~1 week holiday has gone so fast !~

one week of holiday has just gone and i reali did nothing and revise nothing except doing my lab reports and journals which i took forever to do, cos i always fall asleep reading these materials..cos its so bored la..if there are some nice stuff to read, then at least i wont fall asleep easily..so i am kinda guilty now cos i reali planned to catch up with my old tutorials in the holidays but apparently, i didnt cos went out too much and slack too much le..
last sat was the sentosa day where everyone of our click turned up except me..haha..but i am kinda heng i didnt go cos it turns out to be tat everyone needs to go down the deep sea to play with water, and i cant ! cos i still cant overcome tat phobia of mine with water...lohz...and ya, playing with a group of guys in water seems not correct..haha..though i think it might be fun, but somehow the feeling is still not correct huh..
lately also veri heart pain cos my bro disfigure my laptop which i bought it with my first salary..and i was kind enough to let him take it to taiwan when i haven even use before when i am the one paying for it lo..and this is wat i get when it comes bac to me..wth..and i think he feels guilty for it, so bought a veri cool and unique jacket for me which cost $7 nia... wat a gd " bargain" i get man..lohz.this is damn idoit man..aiya but still i like the jacket la, cos its super stylish and cant get in spore de..and u will look different when u wear on it..haha..seriously i must say my brother has reali gotton a go taste ever since he came bac from taiwan..
then weekend, jeremy tan was like keep jio-ing me into being an SA..initally i am veri firm in my decision telling myself tat i wont wan to be cos i am not enthu, neither can i lead nor cheer, if i am one of the SA, then the group sure gone case de lo..but after tat i decided to give in to him liao la..cos i give up le after he tried so many times convincing me..ok lah, partly is becos i see he is a nice guy, always help ppl in the camp and i feel kelian for him if i reject his offer..but on the gd side, i shall tell myself tat i am going there to extend my social circles..who knows i might get my " mr right" over there..haha.but since i reali promised ppl, i will confirm do my job well de la, cos its something to do with responsibility..of cos i wont be bo chap and run away half way cos like tat i will be super irresponsible..
yesterday, dad was mentioning to me tat got someone wants me to teach piano and tat guy is a few yrs younger than me..actually i am happy to hear tat, but i reali got no time now..wish to teach him but i reali got too much things to do..i guess i need more trainings so tat as time to come, i will be more confident of myself..but as a teacher, i confirm wont be strict cos i will treat them as my friends, just like how i treat my student..always crapping and joking ard, other wise, lesson would be super bored man..haha.

