~interesting cute balls tat i saw at the spore flyer~

~i think i have seriously mislead everyone~

wed i am super tired cos chiong all the online lect the entire night..but still left so many to catch up..reali wan to die liao man..then yesterday (thur) went home with lots of packets of conflakes cos student union was giving out all these plus a burger,dounut and subway cookies..so after eating these, i reali didnt eat dinner cos i felt so fat eating all these man..then yesterday i have to dragged myself to my student house to teach piano though i super tired after my peer tutoring liao..but bo bian have to go..but i always feel very happy whenever i go her house cos i feel relax teaching her cos she took 1 yr to learn a song and even up to now she cant even play a decent proper piece..i think maybe i not strict with her man, tat's why she is not improving..wat i scared is later her mum asked me abt her progress then i die sia..duno how to tell her mum tat she is not improving at all..haiz..then yesterday computing lesson was fun too cos i showed lab guy a video on teacher hew since i kinda sian..but i think computing this subject i reali gone case liao man..feel like going to give up liao..cos no mattter how much effort i put in to study, i always doesnt seems to catch anything man..jialat..i think i wan to put more effort on my other subjects liao..next week all the tests are coming up..super shiong man..i must do mission impossible again liao..haiz..

then yesterday my mum called me during lesson telling me tat my dad is awake le after the operation..then i was relieved for tat moment..but the doctors have yet to test wether tat tumor is it cancerous or not..so for now just have to wait for results..my bro was kinda worried for my dad too..he did msg me to ask me abt my dad's condition..i feel somehow he has reali grown up..have learn to concern for ppl le...

then today i have a chat with this friend of mine..i guess i have been misleading all the people these while becos of my actions..all i can say these ppl dun understand me well enough yet..perhaps wat they see are just the surface, they dun reali know wat i am thinking deep inside my heart cos i dun tell anyone except myself..but since i see tat he is kinda trustworthy so i onli told this person the truth to the story..so i guess if the rest still wan to assume wat tat they thought previously, then let it be..i dun care liao..anyway its not truth..as long as the mo mo ren believes me can liao..the rest cant be bothered to explain liao cos i explain to them so many times liao but no one believes,..i super tired of saying the same old thing over and over again liao.

~i am just 1 metre away from him !~

u know wat, sat i almost couldnt believe my eyes cos i reali saw him close up and he is just so close to me..perhaps just 1 metre away from me nia cos i am inside the 179 bus while he stopped his lr beside the road msging someone..tat time i reali hope tat the bus can stop man..at least let me see him longer cos i haven reali seen him for many many yrs liao..even if i saw his lr many times in sch, its just his lr, not him..but sadly to say i can onli took a glance of him for tat moment..after which i kept on turning my back to see if he got catch up with the bus tat i am in, but apparently he is still stuck at the place where he is..haiz..never mind..at least this is gd enough,..at least i still manage to took a glance of him..its better than nothing..then after which went for joey bday celebration at nebo, somewhere in amk..then last min i was asked if i am free tobuy cake and card, so no choice have to search for one desperately before everyone reaches...apparently everyone has changed quite abit..my eye candy slim down super alot..think he kinda stress man tat's why he slim down..the rest still look almost the same..but tat day didnt go home with eye candy cos i have a meet up with jy..went to take the spore flyer..the ride was kinda disappointing cos the picts turn out to be super cui man..i guess next time we should go in the day then take picts more clear...

then sun was at home mugging cos i reali need to piah liao..the more i sleep the more i feel more sleepy..then mon was lab session and the rest of the lesson we pon everything cos have to rush last min for the manufacturing project..but end up didnt do the PDCA cos we didnt know how to go abt doing it..then was kinda scolded by the teacher..aiya heck liao man..anyway we intended to SU it liao since the teacher doesnt seem to like our project..then after tat met up with agnes and yh eat zhi char at can 4..then talk abt the same topic abt guys and their requirement for selecting guys..yh is just feel tat her bf is kinda short for her..but she have learnt to accept it cos afterall its a fact and cant be changed..so moral of the story is to accept ur luv one for who they are regardless of any thing..they keep on asking when am i going to get one..then i ans to them is forever " see how la.." alot of times this kind of things i cant reali decide de..i believe in fate..if the time and opportunity is right, then everything will be right..if its not right, then just too bad.yh says tat she is going for Industrial attachment next sem le..so she said tat its a test of the relationship between she and her bf..yup i think so too..during this period of time i guess things can change without u knowing tat.she said tat she will not change heart, but her bf wise cant reali gaurantee..haiz..hearing such comments will be sad man..cos u will never know when ur heart will breaks again so cant do anything to salavage the relationship.. .alrights, then after tat decided to be guai and go home early for once, but i ended up sleeping lo..haiz..

