~free pay totally~

wah yesterday was super shoik man cos i felt tat i got free pay for 12 hours doing nothing..initally was asked to work at the main lobby de, but later xy transfer me to the MRO since there over staff le..then just nice ben was down there alone.so for the rest of the day i was stationed there..in fact was kinda happy to be placed there cos there super slack as compared to the main lobby and the gd thing is i can do my stuff like reading newspaper openly whereas at the main lobby i cant do anything over there though there quite not have "business" so its kinda reali sian man..yeah somehow we reali talk super alot abt everything under the sun..find him quite a nice person to joke around with ;) and i was super shock to hear something abt his friend yesterday..haiz.all i can say is dun ever try to judge a person by its book...cos seriously it can reali scare ppl off once u did something wrongly.. haha.then dinner we ordered pizza and went for the sec serving since all of us not full so in turn ate 6 pizzas in all..wah super sinful man cos eat so much..the pizza we ordered is call rite pizza.super nice, in fact much more better than the normal pizzas tat we order.next time i shall order this to eat le.then after which took ben's car to bukit batok to go home and at nite went to jog 12 rounds again cos i dun wan to get fat ! alrights, this week i work lesser cos ppl complaining on me tat i keep getting slots whereas they cant get.so this week they give me lesser slots le..wa lao those bloddy xiao mei mei damn like to complain man..and this week i am almost working with them practically most of the days..sian la ! seriously dun like to work with them cos i think i cant reali communicate well with them as compared to the guys cos they are so immature and childish..worst stil my current workplace got this ah tiong tat always like to slack and complain..i hear liao also cant tahan her man..zzz.alrights next week i am flying off to taiwan le..super happy man,but in return it will mean less money to earn.. =(

~more updates~

the 3 of us so bored at work..

johannes 21st bday

nice yummy brownie cake at douby exchange station

thur nite went to my students' house and she gave me hand made dumplings to try out.it looks seriously temping to eat but i turn down her offer to eat cos i told her tat i am eating buffet the next day le.so need to diet tat day.yeah so i just see her eat while playing the piano..wa lao and she kept on temping me with the food by kar jiao-ing me with those expressions.win liao man,but eventually i didnt got waived by her and trick me into eating the dumpling..

alrights, then fri was my off day...surprising i could have an off day cos if i were not given an off day i believe tat i will still continue to work everyday de if they got slot for me to work cos i wan to earn alot of money ma for my trip to taiwan and jakarta cos i think i will spent lots of money over there.and morning i couldnt wake up til wp called me..and i felt pei seh made her wait for me 2 hrs cos i overslept and somehow she finished her interview one hour earlier before the actual time tat we are meeting..so yeah after tat went to suki sushi buffet at ceni and the buffet i think not too bad la..seriously i ate until stomach almost wan to explode liao man..haha..then after tat went to window shop with her at the town area.then saw felicia chin filming.wah she is super chio man but apparently she is not as skinny as wat she appears on TV..and tat entire nite wp was helping me to have a change over look of my dress sense..so we went forever 21 to choose tops tat are suitable for me and then i try out for fun cos i dun intend to buy those clothes in spore.in fact going to look for similar ones in taiwan. ;)

alrights then today sat work is seriously super sian cos my friends are all not working with me.and even if the malay guy and jun hao are working today,but they all are assigned to work elsewhere.so i met up with them for lunch and after which took malay guy's car to JP after work..haha.ok,tml is sun and its double pay..yipee.earn like siao man.. ;)

and now i gonna a few friends to meet up with before i fly off..ch is one of them cos supposedly was tml to meet up de, but i end work kinda late so cant le and mon was supposed to come for the planning session with them de for the taiwan trip, but i guess i am working, so cant le.then tues maybe need to go for the talk if i decides to go shanghai for the trip cos wp ytd keep on persuading me to give up my indo trip and go for shanghai trip instead cos it onli cost $100 for 2 way tickets and partly my eye candy also going..so i was kinda tempted somehow...but hmmm..if i could go for all the 3 of them then tat will be gd !

~haiz..i think i almost fall into this luv trap~

sat was a super relaxing day at work cos there is totally nothing for me to do at all..almost tat sat entire night i was chatting with xy nia and get free pay..haha..so this job is kinda shoik man..but its super boring la and heng tat day got another joker new friend talk with me then i jar kiao and suan him like siao cos i think he is someone tat can joke around with..but i reali fall asleep when i was staring at the thermo scanner cos somehow tat thermo scanner got the cui mian effect but heng xy suddenly wake me up by nudging me,else if got other ppl see i sleeping during work hours then reali reflect very bad on me..heng man !

then sun was off so i decided to go explore and buy a digital camera and i finally bought a digital camera for $209 for alot of free stuff at gain city..i went to 3 places to compare prices de then finally made the decision to buy down tat camera..then its super shagged tat day la cos went to mustafa warehouse in the morning,then after which went to the suntec gaming fair to see the camera and after which went to gain city to see the camera and all the promotions all end tat sun, so bo bian have to die die buy the camera on tat final day.and after tat went to vivo to shop since vivo is on my way back home..then bought one "sexy top" tat day for very cheap cos its 70% off..whee feel so happy cos its been a very long time since i reali spend money on clothes le and i am getting sick of seeing and wearing the same old clothes le..

then mon was out early in the morning to chinatown to buy some stuff for my grandmother which i am going to pass to her when i go jarkata this coming june.then after which met up with jo,xy n our clique guys to the minds cafe at douby daut then after which went to the douby exchange to have our dinner and celebrate jo's bday..and finally the day ends with the movie (the night museum)..seriously i dun find tat movie nice, but lots of them find the movie nice.in fact i was so bored tat i almost fall asleep seeing tat movie..then after the movie, jo,xy and me took 174 way bac to our home,but apparently i forsee tat i surely dun have bus way home le by the time i reach JP,so i took the bus ride to xy house and after which he sent me home. and thanks for his fast chion-ing speed tat somehow i manage to reach home on time.phew. !