~i am shocked til jaw drops~

yesterday my bro just came bac from taiwan.didnt went to pick him up cos i was reali seriously putting effort in doing my lab report cos i reali spent like 2 days doing the lab report le and i seriously wan to complete this once for all.then afternoon went to ben's bday celebration..when we reached there, i am kinda shocked that there are so little ppl onli..but in fact i like this bday celebration cos its less crowded which is gd..small gathering are gd as can interact more with friends.then ytd had a gd chat with WP at the swimming pool cos the chalet inside reali too many ppl le..not convinent to talk.i reali feel shuang after chatting with her cos its been a long time since i reali sit down and have a girl's talk.justine was funny too cos he was the one to bring the atmosphere up ;) initally wanted to go home early to do my homework de cos i reali got lots of stuff to clear, but suddenly i saw my eye candy being invited too..haha..so something came up to my mind..he was sitting down outside there alone cos the room inside is already packed with ppl..wanted to go out talk to him de, but its kind of like obvious huh..so jason went to talk to him instead..so at least he not so sian le..the cake we ate ytd is reali damn huge man cos he bought a super big cake.then ytd intentionally wanted to leave at 9pm with tanu de, but i decided to pang seh tanu for once and stay bac to wait for everyone to go together..haha..i am so sorry tanu..so i went off at 10 instead.so this poor bday boy was dump into the pool when he was extending his thanks for us for turning up for his bday..so the 3 guys just carried him and dump him into the pool and i was the "Sway" one when ben was grabbing my hand and i was almost grab along into the pool.heng man, otherwise, i will be dragged into the pool too..
after which everyone decides to take the bus since everyone stays around the same area..they suggest me to take bus first than train but i didnt wan cos it feel quite mafan and he didnt wan too.so the 2 of us took train together..initally i thought still got tat pei seh feeling, but duno why apparently ytd dun have at all..so chatted all the way to JE..but duno why halfway through the train he suddenly taught me biology cos i say i duno..but i am quite impressed cos he can teach quite well with tat palm talk phone as paper..haha..he still say something like " if u duno biology can msg or call me.." wah when i heard tat i got suddenly awake..haha..but i think i wont de la..cos abit weird man..in time to come, i will still see him quite often from now ;)
today i did a veri bad thing cos my mum keep wanting me to track down on my brother gf as in how she looks like..whether she chio or not..so i decided to turn on my laptop and his and i reali found some things which i shouldnt know..though i reali dun feel like intruding into his privacy cos its bad and not gd,but eventually i still did look for "Clues" in both of our laptops.although i reali feel like taking revenge of him making so much obstacles for me between me and A becos of his childishness and imaturity, but still duno why i feel guilty and bad when i peep into his stuff todae.maybe i have grown up liao..know what's wrong and correct.but never mind what is done is already done.no pt thinking bac liao..so i reali almost wan to laugh when i read the ger's feeling for my brother..omg, she can reali write eassy on how much she likes my bro and talk abt marrying him and giving birth for him..oh my god, i am reali lost for words and turn speechless cos my mum was beside me reading together with me..i am the one making lots of funny background sound and my mum laugh..cos i think this is reali too fairy tale liao..never mind, i shall treat it as the ger still young and imature.duno wat's call practical and reality.but i seriously dun feel like reading on her "COMPO" cos its all in chinese..what the hell man..i dun like reading chinese words.cant she just write in english meh?and my mum found so many love letter tat she wrote for my bro..initally i found it sweet as a guy if i am..but later i got sian reading cos she feel saying " wo ai ni" for any sentence and para..so got sian and didnt read on..and one thing tat shock me most was i seen something tat i shouldnt see today !! omg, SEX and PORN website link tat he didnt delete after viewing cos i was raking the history..oh my god, i reali find it hard to accept initally cos how can my bro be like this after going to taiwan !! my jaw reali drops man..i wanted to tell my mum, but i guess its not reali gd cos i pretended tat i didnt see anything..omg, i known something which i shouldnt know today..haiz..now i know guys are reali all the same, including nerds..but my brother is not a nerd anymore..in fact super stylish now..he bought a CK perfume for $63 and i reali wan to faint when i saw the price cos i could have bought lots of clothes with tat money..and moreover in the past he dun feel perfume de, why suddenly use perfume..weird man..maybe got gf liao need makeover? aiya whatever la, i think tat taiwan mei sure gone case liao la..i doubt he will go bac taiwan again..
hai~today still didnt do anything much again..in fact did do anything since morning and afternoon cos was too kepo with my bro gd stuff.gosh..

