~how how??feeling of lost~

A levels is just one month away..i am still veri loss over should i go to sch or should i just stay at home to study on myself..i understand the fact tat if i dun go to sch then i will miss out alot wat the teachers have said, but if i go sch, i will be veri tired by the time i reach home and i wont study and immedately i will fall alsleep..how how, talk to her le, and she dun encourage me to pon, but if i dun pon, i canot study everything finish and i canot be like last time le, never study for the exams then go in unprepared..how man?wat should i do..its just seems to be troubling me alot and alot..this great fear in me is indeed worrying me..sigh.then the basic things also forget even up to now..esp maths..wat should i do????sigh sigh sigh...i am so lost now!!!!

~the feeling of lost~

past few days, i was reali lost..i duno should i do my sch prelim papers or do my tys???how how??somehow some ppl like wee ping, JT, Tanu somehow gave me some opinion..somehow i was enlightened and i do feel better now, at least i have a sense of direction now...hehe, suddenly feel tat actually there are ppl who are concerned abt me,still thought tat i am all alone to fight the battle..phew...this week is gona to be fast again..2 to 3 weeks time graduating le, which means leaving yj soon..sigh..abit sad, actually i do miss sch although i often complain sch sucks..

~worried me~

seriously i am super worried now..my maths is like shit, even the basic also forgot how to do..like tat how to pass?????and i have so many things to do yet i always sleep veri early when i came home so late..how how??reali feel like not coming to sch cos i need to give for time for myself to do my tys, at least finish one round..what should i do??i am lost!!!! dad talks to me and kept telling me to ask ppl to tutor me if possible but not tat i dun wan, i wan to do more practice for myself..A Levels is just like 40 days more..not exactly tat long if asked..i got a feeling tat i will fail my gp in A Levels too cos i hardly pass my gp, onli once in a blue moon then can pass..and it seems tat my chem teacher do know tat i am veri blur cos she kept asking me if i understand..but i told her yes cos if not if she were to explain alot of time to me then she will get angry and i will be scared..spm was quite fierce too..i am scared of asking him too cos he quite fierce at times and if i duno then he will get angry..
i seems to be veri awake when i saw idol 2..haha..why arh???this is weird...anyway both of us admired him too..i realised tat i like older guys, tat is something tat i just reaslied not long ago cos during sec sch, never thought of it but i guess it is..haha..
week ahead is more and more busy...argh!!!! sian!!!!

~day dream~

i realised tat i day dream alot..oh my god, like tat how???and nowadays i reach home veri late le, then ended up dozing off instead of studying for my A levels..how???how???and i always feel veri tired even though i slept quite a lot le...oh man..worried seh..
todae, idol 2 walked past twice..hehe..finally see him after so long..wow, he is so cool man...hehe..onli got chance to admire him..idol 1, became less shuai le after the hair cut, but still tat smile on him still remains the same..hehe..anyway still my idol =)
A levels still left less than 50 days, around 40 something..scared man..going to piah all my tys until i drill myself..no time die die also must do some..seriously not easy..life is getting more and more busy..sigh...

~the gala dinner~

gala dinner was quite a memorable and wonderful event..tat nite reach home at 12 midnite exactly..actually wanted to stayed on longer for the programms after the dinner, but i have to worry abt catching up the last train to reach jurong, of not then i would have to take taxi hom which cost alot of $$$$..
dinner was quite nice,,got restaurant ppl to come here to cook for us..and we are sitted with strangers whom are alot more older than us and hardly got any interaction with them lei, onli when the guys do the serving for us tat time..and this particular guy, smiled to me when he asked if anymone wants to eat the prawns cos veri mafan to peel the shells mah..then end up onli i am the onli ger eating cos the other gers dun want to use their hands to peel or should i sae they care onli for their image cos they quite pretty mah..anyway, i dun reali care abt using hands to eat, cos i am still young compared to them to have a image for myself, plus, i am hungry tat time, got any food can eat just eat..
tat nite glance around for my 2 idols..they still look the same,no changes at all whereas LTK somehow became better looking tat day and spn looks quite clean looking and neat..btw spn sang a chinese song tat nite, his singing not bad seh..i always thought tat he veri shy to sing song one, how come suddenly come to stage to sing???Hmmm..
in all this event is quite a meaning one..imagine u gather all the uncles and aunties and the ex students together and it seems tat there are alot of things to catch up with..my batch dun reali have alot who turn up for this event, but those graduated long time ago indeed has alot.many of them are chio bu and shuai ge..tat nite, came home with a painful leg cos wore those veri high heel tat nite..initally dun wan one, but later since i thought prom also need to wear, so wear it for once to try out the feeling..seriously duno why gers can wear heels for so long when it is so painful and moreover, u canot walk fast when u are wearing heels, but one gd thing is tat u feel tall..=)
she was saying me tat outside looks nite but once i speak, spoil the whole image le..haha..seriously need improvement to teh way i speak, canot be tat childish forever..
sch has starts..quite happy abt it, at least no need to stay at home anymore..however, it would meant tat there are more stress and more work to do..holiday onli studied chem..die man, the rest of the subjects didnt even touch at all..how how?

~the dream abt wat he said~

yesterday had a dream abt him telling me tat i should move on in life..cant reali rmb wat's the dream was abt, but its something like tat..i guess this is something tat he wish to convey to me too..after the dream, i woke up immediately but couldnt reali recall anything..all i believe is tat every dream tat i dreamt abt will always come true.all i hope is tat everything for him will be fine..wonder when will i ever get to see a lr again..??
in 1.5 months time, i will be graduating le..being in this sch for 3 yrs somehow make me a better person..though in the beginning i reali dislike this sch veri much becos everything is so dead in this sch, including its atmosphere, compared to other jcs..however, this sch make me feel tat everyone is part of the big family, which is something tat i never experience in jj or perhaps during jj, i could reali click along with my class gers becos they are all from top schs..dun reali want to make friends with neighbouring schs like me..this sch has made me learned tat we need to face our setbacks bravely and pick up from where we fall..though i took 3 yrs to complete my A levels, but i am still grateful to the sch for retainning mebecos at least i learned something from my setbacks which other might not probably understand becos they have not experienced or gone through it.
yup, for the time being, cherish the last 1.5 months with our friends cos after which u will miss sch like mad..and yup, i onli got 1.5 months to see my 2 idols, after which wont be able to see them again..hardly get to see idol 2, onli once in a blue moon then i get to see him..whereas idol 1 always get to see him but not much interaction too..and i am not sure if the rumor abt him is it true or not..
holiday didnt reali do much of things..i could sit there for the whole day yet did nothing..duno wat i am thinking also, but i guess i reali need to be more focused and discipline so tat more things can be done each day..my dream is to go NTU..saying is easy but whether u can achieve it is still a thing..nevertheless, the next 2 months is reali crucial, its reali determines ur future road to sucess and how u want to pave out ur future..
i realised something lately..and tat is i have neglected one of my friend..it seems tat XXX wants to find someone to talk to, but i hardly got time to talk to XXX, so sorry..anyway after my A Levels, i will find time for XXX..
why do i find tat coming to sch is such a chore..yes, indeed it is cos i live super far, coming to the north is like so sian and tiring to me when i live in the extreme west..life is so sian man..