then tues and wed did full shift and i am super tired man cos the day before i onli sleep a few hours..gosh i think i haven been sleeping much for many weeks le..haiz..then wed i was happy to partner with him..then we talk quite alot since the carpark area not much "Business" at all..and duno why these few days i think i almost fall into his luv trap..jialat man, so i keep telling myself tat i gonna wake up my idea man..and yes now i finally clear minded le..i am not supposed to have a crush on him ! NO NO NO ! he is certainly not my type of tea tat i will like cos he is just a playboy..haiz..and after my morning shift with him then i went off to my afternoon shift at another location..and seriously the time pass super slow over there..and i was super duper damn bored la cos the ppl tat they are partner with are all kinda unfriendly man..and today i was kinda pissed off when today this team leader approach me asking me if i did take a long break yesterday...since i felt tat he knew the truth le., so i think there is no point covering le so i confess to him tat me n hm did took a long dinner break and i asked him how he knows de..but he die die also dun wan say..bloody ass man, i think tat 2 dao guys should have sabo us and complain to him tat we took a long break..so this team leader was telling me this and tat and saying tat our acts not onli will affect us,but will indirectly affect other ppl..so i kept quiet and tell him tat we wont take long breaks in future lo..haiz.suay man cos yesterday is the first time we reali took an hour break then immediately the next day caught in action le..wa lao now i think i cant trust anyone man at workplace man..cos anyone can sabo at work de..haiz.. =(

then yesterday i decided to wear the "Sexy" top to work and heels cos i am getting bored of tat same old jeans tat i wore to work..so i tried to be different ytd..and everyone kept on saying why u wear so sexy today..where are u going and stuff like tat..aiya tat's just me la..i like to be different once a while and break the working attire tat the workplace sets it to be.but me and hm kinda suay kanna caught by our agent yesterday for our inapproiate attire..suay man..then after work went off for supper with jo,xy,cs and malay boy at some indian foodplace at bukit timah..then we ate a super nice prata which i forgotton call wat le,but its not reali cheap but its worthwhile trying la.after which took xy car bac home and the guys went to jo house to see the soccer match.


alrights today i am super damn tired til i fall asleep when i working at the carpark..cos super bored and the night before i onli slept 4 hrs..sian la..

~my results are out-and i am kinda sad over this~

thur nite i could have supposedly slept earlier cos i have nothing to watch tat day and somehow i managed to came home earlier tat day after teaching piano..tat day i went to my student's house to teach and halfway through she wanted to eat dinner since she say tat she was hungry liao..so she asked me to join her for dinner..initally i was quite reluctant cos its not very nice to eat dinner at ppl's house ma..so both of us ate popiah for dinner and we DIY it ourselves..but my popiah looks ugly and out of shape as compared to my student's one cos this is my first time wrapping popiah.haha..then while i was eating, her mum came to the kitchen and saw me...she was asking me if i reali cant teach her daughter ah..then i told her tat i wanted to teach from scratch (As in beginner stage) cos i just graduated one yr plus bac, so cant possibly ask me to teach someone who is already quite gd..then her mum was saying tat i musnt quit half way teaching her current older daughter cos she says tat she dun wan to find another piano teacher le.and yes i promised her..if i wanted to give up on this student i would have given up on her..thinking bac i tink i have taught her for almost a yr le..but seriously i feel kinda bad after hearing from her older sis tat she felt sad after knowing tat i dun wan to continue with her anymore..cos she felt tat i dun wan her..haiz..so i feel kinda guilty and msg her ..=(

then 12am tat thur nite when i saw my results i was super sad cos my gpa drop super alot and this time results is reali super cui and bad..got grades ranging from A to D..actually i already knew tat i will did badly this time cos when i did all the papers i roughly know how will i get for tat paper..true enough tat i was rite to guess tat my physics is the best paper among all and my computing is the most badly done paper.haiz..then my mum keep nagging and scolding me for my results when i was already so sad liao..so got reali pissed with her man..and moreover when i heard all my friends getting so gd my mood got even worst and became more sad..but thanks contruction worker for consoling me and hm tat day..though his words didnt reali make us better cos the results wont change in anyway, nevertheless still thanks joe ;) he still thought i will cry over it, but i say i wont de la cos cry also no use..its not as if cry le then results will change like tat, but feeling sad is confirm will de la.cos i feel tat this sem i put in more effort to study than last sem when last sem i was seriously sleeping most of the time and last min the piah hard de..but i guess this sem i did study but end up when its near to exam i didnt study everything finish.so lesson learnt le, next sem i must make sure tat i study everything to play safe cos i dun wan make another mistake again.. tat nite chatted with him til 3.30 am til almost 4am..and the next day when i got to work i almost fell asleep when i was outside working at the counter cos tat day slept onli abt 2.5hrs nia.so kinda jialat and moreover i have been consistently not sleeping for many hours for many days le.so after so many days of accumulating ytd is the most jialat and i look seriously like a zombie now man..but at least today sat i woke up slightly later cos heng my shift was afternoon shift..


