~stress sia~

stress sia next mon gp paper le..die..so got so many things to do..

~tired and stress is all i can sae..~

on sat, went out without tying my hair, i just wore a hairband cos tat day i dun feel like wanting ppl to recognise me plus i feel like being those typical hairband gers..actually wearing hairband is not as comfortable as wat i think, its just make my head so painful even though i wore it onli for half a day..duno why so many gers like to wear hairband..in future i am just not wearing any more even though it looks quite ok to me..
kay on my way to mrt, saw qi fang..she changed quite a lot, became veri matured...duno why most of my friends dress until super matured..doesnt look like 18 at all..i still rather choose to dress up like those young mei mei so tat at least i dun look old and matured..at least ppl can still call me xiao mei mei rather than xiao jie..haha..
kay then i reach the mrt super early and has to wait for them to come..then during this time, i just stand down there and enjoy the "fashio show"i realised tat most ppl do dress up when they go town..and most gres do make up..seriously during tat time i feel reali relaxed, just duno why..staying at home just make me reali stress..wondered why so may ppl like my age got the time to go out during weekends...jc life is just veri hectice and fast..most of us just dun hav the time to go out during the weekends cos we always spent the weekends doing hw and revision..tat;s why yh was saying tat most ppl are attached when they are in jc cos they find tat their life veri lonely..they just need a companion to be with them so tat they can share the pain together and rather going through the pain themselves..actually wat she sae is true, my life is just go sch, eat, sleep and watch tv..so sian,..the presentation was boring, the nice part onli came when there is refreshments..anyway my form teacher is in the video..anyway she look damn ugly in the video cos she didnt wear make up, no wonder now she laways wears make up to sch everyday..
sun did thihk of something..i still cant forget every words tat was said..for now i may sae tat oh tat guy is so gd and nice, but if the day reali comes i will just reject or think reali long cos i am just too scared to get involve in such things again..i just want to protect myselffrom getting hurt cos its just not easy to forget everything..for me, i find it hard to tell a guy tat i wan to break up with him cos its like too cruel and will be veri veri hurting to him..i wont do tat unless he do things tat let me down or doesnt cherish me at all..other than tat i will try to salavge everything if it is within my means..to me, i find tat is of no point aksing a guy to stay on if he might be there for u physically but in his heart he wans to end everything..if like tat i would rather he break up with me and lead on with his new life..for some gers they will just pester and beg the guy bac, but like i sae its no use cos his heart is not with u..soemtimes i am just veri straight forward.i just dun like guys to lie to me , lying to me just make me feel insecured..as for now, i guess i am not willing to get involved in such things unless my heart can overcome the fear in me..but seriously i hope tat we can still talk like wat we used to, not like now, feels like i am his enemy..
suddenly ppl around me are so hardworking, which make me more stress..to be exact gp is just next mon and around less than 3 weeks time will be the main papers..sigh i am just reali scared..so far haven studied the past topics cos too much hw to do le..duno why i always sleep and zhuo bo once i reach home..yh sae tat i am quite slack even up tp now and it seems tat i am going to give up soon..hai~~seriously i need ppl to push and wake me up other than my mum cos i am just too tired,,it seems tat i am bac to wat i used to be..for now, i am still writing my blog cos at least i do practice my gp compo skills..sigh i am reali scared cos its the final exam le..if i canot make it then i will hav no other place to go le..(wish me luck then...)
the j2s and leaving soon just few days b4 my promos..hai~i will hav to go sch and bac home alone..seriouly comparing my current gd frien and my last yr classmate, i still prefer them..yh is just too impatient and bad tempered..now even worst, she like everyday bad mood..so scared of her man..me and her sometimes just canot click along,but i do hav to compromise towards her..
kay i must reali cut down on the time on comptuer after my gp paper..so tat i dun waste my time..if i reali need a break then i will touch it for a while..

