｅｎ　ｉ　ｃｏｕｌｄｎｔ　ｒｅａｌｌｙ　ｕｎｄｅｒｓｔａｎｄ
ｗｈａｔ　ｔｈｅｙ　ｔｒｙｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｓａｙ　ｃｏｓ　ｔｈｅｉｒ　ｃｈｉｎｅｓｅ　ｔｏｏ　ｃｈｉｍｅ　！　ｌｏｌ．．ｊｉａｌａｔ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｔａｔ　ｄｕｎｏ　ｈｏｗ　ｔｏ　ｗｏｒｋ　ｍａｎ．．ｒｏｏｍｉｅ　ｗｉｓｅ　ｇｅｎｅｒａｌｌｙ　ｑｕｉｔｅ　ｏｋ，　ｊｕｓｔ　ａｂｉｔ　ｓｉａｎ　ｃｏｓ　ｔｈｅ　３　ｏｆ　ｔｈｅｍ　ｈａｖｅ　ｔｈｅｉｒ　ｇｆ　ａｎｄ　ｂｆ　ｔｏ　ｗｅｂｃａｍ　ｗｉｆ，　ｂｕｔ　ｔｈｅｎ　ｉ　ｄｕｎ　ｈａｖ．．ａｐｐａｒｅｎｔｌｙ　ｉ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｌｉｖｉｎｇ　ｒｏｏｍ　ｚｈｕｏ　ｂｏ　ｌｏ．．ｗｈｉｌｅ　ｔｈｅｙ　ａｌｌ　ｃａｌｌ　ａｎｄ　ｖｄｅｏ　ｃａｍ　ｔｈｅｉｒ　ｂｆ　ａｎｄ　ｇｆ．．

　　　　ｔｈｅｎ　ｔｏｄａｙ　ｄｉｄ　ｔｈｅｉｒ　ｍｅｄｉｃａｌ　ｃｈｅｃｋ　ｕｐ　ａｎｄ　ｔｈｅ　ｄｏｃｔｏｒｓ　ａｒｅ　ｆｒｅａｋｉｎｇ　ｆｉｅｒｃｅ．．ｚｚｚ．．ａｎｄ　ｉ　ｃａｎ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｔａｔ　ｔｈｏｓｅ　ａｈ　ｔｉｏｎｇ　ａｒｅ　ｋｉｎｄａ　ｕｎ　ｈｉｇｅｎｉｃ　ｌａ．．ｉ　ｄｕｎ　ｄａｒｅ　ｌｉｅ　ｏｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｅｄ　ｃｏｓ　ｉ　ｔｉｎｋ　ｔｈｅｙ　ｎｖ　ｂａｔｈ　ｆｏｒ　ｍａｎｙ　ｄａｙｓ　ｓｉｎｃｅ　ｉｔｓ　ｆｒｅａｋｉｎｇ　ｄａｍｎ　ｃｏｌｄ　ｎｏｗ．．ｓｏ　ｍｕｓｔ　ｂｅ　
ｄａｒｎ　ｓｍｅｌｌｙ．．ａｉｙｏ．．ｔｈｅｎ　ｉ　ｒｅａｌｉｓｅｄ　ｗｏｒｋｉｎｇ　ｉｎ　ｃｈｉｎａ　ｉｓ　ｇｄ　ｉｎ　ａ　ｗａｙ　ｔａｔ　ｌｕｎｃｈ　ｉｓ　ｆｒｅｅ　ａｎｄ　ｔｈｅｉｒ　ｓｅｒｖｉｎｇ　ｓｕｐｅｒ　ｂｉｇ　ｍａｎ．．ｂｕｔ　ｔｈｅｎ　ｉ　ｄｉｄｎｔ　ｅａｔ　ｍｕｃｈ　ｃｏｓ　ｉ　ｓｃａｒｅｄ　ｇａｉｎ　ｗｅｉｇｈｔ　ｓｉａ．ｔｈｅ　ｔｅｎｄｅｎｃｙ　ｔｏ　ｇａｉｎ　ｗｅｉｇｈｔ　ｏｖｅｒ　ｔｈｅｒｅ　ｉｓ　ｑｕｉｔｅ　ｈｉｇｈ　ｗｉｌｌ　ｔｈｅｉｒ　ｓｕｐｅｒ　ｂｉｇ　ｓｅｒｖｉｎｇ　ａｎｄ　ｓｕｐｅｒ　ｃｈｅａｐ　ｆｏｏｄ．．ｂｕｔ　ｔｈｅｎ　ｉ　ｍｕｓｔ　ｃｏｎｔｒｏｌ．．ｈｅｎｇ　ｉ　ｎｖ　ｇａｉｎ　ａｎｙ　ｗｅｉｇｈｔ　ｓｉａ．．ｉ　ｃａｎ　ｓｅｅ　ｓｏｍｅ　ｏｆ　ｍｙ　ｆｒｉｅｎｄｓ　ｇａｉｎｉｎｇ　ｗｅｉｇｈｔ　ｗｉｔｈｉｎ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｆｅｗ　ｄａｙｓ　ｌｅ．．ｌｏｌ．．ｃｏｓ　ｔｈｅｙ　ｃａｎｔ　ｓｔｏｐ　ｅａｔｉｎｇ．．ｔｈｅｎ　ｙｔｄ　ｉ　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｗｅｎｔ　ｇｙｍ　ｉｎ　ｓｈｏｒｔｓ．．ｗｈｅｎ　ｉ　ｗａｌｋｅｄ　ｏｕｔ　ｏｆ　ｍｙ　ｃｏｎｄｏ，　ｅｖｅｒｙｏｎｅ　ｗａｓ　ｌｏｏｋｉｎｇ　ａｔ　ｍｅ　ｔｈｉｎｋｉｎｇ　ｔａｔ　ｉ　ａｍ　ｗｅｉｒｄ．．ｌｏｌ　，　ａｃｔｕａｌｌｙ　ｉｎｄｅｅｄ　ｉ　ａｍ　ｗｅｉｒｄ　ｌａ．．ｗｈｏ　ｔｈｅ　ｈｅｃｋ　ｗｉｌｌ　ｅｘｅｒｃｉｓｅ　ｉｎ　ｗｉｎｔｅｒ　ｄｅ，　ｃｏｓ　ｉｔｓ　ｒｅａｌｌｙ　ｆｒｅａｋｉｎｇ　ｄａｍｎ　ｃｏｌｄ．．ｂｕｔ　ｉ　ｒｕｎ　ｓｏ　ｍｕｃｈ　ｃａｎｔ　ｓｗｅａｔ　ａｔ　ａｌｌ．．ｓｉａｎ　ｌｅｈ　！！！

　　　ａｎｗ　ｔｏｄａｙ　ｉｔ　ｓｔａｒｔｓ　ｓｎｏｗｉｎｇ　！ｄａｍｎ　ｃｏｏｌ　ｓｉａ．ｆｉｒｓｔ　ｔｉｍｅ　ｓｅｅ　ｓｎｏｗ　！　ｗｈｏｏ　！

~final last stay before my departure ~

2011-01-12T01:48:00.000-08:00

haiz i am flying tmr..cant imagine its so fast ! i am kinda sad though cos i will be leaving away for half a yr which is pretty long sia.duno i can cope over there or nt..tink first 1 month will be the hardest to survive man..hopefully things will go smoothly for me and pray hard tat i wont get con by china ppl..cos i am damn scared..needa contanstly remind myself tat i need to be alert at all times for pickpockets..haiz life is just so tiring needa take care of these things..i needa tink of ways to keep my valubles also..wa lao so tiring..up to now, i haven finish packing also...tonite will piah finish..hopefully my eye candy will bid gdbye to me..but i tink most likely wont de la..

pray hard tmr once i stepped in there will be a safe journey for me !

~i left 2 days~

2011-01-11T03:26:00.000-08:00

sun met up wif my project mates to sing K.ok i must say my voice kinda sucks..and tat day sing until my throat no voice.partly becos i am alrdy quite sick alrdy then the more i sing, my voice get worst.

then ytd met up wif the uni gang for dian xin buffet then after tat went for board games at smu games cafe..surprising the games we played are quite funny..esp the part when we needa act out.the guys are the joke of the day..after which went to their pub which is quite cui cos they only serve beer..then later went to chimjes but they dun serve food anymore, so we went other places instead..so our final desination was timbre.the pizza and chicken wings are nice.then reached home damn late man ( 2am) ..so dad was kinda not happy,but then he didnt scold..aiya i only left a few days left...i must cherish every min of time now..not much time le !

anw today went out to cut hair just in case the china ppl over there makes my hair damn cui..if really bo bian, at most half a yr dun cut hair lo..haiz..then after tat met up wif my ex boss..haha she damn funny sia ...anw she is really a nice person to chat wif..and her kid misses me cos she damn long nv see me liao..so i pei my ex boss go her daughter's sch to wait for her sch to finish, then see her..her daughter was damn happy when she saw me..lol...yeah actually i like to play wif her also la..afterall she kinda cute.

anw today went bac sch to scanned my stuff.saw lion again..today quite surprised he quite chatty wif me seh..asked me if tmr i leaving is it? then i say no..its thur..then i start chatting wif him..aiya why when i gonna leave SG Le then u start chatting so much to me..when i know u earlier, why cant u be more chatty..aiya forget on pinning on more hopes le..i leaving anw in 2 days time..haiz..

anw really happy tat my ex replied me..perhaps during my graduation day will see him again..hopefully, tat will be the time i get to see him again !