then ytd was at work felt better so those guys are around to entertain and cheer us up and somehow forgotton our sad-ness.yeah so ytd i was so tired tat i wanted to go home to sleep after work but once i got reminded of tat my mum would surely nag at me once i got home for my lousy results then i deided to stay out after work and go shopping..so yeah went to suntec city to shop and somehow tat day i got lost while taking bus to suntec cos my brain was half awake nia..then i got off at the wrong bus stop and later decided to walk to suntec since its just a bus stop away from where i alighted wrongly..then halfway through the journey when i was walking along pavement of the nicoll highway, i saw an 80 + old lady and she fell down when she was walking cos her bac was totally not straight (In fact it was slanted) and she cant even walk straight so hav to walk slanted..wah and she fell down on the grass..when i saw tat i was like omg..so i decided to stop awhile and see wat's wrong with her..so i helped her out and she pleaded me to pei her walk across tat expressway..and i told her i cant do tat cos its super dangerous..and moreover with her walking speed, by the time she walk halfway the cars would have reach us le.haiz. so tat point of time i felt so helpless as in how should i go abt helping her cross tat expressroad when she just wanted to cross tat road since her house is just opposite the express way..so i saw an overhead bridge which wass freaking far from where we are and so i told her tat i will pei her walk up tat overhead bridge but she says tat her legs cant take it cos she is old and weak liao..wah when i heard tat i was totally freak out and helpless cos i reali duno how can i help this kelian old lady..and moreover she onli understand dialet and i can onli understand abit of wat she is saying.and most of the time i couldnt understand wat she was talking abt.so i bo bian i decided to pei her walk towards tat overhead bridge and halfway through lots of ppl travelling along the express way did stop by to see wat's is happening cos i was giving them tat kelian look hoping tat someone could help me carry tat old lady cos she is reali super heavy and my bac hurts abt holding on to her for very long.so heng got this nice contruction site guy came to my rescue and helped me with this old lady and he said tat its best tat we call the police since we cant possibly dump her there after helping her cross tat overhead brigde since tat old lday cant rmb her address of her house and any contact no tat we can contact her family members..and i reali felt very kelian for the ah ma cos she told me tat she walked all the way to pray at the temple near bugis and walk from there to suntec tat area..wah i reali salute her man cos its super hot and she reali can take it and walk so much ! so after tat the police came and somehow those policemen are all super young de, so they cant reali understand dialet too but heng tat old lady can speak malay so somehow can communicate with tat malay policewoman..after which i duno how things ended up with tat ah ma cos they say they no need me liao so i just went off to my suntec though initally i was still thinking of pei-ing them to send tat ah ma home.anway this encounter reali made me feel tat old ppl are reali super fragile when they aged..i am reali scared tat one day if my dad is like tat ah ma, then its reali super kelian man..she can hardly walk much and no one is there to help her cos which dumb ppl will walk along the expressway for no reason unless u got off at the wrong bustop just like me lo..so i think everything was a blessing in disguise..if i wasnt there to help tat old lady i think tat day she can never get home man..;( cos she would be stuck at tat expressway..

alrights i gonna go off to work le..haiZ.

~i guess i have finally found an ans to my heart ~

haiz..i reali hope to go the CIP trip to sichun lei but my time flight clashes with my interview and moreover my eye candy is going also..so hopefully can take this chance to know more abt him and also my close friend is going..so gd lo cos can travel with friends..haiz..too bad i already book my flight to jarkata le..so cant do anything now..

and yesterday i was working at kent ridge for the afternoon shift..wah i get so bored tat i almost fall asleep sufting net at nite..and today was working with "construction worker" again..but somehow time pass reali slow today cos he never joke much today..and today we did talk again and the "Angry" thing is tat he keep on bluffing me la..so duno when he say de is true and when is not true..and tat hua hua gong zi look on him reali makes me feel tat he onli sweet gers to gers nia..alrights tonite 12am i am going to get my results..wish me luck man..gonna pray hard tat i maintain my GPA>..

then yesterday after work went to holland v to celebrate wanteng bday at holland V..and i realised tat there are lots of bars at tat areas and its kinda a nice place to chill out with friends or ur luv ones esp in the nite.and ytd tat supper at coffee club was sinful cos we ate lots of food at night..and ytd reach home 12.15am...so late la and ended up bo bian onli sleep 3 hrs then have to go work again liao..wah i feel i totally no life man..and i reali haven go for running for very long time le..sigh....and yesterday somewat i reali felt tat i have gotton an ans to my heart le...i think i will close case le..now serious le cos i feel i have no feelings for him anymore..haiz..cos i think no point waiting for things tat wont bear fruit..and i kept on bearing in mind wat tat auntie once told me before..so i am reali determined this time...perhaps i have decided to move on le..

~i feel happy working at nuh~

haiz..this 11 july was supposedly going to the sichuan earthquake mission to help out those kids de..but i am bac onli on 11 july and moreover next month i am going to 2 countries for holiday le..so cant go another country though its heavily subsidised (less than $200 only) and its taking spore airlines man..so shuang man and i am kinda tempted to go..but i am afraid i cant go so many countries at one go cos my mum will sure scold me de..cos she already scolded me for going 2 countries for holiday le.and this coming thur 12am midnite i am getting my results le..haiz..i am super scared man..i scared i will be super disppointed with my results then no mood to work the following fri man..

sun was a seriously boring day but i am happy tat i earn $144 tat day easily just by slacking..then mon (yesterday) was kinda busy at main lobby cos morning was assigned to go out to the counter to work by this pretty ger supervisor.then was kinda sian la cos the crowd keep coming in non stop and me and hm was kinda sian by tat crowd esp when one whole big family come at one whole shot asking u to fill up forms for them..so halfway through i got so tired tat i get bo chap liao and ask them to fill up the forms themselves unless they are illiterate,but heng at least manage to work with hm and friends tat i got to know through working in nuh, so at least time pass faster abit.and tat mon i piah 2 shifts man..somehow manage to survive through without legs being cui..haha cos we sat down alot..but tat day got to know this "Contruction guy" better though before tat we somehow know each other le through the dinner chat..but tat time we didnt talk much cos tat jameson was talking some dirty stuff and i was dragged into the topic though i kinda dun feel like getting invovle in such topics cos i tell myself i need to be serious and stop talking such topics le..but somehow those ppl already condition me and made me into their clique le..haiz..my image reali totally drop to the rock bottom liao..jialat..i think next time i must refrain from saying such things liao man..but working with this "Contruction worker" reali makes my day happier and time pass reali fast cos he is a joker and somehow he somewhat entertained me the whole morning..then afternoon came along xuan yu and tat malay guy.so having work the entire morning shift without slacking, xuan yu decided to give us a break by working at the temperature scanner position..wah, sit there reali damn shuang man..totally no need to do anything but easy to fall asleep man..haha..then while we were working afternoon shift, we have the company of tat malay guy...whee..then we tried to kar jiao him again by giving him goreng pisang again cos i cant finish the goreng pisang tat xuan yu bought for us so i decided to give him cos see him so kelian outside so busy no time to eat.. then at nite work outside with him sharing the same table..then we keep making fun of him..somehow the time just pass very fast..haha..hmm..this malay guy seems not bad and fun to make fun of cos he is kinda naive man..but too bad he is short..so ytd went home with them though initally was supposed to go home with el they all, but duno why they all disppear, so halfway through the bus stop went home with them cos wait for them to come they never come at all de..