~sian man~

during gp on mon, yh was like showing me attitude and johnson was sitting in between us.then johnson was like saying her and she got angry..but later i asked johnson to keep quiet and after tat everything as ok..johnson was saying tat if he were in my position, he would show her attitude and get angry with her, but i didnt..aiya, i am not tat petty type, cant reali get angry with a person for long..maybe i just got patience..everything to me is "never mind lah"..
seriously whenever i see the mm trophy in my sch office, it reminds me of him..tat's how we got and became together..it reali brings bac quite alot of memories when i was in sec sch when i saw tat, just duno why..maybe tats how we first met..
then tues during assembly, garnesh called my name in front of the entire sch..then i was thinking, oh shit he must be catching me for my coloured hair and asking me to stand up as a punishment..then agnes was asking me did garnesh called my name cos she appently heard my name..but guess wat, he wanted to call the guy diagonal to me cos he got long hair, but he duno the guy's name so he use my name..i was so scared to death loh..i rather he duno me and never teach me b4 cos hs is the discipine master..i am quite scared of him in fact, even though i always smile to him when i see him..
then johnson told me abt jeremmy and denise and wat they do in the shopping centre outside..my first rxn was MY GOD!, he doesnt seem to be those kind of pervert and despo guys..last yr, i still thought tat he is a stupid and guai guy..and worst still she didnt stop him when she knows tat she is in the public with so many ppl..if they want to touch here and there can go somewhere else wat whereby some ulu place..its a disgrace man...anyway dun understand why such a chio bu will like tat fat ass when his character just sucks and he smokes..i think tat denise wan to be with him so tat he can suck his money cos he rich..dun reali thihk tat she reali loves him, i think love his money would be more possible..anyway she has satrted picking up smoking partly becos of his influence..hai~~~actually i am reali scared of guys cos they are veri despo leh..u never know wat they will do to u..and those guys tat look veri stupid cant be underestimated cos they are equally despo and dirty...this is something tat i just realised..i still thought tat those guai looking guy are decent but actually they are not..
then got sex edu talk given by the CID..then super fuuny loh cos the way they sae the process..and i was down there laughing like some crazy ger..just to share a joke here, the CID guy questioned the guy victim and asked, "wats so nice with 2 swords fighting?"ppl who are fast will know wat it means but ppl who are slow like me cant get the meaning initally but after tat i was enlightened..actually how it would be nice if we hav sex edu instead of all those boring subjects, then confirm i will be veri attentive..duno why last time when i am young, i hope tat my bf is a policeman cos they just look so cool and brave to me..then like tat they can protect me if i got into trouble..i pictured them was superman, just duno why leh..haha...but the CID guys giving the talk not cool at all, instead they look like uncle to me..i still prefer those policeman who wears the black unifrom..cos they look cool..
then chem SPA was ok lah..initally i was tremling so bad tat my hands started to shake so badly when i added the chemicals into the test tubes cos i am just veri scared mah and canot play play becos its an A Level exam..i was assessed by mr chua..duno is heng or sway, cos last yr he my chem teacher..maybe this time can do well..
we wre touching muscle's man muscle cos we were curious how hard it is..actually not reali hard leh but i was reali disgusted when i saw the picts online showing all those macho guys..eel........too muscular until i wan to faint..muscular guys seem fierce to me and they will like beat ppl if they not happy..i thihk i still prefer guys who are cute, always wearing a smile and understanding and etc..
then todae i sort of like cheated during the maths test cos i see the qns b4 hand le and memorized the ans and steps 15 mins b4 maths lesson..then after the trest cm was like super angry cos teacher confirm knows tat she has cheated cos her pen ink for every qns are different so obviously she has written her ans beforhand..then she was like damn piss off and went off just like tat..wa gers are veri scary man, they like always mood swing one..luckily i not like them, sometimes i do hav but its once in a while,even if i got, i will still talk to my friends in a nice tone except tat i will feel veri irritated..duno why everybody just likes to play with my monkey until its so dirty now..ch and yh was saking me if it was given by him but i said no..i hang it there cos i think its cute, not becos its given by him..things given by him are buried somewhere already, i wont take it out unless there will be a miracle..
sigh tml still need to go the stupid presentation ceremory in somerset..aiyo so far from my house..reali veri lazy to go..somemore i still got lots of stuff to do..die man, gp is in a week time, i reali need to be prepared..the rest of the subjects reali need to be revised as soon as possible cos i think 3 weeks not reali enough to cover everything cos everyday still need to go sch..hai!~~~~