~board games at smu~

2011-01-08T05:04:00.000-08:00

today met up wif the jb clique since i was the spoiler of the event..so felt kinda guilty so decided to turn up for this meet up despite i am the only ger ..though its kinda weird cos i wanted to makeup to them, but nvm at least i knew all the 4 of them, only one of them nv talk before nia.so i guess its ok..actually playing board games not really tat bored actually..some of the games are kinda a thinking game..ok, but most of the time i was there confusing ppl cos i wasnt sure of where i am going towards as i am pretty new to the game and moreover i am damn slow in understand games one cos i dun play games at all..so i guess i often confused ppl so i always get blocked by eye candy cos i always sabo the game and screwed the up the game.

anw today was quite ok wif the guys.perhaps i tink i should start changing my perceptions of playing games cos i realised ppl do get closer wif playing games..and i am totally living in my own world without the presence of game.so anw hope i am start to catch up wif this "new thing"

and heng eye candy wasnt angry wif me..phew and this "new friend" cable was kinda a nice person to talk to also..ok la, actually from his look can see he is a talk cock kind..but anw duno why those guys can see through me tat i am kinda lost when i am playing games..cable and BY saw through me and they said" qm look lost in the game.." then i smiled cos they hit the bingo..lol..aiya but a person noob at playing games only start to play game now, how can she catch up so fast ! 23 yrs of my life, i nv touch any games before leh !

~i feel super duper damn guilty~

2011-01-07T05:57:00.000-08:00

ytd i felt super damn guilty cos thanks to me that the whole paintball plan was cancelled..actually i didnt recalled tat my visa was actually at the immigration centre when eye candy mentioned something abt the passport...then i was like "oh shit ! my passport is at the immigration there. i cant leave the country til when mon i get bac my passport.." so i msg him, then his rxn was rather calm..not sure how he feels either but i know defintely not feeling gd cos he planned so much for this outing, but i last min pang seh..then end up short of players can go jb le..so yeah i was really feeling super duper damn guilty over it cos i was somewat the spoiler of this event...the remaining 9 ppl sure very sian diao also cos they were alrdy very happy over this trip, then i came along to dampen their spirits..so i guess i need to be apologetic towards them..so i said sorry sincerely to him, which i really do..but i cant sense how is he feeling cos i really cant tell from the sms tone..but anw my nice proj mate have decided to "Help" me in a way tat he changed to some board games activity..at least i can turn up to show my sincerity..cos i really feel damn bad over it..so wanna say sorry to him in person and those ppl whom i disappoint.

hopefully tmr will be a gd turn out..i pray..but anw i left not much days liao to department..nxt thur to count down..luagge haven really packed finish, but i really hope tat everything will be a gd start over there.

and regarding him,i tink no more chance alrdy to see him from far..but anw i always like guys who are hard to get and relatively popular among the gers..so anw yeah he is not the first one la..i changes eye candy pretty often,but once i am bac he is gone ! sad !

~the final chance!~

2011-01-05T05:19:00.000-08:00

sun met up wif martin and cb during the late evening for dinner.initally wanted to meet ch one, but then by the time he drove to my area is alrdy 11.30pm liao ! so late la..then i told him since he drove all the way liao, so ok lo i shall meet him near my church there and have supper..but i tink he feels tat its kinda late and dangerous for me to go out at this timing, so he said" its ok then, shall meet up wif u when u are bac " lol actually i really anything one.i go home pretty late also anw..but i do feel bad tat he drove all the way from paris ris to my hse area, though he claims tat he didnt purposely come here la.

anw ytd went for a run wif lion and clique..since its the last chance liao so gonna cherish wat i hv for the last chance..actually ytd had more interaction wif him..but then he still very quiet ! why he so slow to mingle wif ppl one..like me and j, we can talk super alot of crap although we just knew each other not long before exams..as for him, duno why i cant find much crap to talk to him..honestly, i cant find any reason why i got more han gan for him when his character isnt wat i prefer..actually i would prefer more outgoing and "Noisy" personality, but then still eventually end of the day duno why i have more interest for him also..initally wanted to grab ytd chance to run wif him, but he run kinda fast and couldnt really catch up wif his pace..cos initally he wanted to let the gers run first but i say guys run first cos i sure will slow down their speed one..so he say ok lo..initally 4 of us were running together. but ended up i was too lagged behind liao cos i many mths nv run liao..so really no breathe..then end up j pei me run,then he run wif Y..honestly speaking, i was hoping tat at that time, the guy beside me would be him rather than j,but then he closer to y ma, so of cos he will naturally follow her la since they are close buddies since yr 1..but duno why somewat i am just closer to J though i wanted to interact more wif lion, but my mission failed cos i always dun dare to talk to him personally..i always like to talk generally to a grp of ppl , then ended up other ppl replied me, but not him..but sometimes he do reply me, but most of the time is his friends ! hai i getting tired soon liao also..A ask me not to giv up so soon,but then i tink really damn hard leh..qm getting tired soon cos like no development one leh..but really hope tat i can see him one the day i fly though i know its kinda impossible.

anw u know ytd i was damn happy but my ex wrote on my wall though its just a short sentence..cos at least we are still friends..cos i was kinda sad when i felt tat i lost a friend when we broke up..but at least he still rmb me..although he is happily married, but i still hope tat we still can be friends and say "hi" to each other when we saw each other again.tat's my hope..actually i really enjoyed the days talking wif him abt life cos this guy really turned me from a xiao mei mei thinking into a more matured girl..doubt i will ever meet such a wonderful guy again in my life.so far the guys ard me arent as gd as him..so i guess tat's the reason why i nv really luv any guys in uni wholeheartly..its more of eye candy

~my dad~

2011-01-01T19:31:00.000-08:00

actually i realised they are ppl around me who are really nice to me..one of the person is my dad..actually he really nice man..ytd pei me whole day just to buy luagge and help me buy those necessary stuff for my trip when actually he could have rest at home cos his purpose of pei-ing me is just to bring me to his friend to pray and ask if i would be safe throughout this entire 1/2 yr..so yeah kinda touched ytd..when ytd it was really raining damn heavy and his slipper was kinda slippery and i felt quite touched when he pei me all these stuff when i didnt ask him to do anything for me..anw ytd was kinda a happy day ! finally got to know him better ! whoo !

anw i am very touched wif wp.really great to have so great friend ard.she is someone who always extend her helping hands towards her friends regardless of wat problems they hav..anw i tink i will miss my friends man..i will miss sch too ! cos sch have been always my frequent hang out place..now no more sch for half a yr..but i will take this half a yr to explore whole of china..anw i chose to go overseas for IA one..so hopefully i wont regret my choice.

~new yr eve ~

2011-01-01T05:36:00.000-08:00

ytd thought damn long if i wanna join them for steamboat and countdown or nt cos if i were to go then it will be damn obvious and they sure stir shit one lo..moreover lion knows liao, so even more pei seh.then his group of friends sure laugh one lo..i really thought damn long then finally decided to go cos damn sian surf net on new yr eve leh..so went bugis ate steamboat wif them..then later went countdown at marina there..but apparently i left earlier cos was kinda shagged and i wasnt really close wif them cos abit sian to stay on..so yeah decided to left earlier although i was quite keen to watch fireworks initally..

then today i saw lion at the train station..wah didnt know things would be so zun man..strike toto also not so accurate la..lol.but i didnt call out for him though i really super near him..cos partly my attire was kinda cui la..dun wan him to see my cui side...but lucky he nv saw me also la.dun wan him to see me in this state...lol

but anw this wed last chance to interact wif him liao..after which no chance liao cos should be flying off in 1 wk time ba..btw i bought to my luagge at $29..super happy cos zuan dao man,..29 inch bag usually cost ard $60-70 one.but i bought at $30..and today started to buy all my necessary stuff before i fly..hai suddenly feel like i dun have much time left...

tmr wil be meeting martin for dinner..perhaps cb might come along too ! then perhaps if got time meet up wif chee how since he is alrdy bac in spore ! and he is flying this coming mon ! i was pretty closed wif this jc classmate when i was in jc..lol since he is bac just talk crap wif him before he flys to hongkong

~not much time left~

2010-12-30T20:23:00.000-08:00

last mon had kite flying wif agnes and yh..this time round our kite couldnt fly as high as before cos we bought a lousier kite,or rather we are rather budget so bought a cheapo kite instead.went around taking super lots of photos then evening went to suntec to eat dinner then after which proceed to the merlion for more photos again..whoo ! the day is just damn shagged..

tues went to meet up wif wp and tanu then morning saw lion.he just said hi to him then after tat went off..emo man, why all guys i eye candy one, all so cool one ! cant they be more outgoing?? lol anw he isnt my kind..cos initally i admire him as eye candy only.anw tat day went to chill out at a super atas hotel..the nite view is awesome ! whoo !~

then wed was busy wif medical check up then after which evening time met up wif playmate to play tennis..hehe learn tennis from him really much more better than from my other friends..quite stunned he quite patient wif me eh..he really teach me everything from scatch just like how a beginner learns..but he kinda poor thing cos he kept on helping me to pick balls..then tat day i was saying dun laugh at my cui sports attire ah, but apparently he say i look ok leh, just tat need to get more tanned.and one thing he said tat i am very lazy to run when i play tennis, which i find tat its true cos apparently i am always stuck at the same location.but this guy play tennis really quite mesmerizing sia..cos he demo for me to see, then i was stunned he could actually play so well ! ok, i shall ask him coach me nxt time..hehe..my foc instructor..

then went to some beauty centre,dun wish to mention was beauty centre it is..but thanks to them i wasted $108 on skin care pdt..darn man, their attitude is really cmi sia..they keep fanning me to buy their whole set of skin care pdts which cost $300 and its something i know for certain which i wont use at all.then i keep insisting tat i dun wan buy, then they keep on adding freebie for me..they really did dun understand my thinking, i dun wan to buy partly becos its $300 and i know i wont use at all..darn then bo bian end up i say i buy 1 of the skin care stuff then they are less hostile towards me..then wat makes me angry is after i agreed to buy one of their pdt, they still continue selling their whole package..then i really insist i really dun wan..then i very angry say i am late alrdy , then they shoot me bac saying u tink u are busy, arent we busy too ! wa lao wat attitude is this man..i hear liao really damn pissed...anw after tat went to the jc chalet..our chem teacher mr chua was there too ! wah i quite surprised he rmb me..but he still pronounce my name as qing ming..then he asked me wat sports i am doing..haha i abit stunned cos i didnt know i got a sports look..cos ytd my dressing was indeed abit sporty la..cos always wear so nice to chalet, so kinda sian liao..so wanted to try a something new..then i asked him bac why u tink i play sports one..lol cos i run more than playing sports..but now i trying to pick up tennis la..its a new game i wanna learn..then mr chua said see ur hair colour and attire can see u play sports..lol but i really dun play sports leh..anw my skin colour also dun show i play sports at all.but anw the chill out session was fun la, at least the last meet up before i fly...

anw i saw lion today again ! hehe he said hello to me..FINALLY he smiled for the first time..nvm i shall slowly find chance to know more abt him..

