my last entry before i fly to sydney !

man i cant believe i am flying tmr midnite to sydney.and yes its 2 wks.its freaking long.i really duno what to do there either.i am nv tat serious in researching stuff cos this time round i am all alone to explore sydney myself and at the same time i am also lik a tour guide, bringing my dad all ard.so i cant possibly plan all shopping.else he sure will be bored.so wk 1 will tentatively all the famous places and i tink most of the time i will spend in the farms area since i dun really have transportation to get out of tat area. ;( my bro still say : u can use my car when i am off for melbourne.." man, i dun even know how to drive a car, how to use the car..i guess for tat 3 days i shall just roam around tat area since nothing to do.or worst case juz sleep at home lo.but its gonna be boring.no laptop for me either cos he will bring his laptop over with him ;( hai hopefully i will enjoy this entire trip..i will be bac 10 july 7pm again !

hmm why am i still waiting for his reply??

i suddenly feel so relaxed now that i no need work le..all i have to do now is to wait for 25 june midnite to come and i will fly off to sydney..yes i am travelling again despite this time round i am kinda broke but this time round its gonna be a challenge travelling ard sydney for me cos first 1 wk will be independant travelling without anyone help's..first 3 days of our arrival, bro still having exams, so i shall not disturb him.after which he is gg off to melbourne but i shall stay in sydney to save tat 3 days trip to melbroune.and 3rd and 4th july i will be all left alone..dad will fly off bac to SG while bro still remains in melbourne..man, somehow i feel abit scared staying in farms, cos travelling wise can be quite mafan.and i dun like the feeling of getting lost and no one can help me.but i shall bring my guangzhou spirit with me through this sydney trip and believe tat i sure can survive this trip all by myself..

this wk have been busy meeting up wif friends before i fly off.after 10 july when i reached SG i shall nuah all the way before my perm job starts.man, cant believe time flies man.i haven really rested enough and catch up with all my drama cos earlier on i was busy working part time jobs to earn some income for my trip, so haven really rested much.

anw i duno why i kept on waiting for his reply..i am just curious have he saw what i replied? perhaps i shouldnt be so open and tell him what i felt in the past, like setting him as benchmark... hmmm or he saw the msg liao but chose not to reply? hmm but i dun understand leh.since u got the courage to msg me u should have the courage to reply bac what..tat's one thing tat i dun understand.perhaps all along i dun really understand u since in the past its u who have a better understanding of me rather than me..hai nvm ~ i shall see u again at convo !

~i thought alot abt my future~

ytd i was busy gg out meeting my coursemate for financial planning cos bf kind of wants me to know more abt financial planning and plan for my future...true indeed tat i dun giv a damn abt fiancial planning cos parents lost alot of money when i was young in financial planning which is meant for my uni education one.so naturally,seeing how much money they lost, i wouldnt want to invest in financial planning too. and moreover i have been brainwash since young not to take up financial planning, so naturally whenever any financial advisor call me, i will naturally reject their call and wont giv them a chance to promote the plans that they selling.

so this time round, i was nice cos this finanical planner was my friend so i decided to giv him a chance to tell me what's the plan he is selling.actually true indeed, the plan he was selling seems ok, but i am still abit worried abt not being able to pay for long term duration and i will lose money evenutally if i cant afford it in a long.after the discusion, i would say tat fianancial planning is abt taking risk and investing in something that you cant predict if it would happen.after giving a thought, i feel perhaps i should really plan for my future.this time round i was lucky tat i have bursary to help me pay off my sch loan, else perhaps i have to work damn hard for another 2-3 yrs to pay off everything.but i believe i am not tat lucky everytime.

and ytd ex send me a long msg to me regarding my worries for sch loan.in the msg he mentioned: "i'm glad you have found yourself someone nice. really happy for you. remember, there's bound to be unhappy times, but give in a lil, don't expect perfection and life can be a lot better together. if you insist on your ways always, life is tough. besides it's too short to be living miserably. if this one doesn't work out, don't force things to happen.don't marry a person because of what has happened in the past, but what you can do together for the future."

i totally agree with him cos i will only marry if i tink i am certain if he is the one, and not marrying off for the sake of the age..actually i felt somewhat happy cos i actually receive my blessing from my ex..the feeling to receive blessing from ur ex is really undescribable cos many many yrs i really hope we can be friends again.but many yrs after we broke up we never contacted each other again til last yr we started talking again..well, i guess i still didnt lose a friend evenutally. ;)

i still left a wk more to sydney.man, i haven plan anything.cos i am very busy with lots of stuff and i cant wait to get out of this hse.this bloody mum everyday keep finding fault wif me..sigh how long more i still needa stay in this hse. ;(

