wat he wrote..

ponders :
Thursday, Dec. 09, 2004 @ 12:17 p.m.

The feeling of being love and to love another can be indeed a strange one. Sometimes we tend to take for granted the other until he/she just gives up.
Maybe I’m at my junction in which I might have just committed that. Or maybe it’s her way of saying something which I don’t understand. I’m just trying to pretend that there’s no problem. To me, I’m totally lost as to what is going on and if she just doesn’t want to speak up, I won’t know.
Doing a little reflection since I feel better today. Was sick yesterday but still had to do OT. The amount of work is not really killing it’s just that you need to wait for A to be completed before B can be done and then move on to C. things then to drag when there are many parties involved.
To love someone gives you strength, to be loved in return gives you courage. Sigh…
the real problem is??

the real problem is??
thur, Dec. 09, 2004 @ 11:59 a.m.


maybe i'm trying to avoid the real issue. pehaps drowing oneself in work is the best way to pretend the problem doesn't exist. i shall continue to do that.

weird
Wednesday, Dec. 08, 2004 @ 11:48 p.m.
girls are pretty hard to understand. especially when one is in a relationship. somethings might not be what they seem. sounds hurting. hmmm.


Reflections of 2004 Saturday, Dec. 25, 2004 @ 8:15 p.m.
Love life was kinda terrible initially. I felt so scared of being in a relationship in the beginning of the year till almost august. My ex was pretty loving and she kept wanting to patch things up, but the lousy guy here wasn't willing to give a commitment. I had the feeling of that nothing matters to me more than making it, be it in studies or work. I climb the ladder from the bottom and i want to make it. Anything aside from that, i'll check if i'm free. My heart was closed and i just refuse to accept love. Came august, i finally found someone who can love me for who i am and hopefully understand me. It started out quite uncertain and we've been thru a few quarrels already. love is something that i'll never understand, but yes, the heart is willing to learn to love again.

Hai~I cant tink anymore..reali troubled (4.12.2004)

So many unhappy tings happen in this end of Nov and start of Dec.One of them is tat they found out the "sweet msg" by xxx.They wanted to scold me initally but in the end didnt.I had to tell a "story".That was reali scary..I had to make sure there is no mistake..
Next unhappy ting was they called xxx. xxx was scared and shocked i believe..My dad scolded him veri badly and i can hear all those even though i am in the room crying and cursing..Even though he said it was ok, i still felt that was not ok..becos my dad scolded him until like wat..initally when he didnt dare to meet my dad, i tok tat he was onli treating this relation as playing onli but after the call when he called bac, i knew tat he is serious abt tis relation liao becos if a guy is not serious abt the other party, he wont want to meet the other party's parents..am i rite?ya should be..
thirdly, i went to sgh for a minor "operation"actually scope for my stomach and large intestine..tat was reali pain when i was half consious...but what i rmb was tat when i was resisting, some ppl hold me tightly on my legs..seiously i am scared of the outcome of the report..i scared tat i will contract stomach cancer like ah gong..i dun wan ..though is a family genes..i pray hard tat nobody in my family get it..god muz reali look after us...
Then todae i msg xxx initally i am scared to msg xxx becos it has been a long time i talk to xxx.duno why i suddenly feel like there is a cold war between us seem like his sms were veri dry and pissed off or angry or wat....i duno i got a feeling tat he feels veri pissed to talk to me becos i tell him tat we are getting colder and colder..then i ask him tat does long distance relationship work?he said no..ok i got the ans..but he said tat if we come out more often and communicate more then shouldnt be a problem..maybe like what tanu says long distance relationship wil not last..ya now i finnally understand why...i forsee tat tis relationship will not last bscos of lack of communication..but seriously i tink tat lack of communication is becos of me..i had no freedom to go out or sms freely..hai~i am reali trying hard to solve tis "big problem" but i cant tink of any solution..reali ..it is giving me a bog headache..why can other ppl realationship goes smoothly but not me..why?why?..i can see tat from tanu, terence, benjamin tat long distance realtionship doesnt last so duno will mine be like theirs? this is reali unclear to me now..though both of us have felling for each other but there is a big problem now tat is lack of communication.. and i reali dun understand him..and cant read his mind duno wat is he thinking..reali.. but duno whether xxx understand me?? there is still a lot of doubts between us..so i cant reali predict how far can we go..hai~seem like my state and tanu is the same..lack of communication..i am going to make this realationship the 1st and last if this fails..unless this special guy can reali "touched" my heart again..at 8pm i was tinking of wat happen again and started crying..seems like we are drifting apart day by day..maybe becos of the lack of communication and all this is my fault ..canot blame xxx..actually xxx is a nice person, but i always say tat he is lousy..actually i pretending one..dun wan to admit all xxx gd points..keep saying watever he does is lousy..duno whether he got take it to heart or not leh..
hai~this realtionship is reali a headache..if not the restrictions on me, probably we might be quite happy together..ya i had no choice ..if i fails i also duno how..maybe cry for a few days and i will be ok after tat..or maybe will takes weeks to recover..reali duno..