~a special christmas eve~

2010-12-24T22:10:00.000-08:00

this yr christmas eve was rather special..at least i didnt spend my christmas alone this yr..so tat day went to go to pei agnes in sch since i had nothing to do at home.cos i thought intally they coming sch to play wii one.but then aftertat in the afternoon it rain so ended up we meet outside.so we met up wif her clique at vivo.wat makes me happy was lion came along too.. ! haha nice man..tat shall be a gd start to know each other.ok when i first saw him i was damn pei seh cos i duno how to start the convo..so agnes start wif "this is qm" then i said hello..then aftertat through the dinner at a thai restaurant we talked more.but i realised one thing is tat duno why i dared not eye contact him when i talked to him ! siao liao man ! but anw aftertat at nite i feel more comfortable liao.at least not tat pei seh anymore.but ytd was indeed suay la.the soles of my shoes spoiled halfway through, then bo bian end up have to buy slippers from outside..but he was rather helpful and nice and asked me if i need any help or nt.ok i tink this is kinda a plus pt and i see he is actually quite gentleman too la..i was quite impressed when he kiap food for everyone of us during dinner..haha..i told agnes tat he seems abit quiet, but agnes say to her he seems ok..she felt tat this other guy is "More noisy" but i tink tat the other guy is ok leh..at least more interactive..but i must admit ytd i talk alot to this talkative guy cos duno why he keep talking to me la ! then i crap along wif him lo..so after dinner initally wanted to go mount faber one, but ended up tat talkative guy and wx didnt wan to go cos we will have a problem going bac home at nite cos its alrdy kinda late when we reached there.so endedup we changed our plan.so we celebrate at vivo rooptop sharing one tube of ice-cream.wa lao tat wx exposed all my chou lou de yi mian in front of everybody..seriously wanna kill him tat time cos lion was there man..now impression spoil liao la ! he told everyone say i always look at shuai ge..but i say its not true lo ! where got always,..its just sometimes nia..i added on to say tat i look at guys' legs more..haiz now impression spoil liao la..lion sure tink i very superfical one.then later they keep adding on to make things worst then wx gave a scenario saying tat if nxt time ur bf give u an LV bag for ur bday, u sure happy like siao cos its somehow like a status..then i said i wont accept tat gift lo cos anw i wont use guys' money also..i feel tat its not very nice anw..so i said i would asked him to give tat LV bag to his mum instead.quite is true cos last time when i had a bf i didnt use his money to buy clothes or watever except for meals only.cos i feel bad using his money..but anw tat wx keep paring me up wif this talkative guy just becos tat time during exam he gave me hot chocolate to drink when i am hungry cos there no food for me to eat..then wx say first session know each other give hot chocolate liao..they know each other so long he also nv give hot chocolate to wx..then he say "wah ai xin leh.." then i was like zzzz cos its only a cup of hot chocolate wat..nothing much..then wx added tat actually its those small tiny details tat sweet..lol seriously sweet ur head la ! i would be happier if u pair me up wif lion..i prefer lion ! hmm duno still got chance to meet up wif lion before i leave or nt..actually he is the kind of guy tat i will like, cos his personality is quite caring towards gers..i believe he is those kind tat will dote on gf alot..hehe.just like my ex..but i didnt cherish him before..tinking bac, i really felt regretted why didnt i treat him well, til the moment i lose him..haiz.nevertheless i guess my expectation is somehow stil pretty high..but til now really cant find someone as perfect as my ex..lol...

anw they will be running in sch one of the day to do their FYP..duno wan to join or nt..i run so slow man..and somemore so long nv long liao..i promised myself to start jogging after exams..now exams over i should start my daily routine..perhaps in sz, i should find my guy roomie to run wif him cos he looks lik he got go gym those kind.perhaps he will be my best jie mei liao.hehe.anw ytd agnes did create chance for us and we took photo together wif his other friend la.but not the 2 of us.if 2 of us i wont wan to take also..like damn weird.hopefully its not tat bad..lol..anw nxt few days i will be pretty packed man..haiz i really duno how sia for my china trip..the money part how should i transfer all my money from SG to china..its damn risky to carry all my cash wif me cos i hard there got alot of pickpockets and robbery..aiyo headache man !

~the most edible buffet i ever eaten~

2010-12-23T18:52:00.000-08:00

haiz my last paper was damn cui..jialat cos i slacked too much from sat and sun, then onli left mon and tues to piah..gone man..cos some i didnt study finish then mostly come out pyp qns..darn..i shouldnt have slacked so much ! sian..anw tat day after exam went to shop wif hm..the feeling after exam is damn shoik...mind totally cleared from studies..damn shuang..ok, then ytd went out to meet those ppl going suzhou..most of the guys seem got leadship qualites..the gers seem those guai guai type, not like me very talkative,..but the 2 guys tat i staying wif seems quite gd and helpful..hehe..gd gd gd i like..then after tat met up wif playmate to eat some hotel buffet...tat buffet is super super jialat..paid $47+ heng is one for one if not damn really damn bo hua..but ytd i paid for playmate since its his bday then i have nothing to giv him also..so yeah..anw i wont go there to eat nxt time.its super duper cui max...alrights then after our buffet, we went starbucks to chill out..hehe..chatted and crapped kinda wif him..hmm actually this guy really cant make my day..go out wif him always feel very relaxed and happy..then ytd i praise him tat he has become more muscular..then he was very shuang dao and was trying to show off tat its one yr of hard work leh..haha then i laughed..cos ytd i tinked he really not bad looking esp when he wore the tight fitting shirt..hehe, but still the sparks is gone liao la.so no use !

anw this few wks i will be super busy wif many stuff..need to read up alot of my suzhou trip..lol..and i wanna learn tennis from playmate also and met up wif my friends before i fly..

~suzhou finally confirmed ~

2010-12-18T00:20:00.000-08:00

i am on my amiss of exams, and wed i was called up for the interview.and i didnt know i could actually got in cos i really talked crap sia..the person ask me to intro abt my studies.then i duno wat to talk also..then ask me wat position i keen..then i say i open to all options cos i duno wat i wanna work as also..actually i go china is more of holiday than work..anw got ppl to sponser me for this china i am more happy sia, no need to fork out money to pay myself.damn shoik !!

anw thur i really wanted to take mc for 3003 liao cos i felt tat if i were to take 03 in yr 4 then maybe i can do better cos afterall i have studied it before liao in yr 3..cos i didnt wan to screwed up my GPA this sem.cos i have no idea of this module since i nv really touch this module before.lol. and some more wat can be more suay is tat when i "Planned" to take Mc, i actually really got sick and kana mild fever on wed nite..and my head is hurting terribly cos of the headache..wah i really damn suay man..when want to take MC, god make me really sick..darn ! but heng tat paper wasnt as bad as i thought leh..at least i didnt regret nv taking MC.if nt yr 4 must see 3003 again..

then today's 07 paper is cui..wa lao i tink my 03 paper better than this 07 la..sian leh..results cui liao..anw i onli left 3 wks like tat then i will be flying off liao..haiz damn scared man..i will be flying off at 13th jan..i scared i will cry on tat day man..half a yr man, duno if i will miss home or nt,...haiz..anw i going to stay wif this guy who is going to same company as me..he is from mse too, but its kinda weird to stay wif a guy..afterall i have less freedom..have to be catious of my actions..actions cant be too big..but anw sad to say after this exams, agnes and yh will be leaving sch by the time i come bac from suzhou..lion will not be around liao..lol haven got a chance to talk to him seh..although tat time he did ask agnes if i am in sch or nt..aiya tat time so near exam i cant be in sch liao cos i sure very distracted one.if i continue to stay in sch sure cant study one.if its 2-3 wks before sch, then i sure stay more often in sch.

~my mind is very luan now ~

2010-12-10T04:31:00.000-08:00

2 days alrdy and i have yet to study much.die ! I kept on sleeping..wa lao at this rate, how am i going to finish..die..totally damn scared this sem..cos it seem tat this sem i keep on dreaming..and these 2 days i was very distracted by the news tat they wanna opt out of our china IA trip..haiz initally i wasnt much affected as i was very calm, but when i was alone studying halfway through, my mind just couldnt stopped worrying and being fearful..but i guess i really hope at least one of them would continue to go the trip wif me..though i know 90% its unlikely..sigh..the ytd the sch office called me and said tat i was selected for the loreal interview.to me, it was gd news cos i wanted to enter this company compared to the rest of companies in suzhou.but then the issue is no one tat i knew is going to suzhou..most of them ended up in shanghai..haiz..i really scared staying in a foriegn land when i have no one to approach to when i have problems..i need at least one friend so tat i wouldnt feel fearful.i doubt its hard to describe wat i am feeling now..REALly..going overseas to study and work has always been my dream, dad is very supportive of it even despite knowing tat i have no friends coming wif me..mum was kinda against it, cos she feels unsafe..ok from her point of view i can understand how she feels...for me, i also equally scared wat..its half a yr leh..i duno wat is going to happen to me over there..i might get killed over there if i am suay max..who knows..who knows there might disasters then i would lose my life over there..all these are really uncertain..i dared nt say all these to my parents so tat they wouldnt worry much for me..but inside me, i really did think through alot..agnes and yh kept on telling me not to forgo this trip cos its really a rare opportinuity..yeah i tink so, but in the first place, i must convinced myself first tat i will be happy over there.i need alot of assurance too ! i am just scared tat i have no one to approached to when i have problems over there..i guess even an independant person like me really do have my weak side, though i appear to be strong pretty much..but eventually at the end of the day, i still hope at least one of them would change their mind and continue the trip wif me. if i am really alone, i am sure to freak out..honestly, today i cried over there cos was kinda upset over this issue, but i guess i shall keep myself busy for now.shouldnt worry abt this til exams end..haiz.

