~it came out to be chicken pok~

dad was seriously ill and seriously we have no idea wats wrong with his skin cos his face is so swelled out with red rashes lah..even his collegues in his workplace asked him to take leave to see doctor cos its kind of disgusting..yup, he went to 2 to 3 doctors and no doctor know wat kind of illness is tat and i think they veri lousy lah, and yet we wasted money on consulting them..so my dad was referred to a skin specialist clinic and after tat he said tat it was onli chicken pok..oh man, i cant imagine my dad to get chicken pok at such an old age and i was kinda shocked when my mum told me tat the doctor charged her $!10 for tat..wa lao super ex lah, its just like some day light robbery lah..weekend was pretty tiring..doing piles of homework is kinda tiring and prelims are 2 weeks from now and i haven even started..but weird ah, i dun feel any stress and worry at all as compared to last yr..next week onwards will have study break for prelims le..hey so happy =)

~i didnt know tat NTU discretionary route is so tough~

past few days the sch invitied the NTU sch of biological sci to brief us on some admission matters and the critera for admission this yr..of cos the H1 and H2 subjects doesnt apply to me, but the professor was saying tat one should never try to go the discretionary route if u do veri well, just becos u dun meet the selection critera..of cos i was paying alot of attention to the talk since such selection critera was never made known to ppl...
dad was down with some skin problems and i duno why such thing suddenly happens on him cos i think its a veri serious thing..his face was filled with something like some mosquito bites and it was all red and yes it looks disgusting when u see it..of cos he has went to see the doctor but tat lousy polyclinic doctor duno wat's wrong with him..sigh..hopefully my dad will be ok cos such symtoms are reali worrying..
and i want to complain something..why the sch always want us to do cip when cip is no longer important and moreover i have did my cip last yr le..this time i was asked to sell sweet yohurts and it cost 3 for $1..then i told the teacher tat its quite ex and i doubt ppl will want to buy.,.of cos the teacher rebut me saying tat hello this is a fund raising leh..but i am stating the fact wat..so ex how to ask ppl to buy from u and moreover i think its malu to beg ppl to buy such things..hai~~think i will have to absorb the whole cost liao since i dun have a choice and i doubt ppl will want to buy..

~cute instructor in sch~

todae (wed) was having pe..this time round the pe was fun cos got outside instructor to teach us kanganroo jump..its a sport tat is not veri common in singapore, but somehow i think its quite interesting considering tat i dun like sports at all..moreover i dun have the sporty looks too..its something like roller blading except that the wheels are replace by "Springs"..it kinda hard to walk on the groung cos u hardly can get to balance..but after a while it seems ok le..initally i need to hold onto the wall since i was so scared of falling down..haha..and one of the instructors veri cute leh..he has those tanned look and spoty look too...not to mention tat he got a veri nice smile..haha..i think many gers are memerzied by him, not to deny tat i am one of them..especially the part when everyone have to chance to hold his hand cos otherwise we cant stand up since we are sitting down on the floor..haha, my friend was still saying tat how i wish i could hold his hands longer..yup, still got 2 more chance to see tat cute instructor..the other instructor was kinda fierce lah, he was saying me tat "this is not a date..so no need to hold hands de.."aiya ppl scared of falling down wat, of cos must hold hand mah..
then todae the discipline master was catching gers for their short skirts again..wah, they not sian one meh??whole day onli do bo biao things.anyway i was almost caught for my hair but i pretended to walk veri fast so i have escape from this trouble..and i am wondering why is tat teacher giving me tat look??is it becos i am wearing a pe shirt tat is different from others or he is just looking at my attire..anyway this is damn lame..wah, prelims are like 2 and the half weeks to now..hai~~still got so many things to study and some i still duno yet..sian man, life is always tat screwed up..