tmr my dad will need to enter the hospital liao to do his operation on thur,..haiz..reali hope tat he will be ok man..if not i reali duno how also..today he still say the same thing again.."qm dun be sad if anything happens to me..u can just dump me into the sea after i die.." haiz..my heart was kinda upset when he said tat..though this is not the first time i heard this from him liao but apparently somehow i will feel sad hear him saying this..and he said i need not go hospital to see him since i have sch..haiz..i think i will just see the situtation..i have lots of exams coming up next week and my dad will be in hospital for next week..duno how also..so i need to be STRONG and JIAYOU ! i need the motivation and tat special power to carry on now !

and u know wat this eye candy tat i like when i was in first 3 month i actually saw him today..and now i know he is in MSE de...wah so qiao..somehow he did turn bac to took a glance at me..i think maybe he have recall who i am liao.. ;)

~first time goggin in NTU~

suddenly one issue came up my mind and its regarding guys scolding vulgar..seriously i feel super turn off if guys were to keep scolding vuglar frequently..occasionally once a while i can accept it, but frequent use of it i will seriously get super turn off cos i dislike guys scolding vulgar cos it just protray them as very barbaric and uncultured personality..if someone were to scold vulgar on me, i would certainly get rough with them and scold them bac with wat they scolded me..but i dun like doing tat cos it just spoils my whole image..and moreover i dun like scolding vuglar unless neccessary and when i am reali angry tat time ..

then yesterday was an exciting day in sch cos 2 guys had to play the role of kissing cos i dare them to do so..haha! then turn out not bad seh cos super funny and we laugh like siao lo...then after which went off for a run after our computing tutorial (though i was quite reluctant to go for a run in sch so was kinda dragged there..) so after the run i am super tired cos its been a month tat i have stop running man..so yesterday i have reali lost the momentum to run liao cos run a few rounds tired liao..but nvm i will tell myself tat during tat 3 months holiday i will confirm go running everyday de and like tat i am certain tat i will lose weight and will see a new qm after the next sem with a new hair colour.. after the jog then went off to can 2 for our dinner..then on our way bac, wl says tat i have slim down quite a lot..probably lost abt 3kgs ba..then i was super happy tat i told him " haha ! u make my day! " actually he guessed correctly man..actually its more than tat, cos i lost around 5 kgs in fact..before the camp my weight was disasterous..now at least still not too bad liao after minus off tat 5kgs ;) whee ..

hai~ but for the past 2 weeks i reali have been slacking man..go home everyday reali did nothing except sleep man..now relai start to panic liao cos i was looking at my calendar yesterday and realised my major exam is coming in 3 weeks time..omg ! so fast lo.. then today went to sch was kinda happy at heart..haha cos some actions have made my day ! ;) and the day ends with our project discussion at somewhere around my sec sch cos we went there to take photos and eat..and the chicken rice auntie so niao one lo..scold us for taking so much chilli cos she asked if we all can finish all the chilli or not..wah lao i almost wanted to reply her saying tat we can finish de lo..got 2 pros who are zai at eating chilli sure can finish the chilli lo..

hai~hope this weekend i can do more things man and catch up with my work..cos i now feel abit stress liao..so many things piling up.. ;( and tml still need to go a friend bday..lohz.