~the lantern celebration~

duno why ms lim always call me as yan hui and call her as qin min when we 2 look totally different at all..many teachers just canot pronounced my name correctly..duno why they always call me as "qing min" when its actually not..then quite a no of ppl did ask me whether i got blog or not..i told them its my personal blog so i cant giv them my address..maybe i am abit selfish cos i wan to read other ppl's blog but i myself just dun wan to let ppl read and know abt wat i write..i just feel tat i am writing wat i feel and some personal stuff..if i were to giv them my website, then all of them will see then i canot scold ppl i want, then might well i dun hav a blog..i might well keep everything to myself..seriously, i think tat veri veri veri little ppl know abt my website unless i giv it to them..for ppl tat i gav them, i just feel tat its ok to let them read..just duno why leh..even though its posted online for everybody to see, but ppl also duno tat the blog belongs to qm one, so never mind..
last fri did stayed bac..then me, yh, kq ate half of an ice cream..and a pizza from kq's chinese class..by rightme and yh shouldnt eat cos we area not in their chinese class, but the guys sae never mind and they even gave us the entire mooncakes, but we pei seh so we just take abit of it..actually not reali nice leh, taste like stone to me even though it was bought from swensen..but better than nothing..anyway its free wat..then somemore the western auntie ask we all wan free mushroom soup or not..then agnes was asking real or not??we just sound greedy man, but i abit hungry cos 6 something still haven eat..then hor tat nite saw alot of yan dao and chio bu..duno why got army guys in yj also..then lots of them came with their bf and gf..its an eye opener and i realised tat many hav their steady outside sch..tat nite, our sch was just veri happening..but i went bac home first cos by the time i reach home its veri late le..actually some ppl look different int heir home clothes, some overdressed..some put make up then i was thinking make up for this event??abit too kua zhang liao ba..and i know nothing abt make up and its veri mafan cos i will waste alot of time..anyway i thihk denise sis's bf quiet sweet sia, he came all the way just to support her in the singing competition..i thihk the guy look nerd to me even though he is an ah bing ge now, but never mind, she likes can liao..
sat suzana asked if we wan to fo the service at city harvest but i just veri busy..so ended up we did go..maybe durin holidays can consider to go if there is any services..then my ex chair person si organising a chalet at the end of NOV..initally its $35 wa seh when i heard tat,.i was shocked..cos its reali veri expensive man..but later she ase $15 for a day, so not so bad, maybe i will go, but must see if my current class organising any or not..most preobabaly by then, i will be broke..i still wan to buy a lot of stuff during dec, make sepcts, computer stuff..
yesterday nite the park near my house was so nice cos many ppl are playing with candles and the entire house looks so lighted up..some ppl can even produce small fireworks, shooting sparkles in the sky..hmm..its tat a new stuff tat i have never seen b4>>anyway the park below my house is qute nice..when u feel veri sian ot wat, u can just take a stroll for a while and it can reali make u feel better..then somemore its windy..but seriously i wouldnt dare to hold lantern cos i am no longer tat young anymore..this is meant to be for those small kids to play with..but still i miss the days when i am young...yesterday nite, my stomach just feels weird..seriously i veri scared tat the stomach wind will come bac and haunt me..this kind of thing will come bac once a while and i reali scared..cos nowadays i feel veri fatigue and always feel sleepy no matter how much i sleep..this is just some sytompts to show tat the stomach got some problem..i think maybe i eat too much oily stuff and my stomach canot digest tat's why there is this problem..hai~~~~actually last fri i was quite happy and glad tat he finally talk but just two words..seriously i dun understand why he left after typing the 2 words without even replying me..duno why i got this feeling tat he is scared to talk to me or we got nothing to talk or, maybe he thinks tat i haven forgiven him or wat, but in the first place, i didnt sae i will hate him or wat, is he himself who sae tat i wont forgive him..so not my fault wat..but never mind.. at least he did talk 2 words..better than nothing...