23k of study loan, u really suck me real hard

i have offically paid off every cent of my sch loan, this is something gd to be happy abt.but right now i am really poor le cos initally i am still considered still relatively "rich" in my 2 bank account, but within 2 days i really paid off everything..in fact i was quite sad cos its my savings since young and everything is gone within 2 days...plus i loan out almost 5.2k to my bro, which makes my bank account even less $$$.. ;( i am kind of cant accept 23k of money gone within 2 days !!!!! my heart totally feels very painful... haiz looks like i cant travel anymore til i start work or else i wanna travel to nearby countries i guess i needa work to earn some $$$ to travel.sigh i never seen so little in my bank account before man..let's beside the story of me being young when my money in the bank is very little..but as i got older i started to save alot cos i alrdy expect the fact tat my parents wont pay a single cent for my uni education.mum has the money i guess but she defintely wont loan out a single cent to me although she can be quite rich.dad has totally no $$ to help me cos he alrdy cant help himself alrdy.bro also another useless chap..all he knows is just to borrow $$ from me.

dear has gone for a few days.heng i dun feel that bored cos i am busy occupying myself finding accomodation to stay in sydney but apparently one day stay in hostel can cost up to $100+ ..man this is totally not reasonable..hostel stay ard cost $100+ let alone staying in hotel.so now i am kind of damn stress cos money really a big problem.dad has to sell off all his stocks although he really lost alot of money in tat.i kept on telling dad not to sell off but he just refuse to listen to me ;( sigh.cos i belive this trip to sydney we are both to help bro to pay off his debt tat he owe his friend.this time round i can really tell him : " i have really no money anymore, ur sister is really poor now.i just paid of 23k of sch loan within 2 days." ;(

alrights hopefully i will be less sad after today cos i really never seen so little $$ in my bank before ;(

life is short like i always say so...

last tues went to USS..i dun really like all the roller coaster rides cos i am scared and the worst part is USS rides are mostly roller coaster rides..tat's why i dun really enjoyed the activities over there, apart from the water activities..though i dun really like the feeling of getting wet and feeling sticky ,but bf likes it so no choice have to play..else if i have a chance i will choose to avoid it or play it as the last activity for the day. the activities in USS just reminded me of the activities in genting.but genting one is still defintely better than USS one.

and last wed dear's grandma passed away..at that point i duno what to do to comfort him cos no matter what i say he will still feel sad cos afterall its someone who is close to him that actually left him..so i guess i can only lend him my shoulder..i still can rmb my grandma passed away when i was in pri 4 and when i heard from my parents that she actually passed away, i cried secretly when my parents rushed out of home to the hospital.... many at times i always say : cherish the ppl ard you before they left u..but it never came true for me..just duno why..perhaps i always take my mum and dad for granted..everyday my life is just very rountine.mum everyday will scold and find fault wif me regardless of anything..so ppl like me who cant tahan will try to leave the hse early to avoid seeing her and getting a quarrel wif her..in time to come, it has become a viscous cycle over the yrs and i believe nothing will change in future too cos i hate this family.my dad is alright..just that he is very hard to talk to sometimes..his olden days thinking i cant tahan too.both the generation for both of them are just too big for me to communicate well with them..tat's why i never tell anything to them..and i never bothered to explain to them abt my bf too..cos anw whatever i say mum will say i am a cheap and slutty girl.so i shall save the explanation.

alrights so for the past 1 wk i was actually working as a flyer distributor..the time past super duper slow man..but what to do, i just needa earn some $$ for the sydney trip..and the worst part is my trip is 2 wks from now and i have yet manage to earn enough money for the trip..

and dear just flew off to tw ytd.we wont be seeing each other for a month.hopefully we will miss each other regardless of where we are.he will be away for 2 wks, and i will be away 2 wks too.by then once i come bac, its time to prepare for my convo..the day whereby i offically graduate.man, time fly real fast.nevertheless this 4 yrs of uni education was worthwhile.i really enjoyed my internship in china.really didnt regret gg there despite of having no one gg with me..but i was really lucky to gain a wonderful nice bf in return.. ;)

tmr will be our 10 mths anniversary..time flies man..in 2 months time we will be 1 yr ! ;) whee !! hopefully we will stay together forever cos if we break his mum will be malu as she has introduced me to all his relatives during the funeral when i came down that nite.