~home just seems to be a battle field~

last fri sch ended early somehow so i decided to do some work in sch before going home since i always dun do anything once i reach home..wanted to stay in the library to do my work but since the library was closed for parent meeting session, so bo bian have to find somewhere to do..so i sat alone at the tables outside the Lecture thearte cos 2 of my friends didnt came sch tat day and my the other friend was still having lesson..somehow at tat moment, my eyes unknownly became watery cos i started thinking of the days i spend in yj..indeed it is a tough challenge for me going through life now..and of cos thinking of ur friends who are entering uni this week for orientation makes me even sad when u still have to carry on in sch..sitting there at the table make me recall alot of things..having staying in sch in which evironment is full of strangers to me made things worst cos i find it hard talking to ppl since most of them are strangers to me..hai..cant wait to get out of sch after the A levels..
sat morning went to ntu for some bank matters..tat day saw many graduates wearing their graduation suits standing outside the library..at tat moment i was wondering when will i ever get to wear the suit and the gradutation hat..and of cos it looks cool =) tat day also saw lots of people going in groups, i presume they are having some orientation cos it reali seems to be like one.. last weekend was also one tat is not easy to get over with cos the whole family keeps engaging in quarrel and mum keep saying tat if she reali cant take it then she will go bac indo and stop coming bac to singapore..if she decides to do so, i also wont stop her, neither does my dad wants to stop her as said by him..of cos if u are not happy, u can leave anytime u wish too, anyway i also have enough of ur nonsense..my dad was also saying tat cooking and taking care of the household is her obligations since she is a full time HOUSEWISE, but instead she keeps complaining this and tat until i cant tahan..so she keep finding fault with everyone in the family, first was me, after which was my dad then my brother..she keep scolding me for tat lousy results tat i get and keep saying things tat will insult and demoralized ppl..this is something tat i will expect from her since she always kan sway me..of cos i let her say all she wants since i dun wish to waste my saliva arguing with her..sometimes i reali hope my dad shouldnt have married her cos my dad and her are just two extreme ends..its just not possible between them given their two different characters..hai~~~
todae everyone was so tend up in their gromming cos they say if they cuaght ppl who are not attired properly then have to go for half day suspension..aiya i also dun bother abt such things cos i find it reali bo liao ah..even though i might be at a high risk of getting caught of coloured hair, but i just bo chap and go to sch as it is..the sch is threatening ppl til i also sian of it liao..

~i am kinda worried for my gp grades..~

me and my guy friend was chatting abt relationship for the past few days..its been a long time since this topic struck my mind cos i never reali thought abt it since i felt tat such things should let nature take its course..if such things just dun happen, then just be it loh..to me, its not veri impt at this stage of life..maybe when i reach 25 then i will start worrying abt it (which is still way to go)..haha..
my guy friend was asying tat if i like someone then i should drop some hints to the guy..though i am a ger, he feels tat its still ok cos now gers also jio guys..but i feel likewise becos i am happy with the things now..seeing secretly him from far is just gd enough for me and moreover i also duno if it is a feeling of liking or just pure admiration of his smile..and moreover i feel tat things are confirm not possible between us and i never dreamt of progressing one step ahead cos it will be a fantasy by then..haha..
of cos the next day after we chatted, so qiao i bumped into him...so i turned bac to confirm if it is him cos as usual i am always tat "Blind"..yup, i was rite and he saw me turning bac taking a glance at him..of cos i was kinda pei seh cos i think its quite ovbious and esp the moment we saw each other..but i pretended nothing happened and walked reali slowly so tat he could bypass me..
wed also saw my pri sch classmate on the 243 bus but i guess she cant recognised me cos i was wearing spects at tat time, despite the fact tat she was standing just right in front of me..i was kinda shocked tos ee her with a guy as she was lying on his arms..so i supposed he is her bf?? in the past when i was in pri sch, she gave me the impression tat she is super guai..perhaps as time goes by, many tings and people will change ba...i didnt say hi to her since i haven gotton over the shame of staying in jc for 4 yrs cos its reali easier said than done..and i expected tat she will ask me why am i still in uniform..as i didnt have te courage and i wasnt ready to ans her qn, so i choose to "prentend" tat i didnt saw her..of cos, if tat day i wasnt wearing sch uni, then highly i will call her and say a hi..maybe i am sill trying to escape the issue of ppl questioning me..even i look down on myself, let alone others and i wouldnt be surprised if ppl look down on me and give me tat kind of "look"..
newspaper reported many news abt the stiff competition this yr for the uni intake, depsite the fact tat they have increase the no of intake...i belived tat next yr will be a tough yr too since so many ppl are reapplying next yr and i need to do super well in order to secure a place..and gp is my greatest concern now and i think i am the lousiest in class in terms of gp cos i have just received my results slip and i obtained the 1.9 pecentile which is super super bad...yup, this time i got an extreme F and i expected tat..wah sian, so my teacher was asking me wat happened..of cos the rest of my subjects still ok but tat stupid gp marks spoils the whole result slip..seriously in my opinion i think passing to me in prelims or block test is not gd enough cos i have set higher expectation for myself since i dun wan to get 'c" and going nowhere.at times i reali feel like giving up on gp cos as long as u do well for ur content subjects still can go uni, just tat have to take some extra english module..and i admit tat i spend no single effort on gp cos i just cant be bothered becos its somethings tat cant be mastered within months and i cant even settle my 3 subjects, let alone spending time on gp..prelims are just 3 wks from now and veri fast things will end veri soon..seriously i cherish my times in sch cos this will be reali the last time i will be in sch and i reali enjoy the days as student cos i always get to experience laughter and sometimes those xiao di di and xiao mei mei 's actions reali damn stupid and funny ah..but i reali dun feel like gping for the gradutaion ceremory in oct cos it just reminds me of the sad memories in yj and the principle will be there so confirm she will see me de..at times i feel tat maybe i am still quite lucky..at least i do have my repeat friends to pei me finish this yr journey, actually i am not tat lonely going through this tough journey ahead..weekend will be busy again as usual cos i have to rushed my homework again cos weekend i dun usually do much or i dun do at all..