~hmm...~

yeh, todae is fri again =)..eh i think ch is getting more and more gd looking after cutting tat hair..i think he looks quite cute to me now, duno why maybe the way he talks ba..haha..then he asked me why i put so many things (pins) on my hair, then i sae no choice cos my hair below will all drop..actually i feel pei seh whenever guys look (obeserved) me..duno why i feel uncomfortable..then yh was saeing tat all 4 of us have different hairstyle now..she has the retro look, me got those jap look and kq got a punk hairstyle..actually quite a no of ppl sae tat i look like a jap girl with this short little chicken feather..haha..actually i quite happy cos i dun like ppl to sae i look like some china ger..
lantern festival is just coming this sat or sun, i think..hai~~it will be gd to celebrate with someone tat u hope tp celebrate with..last yr, i reali had an unforgettable lantern festival, not celebration, but something else which i can never forget..(flash back to sweet memory..)actually i feel like playing with candles then putting them into heart shape, then if a guy or gerwho has bf or gf can make tat together, then tat would just be veri nice and sweet..hmm...
i copied something from JT's blog cos his hope in life is the same as mine, plus i find tat he is the first guy who is different from other guys, cos he onli want onli 1 gf in his entire life..要是真的遇到真爱，我会毫不犹豫，痛痛快快的去爱一次。希望这初恋是我一生的唯一。kay the chinese words mean tat i hope tat my first gf/bf will be my first and last gf/bf and somemore but i duno how to sae, or maybe my chinese has become lousy..actually when i read tat, thought of many things, but never mind...
kay then last wed, i was taking train home, then for this guy who sits besides me..he kept peeping at me cos when i suddenly woke up, i caught him..but never mind, later he opened his legs until so BIG tat he occupy my space..its like his legs are sticking to mine like tat..then i feel super uncomfortable but i did nothing cos i dun dare to scold and sae him..worst still i duno wether he gei siao trying to act sleeping or wat, he kept knocking his head on to my shoulders..anyway i just feel veri sway why i always meet this kind of ppl..last yr, got 2 cases liao..if last yr i were to hit tat middle age guy his tat one, then he confirm no father's day liao..actually i should teach him a lesson for doing tat to me, but later a pregnant lady saw it and she heko me scold the guy for doing tat to me, and the guy kept quiet in front of the public..so it means tat he reali did it on purpose to me..wat the hell..i wont mentiones wat he did to me, but its just too disgusting..
i just like justin smile..he looks nice when he smile..yesterday he was playing with me, thought tat i am a small kid who can easily be fooled, but i know this trick le cos he always do tat to me..anyway i always hit guys when they try to make me..just duno why, maybe tats just me..always so violent to guys..ch was just sitting beside me when we are "playing", then he laughed..veri funny meh??he sae i like some small kid like tat, reali meh??then gp was abt lookin at friendster..anyway some ppl are bad as in they created alvinmolester and ann new account and write disgusting stuff abt they 2..so now practially they are well known in sch now for their acts..but anyway it was funny..
reali tat quite a no of my friends are from city harvest..hmm..i hav been wanting to step into the church to see wat it looks like, but i am scared becos there got security guard...suzana told me tat being a christian has changed her and she saes tat religion do make a difference when one wans to find a person to click with..hmm..reali meh??to me, it doesnt reali matter to me..i still can click with any religion..maybe i dun reali know how their god works, but if i got the chance, i hope tat i can try out to be a christian..then hor, guess wat, i got to know 2 of jing yi friends in yj (the qwss mm guy)the world is so small sia..i believe tat he should know siang ling they all cos siang ling did mentioned to me abt him in 1st 3 months in jj..hmmm..heard from his friends tat he is a nice guy..wonder true or not..but i know tat he likes to play beasketball cos i always see him playing tat in jj..
todae at 7 got lantern festival, i am still considering wether i wan to stay or not cos its like an hour left to 7..actually outside ppl are invited to our sch to celebrate with us..todae so the sleepy, cant reali absorbed wat the teacher sae, esp during maths lect, half of my mind is sleeping..todae play floorball, anyway i play like auntie like tat, cos i reali damn slow cos i duno how to control the ball and canot hit the goal,,aiya in other words i am lousy..todae is so bored..still got exactly 1 month more to go for my main papers..2 more weeks to gp paper.,.next week still must go for a stupid shit presentation in somerset..anyway i wont be listenting, just present myself there to take attendence..anyway this racist guy is expelled from sch yesterday cos of many many reason..he scold the sch tat yj is the master and he is the dog..oh man..wat a remark..no wonder kana kick out..i think he reali need to wash his dirty mouth man..hai~~~oh man, i was looking at my pri sch guys friendster..oh man i see zayya one, i reali faint sia..just as expected my pri sch are all ah bengs..wa lao i still can rmb wat he did in pri 6 loh..sia lah, still tell us the process man..hai~~~i reali veri scared leh..haven even study, my mum every day scold me cos i always sleep once i reach home since this whole week..die man..i am returning to my last yr habit..tat'e bad..eh interesting man, they started their singing le..hmm..i reali wish can celebrate with ppl tat i wish to celebrate with, cos i thihk todae will be nice...hmm...

