~lets call an end to this~

whoo ! so far i am doing pretty well.as long as i dun see him my feelings start to fade for him.i guess tat's how i usually forget ppl and i did the same way as how i forget my ex too.yeah man, just keep up the gd work and everything will be fine after 3 wks when everything is coming to end.hai duno to feel sad or nt, i am finally going bac spore..go bac spore means everything will be bac to normal again.my rountine lifestyle whereby i will mug in sch everyday, stayed bac late to avoid home and wat else i can tink of?? this time round my 2 jc gd friends hv graduated, left me alone now.emo man, i guess nxt yr my wkdays nite will be even lonelier.sigh..


last wk went to shanghai and i bought $80++ worth of clothes.omg i really spend money on clothes like water man.at this rate i sure broke cos i am really getting poorer day after day.and should i go for the photoshoot?? i really damn tempted man..cos afterall i know tat i wont come bac to SH again once i leave china.

~lets put an end to the hesistant feeling..~

sun went to remove my mole.but apparently i felt tat my mole kana disfigured cos it became darker than before.duno is becos its normal cos i read online it is supposed to be darken cos it will be "dried up"..wah if really disfigured then jialat man.i shall giv another 1 more wk.if its still like tat, then i will go hospital see doc alrdy .. ;( anw i should hv removed it in the hospital man..duno why tat day suddenly so chong dong see ppl do, then i do..i must be crazy man..cos i always wanted to remove this mole since jc alrdy. but apparently SG is ex.no money so nv tried removing.

anw mon met up wif his household for dinner..and he is rather nice to offer a ride to me..initally i was quite hesistant to take his ride one, cos u know i am supposed to distance frm him now as i cant fall for him any further..but apparently i just heck alrdy, anw its just a ride, nothing else.but anw i tink tat will be the last time i am taking his scooter.. want also no more chance.lets just face up to reality ya..

ytd i booked my air tic back to Sg alrdy.i will be bac on 29th june.actually i really kinda dun feeling like leaving this place as it gets nearer to departure date.can i not leave you suzhou?? i hv grown feelings for you over this few mths.once i am bac in spore i wont be close to him anymore.doubt we will even hav a chance to bump into each other in sch.actually there are various reasons why i dun feel like leaving.one of the reason is him.second reason is tat i really enjoy the freedom i enjoy here.totally no restrictions to do anything in sz..though in sg i dun really hv much retrictions too..but afterall its a diff feeling when you hv your parents in sg to take care of u.

today went running wif him after so many mths nv run le cos leg injury previously.initally intended to postphone the run to nxt wk wif him cos he wanted to run kinda late, but i wanna reach home earlier to do report.but end up i still run cos somewat i hav the momentum to run today, so dun wan my momentum to die today.i was damn proud of myself tat i actually manage to run quite a lot without stopping alot though i do feel abit bad slowing down his speed really alot cos i can feel tat tat's not the usual speed tat he ususally run..but i told him tat u just run at ur own speed..i will catch up wif u..cos i am a person tat needa a person to run in front of me so tat it will giv me the momentum to continue running.if i were to run alone, i will definately stop and rest a lot off time which will defeat the purpose of running.anw its kinda quite a nice run wif him though its just tat 45 mins of run.haha ok la, actually i am abit of chen ji making of the chance i hv.cos anyway i hv less than 1 mth to spend wif him alrdy.after i reach sg, everything will close case alrdy. sadded man.hai ~

~my mind just couldnt focus~

today somehow i am feeling quite down..somewat i just couldnt focus on anything i do..stayed at home initally to start my report, but ended up my mind just couldnt focus over ytd HTHT session.i guess my heart was feeling impactful over certain things..i feel tat perhaps your presence really did affected me..hai qm qm qm ah, how now?? i still needa face him for another 1 mth..pls tell me wat i can do to forget him when he is always appearing in front of me..hai ;( giv me another 1 month and you will slowly fade off from my mind when i am back in spore. i will drown myself and start fyp early.drown myself busy with sch work and mug really hard.i guess tat's the only way to make me forget ur presence..actually i nv thought tat ur presence will affect me cos so far not much guys hav impacted me in a way, except my ex..looks like i am really serious this time, but fate just dun exist for me..so lets be it ba..i am tired alrdy..

apparently currently i am trying to avoid him in a way..duno why also, when supposedly i should cherish the time spend with him for the last 1 mth cos when we are back to spore, there wont be chance anymore,.but apparently it turn out likewise, so its kinda an irony..watever it is today dinner i somehow avoided him..dun dare to eye contact him, tried to avoid him if possible.when he talked to me i just smile smile and reply him with a short sentence.honestly speaking, i duno wat's wrong with me man.perhaps i am just trying hard to forget him so tat i wont like him tat much..and i cant forget a person when he keeps on appearing right in front of me !!! argh ! tis is damn fann..

sometimes i really tink tat is the dream tat i dreamt of is it true??? "i rmb smt like " the gal is you.." pls enlightened me !! i really hope tat its him who said tat.but looking at things now i doubt so..anw pls just end my torture quick and fast,..i dislike the feeling of the long dragging torture..;( qm qm qm jiayou, i can defintely survive it through.all you need is just determination.perhaps i guess ytd HTHT session was a wrong one.i shouldnt hav HTHT　with him, i should hv waited for the last nite of the mongolia trip then i tell him wat i feel abt him.now tat i hv said wat i wanted to say, i feel very weird now facing him.i guess i need him to break the ice now.if he doesnt break the ice, i guess i will remain cold towards him from now on cos i just wanna forget him. ;(