~too much to give and take~

my mind is finally cleared..thanks god!! cos for the past few days, my mind is really luan and fann..too occupied with thinking many rubbish things til i cant really stay focus on doing my homework, so didnt really end up doing anything at the end of the day..practically i am just stoning away and mind wondering away thinking of many issues that is going on in my mind.finally i have gotton an ans le..then i dun need to think so much le..i hate to guess so much cos it really distracts me from doing my homework..but i must say i still need time to get over it..afterall i am not a super women, need some time to recover.haiz~~
i am really feeling guilty now cos i haven touch anything much on sch work and half the holiday is already gone ;( ...this is bad..and my brother is coming bac today..initally wanted to go airport pick him up de, but i am realli too busy with sch work le and tonite i need to attend's ben bday celebration, which means half day gone ! sian..then weekends got so many activities ongoing too !! duno if i should turn up cos i have lots of factors in considerations in my mind. to go or not to go? tat's my qn..haiz~i reali bu zhi dao !! this is so fann ! my heart VS logic is fanning me too much..how can i get away from this ??? haiz~~
my stand for now is dun wan anything crap and rubbish now.yes, i shall be firm for now cos i onli believe in myself now, no one else ! any ongoing rubbish i shall stop and just close one eye..nothing else from now.i think i always too soft hearted le, tat's why i always....haiz~~never mind...
gonna got my lab report now.sian, this is damn sian..so many things to do..

~Heart vs logic~

Ever since uni starts, many things has happened regardless of happy or unhappy events. Blogging has always been my “best friend” since 2004 cos whenever I am feeling down or wat, I always feel better after expressing out whatever I feel like expressing. My sadness and unhappiness and happy moments..but recently I reali felt that too many people are reading my blog le and I reali feel INSECURE saying so much private comments and feelings which explains why I have stop bloggin on my private comments and feelings and blog more on my sch work. This is also one of the reason why I always refused to give ppl my blog webbie cos I feel INSECURE letting ppl whom I know knowing a lot of of stuff abt me.Though I do know tat my blog are quite nice to read cos quite a no of my friends tole me tat..but I guess in future I wont blog so much on private stuff le..its either I keep it to myself or just move blog or just find a new blog to write my private stuff.
Today I shall talk abt my chime and hard to understand theory which is the heart VS logic theory tat mr A mentioned to me before.The output tat u will get is proportional to the amt of effort tat u put in which mr A mentioned to me in the past.But for now, I felt likewise cos I lost the battle le which initially upset me a lot initially.So, crying out is the best alternative tat can makes me feel better and yes I do feel better after crying out. At least I have let out my emotions le..perhaps one might say why I so inconfident of myself, but I guess I dun wan to lie to myself already cos the truth is just veri obvious and I am following logic instead of heart..(which I made a mistake)
I have experienced many many obstacles and failures in life and perhaps it has made me more stronger and independent cos I dun like to reply on ppl. I rather choose to believe myself than other ppl cos too much hurt has incurred in me already before. The retain period and the post break up period. It takes a lot of courage for me to pick up from where I fall and stand up again. MY dad always say that he admire me on that cos not everyone can manage to do tat.Some either just give up on themselves or just go into deparation. I choose to believe myself tta I can do it and not giving up on myself and I reali got into NTU after many struggles from the emotional and the psychological aspects that I feel. Indeed its not easy for me. Not many ppl understand what I feel unless they reali experience it for themselves. As for relationship wise, I was too deeply hurt once and reali sink into depression for many months cos I was just too upset. Thus, I always have the tendency to think twice from then on cos I dun wan to get hurt again afterall once bitten twice shy. The healing process is reali not easy . In fact it was a tough journe for me to carry on life alone at tat point of time with a such shattered and broken heart.It tooks me yrs to reali forget everything and move on in life. Though you can say I stupid or silly or whatever shit, but tat’s just the way I am. Hai~ I am veri shagged and tired over the issue tat I realized and know today. All I know is my mind has overloaded of info now. Cant reali take it. Yes, I am reali sick and tired of this issue le.. dun feel like getting invovlve in this issue anymore. Sigh..many at times I always hope someone will “ save” me from the situation and get me out, but those will onli happen in dramas, not reali life. Haiz..i cant do anything now except just to indulge in homework to forget and make me busy. Cos my logic is wrong. I should have followed my heart in the first place.
I guess this is the most “Sincere” post tat I have written since uni starts cos I reali put in all my effort and feelings to write this post. For those hwo dun understand what I am trying to say at the end of the post, its ok cos its not meant for u guys to understand. In fact, its more of me to distress my feelings in my heart. Qm’s heart and brain is dead and tired for now and from now, I must learn to be less superficial and less simplistic cos I reali feel tat its super unrealiable and unrealistic in real life. For now, I shall just go with my feelings and go with whatever I have,. I guess my theory still holds and I shall set my expectations super high now. Dun care now cos I dun have learnt my lesson le..i am NOT going to lower my expectations tat he sets.gd luck to me man.