~tat xiao didi~

nowadays duno why there is an incresing trend tat gers like to cut short hair now..can reali see alot of gers with short hair after this sep holiday..seriously i dun think tat i look nice in this short hair..think long hair suits me better..then i got this feeling tat mr heng is trying to push my gp mark to make it just pass..actually can reali see lah..pls loh, i know where i stand, my language mark cant be tat gd to get 9/15..actually this compre paper by right is fail by half mark but i think he made it to border line pass since he knows i hardworking mah..haha..actually i am not..i hate doing gp like anything..actually i should be greatful to him..maybe in futre will treat him better ba..but its not bad already cos i did improve..yipee..
and guess wat, mslim put me to sit beside aaron cos got new sitting arrangement..then yh, cm was laughing at me cos i am the most sway person to get to sit beside him and they some more sae he is my new bf..pls lah tat arrogant, retarted small little boy wan to be my bf, i am not tat cock eye to fall for such attitude small little boy..i just hate talking to arrogant ppl...then hor we are supposed to teach each other since he is my shoulder partner,but in the end he is the one copying mine..so end up i learn nothing..ms lim sae she got a reason for assigning a buddy but why put me beside him man..maybe she thinks tat i got patience to teach..ya true,but i just dun feel like talking to such ppl..
then todae guess wat, when we are having gp lesson, johnson found something and he said tat we can take, but i think is call as STEAL NOT TAKE...initally i did take since most of them take,but later i scared tat the sch misght find out so i didnt take cos if they found out then we die..worst case is tat they can report to the police and we will hav a record forever,or either we will be kicked out of sch..so its not worth taking a risk cos i am reali scared..end up me and yh out bac, cm dump it somewhere else..actually our sch is getting smarter..last month got ppl steal projecter then they check our bag and foot prints..then cm said tat maybe this time they will check for finger prints..so is best not to take the risk..not i dun think our sch is tat high tech to check our finger prints lah..abit siao loh..
then todae got talk on aids..haha..there is alot of laugher esp when the speaker mention abt sex...u know wat, the they sae tat safeest is oral sex...oh man, tats disgusting..but anyway the talk was fun and nice..at least i know "something" ...then just receive my promos dates..3 oct is gp and 17 to 19 is the rest of the papers..hai~~~~~so the scared..i think liao..worst case i will get will be advanced..kick out is also possible if once i fail my gp and they will look into my promos mark..if tehre is F, then sraight kick out..die man..so stress..
seriously getting gf is tat impt meh>>sometimes i think tat if we meet the wrong kind of gers then will bring nore trouble to ourself rather than enjoying a ger beside u..haha..

heartbroken...