~thank you yh n agnes ~

2010-12-07T10:37:00.001-08:00

anw tonite i suddenly feel very xin fu to have them..cos today might be the last session tat we study together le.i am really glad to have yh's company, going bac to the jc days were we study hard together.agnes too was great ! ahem today she tried revealing my presence to "rabbit" and i do feel abit happy when rabbit said tat he did have some impression of me..at least better than nv see me before rite..lol..anw wanna thanks both of u guys for having my this sem a great one.nv felt happy for a long time since i was usually alone in sch most of the time after sch as my clique always nt ard.i was glad that at least i have both of them.

and today we discussed abt our placement..most wanted to opt out..but i am very luan cos i really very keen to go one, just tat i scared i duno anyone going to tat particular state.if i were to know just one person, then tat will be enough for me..to me, friends not really a big consideration as to wether to go or nt.cos i am rather indepedent.but being independant in SG and overboard might be diff..perhaps i might have overestimated myself in a certain way.but anw my feelings are very luan now.yh was beside me and she saw all the convo..we have the same personality, quite explain why we click so well.tat time she also went US alone.and she survived it through..for me, i relaly duno..although i may appear strong, but the inner side of me might not be..i am quite fearful actually..becos i travelled abroad quite a couple of times myself..naturally will have certain things tat i am scared of.

For now, i would say that life is just like taking a gamble, if you nv try u nv know.and i am trying to convince myself tat i can do it.since my bro can do it, so naturally as his older sis, i should be able to do it too.and if i nv stepped out of my comfort zone, i would nv know how is it like.i guess perhaps after through this trip i will grow to be more mature, perhaps learn to appreciate ppl more.half a yr is quite long actually.but i guess i will just treat it as a learning experience for me to discover more abt myself.who knows i might discover things which i might not discover myself..

~i am glad to have the 2 of you!~

2010-12-06T17:54:00.000-08:00

ytd i was still telling yh tat i am really very glad and happy tat this sem i have her and agnes to pei me practically everyday after sch..yh will pei me in the nite time.agnes will pei me in the morning and afternoon..lol..then we were talking abt why this sem we only started to be closer..cos yh was busy wif bf all along, til currently she is single, so she have more time for me.then agnes since she is doing her FYP this yr, so apparently she spend more time in sch..haiz nxt yr i will be alone again.sian..cos the 2 of them would have graduated.no one to pei me now.haiz.

ytd online lect was down.damn shit man, cos wasted my time as i alrdy planned out nicely wat i wanna listen..sian i have to piah liao..NO TIME !

~home cook food !~

2010-12-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

ytd was mugging in sch with yh and shuan, then apparently the nite after 7pm, we kept on eating..lol cos yh mum brought home cook food from yishun to sch..her mum cooking is awesome ! so we ate in yh hall and after which continue mugging..lol then at 10 plus at nite, shuan's friend came when i wanted to go home tat time..lol, then he brough popiah from my 24 hr coffeeshop there..sinful man, ytd really had a super heavy meals for all the 3 meals.
ytd wasnt effective..darn, didnt manage to finish even 1 online lect cos i was busy finishing up my 05 assignment..how how how? left only ard 1 wk and i need to clear finish 8 online lect.jiayou man..
ytd yh was saying, eh through out uni life no one jio me meh? ..haha then i said got la, but i dun like..LOl.i guess perhaps my expectation kinda high, alrights left 2 more yrs to look..dun have then tat's it..too bad, then i will remain single for my rest of my life..actually being single not too bad either at times..got freedom to do watever u wan..

~lion or rabbit can i own u?~

2010-12-04T03:29:00.000-08:00

1.5 wks more to exam and i still doing project..wat the hell, this is just the life of a yr 3 student...i totally darn pissed.cos always cant finish my things one..wed was totally damn screwed..came to sch wanted to study and mug for my elective, but apparently i wasnt effective at all.the comp lab was just too noisy to study and i was too occupied disturbed by ppl ard me..cos wed had some photoshoot at the comp lab..then i was totally occupied by the lion cos apparently he is eye candy and tat day during the photoshoot, he really looks wow..not to mention the other yr 4 guys who were selected for the photoshoot.but apparently, of all lion is still considered the best..haha..apparently, lion did noticed my presence cos he is agnes friend..lol but still trying hard to know him as a friend.not easy..i waiting for the christmas eve to come cos they have gathering. ;) hehe..

thur was busy at home mugging, but it wasnt really tat effective cos i kept on falling asleep..then fri elective was somewat cui cos i didnt studies finish and the test was hard if non mse ppl were to take..but anw we have ppl to copied from..so yeah..03 clicker test was totally cui max..dun mentioned abt the grade liao..anw ytd i was kinda stunned by my eye candy actually waved to me on the bus sia..initally i didnt see him one, but then i saw someone keep waving then i suddenly realised "eh its him!" but i wasnt really excited cos my mood was totally dampen by the rain cos i was walking bac to my workplace, but apparently i ended up in the wrong place cos i lost my way ! as usual, this is the blur qm who always get lost.

today its sat, but i haven do anything..totally damn stress liao man..2 projects waiting for me to finish ! darn ! and totally i was totally pissed cos go library find a txtbk also cant find when references book should be there one.then on my way to sch, i was totally dirtied by the pool of mud til all my legs and bag got dirty..wah tat time i was just freaking darn pissed off cos its just not my day !

~placement still nt out~

2010-11-30T12:51:00.000-08:00

haiz my GIP IA company stil not out yet..haiz i tink most likely will end up in the sec tier states, but i am fine with it since they will top up 2.3k for me to spend.i dun mind..hehe as long as i got money over there to spend...anw if i were to get shanghai, my confirmed uni would be fudan uni, which is very establised man..actually i prefer to go fudan than jiao tong uni, which i got..but all my clique gotton into jiao tong, except me who got into fudan..anw today i was mugging in sch with my 2 gd jc friends, then i told them abt my placement..they told me if i were to always follow my clique, then i would not be able to expand my social circle..actually wat they say is true to certain extend..actually since i am in a diff uni with them , so let it be ba..i guess only when i am alone, then i will make effort to know more ppl..perhaps this 2 gd friend of mine has similar thinking as me..the 3 of us are independant ppl...we can travel overseas even without much friends..and i feel tat's how one become and learn to be independant..duno why i just dun like to rely on ppl..prefer to do things myself since young. and today vic suddenly chat with me online, which kinda stunned me cos i nv chatted with him on fb before..but anw he said tat if one wan to be indepedant no need go overseas to learn to be indepedant wat..wat he say is true, but i really want to try to learn to be indepedant without the presence of my parents..cos my parents kinda over protective at times, i wanna proof to them tat i can actually survive well by myself..tat's just me...cos i dun really have much family warmth, which explains why my bro cant be bothered to come bac SG even during his holidays for yrs alrdy..he rather use the money to travel to other countries with his friends..so for me, i tink i am the same as my bro, since the sch is sponsering my trip, why not just go for it..
but ken is gonna bac out from this cos she will be alone in shanghai..actually i can understand how she feels..if i were her, i would probably reluctant and scared to go..but eventually in the end, i will force myself to make friends and continue going for the trip..cos kinda bored in SG man..need some space to venture out of SG...

yawns, this wk got so many tests..i haven started any..still trying hard to catch up on online lect..i am freaking tired liao man..

~sparkles are alrdy dead~

2010-11-27T18:06:00.000-08:00

last wk was busy with the 05 presentation.freak man, this project freaking wasting time is finally coming to an end...FINALLY..cos i tink i have wasted lots of time during project meet up cos apparently our grp nt really effective in meets up esp ppl like me will tend to gossip after a while.lol..anw our presentation kinda screwed cos the examiner asked qns tat are totally damn lame and unexpected..siao one sia, how would student like us know man..or rather we are not really tat zai cos afterall we are just yr 3 student, not PHD students.anw the qns he asked me was kinda lame man on the video..and no one can get it ans it except BY.and he asked one term as to wat it means, heng i know man, if not i tink i cant even ans any one of his qn...but nevertheless i still tink tat overall my grp presentation is really gd..but my invidual presentation kinda cui la..at least tat day i have more eye contact wif him cos i tried to speak slower then can eye contact..

anw after the presentation i was damn relax liao man...damn shoik..then fri nite all of us went to comp lab to rush our 02 project.this proj also freaking waste time and tedious..i do until my eyes so pain la, cos cant tahan liao..then initally ytd (sat) wanted to piah finish all my project before going out wif playmate, but ended up i damn tired so decided to go out wif him to relax awhile..we went shopping..actually quite shoik when i am not occupied wif sch stuff at all..the feeling is just great..so sat he came to my sch to study while i rush out my 02 project..but damn suay the air con was not functioning when we were there, and it started functioning only when we left..-diao- after tat we went off ard 3 plus to bugis for the flea market cos he wanted to get his black nerdy spects then i wan to go the flea also.so xun bian shop there..but the flea market so big i didnt manage to see anything i like..actually its just too messy..too lazy to dig cos afterall the walkway so squeezy and small, so mafan..actually ytd i saw a very sexy dress, but i not slim enough to wear it, if i were slim enough i sure buy..haha and he agreed wif me too ! after shopping went to eat at NYdc..their pizza is great and worthwhile for the price..hehe..and ytd wanted to eat the cakes one lo cos damn tempting but then we bo se de cos abit ex..so after tat he went to drink starbucks instead...but i didnt drink cos as usual i dun touch coffee related stuff cos i am a perfectionist for teeth..i dun like stained or yellow teeth..but ppl always say u can always guggle ur teeth after drinking coffee..but i tink its no use cos after u drink it, the stain will slowly develop without u knowing tat..then cos last min he has to rushed home to fetch his aunt, so he kinda feel guilty pang seh me cos we agreed to eat my favourite tao hua after eating dinner, so i asked to him to fetch his aunt instead then no need pei me eat the tao hua le cos i am really alright eating tao hua alone one..duno why he kinda feel guilty over it cos he keep insisting tat its ok, he can pei me eat..but i dun see the need, cos anw i always eat alone outside,so it doesnt matter.then ytd he kept tempting me wif starbucks cos the cherry drink was nice cos the coffee isnt tat strong..in fact it taste more like some chocolate drink..so i had a slip cos just wanna try out the taste then he kept on asking me to drink more but i dun wan cos its COFFEE afterall..i tink he is just guilty over it, so he trying to buy me drink to cover his guiltyness..lol..

anw ytd went out wif him i asked him kinda lots of stuff over relationship cos i was kinda curious and i dun feel anything for him now, so i dared to ask..but if its last time, i am sure tat i dun dare to ask one cos i am just scared everything will be too obvious..actually ytd i feel tat things are quite possible between us just tat none of us want to take initative nia..cos i can see tat he dun take initatiiveto jio girls one..cos he say he duno how to go abt doing it..and my theory always say tat i dun jio guys too cos i wait for ppl to jio me one..but i tink if i were to like him again and if i were to tell him how i feel abt it, i am kinda sure chances can be quite high..but then too bad, the sparkles are alrdy over and gone ! LOl..anw this guy kinda knows and understand me really well..i guess 2 yrs friendship isnt for nothing..this yr christmas will be celebrating his bday for him..hmm perhaps will buy him cakes since he like to eat cakes so much..lol..