then today came to work late again cos i woke up super late though the night before i slept kinda early cos i have been sleeping for 4.5 hrs for 2 days le..so reali damn tired liao man..so today woke up super late and when i realised tat i was like "omg, i am super late liao.."but heng today tat nice guy martin gave us relax work..and somehow tat contruction worker say wan to pair up with me for the sticker section then i say ok lo since i kinda bored also..then can chat with him..and moreover i think he joker type can play around with him also..but i am indeed somehow my impression of him cos i thought he is those slack type when it comes to work, but somehow i am wrong..in fact he is quite serious in his work..whereas i am more of the bo chap type..haiz..but somehow the first impression tat i gave him is i am not serious..hai.z..duno why everyone says tat too..this is bad man..laughing alot and talk alot of crap = sociable and outgoing wat..how come becomes not serious..but today i told him lots of lies cos i always feel tat he always bluff me de abt his background..so i decided not to be serious abt my background too..so i told him i am an ABC..if he is dumb enough he will believe me..but i think he wont ba,.. ;)


then today i finally tell my 2nd student tat i cant teach her anymore cos i feel reali stressed teaching her and moreover i reali got no time to teach her anymore once sch reopen..and partly i feel my standard reali not there to teach higher grades, so i rather not cheat their money la..so i be honest with her..so i shall continue to teach her older sis and forgo her..cos i was super stress the day before today cos i haven practise the piece tat i am supposed to teach her today...so after thinking it through i decided to give her up and tell her mum..her secretary called me immediately once i msg her the reason why i dun wan continue teach her..she kept on asking me to teach me, but i say i cant cos i not confident enough..i rather not earn tat money man cos if not like tat i forever also stress teaching her..


alrights tonite i am kinda free off load le..tml i am working at nite..whee..can sleep more ;)

~i am kinda stress up over teaching her~

thur went to my student house to teach and her older sister suddenly said tat she decides not to have lesson tat day cos she have an exam tml, whereas the younger sis wans to have it despite having exam tml..so alrights lo i wont force u to have lesson if u dun wan cos i understand exam more impt..but tat day i was hoping tat the older sis would have lesson with me instead of the younger sis cos tat younger sis demands quite a lot and i am kinda stress teaching her...

yeah so she told me to teach her pop songs lei intead of those classical songs tat my teacher would teach when i was in beginner..actually when i was young my teacher would teach me those retarted songs for beginner but i know these 2 students of mine surely wont like de cos they so old le cant possibly ask them play retarted songs rite..haiz..so i didnt bother to ask them play those songs though i know tat its part of the learning process..zzz so tat day wat i prepared was totally useless cos she wasnt interested in learning those songs, so its kinda wasting my time preparing those materials man..so now bo bian i have to practise myself at home first before teaching her..but the problem now is i no time to practise cos i got work everyday til super late..totally no time to practise alot..siao liao man..tues is the lesson liao and today is sat le..hope i can make it on time to play well..haiz...stress man cos i am not trained to teach at this area..and she said something like "i hope u are not those boring teacher again teach me those boring songs.." jialat man, when i heard tat i smiled..cos i dun like those boring songs either cos i cant appreciate..actually i like pop songs too but duno how should i teach nia..now feel abit bad taking her money to teach man cos i think i am not gd at teaching..maybe i can teach her older sis cos her older sis likes wat i am teaching her..( as in the traditional teaching style)

then fri saw ace then he was briefing us on the memo thingy cos many of us kinda broke some of the rules lain by the agency..yeah he said tat i shouldnt wear shorts to work..aiya i wear so many times le then nobody say so i cant be bothered ma..cos i got use to wearing shorts le then now need to wear jeans look very funny ma.but i was happy when he told us all our schedule for next week cos got money to earn le..next mon super jialat man cos i need to work 13 hrs like tat..can die man..but nvm shall try for once..now i shall earn lots of money then june shall go for holiday..july come bac will start preparing my sch stuff liao and perhaps rest a bit. and i reali need to thanks ace again for letting hm coming bac and pei me else i will be super sian de cos aferall i need a ger's company to chat and talk to.

tat day i realised something as in perhaps i should reali open my options to more ppl man..cos i realised a few gd guys around, but didnt reali notice them til tat fri..alrights i shall observe more first..but now reali a bit tired to look out for one cos abit no mood and feel to have one..cos tat heart of mine already died and totally no feeling now..feels so relax now man..

then today (sat) when to work then almost fell asleep looking at the thermo scan cos its super boring man..and thanks to xuan yu for not telling ace tat i am late for work cos today i am 45 mins late for work so he say today he will close one eye..phew..cos ydt i slept at 2am then when i woke up its already 6.45am when supposedly i should be awake at 5.15am..so today after work when to yishun to cut my fringe then went to meet jy for an hour then went to hm to take the lugagge..think her mum super nice and pretty for her age..yeah somehow her mum is so much better than mine..duno why both of them just sounds like friends when they are talking to each other, whereas me and my mum just cant..haiz..this problem shall always exist..think cant be solved tat easily ba..alrights tml i need to work for 12hrs..duno my legs can tahan or not..hopefully yes..

~i suddenly felt enlightened~

tues went off to work and tat day was assigned to work at main lobby..supposedly tat day was kinda busy de but somehow manage to chop tat temperature scanner seat then tat day me and hm felt shoik man cos whole day just sit down there slack and chat nia. (But of cos at the same time got do work la) then tat day knew this guy thomas and he is kinda irritating i feel cos keep asking me this and that abt my personal life..but i must be honest to say tat i indeed felt happy when he guessed tat i am 19 yrs old when my actual age is much more than tat..i guess tat day perhaps my dressing was much younger than usual ba cos i wore a beach wear dress tat day to work..yeah but he is kinda irritating so i try to siam him whenever possible..

then yesterday was assigned to work at kent ridge wing and surprising i have to take my mum and dad's temperature for them..initally didnt saw them de, but once i heard my mum calling me "lian ah.." then i look up and saw its actually my mum cos no one else calls me tat except her.and soon after them i suddenly saw my mum's friend coming into my "Booth" to take temperature..my first rxn was "oh shit ! " but bo bian she already in front of me liao so i have to take for her..but surprising she couldnt recognise me at all man..duno why and weird thing is tat i never put on the mask lei,...so actually should be quite easy to recognise me de..i guess perhaps i have change my hairstyle to short hair liao, so maybe she coudnt recognise me..phew..