~desperately lost and pissed~

tues was another day of lesson, but apparently everyone pon class again after the maths tutorial lesson..haiz..it seems tat lesser and lesser ppl in our clique are attending lesson now..onli left me,hy and terrence the 3 of us to survive alone..actually i am fine being alone cos anyway i am used to being alone when i work tat time..i guess now it still applies even though i am in sch..i dun reali like to dependent and follow others just becos they dun wan attend class. then i will pon with them..at this time i will exercise my logic cos i used to be once like them so slack and reali heck care abt everything in yr 1 of my JC and ended up i gotton my lesson..so from then on, i tell myself tat i canot be like tat le..i guess tat particular big failure reali gave me a reali heavy impact and wake me up from my playfulness..and moreover i promised my dad tat i will study hard in uni so i shouldnt let him down..alrights probably i can understand tat they pon lesson cos they live very far..so its kinda tired..but still poning too much reali not gd. cos i have seen past history of many of my friends saying tat they will study if they will pon, but end up they ta bao the module cos they keep piling up the lectures tat they pon and the day before the exam, they can still tell me tat they still left 11 chp to catch up with..my first reaction to them was, "Omg.." i guess many of my friends cases also have influenced and impacted me to certain extent so i guess i dun wan to end up like them ta bao-ing..and i have many fears in mind too..cos i have to pay alot for the sch fees if i dun do well..the money part is reali one issue cos its quite a big sum of money..tat's why i always been telling myself tat i canot slack too much..must jiayou and try my best no matter how hard its going to be..even if i dun well, but at least i have tried my best..then at least i wouldnt feel tat sad..

whee then yesterday went to lect with them then kinda qiao tat he was sitting with lab guy clique, so we join them..haha..i think in future we can reali merge group liao man..cos i think i can reali click well with those grp of guys..i think lab guy has misunderstand tat i might like kinfai cos i always kuah him very nice in dressing..lohz..i like kuah ppl in dressing doesnt mean anything wat..liking him seems totally wrong word lo..the after which went to peer tutoring with hy..initally i intended not to go de, but since hy is going then i shall be nice and pei him a while..then our own way saw him again..whee he smiled to me and i was kinda mesmerized by his smile..haha..but yesterday is my super earliest day when i reach home so early man..cos i wanted to go home early to do tutorials de, but ended up sleeping..lohz..

and lately i am kinda pissed by this thing..hope i will just cool down man..

~i am tired of saying the same old thing over and over again~

haiz..i think everyone reali misunderstand me liao man..and i tried explaining to everyone tat its not wat they think, but apparently no one wan to believe me..or maybe sometimes my actions might be misleading..watever it is, i shall say this once again..if it is were to be like wat they say, then i will grow fat 10KGS ! or I CANOT MARRIED OFF ! and i mean wat i say cos i am not hiding the truth at all..is everyone misinterpret me ! wah, now i reali say so many times until i damn sian liao man cos my saliva wanna dry up liao and no one believes wat i say..if they still choose not to believe me, then i bo bian liao..time will proof tat wat i said is right ! and shows tat they are totally wrong ! if wat they say were to be true, then i wouldnt have deny it cos nothing to hide wat..but its not the truth wat, so of cos i will side myself la !!!!! watever i ask things ,is just concerning for the person, or rather sometimes just KPO..not like wat they say..wa lao show concern for ppl got wrong meh !

alrights today was ah kang bday..had his bday celebrated at can B..cake was reali not bad..but i feel fat after eating tat cos tat cake has lots of cream and i ate 2 !..after which went off for our lesson and everyone pon lesson again..and i was kinda sian too..but i wanna go for physics cos feel kinda lag behind le..but i think go liao also no use..lab guy was behind me so was kinda distracted too..after which since no one wanted to go for tat manufacturing lecture, then i bo bian have to go for a while cos i feel tat the lecturer is going to say something impt abt the project and yes he did say tat..and moreover i am the leader so i have to be more reponsible than the rest, so bo bian have to go man if not the project sure die liao..haiz..so after tat went off with lab guy after our physics to our elective lesson..but the entire lesson i tink i wasnt listening to the lect at all, cos was talking to him for almost half the lecture man..haha..i think after talking so much with him, i think the sparks and chemistry no longer there liao though initally i always treat him as my eye candy..now i will treat him as my friend le who can talk anytime whenever i wish to..no need to see him from far le..tat excitement to know him more has gone down liao..

haiz..bloodly hell man, i got so much stuff to do this week man..reali cant scope liao man..weekend still need to go out..haiz..i hope time can just stop !