~nuah too much also sian?~

last week was reali a nuah week for me cos i reali do nothing but slack and watch tv.its been a reali long time since i reali nuah so much..fri nite came home quite late cos i wonder ard NTU since i dun wan to go home so early.after which came bac from again to chat with them again.sat morning went to ntu again to find him to teach me something.after which went to meet yk and jun yi at yishun.intially wanted to watch movie de, but ended up we didnt cos there isnt much nice movie to watch.ya so we went to the thai resturant to eat instead,business wise is quite gd for tat resturant, so we had to wait awhile before waiting for our turns.in all, i think the food consider so so nia.not reali as gd as wat they say.lohz.then since it was still early, then walked all the way from chong pang to katib just to buy bubble tea cos i suddenly got the craving for drinking tat.since i past walked past katib, suddenly thought of the 2 guys.so decided to msg them if they free to come down..kh came down in shorts ! finally got to see his slim legs ! haha. el didnt reply..so didnt manage to jio him down.then me, yk and jun yi sat at the playground to talk and chat since we have reali nothing to do.then after which went mac again to look for his friend..so by 9.45, i went home since i was kinda sian le..anyway today is a weekday again.and i need to come sch for make up lesson..sian..

~CA week is finally over ~

past one week is hell for me cos i hardly got to have proper sleep..everyday onli get to sleep for 2 to 3 hrs nia.worst case is sometime no time to sleep..seriously tat week i reali became a panda man..but exams so far quite do-able la..onli for tat damn physics i think i gonna fail and the life sci wont do well nia.cos i didnt study much..but heng el gave a very gd summary on the various topics to me and kency then somehow we managed to learn quite a lot of things.management wise is reali crap cos its mass copying..and i didnt study at all, just wait for ans to be said out by ppl..
recently everyone ask me the same qns and i reali duno why..nevertheless my ans will still be no cos there is nothing going on..reali..jialat man, so many ppl misunderstand tat..and this week i am going to have holiday le..but still i got so many homework to do.projects and i need to catch up my past tutorials which i have lagged behind a lot..sian..weekend i am going to slack for now.too sian to piah and do things.later at nite going to meet up with jy and yk for a movie ( I guess)..yup, tat's for now.my mind is luan over things tat was said ytd..hmm..

~sleeping week~

last week was lantern festival and ntu do has celebration for tat..initally wanted to go and play candles with them de..but as usual there is CA..and last week i think i sleep too much..lately, i think i have this tendency to sleep alot for no reason..whenever i sit onto my study table then i would unknownly fall asleep suddenly..this is especially when i see there is mountains of lectures notes for me to read..hai~but happy thing is next week i am going to have holiday le..i got lots of work to catch up on tat week man..i am also going out to chill out with them..yeah !!
this week kinda happen lots of things too..in fact i am smiling happily away cos didnt know tat things will turn out this way..ytd had my material sci quiz and i damn happy tat i got an A grade cos i have never gotton an A grade before all in my life..especially when in JC all my grades are just passing marks or just F..never got to see an A before.in fact i am grateful to my friends aroung me who teaches and guide me in studies cos without them i might have been damn lost somewhere le..thanks kh..and contruction worker too and the gers !