and so after my work went to find my dad since he is having his operation..but when i reach the ward, he was already sent off to the operation theratre so i was feeling kinda sian waiting at the vistor lounge since no chair for me to sit so i decided to went bac to work to find my friends..and yesterday i suddenly felt enlightened after talking to the auntie and those guys...and somehow after the talk i feel tat i should indeed do some self reflection on myself..cos its been yrs since i reflect on myself..i rmb mr XXX once tellling me before tat he would do a self reflection every yr but ever since he stepped out of my life, i have somehow forgotton abt it..cos previously i tell myself tat i should change myself for the better so i promise myself tat i will do some self reflection monthly de, but somehow days were so busy tat i have clean forgotton abt this important thing tat i need to do in life..and somehow yesterday through the bus journey way bac home, i thought through alot of things inside my heart and brain..perhaps i need to change alot,but i cant guarentee tat i can change tat much cos this is something tat cant be done overnite.and yeah i will try my best..(alrights i will always rmb this sentence : always think through ur brain of the consequences tat u or other ppl will get before u speaks..") in the past i changed myself to be more matured in thinking cos of mr XXX cos i wan to get to his frequency..but this time round, i am changing for myself cos of the enlightenment tat the auntie and those guys gave me..seriously tat nite i have never listen so attentively to anyone before, but somehow the chat with them i reali gave 100% attention to them..yeah it somehow changed my perception of him too..i am sorry, perhaps all along i have mistaken abt u since u never try to open urself up so ppl wont know wat u thinking inside..and yesterday tat auntie say my character is kinda stubborn and to certain extent i would say she is correct.but i am trying to change now..cos not all context i am stubborn de..and she said tat becos of my stubborn-ness i will never give up on myself when i am faced with a failure..from this i would say tat wat she sees through me is kinda zun..and she added a point saying tat i should try to spend more time at home probably at least 2 days in the weekends cos she knew tat from the way i talk, i am more of those type of ppl tat dun like to cope up at home..and yes she is super correct..but i will try to change this "Habit" of me of keeping to go out cos i know tat in future when i am married, i need to stop all these liao and be a 24hrs housewife if possible..and she says tat if i continue to be like this, my husband will suffer in future cos he might feel tat having a wife is equals to not having one..alrights i know wat she mean and her gd intentions tat she is trying to bring across..i shall try to change from now then..but yesterday i did ask myself this qn:" why is it tat i can chat and talk so much to other aunties but not my mum?" i always find tat other ppl's mum are super nice as compared to my mum, so does the problem lies with me or just her? or both of us did have some problems to correct? i reali duno where does the problem lies with..perhaps all of us in the family have already condition her to be a nasty and unreasonable women tat cant be reasoned out with, so everyone just cant be bothered with her? haiz..i seriously duno wat and where does the problem lies in?

and after the yesterday chat i felt tat my heart was somehow opened up cos certain things tat i always wanted to say has already been said out yesterday..and i am sorry if i have hurt u guys..somehow i reali appreciated these ppl for telling so much things to me abt life and i am glad tat i have gotten englightened cos all along i always like ppl to tell me stuff on life..and yesterday nite i thought through the bus why i always feel so deeply for mr xxx..now i know the ans le..cos all along i cant reali know wat's the X factor tat i am attracted to him and finally yesterday i gotten an ans le..its his maturity tat attracted me to him and through him i learnt alot of things which i never learn before from my other friends..

haiz..now hm is gone to work for other jobs le..kinda feel sian working alone liao man..alrights, i am off for my piano class le ;( sian

~am i so inmature in thinking?~

haiz..i think in future i will try to stop talking abt dirty stuff in front of ppl liao..think need to be serious le..cos i think guys will be super turn off by this..alrights i will be as serious as wat i am in JC..will onli be serious and nothing else cos ppl think i am not serious at all...haiz..was kinda surprised tat ppl tell me this...and i think i give myself away too easily (win liao he somehow trick an ans out of me)..ppl can easily know wat i am thinking..haiz..he is the only one tat told me not to give up whereas all my friends tell me to give up cos they told me dun becos of one guy then forgo the green fields out there,meaning there are better guys out there..haiz..who should i listen man..he keep emphasing tat i must show ppl how i think..but my theory says tat i wont take actions unless i know the guy got interest for me too..else i will just suan ler..cos no point having him physically but inside his heart is all empty..wa lao if he tells him i sure gonna kill him man..i trust tat he wont tell him then say de..if not i think i gonna dig a hole and hide liao..he tell me to rest and wait a while,but i think i shall see first ba..since i say i am determined to give up liao, cant break wat i say unless got miracle happens..

one of my other guy friend thought i will cry..come on la..do i look so weak to u ? i am not like other gers cry over small issues la..to me dun like then dun like la..its not as if the world will collapse like tat..but if my bf breaks up with me then i will confirm cry like mad la cos tat's a different case and issue..aiya for now i will just heck liao cos my emo-ness already gone liao and it wont bother me for le..my mind is totally free now..all i know is to earn lots of money now for my taiwan trip and indonesia trip cos sch reopen i wan to change a new image again.trying to change myself to be more stylish ;)...and i need money to pay my sch fees which is like super alot..tat nuh job kinda earn so little la..initally still happy tat can work 2 shifts but now cant le..but cant blame tat ace la, cos i think he quite stress also..

then yesterday was kinda sian at home so decided to go shopping since i super long very stepped into shopping mall except for jurong point..i went to many places yesterday..IMM, suntec,citylink,marina square, orchard and doby daut..walk til my legs so cui la..then yesterday see so many things on sale so tempted to buy esp the clothes la..but later i think i going taiwan le so might well save up the money buy nicer ones..moreover those on sales are kinda office wear and i will not wear it often..so onli bought one belt and scarf..then save money le.. ;) wanted to buy the clothes de since so cheap but aiya thinking twice better not..so bought food to settle my cravings instead..then saw so many shoes on sales too,..was super tempted to buy also, but i try to control cos my house got so many heels and platforms le but haven wear (think got around 5 to 6 new ones lo)..think this time go overseas wanna buy a boots home..spore sell kinda ex man..then tat nite 9.30pm plus then decide to head home then saw weilian at the Plaza sing bus stop..initally didnt saw him then he saw me..initally wanted to take the same bus with him to bukit batok de, but later i too lazy to change bus so i took a straight bus bac to boon lay instead..

nowadays mum keep scolding me and nagging me tat i am always not at home de..true la..cos either i am off to work or else i just disappear from home to go shopping outside or just find something to do outside..u know i dun like to stay at home hear my mum's nagging cos she is kinda fann and many at times very unreasonable..so i would rather go outside have some peace..but yeah she was saying tat i treat this house like a hotel which is quite true..but i rather stay out than to stay at home hear her scold me..haiz,..today also never work lo..so find job online search for better jobs and also chat with friends..tml will be a better day ba cos i am working my next shift tml..haiz..thur gonna be a tiring day man..got to teach 2 students..sian..