~interesting slippers ~

wat an interesting slippers ! come on u need
a dirty mind to understand wat is this ! ;)
haha !

u know sometimes u reali canot judge a person by their looks lo..cos their looks look kinda innocent type and noob type de, but didnt expect them they can say romantic things on blog de..haha! now i have a total change of opinon of him liao..lohz..haha..i doubt i will say such er xin things lo cos i zhuo du dao man..its hard for me to say such things cos i will laugh straight at anyone's face..ok i shall admit i only said such er xin things once nia to tat person..other than tat, i never said liao cos i reali canot open my golden mouth to say such er xin things ah though heart feels reali nice to hear ah.. ;) haha.

~some lesson to be learnt~

haiz, die man this whole day never reali touch my books man..now feeling guilty liao..duno wat am i busy with man..but i must say this week i slept alot, so i am kinda energentic now..how time flies man, i feel like this sem i never reali study much, then 1 month time having the major final exam liao..wah, whenever i sit for major exam, i would feel very scared cos i always cant finish studying de due to my tortoise speed...

yesterday (fri) was kinda relax day man..whenever its fri i will feel very happy cos weekend is coming..went to JP to eat swensens til super full..i guess i cant reali eat much of main course stuff, but i can eat alot for tibits and others non main course stuff..we ordered the regular earthquake ice-cream and gotten 3 scoope free cos they gave us the wrong flavour..haha, so we zuan dao ! but sad thing is they no longer sell cheese sticks liao man..or maybe tat holland village still sells, but JP branch dun have..i think JP swensens is kinda cui man, majority of the nice food i eaten before all not inside the menu..after which we went to shop as usual..i guess its our daily rountine every fri from now liao..haha... ;) duno why i feel very happy when i can shop rather than studying lo..

then yesterday had a convo with a friend..from tat convo i learnt tat perhaps i should reali sometimes try to stand in other ppl's shoes..instead of insisting on my stand at certain times..yup, i do admit tat at certain times i do "condition" the person already, but i guess this take time to make me change my perceptions of him/her..nevertheless i still wanna say sorry to this person..i will try to understand ur pt of view though i kinda disapprove of such actions for now..

yesterday i ask one of my other friends of their opinion of me..haiz..i still receive the same ans man.. (i look very flickle)...wah i think i reali need to turn over a new leaf of not looking at guys and be more serious..but i always like to look at gers too, so does tat mean i am a lesian? NO RITE ! i think i look at gers more than guys lo..and those guys tat i look at are those tat i find not too bad, but have no intention of doing anything to know them la..and i promise myself tat i must like a guy wholeheartly, so i shouldnt break my promise..i am just scared tat my heart will waived once a while if tat eye candy treat me nice.afterall its easy for me to like someone tat i think he is not bad already...and yes thur my heart did waived for a while when he talks to me..so i told myself tat i must try to stay far away from him cos i cant break my promise..yesterday i duno how did he manage to see me from far when there are super lot of ppl la..actually i didnt realised tat he is there de, but my friends saw him then i know de..so i smiled to him and surprising we could have tat eye contact even though we are tat far..haiz..i think i seriously need to wake up my idea man..aiya i also duno now wat's he thinking either..many at times the ans like not clear man..sometimes the ans seems yes cometimes it seems not..so i reali duno lei..i guess tat's explain why sometimes my heart do waived..alrights i think i shouldnt think tat much..i shall my heart and logic leads me liao..ponder too much also no use cos its not going to give me a clearer ans..

then yesterday went to the da zui ba concert at NTU..i think the concert not reali nice as compared to the zhuo wen xuan's one..in fact i think there are lots of vanacies left lo in the lecturer theatre..i think the lead female singer has tat x factor in her though she is very short..hehe..pretty..after which we went off our our late dinner.. ;)

~i have gotton a step closer!~

haiz...qm now is so lost in her studies nw..duno why..feel so cui now..i need a saviour now to help me out of this rock bottom qm liao..i always feel tat i cant make it cosi have yet to overcome tat retain mentality..and i always experience failure since young, life has never been tat smooth sailing compared to my brother, so i am kinda scared..and my mum always look down on me, so the more i should proof to her tat i can do it de..and my dad always tell me to study hard so i must fufil my promise to him, else he will be very sad de..at least i shall do something for my dad cos he always worry over me though he dont say, but i knows his gd intentions at heart..

