~the talk with maril~

last fri was an enjoyable nite..after so many weeks of mugging..reach home at abt 11.30pm..dad was abit unhappy cos as a ger shouldnt be out so late..i guess he was just unhappy lah..tat nite went to jp reach there abt 10 le..so happen tat maril happened to see me so she called for me..yup and we chatted for an hour..her bf and her mum was around..tat time i was wondering tat when will i get to see my future bf sitting together with my parents and chatting happily away??hmm..tat seems something tat is hard to happen..she told me tat initally she also got alot of objections but somehow her parents manage to accept him eventually..seriously i am scared of objections and i duno wat to do if my parents couldnt accept for whom i have chosen to be with..her bf seems to give me a gd impression cos he looks quite guai to me or perhaps he is in army couldnt style his hair until some bad looking guy..me and maril was talking abt our past, wat exactly happened for the past 2 yrs..yup, both of us indeed miss the time when we are playing mm in sec sch..somehow, maril, yi hui and wan yi became an instructor of a sec sch, but currently they are not teaching anymore..then through this get to know zhi hao, an AJ guy and NUS graduate guy whom i think i seen twice before when i went to bernard house for CNY gathering and the last time when bernard went overseas..but actually, i dun reali rmb his face, all i rmb is tat he seems veri quiet to me..maril told me tat he is another bc pattern, nice and caring person..seriously i have forgotten everything on how to do mm, even the basic..if i got chance to touch mm again, might need some reteaching from someone again so tat can refresh my memory..
we also did talk abt relationship..she siad tat she was veri surprised tat we became together when he never came into the picture during sec sch time..instead both of us like the same guy..actually initially i find it hard to believe but yup somehow it became true..she said tat he wasnt veri understanding becos at tat pt of time he should understand wat is impt to me..but i told her tat it would be unfair to him too..somehow she had a bad impression of him, but nevertheless i still defended him becos i still think tat he is a nice person..whereas she told me tat her bf is super caring but the problem is she dun feel anything when they are together, yet her heart was somewhere else in my pri sch ex classmate..if i want to pair them up tat would be an easy task for me cos afterall in pri sch, we did talk quite a lot..but i think tat would be unfair to her bf cos i think her bf cares and likes her veri much..i duno wat maril is thinking also, but hopefully things will be ok for them..
it is surprising tat gers can talk anything under the sun..can talk abt wat couples do in a relationship..so now i know tat guys are all the SAME..i can even predict wat are the steps guys will take in a relationship..hehe..seriously maril looks veri pretty leh when he used to sae tat she is just ok when she has so many guys jioing her..
sometimes i think i am quite a stubborn person..if i sae tat i wont go i reali meant wat i sae, regardless of the consequences tat i will face for not turning up for sch..i reali feel tat coming for the NAFA thing for half an hour onli is reali wasting my time when my travelling time takes 2.5hrs..todae so happy cos somehow manage to get a silver for NAFA FINALly by some means which i canot sae...FINAlly no need to see the pe teachers le..sick of their faces too..so happened to see outside the table with cm, outside the entrepreneur room then idol 1 happened to pass by and he was smiling..wonder why man, anyway i think he is siao lah..then after he left duno why he turn bac then both of us turn bac together then smile at each other for no reason..me was of cos veri pei seh..hehe..i think he overheard the conversation tat i sae to cm, saying tat why is he always smiling for no reason..tat's why he turned bac, maybe?haha..after he put bac all the things then he still smile to me and sae thanks you..hehe..so happy cos last time i did sae tat if can know him then will be super happy but got smile can le lah..cm said tat i can confess my luv for him after i graduated but i said forget it cos i onli admire him not like..they are not the same to me..anyway i think he is a happy guy lah, always full of smiles..
i think my hp going to spoil soon..i realised tat 2nd hp is reali lousy..most of them can onli last u abt 1.5hrs..i am waiting to bvuy a better camera hp when i earn enough money..
for the gala dinner, mr XXX said he will treat the 4 of us..but i feel veri guilty to use ppl money cos its is $80 per person and btw its not cheap..dun think i want to use ppl hard earned money like tat..i am wondering why he wants to treat us when he could have chosen other ex students, excluding me cos i am onli taught by him 1 yr onli..up to now we still smile to each other, not like ms ong who totally pretended not to know the students once they left her,btw she left yj le..just got bac prelims results..results are indeed super sucky but i am quite surprised tat i manage to pass phy when i spent the least time on it..but seriously MCQ alot is i ti gam one so not counted..chem teacher was saying "ur results are veri poor.." i was thinking of cos lah, i didnt study so many things and many didnt do confirm will do badly mah..but when i received the results, its not as bad as i think cos everyone almost get the same marks as me when they got do the organic and option qns when i left it totally blank..so i am equally bad with them..haha..but i am quite glad tat those i got do i got correct, at least didnt waste my time studying..
one show was saying tat in life, there is ppl who will onli feel veri deeply for a particular guy..probably i guess i belong to this grp of ppl..hmm...
principle saw me then she called for me..she asked me "so how?"wat an open ended qn to ans man..but never mind i didnt sae anything, onli smile cos i dun think i want to mention my results to her cos its reali bad..why does she always think tat my mum is china person arh>>weird?anyway she is not, an indo chinese but indeed she look like some china woman..i always ask her to sun tan abit but she dun wan..i am ok with sun tanning abit but not too much cos i dun wan to turn veri tan, abit dark can le..
holiday is just next week, there is reali alot to do during this holiday..where should i start from??hmmm..

