did i make the right decision by resigning at this point of time? tell me about it !

this week many things happened..most of which are really unhappy stuff..Monday took half day leave, or rather mc to SGH to visit the eye specialist for my eye..the initial plan was to do a follow up and discuss with the document which treatment should I seek for..but duno why ended up I did the electrolysis procedure on the day..It was a mini operation which lasted for half an hour..and I waited bloody long just for my turn..and doctor say that this will be the temporary solution at the moment. If the lashes grow back and touches my cornea again, I will have to do another electrolysis again or a eye lid surgery..so pray hard that the lashes wouldn't grow again cos I dun wan do the procedure again cos its really very painful.Nurses poke needles on my eye lid to numb the area so that they can poke the needle into the roots of my eyelash and zap it with current. So obviously with current, its really painful and worst, it bleed a lot !! really grouse and disgusting !! but what can I do man, I just gonna tahan the pain not having to shout out. and the good thing about the procedure is I get free mc after that...doctor ask me how many days of mc I wanted..wanted to say 3 days to cover the day itself and 2 days to rest, but when I thought of some work that was unattended for me and I am supposed to submit them to the client by tues, so I decided to be nice to the company and take 2 days leave.1 day to cover my mini operation and one day to rest.

But people are really so ungrateful ! come back office on Wednesday manager called me up for a chat..The chat in fact is some lecturing session which makes me feel stupid and dumb..he keep asking me why aren't I performing recently..i should be the one asking this back ok cos I am not doing my scope of work that I used to did in the past and sourcing crews are really not my field of expertise and I sucked at it cos I did source for them before while covering for my ex colleague when she was on leave. Come on la, am I wrong? no one teach me anything and I have to figure them myself slowly and this take time too ya ! you want 50-60 CVs in a wk..how can it be attainable for someone who has zero knowledge on this field. Please be realistic CAN !! and now you come blaming me that I have one year of experience and yet I still doesn't seems to know much..come on la, other agency also got recruiters who specialized in a different field. You don't expect me to cover all area of knowledge when even my current job scope I am still learning plus when I am hired, its agreed upon that I look for white collars crews not blue collars..now I am doing double work !! whatever la, to me I am really pissed at those comment.. don't wan promote me jiu forget le cos I dun wan to be promoted either cos I feel I have reached that level yet..but that is not the issue, I am pissed at the whole organization.. I dun like doing things basing on my feel and by guessing..This is what I am doing now to source for blue collar crews,..and when I made a mistake in giving unsuitable cvs, I get blamed..in the first place, you should ask yourself, did you provide me with the training that I always wanted..i have told them earlier that I feel that training is really very important to me. I do not want to do my work with that uncertain feeling of guessing if he is right of suitable for the opening. Hai ~ so I was angry and I really thought of what I really wanted to do in my next phrase of life as I was already thinking of tendering.. actually I longed wanted to tender but I always wanted to tender in dec after getting aws. but somehow I must be out of my mind to tender last Wednesday after I came back from my mc..my supervisor didn't want to accept my letter cos he felt that I wasn't serious about resigning and he ask me to think about it carefully again. I told him that my stand will still be the same and fri I gave the letter to him again and he accepted..i felt relieved that I have finally tendered but now what worries me is what am I going to do in my next phrase of working life..i do not want to work as recruitment consultant anymore..wanna change a new industry..got some agencies poach me but I dun wan cos I am tired of this line liao..its really very results oriented and if you don't perform well, you are out of the company ! I MUST BE CRAZY TO RESIGN NOW cos that aws could actually be used to sponse my Sydney and melbourne trip in nov ! hai but sometimes really buay tahan liao so no choice.

tues also celebrated dear bday. went to restaurant eat and nothing special happen actually..i am lousy at preparing surprise. even the present he alrdy know is a bag but I changed design last minute.the restaurant was lousy and I wont want to go back again. portion so small and charge so ex ( $34 ) for a main course..zzz

thur and fri had hair treatment  and facial..seriously sometimes I really doubt can online deals stuff be purchased or not cos some really lousy to the max !! the hair treatment was damn lousy and I really doubt if the hair dresser really pass her exam or not cos the way she put the hair treatment on my hair is using bare hands !! wth usually people will use a glove and brush but she use nothing ! just dig out the treatment from the tub and apply on my hair ! sibei professional la !!

kay tmr is another working day again !! sian !!

feeling really vexed !!