~photos in sydney~

university of sydney (looks more like a castle)

my brother with an ang mo kid ! so cute !

oh god ! this guy is pee-ing in the public

this bridge is so nice ;)

this is such a nice sch..my dream sch man !

~i am glad to step out of his shadow day by day~

jiayou qm, i must tell myself tat i can do it de cos i am slowly getting out of his shadow le..give me another few more months i am sure i can do it ! certain time of these past few days when i was in the bus doing nothing, then i started asking myself if i do reali like him or not..i guess perhaps not cos he is not the one tat i am reali looking for..all along its the unknown attraction tat makes me eye candy him which can fade away easily ( i guess) if he were to step out slowly of my life..maybe wat my friend is right, i should heed his advice and forget him cos there wont be a ending de cos things are just kinda impossible between us..ya la all along i already knew tat liao, just tat i kept on deceiving myself nia hoping for miracle to happen only just like waiting for mr xxx. sometimes living in the world of lies just seems so shuang, at times just hope to stay there forever dun wan to wake up from those beautiful lies..gd bye eye candy..i am determine this time liao..so pls dun make me change my mind by entering into my life once again. gd luck to me kay..and i wont hope for miracles in er zuo ju ze wen le cos its kinda impossible..if u got see tat taiwan drama u will know wat i mean..but from my view i do saulte tat xiang qin for her determination to pursue something she wans.i dun have tat determination as comparaed to her..so now i wanna give up liao..and its time to wake up my idea too liao cos reali very tired le..

thur i finished work at 1.30pm then roam around waiting for 6.30pm to come so tat i can go my student house liao cos i dun like going there too late since its super ulu there cos its all ah nei and guys in tat industrial district..so sometimes i am abit scared to walk alone there..but heck la, i think they dare not do anything to me either..at most i will just scream if they dare to do anything to me.haha.but i believe tat there are lots of prostitution cases going on cos i always see lots of gers standing on the road jio-ing business..then i see liao half sian lo..i just scared tat those ah nei think tat i am one of those kind then approach me then i sure whack them lo...then my student's mum called me to tell me tat thur tat i come at 8.30pm instead..i was like "ok..though heart was feeling kinda unwilling cos kinda late lei.." and i need to wait so long..wa lao so i went to ntu to eat the zhu char then fall asleep on the table while waiting for time to past..her mum was telling me tat if possible try to be more sensitive towards their daughter as in try not to compare them..cos she say teenagers at age 14 or 15 can be quite sensitive..yeah i wont compare them de la..cos i know the feeling just like how my mum compares me with my brother..but somehow my heart will indirectly compare them though i say i wont comapre, but i wont say out de cos i know its kinda hurting to the older sis if i were to say tat the younger sis is much more better than her..so now i try to encourage her cos i been through wat she been through la..she always think she cant do it so i must phsycho her tat she can do it de..so its the lack of confidence tat she is lacking.tat day she suddenly wrap her arms around me saying tat " u are such a nice person..i have never tell all these to anyone.." wah when i heard tat my heart was feeling kinda touched..hehe cos i feel tat sense of satisfaction tat i can change her slowly day by day..maybe i just need more time to teach her well..so i told her in return tat " no lah, maybe u treat me as a friend..tat's why..." she says tat she dun even tell her older sis such things..i guess i got the lovable chacracter ba, tat's why everyone trust me so much and let me be their listening ear..;) whee..or maybe i just got tat curing effect when someone is down..cos i feel tat this student of mine can change for the better de, just tat need to spend more effort on her can liao..i wont give up on hopeless student de like other teachers do cos i understand the feeling of being give up by ppl..its feels kinda reali not shuang..so my mission now is to teach her well..i can treat her as my younger sister also can..haiz..but now i need to go their house twice a week liao instead of once cos her mum wants to split..sian man cos waste more time cos recently no time for myself le ever since i started to do shift work..i have no time to go shopping and go out with friends..and i think i am gonna out of job soon too la..swine flu is going to end liao..and tat ace is kinda pei seh cos he say we always quite active got help him work, but recently no slot..aiya i dun blame him..can understand he quite stress with the planning of the roster so cant accomodate everyone..at most reali canot earn much then i go find other job..i still think my invitrogen job is the best liao..pay super high yet welfare still so well..and i got to pick up my slang from there too after so much interactions with many ang mo everyday..tat's why some ppl cant believe tat i am from yj cos one of the ger tat i am currently working with thought i am from ACJC cos she overheard my convo with ace tat day thinking why am i talking in such a slang tone (still thought i am giving a lecture)

yesterday was not supposed to work de but ended up early in the morning tat ace call me when i was sleeping asking me if i come for replacement or not..i say ok lo since i at home also zhuo bo so go out earn some money ba..so started work from 2pm to 9pm..wah tat job is freaking sian man but i abit bu se de leave the job though sian but pay is still not too bad la..at least job slack but pay still not too reasonable..tml i might wan to go out shopping liao..haven bought a single clothes for very long time liao..and i look forward to my taiwan trip this 10 june..wa i will go there mass buy all those nice clothes and wear it for the next sem..whee..so now must work hard and earn more money..i need to start planning my taiwan journey too liao and do research le..if not i waste my air ticket going there is never do research.

u know this time is the sec time i am tempted to see those kinds online cos i am reali bored online nothing to do..and my friend intro me this webbie so i got curious and decided to take a look at the main page and i dared not go and click into the video cos i scared later see liao will get addicted then die..i dun wan man ! and i scared later see liao will get too shocked..aiyo watever it is i try not to see if i reali too sian le..now i gonna find job liao if not i reali got to eat "grass" liao..