~so much happening things~

wed sound test has finally passed..didnt know uni exams can play cheat so easily...haha..tat's gd man.its pratically a cheating exam for most ppl cos i supposed most ppl gt look ard and ask ard for ans..and lately i have been turning up for the peer tutoring thing in NTU, and i reali find it benefical cos i think i learn much more from them than those lecturers la.and past few days i reali slept like 2 to 3 hrs nia , so my dark eye rings are reali quite jialat huh..hai~
wed had my piano lesson with my student again..seriously whenever i had piano lesson with her i always feel so fun cos we always talk crap de..cos i commented abt her tat her playing is reali so nuah as in she plays piano with no feel and touch..so i told her tat i can tell her character and wat kind of person she is just by the way she behaves and talks and ya my deductions are right.so she commented on me and asked me bac saying tat am i from computer club.oh gosh, when i heard tat i almost wanted to laugh cos i am,but i denied.haha...
sometimes its gd to have surprises once a while and yesterday i decided to dress slightly differently from the usual cos its seriously bored wearing the same old stuff again and again.so yesterday decided to try the office style look and it looks cool man..haha.took a pict with a bunny in NTU Too.! and lately my friendster and facebook got lots of comments on this particular pict tat i pose online.and tat jx posted some veri er xin pict of me online..oh gosh, heng i was quick in removing the picts, if not my image sure gone.
ok,to nite i shall piah hard le cos 4 coming tests next week can kill ppl man..though latern festival is reali coming up in few days time..though i hope i can play with candles and sparkles, but CA came at the wrong time...sigh..nvm, i shall enjoy my 1 week holiday man.

~weekend~

smiling away cos KH is taking my pict !
dun know i look so serious huh..

last weekend was kinda stress out ( i guess) since i got reali lots of things to study and study speed is reali slow just like some tortoise.and last fri was supposed to be a "grp outing" thingy but ended up onli 3 ppl went for the movie...so watched some cartoon movie which i totally dun understand..haha.so ended up sleeping..but the movie threate is reali kinda nice cos it has sofa..so nice environment to sleep..next week gt 4 tests.sian..damn siong man..=(

~sick~

jialat man..i feel seriously shagged cos i am kinda sick now..having some running nose, coughing and now i am having some sexy voice liao.next week is kinda a siong week..i am seriously dying man..i gt mountain of lectures notes to clear and understand.and i think tat the peer tutoring thing is damn gd..as in i think i can learn much more from there rather than going for offical lessons.yeah..i just hope tat i can stay focused at this pt of time cos mind aalways like to wonder ard de..sigh..

interesting comments ~

Daddy's Rules for DatingYour dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy):Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a carton of beer, because you're sure not picking anything up.Rule Two:You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three:I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four:I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five:It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.' Rule Six:I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven:As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight:The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool, places where there is darkness, places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Cricket games are okay...Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine:Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten:Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.-----

~i must have struck toto to pass my piano exam~

yesterday went i reached home, my dad was asking me so weird qns as in how i think i feel do for my exam and the ans i gave as "i duno..(as usual)" after which my dad suddenly gave me a surprised tat i pass my grade 8 piano exam and the results are kinda gd man and this is totally far from wat i expected, cos i thought i couldnt pass my exam at all.in fact i almost hit the merit grade.at tat moment, i was super damn funny and my face was filled with grin though earlier on i was quite sick, so kinda no mood and face was kind of looks dead.oh my god, i seriously canot believe tat i gt 117 out of 150..this is my best record ever since young i took piano..oh man, i seriously cant believe this..now, i can offically teach students liao..then ytd i suddenly thought of my piano teacher cos previously he thinks tat its highly tat i cant pass my exam, and he is kinda look down on me cos he say tat i am his worst student tat he seen so far.wat the hell man, now tat i have pass my exams liao and i shall proof him WRONG! damn idoit teacher who looks down on me..
anwyay tests and CA week can upcoming up soon..gosh, kinda feel the stress now.and i have been thinking, do i reali set my expectations far too high? cos sometimes i think tat i am quite a perfectionist..i wan everything to be done the way i hope it is..but..hmmm...