~i reali feel veri tortured staying in this home..

fri went out with JT to suntec to makan..we went to swiss culture to eat..ordered melted cheese and some sauages..quite nice once u eat, but one will feel sick of it when u eat too much cos too cheesy liao and quite full also..tat day was down with sore throat and cough, yet still eat chocolate hot fuge cos veri nice, canot stand the temptation..end up the next day i reali lost my voice..but never mind at least i enjoy the food..pei seh thing is total cost was $50 somthing, feel abit bad tat JT treated me this lunch..afterall i didnt pay at all..seriously didnt expect it to be tat ex, still thought tat it would be $30++, but ended up $5o something..
sun went to expo..still thought got the food fair but ended up finish long time ago..hai~~wasted trip man..also still thought tat can go there buy adias sale, but so fast finish liao!! this reali shows how "Kiasu" singaporean are..kay, tat day went home empty handed without eating dinner..mum didnt go with us cos she bu shuang tat day, by all means if she dun want to go, i cant be bothered with her..dad being the silly one still please her to go..i dun think she deserve this kind of nice treatment from my dad when i did she was the one who is in the fault..she should do some reflections..sometimes i reali kelian my dad tat he often kana bullied and ordered around by my mum when i think tat as a guy he should have his own dignity and pride instead of getting hit and ordered around as and when my mum feels like it..wat is this man !!!! my mum is just lucky tat she married my dad, if other guys would get give her two tight slaps or beat her up, later then divorce her..my dad is just too nice to her, he is willing to tolerate and stand her but i cant stand her!! i reali wish tat my dad could divorce her..at least the family would stay peaceful without her around..i dun understand why our family canot stay happy as compared to other family???why why?? becos she is the one who created trouble and create havoc at home..why why??cant we just have some peace at home..i rather stay out than at home cos i dun feel any warmth at home, i rather go out everyday til late at nite and early morning leave house..i reali canot stand staying in his toturing family anymore!!!!my dad is nice but mum reali canot stand her..
mon had a reali violent with mum, reali violent one like those shown in videos..the fight started out becos she insist tat i play piano everyday for 4 hrs but i sae i canot, the most is just 2hrs, but she insist canot..so how, never mind i stay and locked myself inside my room but she kept wanting to blow up matters..she took up the keys to my room's door and opened my room when i was taking a nap lying on the floor..so she started scolding and finding fault with me cos she not happy tat she is giving away so much money to my teacher when we are not rich at all, yet i dun wan to learn..i told her many times tat i wont like piano since young and its a torture to ask me to play piano for 4hrs when the most i can take is 2hrs..actually half an hours my concentration is already gone...its like asking a 2 opp sex ppl to stay together when they dun like each other..it is veri torturing lah..i told her tat i rather study than to ask me to play piano but she rebut me bac saying tat then why my results still so lousy..kay fine...to me, i think they are two different thing, studies and art and two different thing, cant be compared together..wat it hurts me and make me angry at the same time is tat she asked me to go geylang to sell my body or i can sleep with my dad if i want to.. wat the f***, this kind of thing also can sae...i reali think tat she is not fit to be my mum..other ppl mum is so gd and nice to their children but not my mum..though i know tat she is too concerned abt us, but just too bad she used the wrong way to express herself until i hate her reali much..i often tell her why i prefer my dad over her, becos he can be reasoned out with and he understand wat a child goes through..for her, she is just cant be reasoned and she always think tat she is always rite..even my mum tried talking to her abt forcing me to play piano. but eventually things cant work out..tat nite went to my mum friend's house, she told me tat my mum just dun understand and kept insisting her stand until she canot tahan talking to her..she told me not to tell my mum and i agreed cos anyway i dun intend to tell also..yup, and tat day reali cry like anything until i got headache cos i reali canot tahan being torture from early morning til nite..cant even have a proper sleep..hai~~the fight was reali violent one but she was the one who started it, cant expect me to get beaten up for no reason, of cos natural reaction is to react bac..i was so angry tat wanted to give a punch on her face but eventually didnt cos my brother stopped us..he ended up kana beaten up by my mum..hai~~poor thing..i didnt get any injuries at all except drop lots of hair, for her she kana some injuries..i think i am too violent yesterday cos i am just too angry..i never got so angry b4 until the plastic bottle tat i slam on the floor break..imagine plastic can also break, reali shows how i angry i was at tat pt of time..she said she could have called the police but it wasnt be who started out the fight..my brother can be the witness..i also dun give a damn if she reali call the police..i know tat its wrong to beat parents but when one is reali angry, they dun think of the conquences, beat finish then settle..i still think she deserve it cos i did nothing to her and she kept making me when i am in my room sleeping..she is just out to create trouble..watever it is i still think she deserve it..and wat, she still call my friend's mum to tell her tat i beat her but my friend will confirm know tat i do tat becos i am just too angry cos she know she am seldom like tat and i dun treat ppl like tat except my mum cos she is reali the extreme case..
tat nite i was still crying cos i reali canot take it le and i am reali tired being tortured..kay, went out secretly with my brother cos i dun wan to stay at home being tortured..kay, she took away all my money when i need to buy food since tat day and the day before haven eaten anything and she didnt allow me to eat anything tat belong to the house..fine, i was so angry cos i am so hungry and she took away the money when tat money is not hers and it belongs to my saving..wat the f***, like tat how to eat..FINE, i was super angry tat i shout hokkien vulgarities after i left the doorstep..think the whole block can hear it man, but i dun care man..wa super angry tat time..never got so angry before and seldom i will scold vulgarities unless i am reali super angry..tat nite feel like bashing her up again..so my brother gave me abit of his food outside cos he sae he kelian me, but its not enough to fill my stomach at all..suddenly feel he is not tat bad afterall..at least he still have a heart...tat day reali thought of commiting suicide cos i reali take the torture anymore, but i thought 4th level canot die, at almost is just broken legs, i want to die peacefully..i thought by dying all the troubles would come to an end..hai~~but dun have the courage..
dad cried tat day cos he duno how to handle the suituation and he kept worrying abt us when he is working...seldom see him cry, i guess he is reali vexed over us ba..i am willing to forget everything but mum said tat she is not going to let me off..i expected it and i knew tat the days ahead is going to be torturing for me..she is not going to cook for me everyday and she is not going to give me a single cent..i can eat outside but money will also use finish eventually..i dun earn any income where got money to eat??? i tok of eating a meal everyday, like tat money wont use finish tat fast..on the other hand i can slim down..but wat i scared is tat i will get gastric cos last time kana already and its super painful..hai~~~wat am i to do???i know she will create trouble for me so i purposely didnt wan to stay at home, but i cant always stay out do nothing..i will be bored to death also..house is like a hell, wat i am to do??? yesterday hope tat someone would take me away from this torturing place but dun have..hai~~dad gave up his food yesterday and gave it to me cos i didnt eat the entire day already..sigh..poor thing my dad..family problems are never ending in this family..she wanted to commit suicide yesterday nite but forget it lah, this tatic has been used many times since i was young, duno sae how many times liao..i told my dad dun be foolish to be fool by her, but he sae he is willing to be fooled by her..he wanted me to sae sorry to my mum when she sae she wanted to commit suicide but i insist "NO" cos i am not totally in the wrong, she has her fault too..everything started out becos she created the trouble herself..moreover, i know she wont commit suicide becos she dun have the courage to do so..she knows tat my dad will defend her if she were to threaten to commit suicide..forget it lah, u can trick my dad but not me..yup, i admit i am a veri stubborn person, but i reali canot stand unreasonable ppl, so ask me sae a simple "Sorry" also canot becos i have my dignity..