anyways i think today tat lab reali very smart lei..cos i was asking my friend wat qns he ask the teacher cos i dun understand ma..but i guess my friend got tired of explaining to me, so he explain to me instead..haha,..maybe i too stupid liao..lohz

~too shagged lately~

haiz.duno why lately just i am just too shagged the moment i reach home..then the next thing i would do would be sleeping le instead of taking out my books to study..this is reali bad man..cos i got reali lots of lectures to catch up with lo..haiz..

anyway today i saw tat eye candy tat i use to admire in jjc tat time..wah now he become less cute liao after he cut his hair..last time i think he damn cute de lo cos he is those blur blur type and his actions are just very funny..i think last time tat guy duno i admire him when most of my camp ppl already knows cos i am quite obvious ! cos the moment i see him, my face will blush..so its kinda obvious lo.. ;) and most importantly he has a very cute nickname ! whee ..

yesterday i was talking with san mao abt relationship, but duno how come ended up in tat topic..my stand is i dun reali care if i have a bf now, cos i believe in fate rather than finding terribly my other half through other means...i always like to tell ppl tat if the two of u are meant for each other, then no matter wat happens, nothing is going to separate u guys de, but if fate doesnt exist then too bad ! so his stand was kinda relax too for now cos he is too busy with many stuff..yes i am lazy to jio guys anyway cos its tiring..so i shall just wait then.. ;) but he added tat he MUST FIND A GF BEFORE HE GRAUDATES. yeah i laughed in agreement..i still got so many things to overcome and learn lo before i am attached cos i think i have lack of trust for guys ever since tat time..

~pon lesson day~

today after maths tutorial, duno why suddenly everyone wans to pon the 2 remaining lectures..but i also sian lei.dun wan go home and come out again for peer tutoring since i already promised my tutor to come the day before..so its not so nice to cancel it..so half way through saw san mao so he asked me if i wanna sit with them..then i say ok lo, so i sit with him and his friends..( mo mo ren eye candy)..haha! so chen ji make friend with mo mo ren eye candy since he was listening to wat i was talking to san mao..so in the midst of the conversation he said tat my english not bad lei cos he thought our clique is those cheena type de..haha, then i said yup to certain extent, but i say i can be bilingual de cos i also dun like to be too cheena cos i am often mistaken as ah tiong, so wanna speak more english to cover tat ah tiong look..so now i know man, his opinion of us is cheena..haiz, i hear liao also sian lo..but i must say he is a super cool and serious guy..didnt know he so serious in his studies de..but tat 2 lectures i super waste time man..ended talking non stop for 2 lectures..haiz..initally still thought i can listen lectures de, but ended up talking and gossiping.. =(

~i am kinda turn off by this guy~

yesterday i saw my friend in sch and its kinda late liao by the time i left tat ulu place.so my friend asked me how am i going bac since its kinda ulu here..she wanted to pei me de, but she is also scared of walking through tat spooky staircase up cos there isnt any light over there..initally before tat i wasnt scared at all de, but recently sch has happened so much unforunate things and ytd i heard ppl saying tat there is some "Dirty things" inside the toilet so i started to get terrified le..so just nice we saw both of our common guy friend, then i ask him to pei me walk tat spooky staircase with me cos i scared ma..afterall its so late and quiet there..naturally i will scared ma..then the first thing he said was "why ask me to pei u..u can ask her (my friend) to pei u wat.." wah lao when i hear tat i super turn off lo..hello both of us are gers leh and both are equally scared to walk up tat stairs lo..and taking tat 5 mins off to pei me walk through tat stairs will die meh ! its not as if i am asking u to pei me walk home..if i were to be like tat, then perhaps i am reasonable la..anyway i think this guy is super ungentleman man..he is blacklisted in my list liao..but i think i shouldnt say who is tat guy over here..shall give him some dignity..but i swear i wont ask him pei me again since he is so unreluctant..at most i will just walk through tat spooky staircase with a scared heart lo next time..