~My sixth sense is wrong this time~

alright so far my 6th sense have been accurate for the past few yrs, but tis time round, it totally FAILED...my sixth sense is actually wrong !!! but anw its gd to realise now than later.at least i make the right choice by waking up my idea now.no more sinking in deeper..but anw so far he is still a really nice guy tat i met so far..so near yet so far can only be applicable for now.1 more mth frm now and i guess you will go lead your own life and i will lead my own life.you will slowly disappear and fade off frm my memories..but i will always rmb the days i spend in suzhou with you guys...;) cos u guys did became part of my life which i do really cherish it really much. deep frm the bottom of my heart.. ;)

well i guess sometime life is always full of ups and down.i lost a few nice guys who are kinda nice to me in the past, but duno wat i tinking at tat pt of time.so kinda regret it now.but anw its the past. for me currently i really feel like upgrading myself..dun like the feeling of being a bimbo with no brains.perhaps i should learn more abt ren ji guan xi.i should level up my tinking..but how should i go abt doing it?? i would like to be myself, but currently i am not in the state of doing so..cos i hv alot of improvement to improve on..at times i really hope tat ac would be here to giv me advice on, cos apparently at times i do feel tat i am stil under his shadow not able to escape out of his clutches.but anw its the past and history will always be history.let it just be part of our sweet memories.

~closure to my heart~

tonite had a HTHT session with this guy friend of mine, while the rest of my friends were chilling in the living room..anw i tink i should just make a closure to my heart...perhaps we are just poles apart and its kinda impossible for anything to happen..although at times i do see some reflection of ac on him..is tat the reason why i am starting to fall for him?? i duno too..but anw i feel like telling him stop being so nice to me..cos tat is my weakness..-dun ever be nice to me, cos i will be touched and fall for u...or rather just treat me just like a normal bo chap friend at least i wont continue having hopes...watever it is i should really just close my heart before i sink deeper..i should know tat he is nice to everyone, but then somewat i hv unknowningly fallen for him after interacting and bonding with him for the past few mths when initally i have totally zero feelings for him when i came china..come on, 1 more mth left..1 more mth then i will be free-ed from ur presence..ur presence wouldnt influence my heart anymore..u can continue to lead ur life and i can continue to lead my life..our lifes unlikely would ever crossed again..all i can say is, u are somewat the right guy i am looking for..but i am not the right girl for u..let's just leave it to fate...honestly speaking, first time in my uni life, i actually wholeheartedly like a guy..cos the past few guys tat i admire isnt really my kind though they are gd looking to me.i guess the god is fair..guys who are gd looking usually isnt my type, whereas guys who are avg looking are actually my type...anw qm qm qm !　u can do it..just put a closure to everyting now before u sink deeper..

and past few days el suddenly HTHT with me and he was still telling me "qm mai tu liao..u alrdy hv an ans tat u dun wan regret alrdy..then what are u waiting for??? " u alrdy regretted alot of times..and el said smt like u always like gd looking guys...now tat u met someone who is actually ur type of guy..its actually true love..and do u really want to regret again after u come bac spore?? initally i really had the intention of thrashing everything out alrdy long long ago..but i guess he alrdy knew wat i wanna say so i see no point in telling wat i feel..and afterall he alrdy knows everything alrdy..so i guess after the mogolia trip, we will go separate ways and that will mark a closure to everything alrdy. it sounds sad though but i guess your presence are fluencing me too much..i am just not the one for you..just let it be and i will count down to 1 mth departure frm you :(

~having mixed feelings~

anw the huang shan trip was quite jialat.stamina was totally cui to the max and i couldnt really make it to the top..and i really feel tat i am dragging down those 2 guys who always waited for me cos i am always the last since i am feeling quite sick and i couldnt really catch up with their pace..honestly speaking, i feel tat this trip is more like a training for me rather than enjoying the trip itself cos climb mountain also hv to climb fast fast in order to catch up their pace..need a rest also no time cos by the time i reached the rest point, they would have continued with the journey. so end up i nv rest much ! so i was freaking shagged and tired til i hardly talk throughout the trip.and moreover i was coughing terribly, plus i couldnt sleep for 3 consecutive days, makes me totally drained like vampire man..and i could feel tat i was damn weak tat time.plus my freaking rashes totally spoiled my whole trip cos this bloody rashes made my legs so itchy tat i cant sleep and my legs now are like so red !! hai come here really damn suay man..legs initally are smooth and nice, now the legs are so red though the doctor say tat it will heal one..but how long will it takes man..i see wanna wear shorts , short skirts and dress ! haiz... anw talking abt the 2 guys i tink they are kinda nice to be always waiting for me cos they know tat i am always very slow in climbing..but i feel kinda bad cos i felt tat i dragged down their stamina when they could have actually climbed much much faster than the pace tat i am climbing..so yeah, so kinda feeling guilty over it..but anw tat trip i miss much of the interaction with him..aiya, another chance wasted !!! cos i still thought can get to interact more with him, but apparently end up i wass too shagged to talk to anyone..and mentioning abt tat, the 10 hrs train ride was damn bad man..cos its damn damn long and i couldnt sleep at all cos the train kept on moving and light sleeper ppl like me totally cant sleep..but anw i just told my house mate one of my secret.not sure if he will aids in helping me or nt but, but i hope he does and hopefully give me some opinions..

this few days have been having mixed feelings over flying bac to spore soon..cos afterall i have alrdy gotton used to the life here.then suddenly in 1.5mths time i need to go bac to my old life..its like everything will be bac to square one..honestly speaking, i dun really like the life in china now, but somewat i hv gotton used to it..and most importantly once we are back in spore, i doubt we will be as closed as before, and i doubt we will hav chances to meet up again.so moral of the story is i wont be seeing him tat often anymore.so its kinda sad somehow..but afterall its still life..this is something which i have to part away wif eventually..