~i guess its time for me to give up le cos i am getting tired~

sun i felt tat i am very zai man cos i slept in the toilet instead of working..since hm is not around to work with me, then i feel reali kinda sian la to work continuously for 10hrs alone and moreover i was late 1.5hrs for work and by the time i reported for work its already lunch time le..so if lets say i were to work start at tat time, it will be super obvious tat i am super late for late so i decided to hide at one corner of the hospital to wait for the next shift to start which is 3pm.so meanwhile for tat 3hrs plus wait, i roam around the hospital finding a place where its not obvious tat ppl can see me or rather i wan to find a place where no one could recognise me..but somehow luck is not on my side lo..cos i kept on bumming into one of the supervisors tat are in charge of us.duno he knows me or not lo.then i have to pretend i never see him and kept on lifting my head down cos i dun wan him to see and recognise me..eventually i managed to find a cosy sofa seats just outside the clinic to sleep but somehow i got irritated by ppl in the hopsital cos they kept on asking me to put on the mask then i damn zzz le..wa lao i wan to sleep lei..put on mask then very hard to breathe lo..so i got irritated man so bo bian decided to find a clean and nice smelling toilet to sleep into the toilet bowl..somehow its not reali tat bad sleeping there lei cos someone the toilet is kinda ulu then no one will go this toilet so i can stay in there to sleep for very long..so when 3pm clocks i then got out of the toilet and started my sec shift..so meaning i MIA for one shift..haha..after which went to start working, but tat day seriously no ppl de lo..so super shoik cos pay also double but stand down there slack nia.got to knew quite a no of ppl tat day too and heng got them then times passes kinda fast..else i sure bored like hell..

then mon me and hm was assigned to work in the dental centre..wah there reali super slack man..can slack whole day and nobody to supervise..super gd man..but we dun like the auntie and the daughter who is paired us with us to work together cos both of them damn bossy..always like to boss us around..wa lao i not first day at nuh work la..so pls stop treating us like newbies and asking us to do this and tat for u..tat first day at dental reali sian lo cos the afternoon shift ppl all so lazy and eat snake de lo..no initative to help ppl at all de lo..esp tat guy who is working with us..always sit down there to look at wat we are doing nia..wa lao wat kind of guy is this man..so ungentleman man..at least try to help out when we busy la instead of staring of us at wat we are doing.but anyway sec day was better cos we got to work with 2 guys tat are reali nice..i think practically they did all the work for us and we were just there to zhuo bo and relax nia..hehe..cos me and hm decided to let the 2 guys settle the "booth" liao cos the day before we kana tat lousy guy then do until super tired man..so after tat we smart liao..let the guys be the one tat help out with the "booth" for everything..but thank god got tat 2 guys cos with them time somehow managed to pass faster..one of them was quite a joker and initally we thought he was a malay cos he super tanned due to playing soccer..then along the way we kept on guessing each other age then he overestimate my age lo...when i hear tat then i damn sian liao..duno why now i feel like being 18 or 19 yrs old..22yrs old sounds abit old liao man..but both of them are 2 yrs older than me..no wonder i felt tat they were somewhat different from tat lousy guy who is the same age as me..but tat day this "malay" Guy damn funny la so he ate my fried tapioca without realising tat i already eaten half of it cos he thought tat i tear it instead of bitting it..so when i remembered tat and told him tat, he has already eaten in his stomach..tat moment, everyone of us laughed like siao lo cos never seen such a noob guy before..worst still he stil can forget to take his bag home when we are off work til i ask them "whose bag is it?" wah tat day he reali damn pei seh like anything lo cos he somehow throw his face in front of me and hm..haha..so now whenever i see him i kept on laughing at him.. ;)

then tues nite when i got home duno why i suddenly got very emo..cos suddenly everyone is attached lately within a short period of time and i kinda feel the pressure lo.now thinking bac i finally understand the pressure tat my ex was facing tat time...last time i am not like tat de, but duno why now i am starting to feel like this..perhaps i am reali not young anymore..need a companion to pei me for life..somehow everyone has found their happiness le, but i have yet to find my mr right and now everyone has lesser time for me cos everyone have their other half to pei.somehow tat kind of feeling reali makes me feel sad and empty lo...and worst still when i heard tat ans and sentence from my friend i was kinda upset though i somehow know the ans liao..initally still intended to be nicer to him de, but looks like now i dun wan le..in fact now i tell myself tat i should wake up my idea liao and stopped being so chi qin anymore cos so chi qin also no use..eventually at the end of the day if the guy still dun like u then u will feel more sad..somehow i feel tat i am the super chi qin type though i always like to look at guys, but tat's just eye candy..not those serious type de..but once i get serious i will be super chi qin..i waited 1.5yrs for an ans from mr XXX but sad to say at the end of the day i got no ans and through this 1.5 yrs i have to meant my broken heart myself and its seriously not easy when u are deeply in luv with this person..somehow he is the one tat appears in ur life everyday and one day he just totally stepped out of ur life..how would u feel? tat period of time i felt tat i lost everything..time just seems very hard to pass without him cos i think i too chi qin liao,hoping tat one day things will revert and turn back time..but hope was dashed and i felt totally to the rock bottom at tat period of time..i couldnt study and my mind was just filled with regrets for not cherishing him earlier on when he is around..now thinking bac i think i am reali not fit to be a gd gf..(someone who didnt even bother to care and concern for him)..tat's why now i told myself tat i will change my personality and show more care for my next one cos i dun wan to filled with regrets again..but now i have finally stepped out of his shadow..he has found his mrs right and i am happy for him..;)