today our lab was cool man cos its super slag and the venue is at some cosy place where the seats looks similar to my office supply centre seats..and today i gotton to talk to brendan le..wah i think he is reali damn smart lo..do lab always chop chop and always take the first to leave lo..and i am kinda impressed with his spoken english cos when he speaks he has tat seh in him..and today in physics lect manage to catch up some updates with kinfai (my first 3 month friend)...so practically physics didnt reali hear much..then elective time so qiao i saw tat lab guy..i didnt know tat he is taking the same elective as me til recently then i started to notice him ever since tat time he talks to me in the comp lab asking me if i wan any senoir lab report or not..else, i think i might not even notice him at all.. haha! and i am kinda shocked tat he knows my name man..so i ask him how he know my name de..then he say actually we have lots of common friends in jjc and they are in fact my sec sch mates friends..when he said tat he saw my pict before, my rxn was HUH ? SERIOUS? so i see, its the chinese new yr picts tat i went for with my sec sch mates..no wonder he seen my picts before.. haha! but today i reali got a close up to see him..actually i tink he is not reali tat quiet la cos initally i thought he is those quiet type but after the chat with him i still he is quite ok lei..but i still think some elements are lacking in him..perhaps he dun have tat fun factor? hmm.. i duno also..need to to ask my friend more abt him if i wan to kpo more abt him..but for now i am not going to kpo abt him..

anyway i asked my friend if do i look like someone who wont like ppl for long (as in commit in a relationship) ? and she said yes.. hmmm..perhaps i give ppl the impression tat i always get sick of things very fast..just like my dress sense..cos i dun like wearing the same thing over and over again frequently, so very often i change my style quite frequently..but when it comes to relationship i am certain tat i am someone who will commit de..as in i wont change heart very fast de if i were to like a person wholeheartly..i used to have feelings for this guy for 2 yrs and til now still cant reali forget him..so i guess afterall these yrs i still haven reali forgotton him cos he is always on my mind ocassionally..for those eye candies tat i have been eyeing on i dun reali having feeling for them la, tat's why i always change target very fast..its not becos i am fickle minded and unfaithful, but its rather of i dun feel for them at all ! so i dun see the reason why i cant change target !

haiz..i think all the nice guys are already attached and taken liao..and there is no simple,caring and faithful guy anymore..even if they do exist, i think its kinda hard to find them liao..

~happy for xxx~

卓文萱 - 永不消失的彩虹

我看见你的瞳孔
看见的那片天空
你指尖尽头 架构属於我的梦
那是清澈的星河 那是橘色的云朵
遥远的天国 建筑这一道彩虹
你把我眼底的寂寞
彩绘成缤纷的宇宙
跟在你身後 带我静静遨游
请不要放开我的双手
不要缺席我的以後
请留给我 慢慢消失的那一道彩虹
已经习惯你的双手
牵着我的那种温柔
只有你懂 我会流泪是因为最深处的感动
我以为天是黑的 你忽然放了烟火
我才发现我 生命可以很闪烁
你把我眼底的寂寞 彩绘成缤纷的宇宙
跟在你身後
带我静静遨游
请不要放开我的双手
不要缺席我的以後
请留给我 慢慢消失的那一道彩虹
已经习惯你的双手 牵着我的那种温柔
只有你懂 我会流泪是因为最深处的感动
请不要关掉我的镜头
不要熄灭我的以後 还给黑夜 永不消失的那一道彩虹
已经习惯我的双手
你能感受我的颤抖
只有你懂 我会流泪是因为最深处的感动

I think this song is kinda meaning man..first time i look at lyrics man..anyway i shall dedicate this song to XXX..though was abit sad abt the thing tat i just knew, but i shall wish u all the best !