~exams are never ending~

exams are never ending and veri soon in a month time the prelims are coming..wah sian, tat will be the time when i will start to panic cos A levels are coming reali near by tat time.maybe when its near A levels, then i will start ponning sch again cos i need more time to do my own study and revision..seriously my mum isnt veri strict with my studies now,so i kinda slack abit without her strict discipline..weekends and weekdays tend to nuah abit which is bad cos i always tell myself tat i will study veri veri hard during the weekends cos weekdays i usually do nothing once i reach home..now worst still..when i reach home i will watch a korean serial cos i reali addicted to watching it le and i cant skip any single episode...hai~but at least weekend i did do something..though not alot but i will continue to build up the strive harder..tat brother of mine is reali a distracter, whenever he comes home, i will be distracted cos he will on the comp and watch tv, and i will walk around to see wat he is doing..
last sat went bac to my music sch to pay the fees tat i owe them.at the same time talk to my piano teacher..then she gave me a counselling session again..wah sian de lah, i also duno wat should i choose for my future career..even though giving me another one yr to think abt it, i will also have no idea wat i want to do in future..many at times i will choose things tat i think can earn lots of money, but many at times i might not like tat job..never mind abt it..maybe i haven reali sort out wat i like cos usually my goals changes veri fast and frequently..
how its feels when ppl call me "xiao jie"?? ya of cos i feels old lah..though it seems tat i am the onli older student in the entire music sch, but they no need to call me "xiao jie" wat..and i didnt know tat they are calling me til they change their way of calling me to ms lee..but at tat point of time i still duno they are calling me cos i am not used to ppl calling me tat cos its just too formal..and fri when i went to a shop to buy some things then they call me xiao jie too despite the fact tat i am wearing a uniform..wah, do i reali look tat old?? in sch i think maybe yes cos this current batch of gers look reali young..many looks quite nerd ah, i am not trying to be mean but its the truth..i pity the future batch cos the sch is going to make the gers even more nerd judging from the way they want the females students to length their skirts..
hai~~life is kinda bored now..hardly there is one tat i can talk to in sch now..guys friends cant reali understand how ger's think..so forget abt talking troubles to them..i cant wait for A levels to finish cos i reali want to get away from the paper chase as soon as possible, not to mention tat i hope to get away from the paper chase in uni..after tat i reali hope to do something tat i like..
yesterday i saw a news on SMU and tanu was featured on the newspaper..i was kinda shocked why she was on the newspaper..haha..