though now i kept on saying tat i wan to give up on him liao cos i feel super tired le when everything dun goes well..but heart still cant die lei..haiz..what can i do to stop liking him? i dun think he has super gd personality and character either, looks is just average..but just duno why i still prefer him out of the guys i like before..and he kept on appearing in my life how can forget him..at least my ex did disappear slowly and get out slowly of my life, and tat's how i learn to forget him..but this one abit hard cos he kept on appearing in my life..haiz..wat can i do to forget him? unless he stay far away from me then perhaps i will stop my liking for him..sigh..duno la..first time like a person for so long other than my ex..qm qm ! I SERIOUSLY NEED TO WAKE UP MY IDEA ! one of my guy friend always say " Now wat era liao, gers can chase after guys liao la.." but my stand will still hold cos i think gers who chase guys will feel very xin ku and might not get their happiness eventually..so moral of the story is to wait for the right one to jio u..got once my friend did ask me before? why is it tat one should always like the other half more when ur other half might not like u as much..cos its kinda unfair..so my ans to him was" luv just works this way..cant be help.." of cos it would be gd tat both parties can luv each other as much as they do, but sometimes we just need to face up to reality tat things are not always so smooth sailing...and so tat nite my guy friend was chatting with me for a few hrs on msn..he thought tat i feel very sad no one likes me,but ITS NOT WAT I AM THINKING RIGHT THERE..its the pressure tat i am feeling (the pressure that my ex felt tat time)..so tat nite chatted with him til 1.30am and next day need to wake up at 5.40am for work...zzz so i onli slept for a few hours nia..sian la..

but wed i felt better..no more emo feeling liao..duno why..perhaps i thought it through liao..so chi qin also no use de unless miracle happens..which i doubt so..haiz..then wed i was assigned to work at kent ridge ring and morning was super busy cos onli me and one ger was in charge of taking temperature, but my job more relax than her cos i onli need to write the temperature on the sticker nia..whereas she need to keep on changing the temperature plastic thingy..but afternoon super slack lo..practically did nothing tat afternoon..;) today was worst cos govt suddenly announced tat we are bac to yellow zone so the hospital cut down alot of the tracking system liao which is super gd la..no need to wear tat super thick mask liao..onli need to wear surgical mask, which is better for our complextion..haha..but today suddenly felt tat there are too much staff liao..in fact overstaff today so many ppl are zhuo-boing around..then get to know this young supervisor which is 1 yr older than me..so qiao tat he is lab guy friend..and today when i was working, my student mum called me and i got reali scared to pick up the call cos i am afraid to talk to student parents de..so after thinking wat things to ask, then i decided to call bac..heng wat she wanted to tell me was just to change timing for her 2 daughters..haiz..now i got 2 students to teach.kinda not bad la cos more easy money to earn..but somehow i dun feel like teaching the younger sis lei..i abit dun feel like earning her money lo..her mum told me tat her daughter wants me to teach cos i very nice..but seriously speaking i dun think i am gd at teaching la..i am more of leanient and slack la..;)

~my legs are super cui now~

haiz..today i my leg is super duper cui today..and i need to be off to work later for 10hrs..gd luck to me man..i am super tired working this job man cos of the shift work..sigh..i have no time to go jogging now..hopefully i will get to go for a run next week..

i feel kinda sad today cos mo mo ren kinda sound not nice to me..his words indirectly has hurt me..though we are friends, but u no need to sound like tat wat..haiz..wat are friends for..do u still treat me as a friend?

~work at NUH~

haiz..now i everyday also work..hardly got time to even go out for shopping or go out with friend lo cos shift work is always so last min and we are always inform last min abt the timing..so now reali cant confirm when i am available lo..and i am super duper tired though this job is kinda brainless..first day at work is kent ridge area and there super slack and i felt like i am in heaven getting free pay but its super tiring standing the whole day without resting...and lots of aunties are on duty with us tat day so its kinda gd cos they like to snatch job duties so let them be more hardworking lo then we younsters shall slack at one corner..haha..then sec day was at main lobby but heng it was a public holiday so not much ppl..today was the worst of all cos i reali worked non stop from the minute i start til my shift ends til my back ache..i think this job wont last for long le cos i doubt i can endure the long hours of standing cos i think in time to come i will hurt my bac if i continue to stand so long for many hours without resting..and worst till today so many ppl dash into the hospital at one shot and i super busy like siao cos need to entertain their enquires and some were reali pissed with the long queue and kept on complaining.aiya watever la.its none of my business..i just need to do watever i am supposed to do..duno how to entertain them then i shall ask my supervisor to entertain them..anyway i think now this job kinda risky man cos its turning orange zone le but duno why i still dun feel the scare-ness lei..but i need to find a job first before i quit this current job.haiz.i kinda regretted now tat i gave up my F& N job when i could secure at least a month of job..so now i will try to work on sun cos its double the pay.so its super worth it man though my back will hurt like mad if i were to stand for 10hrs continuously..but heck la i am going to eat snake half way through..dun care !! today we are supposed to start work at 7.30 de but we came early to sign our attendance then after which went to find a place to sleep before starting work at 8.30..whee so we earn an hour free.next time i shall do tat more often if my shift were to start from 7.30am..

then yesterday was supposed to go east coast cycling de, but ended up me and hm was working so we joined them for dinner instead at parkway to eat swensens to celebrate el and kency bday.and we ate ice crean and some main course..super sinful man.so today i never eat anything..haha..and after we went to play pool..but i never play cos i think i super noob at this de lo..later sure drag down my team mate..

today was supposed to meet ch for the free movie preview at 12pm and after which attend his church service at 5.30pm.but later i realised tat i need to work tat time.so bo bian have to cancel le.haiz..but duno why the sparks has gone man cos before uni starts the sparks was still there,now duno why after kinda long never contact each other le somehow the sparks has died off..haiz..alot of times i duno wat's the feeling of like cos its been reali long time tat i like someone.or rather sometimes i am confused if i reali like him or not.cos its is just a crush or i do reali feel for him..sometimes i just couldnt make a decision.and yes i kinda envy ppl who are attached now cos they have company now since we are having holiday..so got more time to spend time with each other..and sometimes i dun reali know if i am nice to the guy or not lei..cos i treat everyone the same even though i might like the guy cos i dun wan to be obvious..one of my guy friend did said to me once before.if u like the guy u should drop at least some hint wat..at least the guy would know.if not forever the guy wont know then everything will just suan ler..haiz..duno la..maybe i will just wait for him to realised ba one day..

haiz..tml i am working alone without hm for 10hrs continously..can die man !