Dang wo zi dao ta shuo qi ta ger mei shi, wo hen heartbroken..i duno if tab bian le xin or wat, but if it is wo ye mei ban fa cos xin shi ta de, ta yao bian xin wo ye bu neng stop it from xi huan bie ren, cos xin shi ta zhi ji de..maybe wo you yi dian chi chu but I cant stop wat i feels..ru guo wo men you yuan, lao tian yi ding hui rang wo men zai jian mian de,maybe I should just let nature take its course..and dun think too much so tat it wont affect my mood..sigh…why wo hai bun neng wang le ta??i just hate myself..my trust for nan ren is just no longer there anymore..

~the holiday~

This sept holiday, I am just rushing through all my holiday hw..becos its just too much to do..and I realised tat actually for most of the qns I know how to do one, but just duno why last yr I couldn’t do a single qn..this reali show tat last yr I didn’t do my tutorial or I just daydream too much or I just cant be bothered..hai~~~actually I abit regret tat last yr I slack too much..and I treated last yr as my honey moon period..if not for tat, at the end of this Nov, I can slack and play all I wan..
I didn’t know tat shanfu went to SRJC, I thought tat he is in jj..but glad to see tat he is still with Elaine..i guess their relationship has lasted for 5 to 6 yrs liao ba..actually from here can reali see tat shanfu is quite devoted..nowadays devoted and gd guys are just hard to find..i think in future they will be husband and wife le..actually shanfu looks like an ah beng, who always like to scold vulgarities, but he has a nice character..i wonder where joseph has gone to..i still rmb he is my sec 1 and 2 most yan dao guy in my class..hmm…actually I do miss my sec1 and 2 classmates..we are the sec lousiest class in the level and our class are well known for our ah bengs and gangster fights..and many other stealing cases..oh ya, I still rmb glenn, who is our class thief..
This sept holiday I did think a lot becos at times I do hw until my mind is veri tired..then I will start to do some reflections to help myself stay awake..tats why most of the time I sleep at 2..times just flies reali fast..veri soon, I will be 20 yrs old le and maybe less than 10 yr down the road, I will be getting married..oh man so fast..and so fast tat 5 months has gone..we haven in contact all this while..just wondering how is ta doing now… how is ta parents doing now…maybe the fen shou thing is a gd thing..at least its stillnot too late becos there is still time for ta to find who exactly he wans eventually..i shouldn’t just be selfish to think onli for myself and not consider other ppl’s feelings…ya tats should be the way..
Then guess wat, my brother has started revision for his promos liao!!!!oh man, I veri stress cos I haven even touch yet..nj ppl are all kiasu ppl man..maybe for now, there are mant things which I dun understand, perhaps as I grow older, things misght seens clearer to me..it all depends on where heaven wans me to lead to..and guess wat I realised a secret within a lan card..actually I wanted to borrow from ppl to test it out wether it will work or no, but wonder who can lend me cos its not cheap..
Then sat my brother suddenly mentioned abt him and ask me wether did he study in uni..my mum and brother tok tat his highest edu levels was onli poly grad, but I told them its not,..i guess they cant accepl guys who hav low edu level..i thihk the onli guy tat they know is onli him, I never heard them asking me for some other guys info..
And u know something, I was watching this show and this ger pose a qn to her bf but her bf just refuses to ans..and the ger said tat she knows wats the ans le and she left eventually to start afresh..actually I duno why I asked tat qn last time even though I may sound thick skin, but at least I got an ans, rather than left me hanging..at least I am luckier than thye ger..though the ans still hurts whenever I think of ut, but hopefully time will heal..
On sun went out with my mum then we are eyeing on this lower high heel shoes in the bata shop, but is $70..so exp man, ig it is $20 something then I confirm will buy cos its reali nice..i was telling my mum tat if I wear tat for prom, confirm will be veri nice..maybe I just wait for the price to drop then..guess wat todae I am tying my hair to sch man..in front still ok, but behind looks like some chicken feather..my mum sae I look like some crazy ger, but cant help it cos I will look fuuny without tying hair..so die die must tie..now I need alots of pins to hold my hair cos a lot of them are sticking out..so mafan!!!