~prelim are over!~

long time since i last blog..cos having prelims then must study..
happy birthday to ac..not tat i have forgotton his birthday, just tat i think she would have wish him so i dun want to spoil his mood..so wat can i sae..its not easy to forget someone esp when someone who used to be part of ur life suddenly disappear..hmm..though i dun feel the pain anymore, but heart still cant move on to someone else..i tried to, but not reali successful in doing it..yup, never mind abt tat cos i believe tat fate will bring someone else to forget him..somehow i feel tat the point of time when i am attached is not the rite time..i am reali busy with studies and hardly got time for him..if time could reali turn bac, i wish tat i could be born earlier..at least those problems wouldnt appear and i wont feel totally lost for wat i decide..nevertheless, i am happy for him tat he has found someone to settle down..hopefully tat this will be his last one le..anyway she is reali pretty with make up, without make up is just average..but overall she is quite pretty with those sharp features..(ponders) how did ac manage to attract so many pretty gers arh..hmm...haha..
gp paper was veri distracting cos idol 1 kept walking around and i kept looking at him cos i duno how to do the eassy paper..was searching ideas from his face to write..haha..anyway idol 2 wasnt around..if not i will be more distracted..
2 weeks of prelims are finally over and indeed its not an easy task..imagine i just got 1 week to cramp all the j1 and j2 info inside my head and indeed its veri tough.actually most of the papers i onli studied the day before..so most of it i didnt reali finish studying, which was bad cos whatever i study they didnt come out..A levels is indeed coming in 2 months time..this 2 months is reali crucial cos it will determineur future..i am reali veri scared cos still got some duno and i reali duno when i can actually have time for myself to do wat i want to catch up with when sch work is always giving more and more and i am also lagging quiet behind time..sigh..jc life is indeed not an easy one..thought i took 3 yrs, somehow i find it reali short and moving reali fast..
i think i am growing fat too..this 2 weeks was just sitting down everyday after eating and i think i got 3 layers of fats le as the chinese saying sae san chen rou..
save the last dance is also a veri nice and sweet show too..sometimes u will wonder fate is something tat can be quite weird..many at times u didnt know things will turn out tat way but somehow it just happen to turn out tat way..life is always so unpredictable..
prom cost $70 and its is in mariot hotel, somewhere near far east..indeed its quite ex but i was thinking this is the last time le, so i decided to go..i think i have big problem with make up cos i duno anything abt make up plus my mum also duno..i wonder who can help me with the make up also..luckily someone was willing to help me with the nails, tat's nice of her..prom tat day i want to see lots of pretty babes, esp pretty babe..think she gonna looks veri sexy..after A levels i want to pursue my passion for fashion designing and i am thinking of going overseas for holiday when i earn enough money..there are just lots of things linning up for me to do..
todae have cake with the class cos ms lim (yi xian) birthday..yup, she is a veri nice teacher indeed..she seen me through 3 yrs le..cake is nice but too bad have too little to eat..sigh..after this week must start to piah again..sian man..
todae saw someone doing veri bad thing..though i cant see clearly without spect usually but somehow my eyes can see clearly wat the person was doing..somehow tat time i feel tat the guy was up to something cos i see him kept looking round to see if ppl are looking at him but somehow i caught wat he was doing..so i pretended to walk slowly so tat i can walk behind him..guess wat, he didnt tap his mrt card when he went out of the mrt, wat he did wat he followed one person veri closely behind until the person dun even how and tat's how he manage to ecape..hai~~(shake heads) i guess he did the same thing when he went into the train ba..i hope one day he will kana catch by the mrt ppl man, cos i reali canot stand wat he is doing..trying to pretend to tap the card when i think there is no card inside his wallet..
todae is a relax day indeed, but 2 months left..heart indeed worried cos i am reali uncertain if i can go uni..seriously cant afford to go private uni so die die also must go local uni..hopefully god will bless me with knowledge and past my A levels with flying colours..my brother is veri smart which i reali canot compare with..i think me and my brother are just reali extreme ends..why do i feel tat my jc life is not smooth sailing at all..full of ups and down..the point when i had a terrible fall was reali a bad experience for me..after tat i manage to pick up my confidence for the next yr..but this yr reali seems to be like when i am in new j1..nevertheless my jc life has made me know alot of things in life..