~i am reali bored~

i am seriously bored...i am sick of going out already..i am also tired of nauhing already..haha..first time hear i sae tired of nuahing..hai~~now i feel tat there is nothing to keep me occupied..at nite still got lots of shows to watch but morning and afternoon reali veri sian man..sometimes i think it is better if there is work and studies to keep one occupied, afterall one might not feel as if he or she has no mission is life..yup, this is the first time in my entire life tat i can nuah so peacefully cos last time they sae got holidays but ended up like dun have at all cos holiday still need to prepare for tests and exams..hai~~~i am reali bored to death...i see lots of NTU students studying veri hard now..and i am slacking away happily..oh man, if i reali got a chance to go uni, reali need to prepare for the worst cos see them like study until veri "cham"..yup, i am those slow person and i take veri long to understand things..i have a feeling tat my mind cant catch up with uni pace cos everythings is all independent learning..so far our sch have been spoon feeding us..at some extent it is not tat gd..wa i see the NTU students studying chemistry..it seems tat those they study i have studied b4 leh...ppl might tink tat everyone are studying so hard, why arent u studying and slacking away happily..haha..nowadays whenever i am bored, i would go NTU to walk walk see see if there is any there to do..hai~~life is seriously bored now..
yesterday had a quarrel with my mum over the piano thing...she sae tat i seems heck care abt the piano..yup, indeed i am heck care abt it..why should i bother to find a teacher to teach me when there is a teacher right in front of me and she kept complaining tat she is irresponsible..yup, though she is irresponsible, but at least i can connect with her, not like other teachers..those teachers onli scold me when i duno and they ask me to figure out myself..oh pls, i pay them to teach me not to scold me..i still rmb i am veri scared of one of my piano teacher cos no matter wat i will always cry when i go for her lessons..i feel tat coming for her lessons is reali scary and i always dun feel like going at all..kay dad was saying tat my mum was too over concerned tat's why she is like tat..yup, i do know tat she is concerned abt me but i feel veri fann when she is over concerned abt me..i give her an anology saying tat between 2 couples if one were to be over concerned for the other party or either one were to be too "Nian" towards ur the other half then ur the other half also canot stand it wat..this is the same thing wat..she was saying tat i can forget abt having a bf cos she sae this kind of thing also canot stand..wat i said was true wat, i believe tat not onli me agree with wat i sae but others will also feel the same thing..to me, if my other half is like tat, its either i tell him wat's his problem or either if the problem still persist then breaking up would a solution to it..seriously i have no confidence in any relationships after being hurt..sometimes i will feel sian after seeing the same person over and over again for weeks and months..perhaps i am reali not suitable for relationships..actually staying single also not a bad either, at least i am free to do wat ever i wan to do, no need to think abt the other half..however, at times, one might feel lonely and wish tat there will be someone to stay by ur side..actually being in a relationship has its pros and cons..it depends on how one view it..anyway i think mr A is reali compatible with his gf..glad for him also...oh my god i reali think his gf is reali chio and sweet..but too bad, i am not a guy..if not i will jio her cos first look she gave me the sweet and clean look..haha..she is real pretty..