                  this whole week really busy..Monday meet dear for a movie but apparently I have to work late so end up miss the front part of the show..Tues went for my last eye treatment..was really tempted to sign up for more sessions but its really ex ;( Wednesday was busy for me too.work til really late til 8pm then ended work..Thurday met with dear again for dinner at sun ray café.. Friday met up with my good friend, wp..She talk to me a lot on my decision to resign. She support my decision whereas my mum totally agreed it when I haven found a job and wan to resign.but I really cant tahan le..first of all, I not performing well in sales ( not closing enough placements ), secondly now got KPI liao, so the more I stress.. and I really not happy doing operations work liao..I was not hired to do operations de and now I am doing just becos my ex colleague have left and they decided to ask me source for marine crew, which is something I hate it cos its really very jialat and imagine you need to find 20+ people on board the vessel, which can commence work asap..first of all where to find ! and come on, I will be crazy reading and requesting all the related documents from all these 20+ people.they going flood my email and worst still some don't even reply all my questions in a single email and they like to send me info piece by piece and I get really irritated cos they make me waste more time by reading more email when I have a lot of email to read liao. I am really sian liao..I dun feel anything that I can stay on..All my colleagues have left and the joy that I used to be working as a team no longer persist. Had a cold war with current colleague and I shall keep it a secret that I am leaving..since she has been wanting me to leave, I am leaving for real this time.

meanwhile, while I am jobless I shall try to cut down on my expenses..no choice, I have to go back to sch days and be thrifty.

Sat also went for colour run.. It was really bad..the body and face are badly stained with red dye..damn ! wanted to be as clean as possible so that I need not wash my clothes that jialat when I got home.. Apparently the more I siam, the more dye I got.zzz but honestly speaking, I wouldn't want to join this the sec time liao..play one time for me is enough,..

Sunday had a food tasting..ate and simple like 6 dishes til damn full..afterwhich went for a high tea break with all the muffins and bread jam..generally the food is good !

I am so tired and tmr need to work again. but lucky is half day for me cos I gg SGH again. should I do the eye procedure or an eye lid surgery?? All cost equally ex and when I am jobless I guess I just have to save save save !!

back from korea and i feel stress again

I am back from korea a few days back and everything is back to normal again..i am really very work stress now. cant produce enough good CV and boss kinda not very happy with my performance..hai what to do ;( wanna resign yet I am stuck at a venture where I cant resign now cos of aws and I am going for a trip in Nov which is like 2 weeks..how can I resign like that...the initial plan of me promoting was called off cos management not very happy with my work..They say I not very pro active in following up with clients and I do not produce enough good CV. Hai honestly speaking when something screwed up once, you get blamed for everything but once you done something good, people don't remember and praise you. I did something good for the company before but apparently no one mention that. I took about 4-5 months to follow up on a case and no one mention that. Yet, they kept on picking on one of the mistake I made.Honestly speaking I don't think that is my mistake too cos I was not the one doing it.. My role was just to supervisor the procedure and push people but apparently people like me do not like to push ppl so I got the blame eventually. Hai !!! LQM time to faster change job and look harder ! cant wait to resign..my feeling for tis job has turn from dislike to hate ! seriously don't understand why am I working over the weekend also just to get CV cos I scared the following day has no CV...working life should not be like that. and I don't earn much commission since I entered and worked for a yr..so I would say the push factor to resign is quite high. After thinking for long, I really think that this isn't the line that suits me..well the management change rules now..now got KPI and sales target to hit..u know people like me hate sales target and I definitely do not perform well. I prefer a rountine fix job which you give me a fix task to do everyday cos I will know what to expect everyday. I have a lot of uncertainity in this job..ask me to find ppl and I am not very certain..don't like the uncertain feeling...this is not a job should be going abt.

nevertheless I will update more on my korea trip soon when I am free..come back really busy..jeju, busan and seoul generally not too bad..jeju more of sceneary and I got terribly burn, but one good thing is we rented a car so life was easier for us. busan was more of a city life..but sad thing was I quarrelled with dear on our trip at the beach..he made me very sad over this trip..made me cry two times cos he laugh at me in front of my friends. I already feel very inferior all along, and he came laughing together with my other friends..of cos my heart feel very sad and angry..and he has no patience..whenever I wanna shop, he kept on rush me but he has the patience to wait for other people but just not me,..hai how can I not be angry and sad leh..generally he made me upset for 2 times lo !! But this stupid guy say sorry so I forgive him..zzz seoul was more of shopping for beauty treats...pz and tc bought masks and skin care like crazy..yes but I am not like them, I didn't bought much cos my hse has already quite a few and I hv yet to finish and there is always an expiry so no point buying so much cos I cant finish using within that 2 yrs expiry..girls always have the tendency to buy more during sales and its really proven on pz..she buy like no one business !! MAN I see liao also shocked !


came back korea was hectic with work, tons of email to clear and I am really tired..mum and I kept on quarrelling and I cant stand her..she threw a lot of my stuff away when I was in korea..and I hate ppl touching my stuff cos she always like to arrange my stuff and when I cant find my stuff in the old positions I put, I get angry and pissed..and whenever I cant find it, most of the time its thrown away by her..seriously dun understand why must see always intrude into my privacy..every single cent also have to see and ransack..wallet, cupboard and every corner of the house also wanna ransack..DAMN !! I am really tired..cant wait to get out of the house by 30..let me get rich soon and own my own hse so that I can have peace..