~he kept on appearing my mind~

2010-11-19T20:10:00.000-08:00

this sem have been pretty close wif agnes and yh..after sch we will find each other for company..lol..tat's the benefit of being single..but anw nxt sem i will be overseas, then both of them shall accompany each other but once i am in yr 4 i will be totally alone..haiz sian cos they would have graduated by then..so this sem is somehow my last spending time wif them..actually duno why these few days when i am at home my mind kept on drifting alot..totally cant focus at all..darn..tat 07 CA i only spend one day to piah finish and i am totally drained after tat cos imagine i have to piah the whole syallbus in one day cos the day before i was too slack thinking tat i have alot of time to study.but i was wrong.so ended up i didnt study finish the 2nd part which explains why i duno how to do much of the qns over there though i could have done it cos i did rmb wat the lecture thought on the online lect, just tat some ans i am not certain.darn, if i have studies, i would have scored better.anw i am damn happy tat my elective got an A for both CA..so i shall depend on my last CA liao..hopfefully overall can get an A then it will be damn shoik..actually this elective really damn shoik..cos the 2nd CA both me and hm didnt really study much or rather we cant really rmb much stuff cos we didnt really study hard for it.so we have to practise our eye power to copy, and luckily we copied from the rite person..lol.

anw this few days i was thinking over my china trip cos it seems tat i dun really have much time before i fly off..to be exact i onli have ard 1.5mths left..shit tat's damn fast..actually i am really scared of lots of things, just tat i dun show nia..i really scared all of us will be split up cos the chances are really high from wat i see now..i guess some of us will be split to shanghai and suzhou..i have really too much fear and concerns tat i cant stop worrying abt..haiz..i scared of having no one to accompany me over there cos afterall i am in a foreign land where i duno anyone..i scared tat i will be damn blurr and cant find out ways and directions to travel ard cos i am really bad in directions.i am too many concerns to worry abt !!!!!!!!! haiz how how how??? money not really an issue now cos i have the money liao.so all i have to do is to be more thifty, dun anyhow spend things, but i tink i sure splurge one, cos the things over there cheap like dirt, sure buy lots of stuff.

and these 2 days ly kept on appearing on my mind..i duno how things will turn out in the nxt half a yr..i scared i wont come bac safety or rather i really duno how i will become like? i might change for the better or change for the worst..who knows..i really scared i dun have the chance to tell him tat..really tempted to tell him wat i feeling deep in my heart. but i really dun dare leh..i scared tat if things turn bad, i will lose this friendship, but if i were successful then might chances some progression..aiya but i always look at the bad side, so i choose not to tell him wat i feeling inside.but i really feel like telling him before i fly off cos i scared i will regret..and i am not really sure why i tend to get very emotional esp when i am leaving the ppl around me for long.cos i really not sure wat will happen to me in the nxt half a yr..duno i seem like a dying person who want to cherish my last moments tat i spend wif my friends for the remaining 1 month plus.cos i tink i will be alone in china after tat.

and ytd went out wif playmate to clark quay cos we wanted to try the pizza at timbre, but ended up there super alot of ppl and the queue was damn long, so ended up i suggested going riverside indo restuarant cos its been yrs tat last ate there.and they serve super nice food, but we reached there, it closes down !!!! then ben was really damn sian cos we took really long to find tat place and he was sweating like mad..and the sian thing is tat it closed down..=_= so walking endless we endedup in the shopping mall having ramen at one autentic jap resturant..its kinda nice, but then kinda ex..anw nxt wk might probably go out for shopping wif him cos he wanted to get tat nerdy black spects.actually i wan to get it too, but then too ex, bu se de buy.lol.and anw nxt wk i go lots of test coming up ..duno if i wanna meet wif him to shop leh cos quite stress..he say he is free la.then he gave me tat expression then i smiled..he say its me who is not free ..

anw while taking train wif agnes to meet him, then agnes ask if he got chance or nt..i said abit hard leh..its really hard though i am kinda close wif him..cos i know him too well liao la..abit hard to be couple.i dun like the too sou feeling..and moreover its kind of impossible la..if we like each other will be together liao, no need wait til now then get together.its been 2 yrs liao leh cos this yr i will be celebrating his 25th bday..anw today really have to piah liao..16 online lect waiting for me..freaking damn stress.sucks man.forver cant finish.

~i have no time to go out !~

2010-11-15T03:44:00.000-08:00

haiz this wk was supposed to meet playmate cos tat time we agreed to meet up cos he wan to do eyecheck or wat de ..and he wans to wear spects cos his vision is getting blurer.but then i tink tis wk kinda not free liao man..tues need to catch up online lect.wed and thur need to mug whole day for the 07 CA, which is the whole syllabus..siao one man..by fri i will be totally drained..and duno fri stil got proj meeting for oral presentation or nt.if have i sure sian diao.cos i dun wan meet sun and go all the way to kambangan just for oral presentation practise.so lame la...

anw today i saw my jc sch mates tat we usually hang out for class gathering..his first reaction was " wah why sudden this drastic change to ur hair?" haha i told him i just wanted to change la..wow, so it means i really did change physcially in terms of look with these gold ah lian hair..but then i stil like this colour despite my mum saying tat i am damn ah lian..too bad, she is just not hip enough for this hair colour.anw i am pretty stressed up now man..so many online lect tat i forever cant catch up finish with..its really piling up like some snow ball now.and the freaking presentation, its really taking darn lot of my time man ! seriously, i shall heck liao man,dont do well also cant be bothered liao cos its really taking lots of my time.

anw i have been pretty amused by the teeth photos tat keneith post. somewat it seems tat i have more interest to study dentistry than my own engin course man..cos i am someone who loves my teeth alot, so naturally, i was very amused by how those plague and cavities form in the teeth..but yeah, i am not tat smart to enter dentistry so say liao also no use.lol.

~elective test sucks~

2010-11-13T05:06:00.000-08:00

anw ytd was thinking for quite some time if i should come for class or nt since i have elective test on sat..but anw eventually i still went the 07 tut cos i fall asleep on wed so wasnt listening..but then i go again onli can understand abit nia..but at least better than not manage to understand at all rite? lol..anw tat day so qiao he also tat slot..so we did talked to each other and joke abit..afterall this "iceman" has somewat changed my opinion of him.actually he is someone tat can joke wif..but anw i tink after i get to know him, the eye candy feeling like abit tone down liao..duno why also..i guess now i know him le, so the admirer feeling has somewat become lesser..lol..duno la..anw i forgo my elective just for tat 07 tut man, cos the lecturer said tat the tut will be impt for the upcoming CA.so bo bian..

and today the elective test seriously sux max cos i didnt really study in depth..so most of it i i copied.actually this test can score one if u really study hard..but then i didnt cos i was last min..so yeah and hm also dun really study hard for it. so i guess we have to test our eye power man.anw just hope tat we dun do so jialat can liao..lol..anw nxt CA test i really wan to sit beside this guy from mse liao..he say why we nv jio him sit together..aiya is he nv see us ma.if not i sure very happy to get smart ppl sitting beside me one.

~shuang dao~

2010-11-10T19:12:00.000-08:00

ytd one of my friend saw me and he was abit stunned cos its been long since he last seen me..then he said i changed alot, become prettier somehow..lol actually hear liao heart gt abit shuang dao cos at least i changed for the better..he said its becos of the golden hair i have now and probably i have changed my dressing slightly as compared to last sem..aiya cos last sem really no motivation to dress up ma..but now at least this sem somewat got more motivation to dress up..so yeah..moral of the story is there isnt chou nu ren, only got lan nu ren..actually he is not the first to say tat. actually other long lost working friend saw me also couldnt recognise at one instance, i guess the hair colour really makes lots of diff man.i prefer gold hair, but then i cant keep dying and bleahing ma..perhaps i will wait til for nxt yr when i have graduation ceremony then bleach my hair again.

hai and i hate to say this, studying yr 3 really sucks..freak man, so many projects to do and i spend like 6-8hrs just to write on my section.but at least this time they didnt say anything, if not i will be surely sian diao one cos i spend so much effort of cos dun wan ppl to tink tat i giv rubbish work.so yeah, afterall its abt responsibility man.u needa do watever u have to do.darn and now so many things to catch up wif, i totally no time to run.shit, i seriously need to run more cos my face really losing the heart shaped face liao.

~i have been thinking really alot~

2010-11-08T06:36:00.000-08:00

anw wkend i was at home mugging for the 01 test..totally freak out man, cos sat i damn slack, then sun piah all the way..totally drained now..anw lucky tat recycled a few qns..and past few days i was thinking when u actually have the chance to travel aboard, and when the time is really up, u feel kinda reluctant to leave now..cos i was looking at my calendar, and its 2 months from my departure..duno wat's is holding bac me this time..but the feeling is kinda be se de..scared no friends ard and i am scared tat i will be left alone in china..duno lah, once i go there everything gonna start from scatch..i have to learn to survive by myself by hook or crook half a yr..

lately seems like my tao hua seems not bad..but then why all not up to standard one..lol if there is someone like ly this kind, i would definitely be happy, but ly ly ly i really dared not tell him even up to the last chance i was closed to him..forget it man, its gone, i can onli see him after i come bac from china !