~did you ever ask urself this qn before?~

yesterday i was seriously not in the mood to do anything, so the moment i reached home i slept immediately..i dun feel like touching my books either..so i packed my things on the table cos its kinda messy and after which i lie down on the floor to think abt some issues and the next moment i opened my eyes its already daylight le..i guess i feel better now le after a long sleep the night before..ppl always say that "Tmr will be a better day !" and yes i guess its quite true..

yesterday while i was lying on the floor i thought of many issues in my head..i once pose a qn to many of my friends asking them if there is a choice to let u chose between someone who u like to be with OR someone who likes u but u dun reali like him, then who will u choose? many of my friends chose the option tat they will choose to be with someone they like..many of times i did give some serious thought before..but at the end of the day my heart still struggled to make a choice over these 2 options cos i reali duno if i should choose between my heart or logic..but if i were to choose someone who likes me but i dun reali have much feelings for him, then the reason would be i think i will feel something for him in time to come..perhaps the feelings need time to be nurtured..(I guess) or perhaps the guy just need to be very caring and nice towards me then in time to come, i might fall for him soon..afterall i dun think my heart is so hard to tackle..not to the extent of an diamond tat is so hard to touched me..in fact i think i get easily touched by a person little actions when i am feeling down tat time..but if i were to choose over someone i like, then i would have to put in super lots of effort to make the guy like me, but by then i would be very tired of taking initiative of everything towards the guy..afterall i am a girl, so i shouldnt take so much move..i think drop some hints will do..but if the guy duno then i shall just call it a day..

haiz.anyway i am super damn sian man..lots of sch stuff to catch up with..i think lately i have been trying to dress up kinda a lot..duno why..i guess i am stress over many things so kinda need to de-stress..and my weight keep going down man..wah..i see liao damn shoik..no wonder my friends say tat i have slightly slim down liao after the holiday..i guess i am kinda sick in the holiday, so didnt reali eat much..i think my losing weight is amazing man..i have lose 4.5kgs ever since i stop work in late june..alright i still need another 1.5kg then i can reach my ideal weight liao..lately i haven been reali dieting..duno why cos i just dun feel like dieting man..but duno why i still got eat and still can slim down..and i haven been running for almost a month liao..cos previously my legs hurts so i stopped running a while..but once a while my legs still hurts again, so i guess its some feng shi liao..(getting old liao man).. ;(

alright today its a brand new qm, i am no longer emo and sad liao ! ;)

~i wish someone can just take me away~

haiz..i reali duno why my heart feels reali empty lately...tat time i still laugh at my friend tat he/she feels lonely out of the sudden. now i guess its my turn..haiz..duno why now lately i feel the same thing and this has never happened before ever since my last relationship..sigh..lately there are just too much things happening and its kinda too much for me to take, so i guess maybe i just need someone to talk to me and maybe i will feel better then..whenever i have problems, mr XXX will just came to my mind cos i believed tat he is the best friend tat can approach to talk problems to..though it might not solve my problems, but i guess saying out things might help to lessen my minds' burden.. .but too bad he is gone already..perhaps he is reali someone not within my reach anymore..sometimes once things are gone they will be gone forever, by then its too late for regrets le when u wanna make up to the person..i guess all i need now is a shoulder to lie on..i guess someone like me who is very independent feels like a xiao nu ren now cos i am too tired of hiding things inside my heart liao and yet appears to be happy.i guess sometimes someone who is very cheerful can feel sad at certain times, and tat's nw i am feeling now.so i need things to do to distract my mind now and the best thing is to keep me occuiped with studies and think of nothing else..

today my dad told me a very sad thing and he said " qm, u dun be too sad if i tell u that i am not going to live for long.after all its part and parcel of life.. indeed my heart feel reali sad when i heard this sentence from my dad cos he is my only dad and i adore him a lot though we dun reali communicate alot..but i know he cares for me alot though he dun say out unlike my mum..both parents show different ways of concern for me..but of cos i prefer's my way dad of concern...26th march he will be going for operation soon and hopefully he will be fine after tat..for now the doctor cant deduce anything from the test results.but my bro friend's doctor all feels tat its some sort of cancer..haiz.i duno why my dad get this kind of tumor when my family background dun have such cancer history..i guess for now all i need to do is to try to be more concern for my dad cos i feel i am now living in my own world now, as in quite bo chap towards ppl around me..i guess its time for me to cherish them and not take them for granted before i lose them..today i reali feel like crying out in sch le whenever i thought of wat my dad say to me today, but i hold on to my tears and remain calm cos i dun wan to shock my friends.perhaps my friends can make me happier now..at least staying around with my dearest friends might make me think less..and weekend i reali got super alot of things to catch up with and i am reali simply tired le both mentality and physically..i just hope to go on a holiday now..