~was it fate~

On sat, dad suggested that we go canteen A to eat since he sae tat he got money to treat us..and he sae tat the chicken rice there veri nice..then the uncle gave us extra chicken cos he knows my dad..then the uncle still thought tat my mother is my dad’s daughter..then I was laughing inside my heart..cos my dad look like some old man..then a lot of ppl ask is tat ur daughter??then I just smile..then I think tat I eat so damn lot tat a guy was looking at me maybe at the way I eat the spring chicken..i duno how I eat laso but I know tat it’s veri ugly and rough..but after tat I stopped eating le cos I feel veri pei seh..then halfway through I was eating, I just duno why I manage to capture tat particular person of all ppl..becos he just seems to be like him..his attire and all those just seems too alike like him..so I am not reali certain whether is tat person him becos I cant see clearly..i tried hard just looking at him but I still cant see clearly..i duno wether he did see me or not..hopefully not cos I wear until damn ugly..at tat time I was hopeing tat he can join us to eat since all of my family members are there…but sad to dae, its no longer possible..maybe I just think too much, but I reali hope tat this day will come..my heart saes tat I still hav feelings for him when I saw him even though from dar apart, I can onli see tat not clear of him..i duno whether should I call it as fate or not becos everything is just too qiao..and it was my dad who let me see him..and I reali duno tat is it tat whenever I see a lr means tat I will see him veri soon..cos its like on last tues and wed I did see 2 lr..i duno if heaven is helping me out of kindness or wat becos its like even my dad is working there..but still I am telling my self tat at the end of next yr, if there is no ans from him and if he didn’t bother to make any moves, then I am just not waiting anymore..to sae the truth, I was quite sad when he didn’t turn bac to look when I went off..actually at times I do find myself veri stupid but gers are like tat one..not meh??yh also same as me..she would wait all day long just for terence msg but this never happens..actually at times, I find tat terence is veri heartless..i should sae tat all guys are heartless!!!!!!!!!!!
Then I called yh on sun cos I feel like talking to someone to tell my troubles to..i told her abt wat happened on sat and she told me tat most of the chances is tat I recognized the wrong person becos most of the time I never recognized a person correctly..but duno why I am quite certain tat the person is just him..it’s tat feeling tat cant be explained tat I am right this time..sigh..actually I already have an ans deep in my heart without even waiting for the ans from him..but seriously I reali hope tat there will be a miracle to wat I am thinking..at times, I felt tat my greastest mistake is to go into a relationship..if I know tat I hav such a weak character, then I wouldn’t wan to commit myself..and go into a relationship becos I know tat I dun know how to handle everything if there will be a break up..seriously I will reali think twice, thrice or even more if I ever wans to go into any relationship again becos I reali dun wan to get hurt again..and I dun think tat I will be tat easily touched by anybody until b4..becos for nowmy heart has died..actually I hav a lot of things to ask him in my mind, but I just dun dare..my mentality tells me tat gers shouldn’t and should never make the first move becos it will just show tat u are veri despo and it is a disgrace to gers..maybe I will just left the qns unanswered forever..yh told me tat we will eventually be together if he marrys late..but do u think its possible???sigh..
Then by accident I found where my mum wrote his hp no..so I just liquid it away beocs I dun wan anyone of them to bother him again..i dun wish to give him a fright just like last time..like tat he will then live in peace..
Then yesterday went bowling with those ppl..then guess wat only 7 ppl turn up out of the 20 something ppl..then I think is super sian man beoc sof the ppl I am playing with and I think I reali wasted my time traveling from jurong to yishun just to turn up for this outing becos I am forced to go by someone..then I was angry with my mum cos she just die die dun wan to giv me the hairdresser no..and plus my hp went out of batt..it just spoil my day..i am also angry with her becos she lied to me..i just canot stand her, must she nag and irritate me for 2 whole days just becos I wan to cut my hair..i am just peace off with her becos whatever I do, she just wan to control..the hair dresser said tat me and my mum hav 2 totally different character and I totally agree..i take after my dad..then my brother take after my mum..actually I dun know wether this short hair looks nice or not..but I must sae tat I different now..probably ppl cant recognized me now..lina said tat my innocent look is longer there after I hav this short hair..haha..i didn’t know tat I got innocent look..but never mind I will keep it long after this..