~i feel kinda happy hanging out with playmate ~

2010-11-05T05:10:00.000-07:00

last wed wasnt effective at all man..totally waste of time on proj cos partially i was half asleep cos i was freaking shagged..then after tat slept in the library for a while before started mugging..and the day just ended like tat..then ytd went out wif playmate cos decided to return his tennis racket cos i doubt i will have time to play for now, cos kinda busy wif lots of tests and project deadlines.then as usual i missed the bukit timah food centre bus stop cos i duno why the bus tat i took somehow nv passed by there, or rather my friends told me the wrong directions ! so i ended up at the serene centre there, so decided to ask him to meet at island creamy first before heading for our dinner since i alrdy there liao..anw ytd we bought one tube of ice cream and share half half..gosh, freaking damn sinful man..and since i felt tat i have somewat become more buah liao, so i asked him if i did gain any weight since its been some time he didnt see me..and he said yes ! OMG, so i guess its time for vigourous exercise liao..last time when i last met him he said i slimmed down, but now i gained weight liao..my face is less sharp..haiz, it wasnt easy to maintain tat sharp heart shaped face cos my face did slimmed down after the wisdom tooth operation, but now gainned bac..DARN ! i shall eat lesser junk food from now..and ytd after eating we went to the food centre and i ended up eating 2 plates of food cos he got my idea wrongly..i wanted to share wif him cos i dun wan eat so much..but then ended up he bought 2 plates of food for me..one plate of carrot cake and hokkien mee..wa lao this guy really out to make me fat sia..and anw since he said tat i did gain weight, i am now more motivated to run more liao..wanna increase my rounds to 15 rounds today since i ate almost half a tube of ice cream..siao liao man..

anw this guy kinda fun to hang out wif..cos i really feel very happy and relax when i am wif him..i guess he is just a crappy guy who makes me laugh..and somewat he kinda knows me well sia..and he is going to teach me tennis after my exams in DEC..cos anw he so zai, dun let his talent waste away, so must teach me..haha..actually i myself not really sure why i have the sudden surge to learn tennis too..i have the feel to learn squash too, but then seems like ppl play more of tennis and squash..but i guess a noob person like me sure take damn long to learn tennis cos i tink its damn hard la..but anw i forsee tat he have the patience to teach me, so should be ok..hehe..anw duno why suddenly have the feel to karjiao him if there is any ger who likes him in sch or nt since he tease me tat the carrot cake ah beng kept on looking at me..(which is true cos i saw tat too ) and he asked me to use my charm to ask the carrot cake guy to give me more chilli , but then i pei seh ...but in the end i still ended up asking for more cos no chilli really not nice sia..anw not sure why i dare to ask him if he thought of finding any gf or nt for now, when in the past when i like him tat time i totally dun dared to ask at all..lol i really duno why man..now when i dun feel for him le, i feel tat i can talk any rubbish i wan, and tat's includes relationship..

and ytd my clique friends said, u are no longer young anymore..and u always like ppl but nv let them know tat..lol but then i really dun like ppl to like me just becos i like them cos like tat it wouldnt be lik-ing someone liao..its just like returning a person's love..and moreover i always like to admire ppl from far..and when i truely knows the eye candy i might not feel for him anymore..i not sure why this happens too,but tat's just me..i just like the an lian ppl's feeling..actually of all the guys, i still prefer ly afterall cos his thinking kinda mature and outgoing.playmate is fun but thinking not matured enough..mr cool is just too cool..see me sometimes dao me..dun really like man..i prefer more outgoing one.

~the final last dental session~

2010-11-02T03:47:00.000-07:00

today dental session was pretty nice but was kinda sad cos he told me this is the last time he will be seeing me for dental cos he will be graduating by nxt april, which i will be overseas by then.so kinda impossible to ask him for another dental check..so i say nvm after my china trip, i will come bac find u..then he say ok ! then i said ON man.aiya i will follow him for my rest of my dental check up..dun wan him to intro his juniors to me..cos anw i am used to him cleaning up my teeth for me...anw today was kinda a chatty session..kinda talk quite abit of crap and he was educating me on how to brush teeth and stuff like tat.then i say he nag alot jokingly, but of cos i dun mean tat la..actually he was nice though..then i suan him jokingly cos i was just bored.then i told him my abmition is to be air steward after graduating, then he laughed at me..wa lao then i was reasoning out wif him why i cant have tat air steward seh..i feel tat actually the 2 of us click pretty well huh..just tat dun have the opportunity to talk and find out more abt him..how i hope i would be smarter then i will be in sch of dentistry and know more abt him..but too bad, i am not smart ! anw i still prefer him over the mse eyecandy..tat mse eyecandy is kinda dao at times..and i dun like the coldness and cool-ness in him..anw ly friend actually smiled to me when he saw me..wa lao why tat time when i was working there, he always pretend not to smile to me then when i leave sch of dentistry then smiled to me..lol..i should have make friends wif him earlier then can join them for lunch cos i always dun wan join them cos i feel extra inside his clique of friends. anw my teeth really nice today huh after polishing..hehe and one thing is today he damn close to my face la..cos he was helping me to remove my calculus then i tink he cant really see properly or rather his skills lously la..so his face was super duper here mine..and i was damn pei seh..wanted to say " eh can u not be so close to my face.." but i guess i should just keep it the way it is although i kinda pei seh..i did took glances at his eyes once a while which i nv did before all the past 12 dental appt.cos i dun dare.but anw its the last one liao, dun care man.wah actually closer look, i tink his eyes really small huh, but then overall he stil looks gd somewat.

haiz anw today whole day spend time on proj..kinda wasted lots of time man cos its not efficient and i feel kinda lost also..anw today i decided to dress up and everyone first rxn was " where u going out today? going on date ah?" lol the diff so much meh..i onli draw my eyes nia wat..the rest i did nothing..and the guys was saying, ur eye lash fake one rite?? then i emphasized NO its not ! its REAL lashes..perhaps i should be happy tat my lashes are kinda long man, but this is becos i cut and trim my lashes before in jc..lol..now i dun dare cut liao man..although i know tat it can grow longer..anw nxt wk got lot of test..stress max..got super duper alot to catch up !

~i tink tat guy kinda serious man~

2010-11-01T07:11:00.000-07:00

wa lao tat french guy actually send me msg on fb..zzz..he sounded sincere, but then doubt i will reply him la..i also not keen to make friend wif him ! he stil intro himself as soccer player..lol as if i duno like tat..his fb got so many things on soccer..anw i tink i am a kinda a hard ger to jio at times or rather most of the times i am just too picky cos i only like " taned malay look alike guys"..anw wat i wanna say is tat when i dun really feel for u then its hard la..if i tink its rite then its rite, else no feeling means no feeling. try harder BILL ( this french guy)

~i guess afterall i do have some attractiveness.lol~

2010-11-01T05:11:00.000-07:00

guess wat, today i was on my way to teach piano, and this wonderful student of mine, again forgotted tat today actually have piano..what the shit man, waste my time travelling there.but anw her sister kinda have lots of chemistry doubts so ended up i went there to teach tuition for her younger sister..lucky at least i earn abit man..if not really waste my time travel there.but anw on my way bac, i was walking to pioneeer mrt station and i walked past this black skin guy, or rather i named him as some african guy cos i see his skin colour super dark ma..then he said " where is ur umbrella??" then i was like "HUH? wat umbrella??" then he said " green umbrella.." then i was ohhhhh...cos before tat when i was walking towards my student hse, i carried an umbrella cos its freaking duper hot man..and i dun wan my freckles to grow more, so yeah took out umbrella to cover the heat from the sun..but anw i was stunned cos i didnt know he actually noticed tat i am actually carrying a green umbrella.aiya i tink perhaps maybe i am just too striking liao..cos afterall its lime green umbrella ! but anw tat's not the main pt..he was damn direct la..he asked me, can i be ur friend?? and what's ur name..i was like erm......then i smiled cos i cant find any excuse at tat point of time..or rather i wan to siam him liao, but cant tink of any reason cos i suddenly got mental block under such a scary encounter..but anw i kept on refusing telling him my name, and told him tat hmm nvm its ok..actually i not answering his qn as to wat's my name, but nvm cos i dun feel like telling him also..cos i tink this guy is just random and weird la..he says i like you, so i wanna be friend wif u..when i heard tat i was like zzz..tat's such a typical sentence i always hear from guys...find better pick up line ba..so since i was very reluctant to tell him my contacts and name, so he said can i add u on fb instead.i still said nvm again..lol..i tink my dictonary at tat pt of time only have "nvm" this word..cos i really not keen la ! so dun keep fanning me..then he asked me where i am going, then i tinking deep in my heart like why? dun tell me u wan to follow me? so i faster told him tat "err, i wanna buy some bread.." phew then after tat heng he didnt followed me..since he kept on bugging me for my facebk then i finally gave him..but i dun wan confirm him as a friend..so lame la..cos i dun like ppl to see my photos when i duno who they are ! but anw after taking a peep at his profile, i was really amazed tat he is a soccer player..actually from his seh can see tat he is a soccer player cos he look sporty.honestly, duno why my life always revoke ard soccer guys man...but then, too bad he is a blackie.but he is a white, perhaps i might confirm him as a friend.afterall having an ang mo friend not bad huh..and wat stunned me is tat he actually can speak fluent chinese..lol..and he tried convo-ing wif me in chinese..impressed man..

alrights, nxt update will be on my eye candy..wa lao today i tink everything is just damn damn pei seh..they say i faster run away when i see him..cos initally wanted to take a peep at him nia cos i thought i saw in front of me initally but after tat he MIA, then my friend say tat i looking at him so loud, then i was like OMG this is damn damn pei seh, hopefully he didnt heard it..and honestly speaking, i duno if he saw it or nt..if he sees it its seriously gonna be damn pei seh..actually i didnt run away la..i was just walking damn fast cos i duno how to react at tat time..sudden mental block sia..but anw i tink i stil prefer to see him from far leh..i like the admirer feeling and screctly looking at ppl from far behind..although he did say hi to me, but somehow this time i dun hav tat shuang dao feeling as before..lol
...anw this is taking really slow sia and there is no progress at all la..wanna learn tennis from him, but i dun dare say..so pei seh la..haiz this sem going to end soon liao leh..if no improvement means no hope liao la..cos anw nxt sem i wont be in spore liao..even no chance..haiz..anw this is so so demoralising...if he is llike tat french guy who approach me, then i will be super freaking damn happy..but too bad, NO !

anw i was tinking should i go for the MM competition??? cos my heart really feels llike going there man...but then i dun have the courage to face him..afterall its through this competition tat we got together..and moreover its not at a shopping centre now, unlike before, its held at ngee ann poly this yr and i heard its the last yr liao..i seriously have to reason to tell him why i am there if i were to see him cos why on earth would i go ngee ann poly for??? how how how, heart really wan to go , but physcially dun dare to go !

haiz this wk is gonna damn damn tiring for me..super alot of things to catch up wif and nxt wk will be CA liao and i haven did much for my proj,..DIE and this wk going out again..gonna meet up wif playmate..so much things to do ...RARR !