and today after sch went to window shop at JP..somehow at tat time i feel more relaxed and brain reali thought of nothing..i guess i need ppl to shower me with concern now..mind too much to handle alone liao..and yesterday my student mum ask me if she has paid me for the month tat she owes me. but i told her its ok liao cos anyway i think i didnt reali teach her daugther much..so kinda feel guilty earning her money man..i guess at this point of life i feels tat money is reali not everything..its the process tat u enjoy wat u does..does i need alot of money to pay off my tuition loan but i guess i am happy with my life now with earning $100 every month for piano lesson..though my mum always ask me to ask for increment when i teach her things beyond her level le..but i feel its kinda not nice la..i think i am just too nice to ppl liao..haha..my student even say to me tat why i dun wan her mum's money when her mum wans to pay me..i told her its ok la..to me i think money is not every thing..

~haiz..kinda demoralised initally~

tues i got home reali relax man..did nothing and in fact i went to sleep super early cos dun feel like studying at all for chem..then yesterday chiong like siao and cant finish even til midnight le..then i bo chap and went off to sleep..initally wanted to wake up in the middle of the night de, but apparently i off my hp alarm after it rings so by the time i woke up i realised tat its too late..so just speed read with watever i can with the remaining time..but today the chem test turn out to be kinda jialat man...i think i will fail man..so tat time i was abit upset la..but i guess have to learn to take it easy...anyway in JC i always fail like no one's business liao..so this kind of thing should be immune to me liao..i think next time all i need to do is to take it easy liao..never mind next time i will jia you for next CA..but i guess this CA is gonna pull down my marks like siao..haiz,...but somehow later tat makes me happier was my computing grades was reali out of expectation man..cos initally i thought tat i will get C de cos i think i reali wrote crap tat day plus tat stupid ass comp cock up half way when i was doing the test..then i was kinda pissed liao and brain was abit jam too after tat..but the results was reali gd man..the moment keith passed me my paper, i was super shocked...my first reaction was "omg ! i cant believe this !" and yes i think the teacher was nice and not strict cos i guess with wat i wrote certainly its crap..

and today i finally talk to my jc first 3 months friend liao..cos i wanted to talk to him initally de, but scared he forget me, but his friend say he wanted to ask me too if am i the person tat he knows.so bingo ! i am the right person..ok la, partly i talk to him cos i wan to zun bian know his friend too..but i guess his friend is someone not easy to know ah cos he kinda quiet, unlike my friend who is super talkative..i can rmb he is the joker in my class man..talk to him will reali make my day happier man.. ;)alright i am off for my piano lesson liao..sian..

~i am freaking busy man~

sat night decided to go JP to shop since its been a long time since i have stepped out of the nanyang area cos everyday i walk back home de. wah then see so many clothes on sales..was reali tempted to buy de, but i tell myself tat ok i shall save money now since i got my study loan to pay off..so bo bian lo..then sun i reali start to do serious work and piah liao cos i realised tat i reali have no time anymore..now i reali got super lots of things to clear man..super lag behind in many stuff liao..and i feel kinda stress cos got so many things haven and never do and duno..so its like some pile of mountain now..so naturally i will feel super stress..

then yesterday physics test heng was kinda a so so paper..at least it was much managable compared to the previous sem phy CA..at least i could do more qns on my own and feel proud of myself cos most of it is i do de rather than copy ans from my friend..so naturally will have tat sense of satisfaction. and today that maths test was at least much better than the previous screwed up test cos at least i am mentally prepared liao..and at least now i can do more qns..i think i canot do tutorials too early man, else its super easy for me to forget everything man.

and today i saw this friend of mine saying tat he is missing something in life..then thinking bac of my life, i think i am missing something in life too, but duno wat's missing lei..its just a feel tat i duno how to say..haiz.thur i got a chem test and finally its my last test liao..yipee..finally can relax a while liao.and recently i think this mo mo XXX reali not bad seh..even my friend say tat too..haha..at least he do know our existence now.. ;) whee ..