~to sum up the weekend~

have 3 birthday cakes in this week cos 2 ppl having birthday..ester and johnson..then yi guang gave her a $100 over braclet to her..when i heard tat i suddenly feel tat she is so the fortunate..actually i feel tat the price of the present doesnt reali matters..most imptly is sincerity..both of them hav seen both parties parents, i guess they should be quite lasting...duno why i always smile when i see them together..they veri rou ma leh..then this week i was so sawy to be caught by ganish tat i am not wearing my uniform..then he asked me to change bac but i didnt bring at all..so i just lied to him saying tat the uniform is in my bag when it is not..then after tat me and cm just zao and never return to the library for the day..he was saying me tat this is not the first time le and i just let him sae all he wants..after tat we just play hide and seek with him..if i dun lie then i will be sent home just becos i amnot wearing my uniform..so its better to lie at this time..
then was also crying at duno which day cos i thought of the past after reading those messages..actually i am rather upset cos last time was so sweet but now..while i am reading, i realised things tat i didnt relaised in the past..and i hav decided to make a promise to myself..saying tat if i still do not get an ans from mo mo ren at the end of next yr and if things still stay the way it is, then i will tell myself tat i will giv up on mo mo ren le and i guess i will giv my heart to other ppl...i know tat no matter how long i am going to wait, the outcome would still be the same..i think tat waiting for 1 and 3 quarter yr is reali long enough le..if nothing takes place, i am noty going to wait le..
then wed, we saw quite a no of yjcians..then saw sharon with her bf..so she brought us to see haris..oh man, when we saw him, his hair is super stylish..think tat far east cut hair not bad but is veri expensive sia..then went to eat some dessert recommended by sharon..it was some fried chocolate "mars" together with ice cream..actually its reali sweet esp thinking of snickers..eee...
then yesterday was watching the superstar..then i cried sia cos i felt so happy for the blind guy after knowing tat he is the champion..then todae morning, we were talking abt it..nobody cried for him except me,..they all support kelly...his songs reali touched me..even though he is blind.he has great potential..and his voice is just reali nice..initally, i though tat he might lose but finally he wons!!!..actually some ppl though tat he confirm canot make it to be the champion, but i think tat we should giv ppl a chance..even though he were to lose, the reason will be he is blind..from here, we can realis ee tat life is unpredictable...if he didnt participate in this comp and discover his talent, he might still be singing in orchard road and leading on with his peaceful life..
eh seriously i dun think i dare to wear contacts even though i took it for free..maybe i just leave it at home to rot..cant reali wear it during sch days cos maybe i will take an hour to just put the lenses into my eyes..by the time, i will be late for sch man..and i realised tat i reali veri bad at visualizing those 3D objects, actually its expected cos i always fail my d&T in sec sch, so its expected..haha..headache sia see 3D trig0..sian man..and so happy maybe next mon i am going to cut short hair le..actually i am abit scared tat i will look ugly, but i just wan to change my hair style and be different this time.hehe..
then next mon going to hav cca outing...going to play bowling with THOSE PPL..hai~~see liao also sian..except maybe got zai rong..actually i do feel bad when most of the time i talk to him but didnt reali talk much lina, i guess i should ask her to join our in our conversation..
then todae just got bac my results slip, oh man, i fail one of my gp mini tests..tats bad..the maths got one F also, other than tat overall is still ok..still i am veri veri worried abt my gp, will it pull me down like last yr, i am just reali scared..i told yh tat if i canot make it then she must comfort me..then i think tat ms lim know tat i am veri lazy and she didnt comment tat i must continue to work hard and maintain my gd results and she did ask me not to slack..haha..kay......