~the words to decribe my life now~

how to decribe my life now? 2 words in a mess..i guess prelim confirm canot do well cos not even prepared yet and less than 1 week to go..everyone seems so piah now, even those who slack alot in the past started to be veri hardworking now..yesterday stayed bac with joey and the 2 guys who suddenly pop out from no where..weird thing is tat i am the onli ger and i am usually seldom with a grp of guys sitting together..nevertheless i was down there to ask qn onli and i realised tat joey is their everything..watever they duno, they will call joey for help..tin an and ci hui was down there to teach me and indeed learn quite a no of things from them..ci hui was a veri nice person..now i know why she is fond of him in the past le..
seriously i feel bad when both of them came bac just to pei me to eat dinner when i told them tat i can eat alone without anyone accompany cos they think i like veri ke lian and lonely..sometimes its gd to be independent and dun be over reliance on friends..if friend dun eat dinner tat early doesnt mean tat becos friend never eat so u wont eat..no rite?so sometimes need to be independent and flexible abit becos when u steeped out of the society, u need to learn to be independent and not be too reliance on ppl..
anyway todae celebration was reali stupid, i think cos i think reali waste my time when i could have stay at home to study for my upcoming exams..anyway they invited the new broadcaster from ch8, which was an ex yjcian too..she gave her speech and i was reali shocked to know tat she repeat her j2 too cos she failed her gp and she hand in a blank paper on tat day of exam..but now she is so successful now and even became one of the mediacrop ppl..she makes me think tat nothing is impossible as long as u are willing to work hard..after todae i will piah le for my prelims..so i will be offline for 1 month, wait til my prelims are over then i go online again..
todae have sport day..seeing the teachers running is the interesting part onli..the rest not reali..oh my god, my idol is so attractive when he is running..hehe..got 2 idols in sch, maybe makes me more alert when they are around.hehe..

~some things sparkle me~

somehow some words tat she said so make some sense..now, must reali piah le..duno must clarify until know..yes, tat's the attitude..the grouping somehow i am ok with it as long as i can communicate with the person can le..nad most impt must tell yourself tat u can do it..ya?? i will do my best and strive.. =)

~exam stress~

adults dun like ppl to sae " go and die lah" and i often used tat but i dun literally meant tat way and i have no intention to curse the person..mum was saeing me cos i was scolding her some time ago and i did noted tat he did told me once before tat this phrase seems like u are cursing the person to die and he dun like it..hmmm..somehow i have been saying this for many yrs le..want to change also difficult..
many of my dad's friend has passed away one by one due to cancer..somehow i feel tat cancer is a deadly illness and u may leave the world anytime without any signaling to ur family memebers..somehow i think tat the most pitiful is their children..they have no one to earn for them and they need to start everything from scratch despite the emotional pain tat they need to dace..tat egg seller uncle was quite nice to my dad in the past, then now he passed away..somehow feel abit upset for him..seeing him like tat makes me feel tat we should reali cherish wat we have when they are still around..sometimes see my dad so old liao still must work for us, reali pity him..moreover he got alot of health problems plus he is going to the mid 60s soon..so abit scared and worried for him..whereas for mum, she is still tat energetic, cant be reali bothered abt her..anyway she still got lots of enegry to scold ppl..
lately have been feeling quite happy..no idea why also but indeed seeing "Her" sometimes do makes me feel happier,..past few days reali scared to ask qn cos later teachers will sae so simple also duno..andi scared teachers dun understand wat i am asking cos many at times they dun understand wat i asking and i am not gd at conveying wat i want to ask..somehow i feel tat asking friends is better cos most of them understand wat i am talking abt..duno lah, maybe teachers' frequency and my frequency different..
now i think must abit thick skin to clarify my doubts le..if not like tat confrim A levels canot do well..at most get a scolding from them if i am reali too stupid to understand wat they are trying to explain..sian~~~
prelim is just less than 2 weeks and i haven even started revision yet..stress...yet every day i sleep automatically at 10..die seh, like tat duno how can finish my revision..now even hardly got time to go online..
look forward to the prom nite which is going to be held in dec..venue not confirm yet but most prob i am going..
hai~going home to study again..sian wat a life i have..