life in the past one month..

life was seriously terrible in the past 1 to 2 months and its all becos of A Levels..ya man, tat time super stress, going to go siao soon..plus tat time i kept having fever and the stupid fever just kept coming bac even though it seems tat i am ok le..but somehow tat time i suddenly recall of physics..temperature always flow from high region to low region, so i place a cloth over my head then after tat everything is ok..luckily there is 5 days break after the gp paper, if not i am reali worried if am i suitable to take my A levels with a fever..tat time was reali sick, hardly got energy to talk bac to my mum..life was veri stressful...moreover, things became worst when the construction workers start working at this pt of time when i am having my A levels!!!wat the hell, it was sickening..so noisy and i cant study..so bo bian, went out with my brother to study..seriously outside environment reali canot study, noisy like anything..moreover cant get use to the outside environment..
so how was this yr papers on the whole??seriously i think its quite tough, esp phy..actually u can just go in the exam hall without studying for it cos its all application and i feel tat the trend is changing towards more critical thinking rather than memorizing facts and vomitting it out.i think my phy is gone case le..chem paper 3 and 1 also gone case, sigh...reali duno if i can go uni or not..maths was alright..reali must thx mr sim cos tat time he said one thing tat rung my bell..he say must do finish the whole of 2001 to 2005 then shouldnt be a problem..thx to him and one of the qn reali came out and its copy and paste directly..so heng man..i think maths shouldnt be tat bad when i get the results..wat i am most scared is my phy and chem...hai~
now life is so bored without sch..i am just idling away at home rotting and either going out with friends..i am starting to miss sch le..i miss the time when i can get to see my 2 idols and miss the busy time..it seems tat time is difficult to pass nowadays..and my sickening parents kept bothering me with my piano stuff..seriously i reali dun like playing piano, even though i know tat they are doing for my own gd..i told them many times le tat i am no talent for tat and they still want me to learn..such things need in born talent inorder to appreciate..seriously i am just bindly following wat i am taught and i have no opinion of my own.this is not wat a reali pianoist should do..haha..
this few months reali learn alot from my brother, he teaches me alot of stuff tat i dun understand in the past..was quite grateful to him in fact..he helped me quite a bit in all my subjects..seriously i think he is reali super smart..i and him are just extreme ends..brother is going to army on 11 jan, shiok man, i will have no disturbance from then on..and i can do watever i like openly le..
seriously i am just stuck between when should i start to work cos my parents have not yet to find a piano teacher for me and i cant confirm the time with the agent..wa lao i am just stuck..seriously i am still worried abt my results even though A levels has ended..i am reali scared..reali uncertain if i can go uni or not, if tat's the case then reali must plan another path of my life..last day of exam, everyone was like so crazy, it seems tat we have regain our freedom..yup, tat day after exam i directly went to pierce my eyes..finially after so many yr so saying..seriously i think its pain loh, but duno why cm sae not pain at all, its just some insect bite..maybe my ear lops are thick tat's why so pain..anyway first thing tat i did after ear piercing was to buy a nice earring..yup, quite vain arh..hehe..past few days cm was saying tat if she is the boss, she wouldnt hire me cos i smile too much and it seems tat i am not a serious person when it comes to work..haha..but all along i am like tat, suddenly dun smile abit hard leh..plus she sae i am slow and inefficient and everything duno and i always look so unconfidient..actually wat she sae is veri true, i am indeed veri inexperience in everything..even the basic also duno, but i am brushing up my eng in this half a yr cos i think my english reali sucks, need more improvment for tat..
i am so bored, wat should i do to kill time?????hai~~~too bored also complain, too busy also complain..hai~

~one month since i last blog~

how has things been so far.seriously the graduation day was a sad thing, afterall tat will be the last time in sch le..hai~~and worst thing during A levels have fever!!! hai~~shall update more in the up coming week..and moreover i was reali touched when spm came to sch all for me just to teach me maths..such a nice teacher where to find rite..haha..and ms lim also, came all the way just to teach me phy..so nice of her..sad man, now must leave sch le..and canot see my 2 idols anymore..tat day came bac sch saw idol 2, haha, he look different with tat lam nuah clothes, at least there is a time when he look untidy..then idol 1 saw him during after my exams..hehe still look the same as b4..then this exam a super host contestant came to our sch to invilegate and he is a teacher..oh man, i was thinking why this person so familiar man..oh ya, he is the super host lah..