~visiting dental ~

2010-10-31T07:37:00.000-07:00

anw this wk was kinda busy for me man..shit, duno wat i busy wif also man..tues was out for a hair cut at town then whole nite gone..thur was idling around doing nothing or rather the project meeting wasnt efficient at all..fri went ard eating buffet..sat and sun busy listening to online lect..haiz this sem my time mangement seriously damn screwed man..totally no time to relax, even though i am more hardworking than last sem..but bo bian cos this sem got 2 4 AU course to catch up..and i am seriously damn irritated cos once i managed to catch up one, the new ones will come..this is damn shitty man..

anw this coming wk gonna busy again..and tues ly ask me come down for dental..hehe of cos i say ok la, since he wants to clean my teeth for me, even though i kinda find it a chore to travel down there and its like super early at 8am ~! but i guess its worth while after getting a nice shiny teeth after polishing..hehe

anw at times i really wonder why he still single man, moreover its not like he has no looks like tat..his packs on his body is really SOLID man..and i dun believe none of the gers wont like him cos afterall he is those sporty kind and although he is not the most gd looking over there, but at least his looks is consider not bad if he were to compared to our sch student.hmmm..or maybe he is just too picky?? anw i tink he really got bian shuai over the yrs cos i see his old photos he doesnt seems to look gd..hehe

~i know i am crazy~

2010-10-25T05:14:00.000-07:00

today sch reopen again ! haiz my routine life starts again..anw today i was kinda happy when eye candy wave to me..hehe at least he didnt pretend not to see me cos i always pretend not to see him, although i am well very aware tat i seen him..lol, moreover i am such an observant person, how can i see ppl. cos i really duno wat to talk to him sia, so pretend is the best... actually i didnt really see him waving to me, cos as usual i cant see clearly, then i started squeezing my eyes, then i was OHHH its HIM ! hehe

actually wanted to sit beside him de, but then later like too obvious, cos he has no friends to sit wif, so he sit wif strangers..anw today my friend say what's the occasion today? why u wear so nice? haha and my ans was i was wear like tat de wat..lol which is quite is true wat..i am going to dress up this sem since i have motivation this sem to dress nicely..i am going to change the cui and nuah dressing last sem..i must appear in top condition this sem ..LOL.

and u know today i thought i saw my ex in MACS..i was like omg, is tat U??? cos afterall he is someone tat i used to loved alot, and at times i stil pinned on the times tat he taught me stuff on life, cos he is the guy tat i will nv forget.. so i rushed over and pretended to buy food from subway, but i am still not sure if its him or nt, cos i cant see clearly..apparently certain angle, somewat he dun look like him, but still i cant forget him after all these yrs..i am yr 3 in sch alrdy..haiz why didnt i ever get a chance to see him even from far??? i guess fate just doesnt exist for us

~i feel like crying out now~

2010-10-22T01:44:00.000-07:00

i feel like crying out now but somewat i couldnt cry out any tears..its been a long time i felt like crying, i guess its yrs tat i last cried cos afterall ppl like me dun cry easily.i tink nxt time i should reborn as a guy rather than a ger cos i feel tat i am more manly.not sure why i felt tat..but i feel damn stress now..project kinda screwed and i was kinda upset over the sentence tat this particular grp member said to me..true indeed tat he is smarter than me la, but then can u not be so direct..haiz this is really hurting to ppl, esp to ppl like me who alrdy has low moral liao..i guess lately i am kinda emotionally unstable..moods swing kinda bad..get emo easily..can i just leave SG for now and hinbernate? i feel tat going sch also meaningless..now i know why maril always dun wan go sch..agnes cant be always there after sch for me cos she will be graduating this yr..and nxt sem i will off for GIP...haiz wat can i do now..haiz at times i really hope tat i can talk to someone who is super mature and guidge me and give me advice..cos i hav been bottling up kinda lots of stuff in my heart..so feel kinda vexed at times..but at times i just couldnt be bothered..anw sometimes my attitude towards a person can be very cold at times and yes i am referring to him, cos i felt tat i am kinda stalked..watever it is, i just dun feel comfortable..everything tat i wore and do, he also notice, its just zzzz...cos i dun like..if u wanna notice me, then just dun TELL ME>.cos i dun wan to know..so tat i can be myself..watever it is i am just tired, so at times i might be snappy towards a person too..watever it is i am just trying to say tat i am bad mood now !

anw ytd nite i was really touched by agnes msg..thanks for spuring me on ! the msg really did motivate me ;)

~i am so stressed~

2010-10-21T10:07:00.000-07:00

haiz today is alrdy thur ! and i have yet to start revising anything..and i still left so many online lect to catch up...nt to mention abt the project ! haiz i tink the 05 proj is just freaking wasting time.super emo now, cos doesnt seems to be able to finish my stuff one..and today project meeting was kinda not effective cos end up everyone was doing their own stuff rather than discussing how to start the proj..haiz 2 days in a row wasted my time..cos the day before went smu to do, but apparently i was too tired and couldnt concentrate cos the day before i didnt sleep at all.so yeah was freaking hell tired.at times i just felt tat i am damn useless in the grp cos apparently i cant really contribute anything..or rather most of them are just too smart liao ..i felt totally useless and dumb inside the grp..haiz...anw today met up wif agnes in sch..she look super tired too ! and she say my face look kinda stress up and pek chek..and i told ya indeed i am very pek chek cos it seems tat i always have endless things to do...and i am really getting really tired of it..anw nxt wk gonna met up wif playmate for dinner..hopefully he can help me destress abit..somewat this joker always make me happier wif his lame jokes..lol..

anw recently in tat wsc camp, this guy was saying tat i look like i am someone from takwando..lol i was wondering which aspect of me seems tat i am from takewando?? so he trying to say tat i very muscular and strong? LOL ..honestly speaking i cant see myself being a takewando member..i guess perhaps i am kinda big size and look like someone who can protect myself..but anw i asked him in return, i look sporty meh to be a takewando memeber..then he said ya abit..haha then i laughed out, then yc was down there who begged to agree, cos i am not really a sports person..but then i do exercise, but not those vigourous one la.once a while will play abit of sports when i feel like it.but i guess over the yrs i am getting more sporty, cos of my change in personality..sm also said tat among our clique, it seems tat onli me and hm looks sporty , the rest seems like they dun exercise, which is very true ! LOL. alrights, perhaps i need to tanned more..

~the camp is just boring ~

2010-10-19T05:09:00.000-07:00

ytd went for the camp, forgo my uni chalet cos i paid for the camp so just go lo..dun let my money go to waste..wah honestly speaking, i was damn bored..i keep kana foreit cos i cant be bothered to play and concentrate on those rythem games.and my foreit was to talk on the stage and say hello to everyone in the camp..wa lao super duper pei seh cos i became the attention of everyone..and i dun really like playing these lame games..i prefer something that is more interactive tat requires ppl to move ard so tat we can get more bonding. lol i tink i maybe more suited to join those sports cca cos at least i wont be bored out..wah seriously i can imagine tat i am actually the oldest in the grp..actually one look from my face can see alrdy..all those gers and guys are super young looking la..i am like some da jie to them..lol seriously i cant ask for more since i joined cca too late at yr 3 ! but at least my grp got one cute guy, so not too bad..haha at least got someone to look at..

anw just to side track abit..cos wt was asking me wat i wore on last fri tat those guys felt tat its sexy..honestly speaking, i dun tink its sexy leh..i tink its just very beach wear only..and sometimes i cant really differeniate wat is sexy and normal to me in terms of dressing, so i am kinda random in my dressing at times..when i free like dressing up i will dress up..if i sian then my dressing will shows tat i super dress down..anw actually i didnt realised tat my dressing was tat sexy til my friend said tat " wah today you so sexy ah !" haha then i laughed out saying " really meh?" cos i dun tink so..anw it has proven when my eye candy did turned bac openly and boldly to look at me when i walked past cos i caught him looking at me ! but i tink probably its becos his clique of friends were talking abt me tat's why he turned bac..initally i wasnt tat sure cos i thought they are looking at some pretty ger cos i was walking behind a pretty ger ma.so i thought tat perhaps i tink too much.but apparently his clique of guy friends too oblivious liao la..REALLY NO SKILLS, cos i can sense tat they are looking at me..or rather i should praise myself tat i have gd observance skills.. ;) cos i always like to observe ppl and perhaps i guess i am kinda sensitive towards the environment..anw tat is something to be happy abt..at least my dressing is getting more UPS ! whee ;)

sian leh, almost half the recess wk is gone..i have yet to done my proj research and revise..die liao man..so many things to catch up.

~not sure why lately i have been reflection alot !~

2010-10-17T10:16:00.001-07:00

this few days doesnt seem to know why i tink so much man..i cant figure out too ! anw it can be a gd thing tat i am starting to reflect abt life once a while..perhaps sometimes wanna slow down my footsteps to see where i have gone wrong and improve on it..life is always uncertain and i will nv know how things will go through my life...anw my friend was telling me abt her god father and i was wondering, who are actually my relatives ah? my parents nv showed or intro me to any of them since young, so i nv know who they are..looks like i am really someone who lives in my own world who duno who are my cousins, aunties and uncles and relatives..perhaps they do exist, just tat i duno who they are, cos afterall i came from a broken family who has totally broken ties wif my aunties and uncles..aiya seriously wat is so gd over snatching the money left behind by my grandma..and so wat those aunties and uncles are damn rich..i serioiusly cant be bothered..i am just contended wif my simple life...i am not really sure of the story why things turned out this way since i was really very young tat time..

and i was counting how many close friends in mind, and i could count it in my 10 fingers..seriously its pathetic..to me those hi bye friends arent really close as compared to close friends cos we hardly can talk xin shi to them..and i feel tat as we grow older our friends tend to spend lesser and lesser time wif u cos we will be busy wif their work..as such, ppl like me who are still studying get to see them less often now as most of my friends have alrdy stepped out of student life and stepped into another phase of life, which is the work life..i guess only through often meet up then we can only maintain our close friendship..well, student life has its own gd thing and bad thing, it depends on how we perceive.honestly speaking, i was really happy when the 3 of us sat down at CAN A to talk rubbish cos its really damn long when we really sat down for dinner..i guess such simple meals just make ppl like me easily contended...at times, i also envy ppl who has a bonded family as i nv felt this kind of strong bonding in my family..it seems tat everyone is living in their own world in my family..bro is overseas for so long, and most of the time he cant be bothered to call bac..mum and dad nv really sat down for a real proper dinner also, so ppl like me cant be bothered also since everything in the hse lacks unity and bonding..and honestly speaking, i nv eaten a proper dinner before where all the 4 of us gets to sit on the table having a simple meal..tat's just my life..which explains why many at times i am just super heck care abt life..so now i am trying to change my way of thinking and improve for the better..

anw tmr is the camp..honestly speaking i gt the same grp as him and i was also offered to go another grp also..haha didnt know i "so popular"...lol..anw i dun really feel like being in the same grp as him cos i feel awarkward cos afterall i used to be his eyecandy, though not sure now is it or nt..and its pretty weird esp if i have to dance mass dance wif him cos i duno any other guy liao..i would rather find a stranger to dance wif, at least i wont see tat stranger again..aiya duno lah..wat's the reason of going this camp? i guess i am just bored needa expand my social network of friends...

and seriously this recess wk i am totally damn damn busy and screwed..got super alot of online lect to catch up wif..project and assigment..roar, this is damn irritating ! and i am forever lagged behind one..seriously uni life just sucks..

~haiz~

2010-10-14T22:14:00.001-07:00

ytd the girl chill out dinner at can A was defintely a gossip session..its been long since we last met up for dinner.esp yh, though i always say see agnes everyday and everywk..so we thought abt life and everything tat goes ard our life..not to mention certain guys tat we are kinda interested in..ytd we were counting, we left 5 more yrs for me and yh to enjoy, but agnes left 6 yrs..somewat we just wouldnt wan to be tight down so fast, cos all the 3 of us have the same sentiments..we enjoy the freedom life..sometimes i tink i am just partly influenced by peer pressure also, cos its just tat its just weird at times..seriously last time i cant be bothered , but i realised as i grow older my thinking starts to change..yeah now i guess i am understand how my ex felt tat time..i finally see the LIGHT now..aiya but stil i would say lets just leave things up to fate ba..sometimes just couldnt be bothered wif tat also..

anw i always thought tat i can survive alone, cos i am rather the independant type..but today i felt tat perhaps i doesnt have tat strong will to survive alone after all..i guess sometimes i feel down and perhaps tat could be the reason..though agnes shared the same route as me, but i tink she is kinda more kelian than me..and when i asked her, she said tat she is used to it alrdy..perhaps i should really pshycho myself tat "look u gonna get used to it no matter how hard it gonna be.."haiz..

~playing tennis for the first time!~

2010-10-14T05:52:00.000-07:00

ytd was busy shopping after sch for FBT..and its cui max cos i wanted to buy coloured fbt but all doesnt seems to look gd for me..and bo bian, after tat finally got black fbt cos it looks slimmer for my butt..lol

and today joined tennis wif eye candy..i must say he and D played really well..got the seh man, but then i damn cui, cos i got problem starting the ball also..actually i was at one corner practising cos i cant possibly played when i cant catch a single ball,..actually i talked more to D rather than him throughout the whole game..wa lao wat am i doing, i am supposed to know more abt him..but endedup talking cock more wif D..then he beside listening.lol..but at least i know him now..but duno why i suddenly feel less challenged when i know him alrdy..last time when i duno him, i have the motivation wanting to know him, now tat i know him, i feel nothing at all, the motivation has died..but this guy have to really know him more before i can decide if i really like him..cos first interaction cant really know much..

hopfeully today i am not tat clumsy when i was playing tennis..watever it is, i am just too cautious abt my physical attire and actions..cos need to leave gd impression...

~chances are created for me but i just dun dare faced it ~

2010-10-12T04:52:00.000-07:00

sun nite was online til 3am..cos i came online at 12am to do my GIP thingy..then after tat chatted wif D til pretty late..he was saying tat eye candy goes for looks, which explain why they are buddies..when i hear tat, then i half sian alrdy cos i am not even chio..so chances not high alrdy..so i kinda give up hope alrdy...cos u know i am a person who knows my limits one..cant get de, wont try hard to get cos i feel no point also..but D has been trying to create chance for me to get close to him for instance this mon, but then i was scared to face up to eye candy..honestly, i duno why also..and partly i have headache and the nxt day i have CA also..so i really thought very long thinking if i should go or nt cos i really struggling inside my heart sia, cant decide...actually headache is just 20% excuse tat i cant go..its more like 80% i am scared to meet up wif eye candy, so i decided not to go..actually for me, usually headache is no kick for me..i can even go running when i am sick, let alone its just a small headache..in fact i am just lying to myself la..when i msg D saying tat i not coming cos i headache, he ask me not to come also cos nxt day gt CA..since he say i shouldnt come liao when i am sick, so i followed his choice tat he made for me..LOL. i tink funny is he still persuaded eye candy to come for tennis lesson but i choose not to go eventually cos i was very hesistant..and this thur he tried creating chances for me again..seriously this time i am really tempted to go..but i am really scared i would a make myself pei seh when i cant even start the ball ! wa lao heart feels like going, but dun dare go and learn from them. though D says he can teach me for foc and i can teach him piano for foc also...seriously i tink i need more courage..how how how????

and tat nite D was saying tat can see very obvious tat i am not very confident of my looks..and i told him yes..duno why also..perhaps i am someone who has low esteem..watever i do also no confidence de..and it applies to studies, looks and watever thing i do..and i guess probably since young my mum always compared me wif my bro and i do feel inferior and lousy as compared to my bro..to my mum, my bro is way better than me, which is very true la..and perhaps over the yrs it has became a physchology thing liao..and i guess perhaps my clique always comment at my attire, so somewat i feel cui inside.and became quite sensitive over the yrs esp when it came to dressing..aiya i duno also lah..i myself not even sure why i am not confident in myself also..perhaps i really need someone who can giv and physcho me with more confidence..cos i tink i alrdy lost half the battle to myself when i have no confidence in myself..sigh...this is bad..

today i just finished CA too and the recess is just few days from now..shoik..i tink i need to destress abit and piah on my project..sian my project i can only say i am super super lost..duno where and how to start from..lqm how? if tis thur i wanna go, i have to set a perfect image cos i dun wan to look cui outside since he go for looks..so the more i should look more sporty wif my GOLD hair..

today tinking bac wat my mum said.she was saying i am very ah lian cos of my GOLD hair, but then i really like my GOLD hair now..hehe and ytd i was feeling really down also..duno why..suddenly feel like crying, but no tears for me to cry..haiz and ytd suddenly feel like playing squash so tat i can unleash my emotions all at one go..or a punching bag also not bad also..aiya ytd i was just feeling very down..not sure why either..certainly not becos of guys nor studies..and plus i am someone who wont feel sad over guys except for my ex whom left a big impact over my life and yes i did drop tears for him..the rest NONE, cos they have yet to left a great impact on my life..lol..

but anw today i feel better le..duno why somewat i feel tat the happy go lucky qm is losing her shine gradually..not sure why too ! her radiant smile is not as chan lan as before..

~why u keep appearing in front of me??~

2010-10-06T03:16:00.000-07:00

aiyo aiyo aiyo, why this guy keep appearing right of me?? wherever i go also bump into him, i was really scared tat this diamen told him somthing tat he shouldnt know..mon, bump into his grp of friends outside the guy's toilet...so i pretend to fake fake talk to my grp mate abt the project cos he was just beside me..so he did stand there for a while, and i tink after a few mins he abit pei seh to stand down there to listen to our convo, so he went to the water cooler to refill his water..lol..i wanted to engage him into the convo but he left..then mon after lect bump into him again..so qiao cos i thought he should have gone training with damien le..so i was taking a look out for damien, but he wasnt there..

then today was raining really heavy and 02 test was in the morning at 9.30am.so i decided to leave hse earlier as i dun wan to carry umbrella in the heavy rain.. then so qiao again bump into him..seriously wherever i go also see him..he did took a glance of me for a few sec and i did looked at him for a few sec too ! wanted to smile to him, but i dun dare !!! so forget it liao man..emo ;(

and i asked if mon slot for tennis still got vanacies or nt then he tell me no more alrdy..wa sian, cos how would i knew tat his friend who joined tennis was actually my eye candy..how would i know the world is so qiao and its daimen who keep jio-ing me into this tennis playing, but i was budget-ing abt the $105..now regret also no use liao..and now duno if the tennis still wanna take us in or nt la..emo ;(

this sun got CURL orientation sia..still thinking if i wanna go or nt..like damn sian man cos its a grp of young mei mei and di di, go liao also waste my time cos i also dun enjoy..i bet the games they play sure damn lame one..i was alrdy damn sian when they played the seven wonders, cos i played countless of times le man..