~my gp marks are reali pathetic~

few days bac i just got bac my gp paper..oh my god, when i saw it, i was shocked out of life cos i have never gotton such a low mark in my past 3 yrs in jc..i reali cant believed tat i onli got a single digit for my content marks out of 35..oh man, this is seriously veri veri much..but i got quite high for my language marks..i was wondering maybe the teacher was trying to push up my marks by a bit so he decides to give me more pathetic marks..hai~~gp is a serious thing tat i am always concern with..if lets say the topic tat came out is easy then i will be god blessed, at least i would fail tat jialat, but if the topic tat comes out are reali something tat i dun even comprehend at all, then everything will be gone case..when i teacher saw my marks, then she was asking me: what happened?? no mood to do ah?? why u onli got digits tat can onli be read by computer (meaning onli 1 and 0 ) .." it seems tat my gp is more jialat than before after nuahing so long without studying from dec to april..
past few days i was also talking to my chem teacher..just i have guessed correctly tat he knew tat this is my 4th yr in yj cos he told me tat some people saying abt it..i think teachers will always gossip among one another cos else nobody would knew tat unless i told them..but i still believe tat my maths teacher still duno abt my 4th yr in yj..he still though tat i onli repeated once..but i would sae tat all teachers are less strict with me as compared to my classmates ah, duno why also..maybe i have gone through my A levels once liao then i know wat are things like, probably tat is why they are less stringent with me..anyway i am kinda worried abt taking my A levels too cos whenever i recall of how hard and piah like shit, it just stress me like mad, esp for this yr cos this is reali my final chance tat i have..but it seems to me tat my chem teacher always feel tat i shouldnt stay on cos he asked me why dun i go PSB to study?? ya, eventually everything is still abt money..seriously my results are just stuck in between no where and i reali hope tat for this time round it would be better than before..at least i must get an A or B for a subject now..
past few days i heard tat there is vancies to do CIP for NDP..when i heard tat, i feel its super cool lah..i reali want to do there cos i always want to get a ticket to the stadium but somehow canot..weekend is coming up and i need to piah lots of homework liao cos weekdays i always sleep veri early cos i am just veri tired after so many remedial lessons..

past few days have been quarelling over with my mum cos she is just veri fann..she kept saying tat i dun put in effort for my piano, when i reali put in alot of effort this time round cos i dun wan to take it again..and i keep telling her to wake up her idea and stop dreaming tat i will pass this time round, then she scold me..i am telling her the fact wat since i have glance the marks tat the examinator has given me..aiya, just pissed off with her for watever reasons.. then yesterday my civics tutor was asking me if can i give her my paper tat i wrote on wat's my stress and how i manage it in the past and now..but i find it funny ah when my teacher ask me cos she didnt ask the rest of my classmates..does i look tat i am not willing to share my experiences de?>?haha..anyway i think she thinks tat its private tat's why she asked tat..

my gp teacher was saying to me last fri, tat did i study veri hard lately cos my face has slimed down..seriously i haven been studying reali reali hard, but i am reali real veri tired, duno for wat reason and my neck and my whole body often aches..every since i came bac sch, i have been feeling reali tired and hardly get enough sleep..i also duno wat i am busy with, maybe my piano ba, cos usually after i go home have to play piano and after which i will be veri tired le, so i go sleep without doing any homework..weekend was just onli spending time playing piano..i reali did nothing but music and it take me 2 days to finish watever i need to study..and yes todae morning was my exam..so i woke up reali early to practise before i went for the exam..hopefully i didnt wake up my neighbours..seriously at the end of the exam, all i can sae is everything is gone case..the person outside the examination room asked me so this is the how many times u are taking?? i told him sec..he said tat its not easy to pass grade 8..some ppl can pass the first time but usually ppl will take more times..hai~~i am super sad when i stepped out of the examination room cos i played too much wrong stuff due to nervousness and i am just sway to get a strict examinator this time round cos he dun give enough time to let me think of ans and he expects everything to be answered in 3 secs..and i feel tat he is kind of impatient, judging from the expression tat he gave me..worst still i cant understand his english tat well cos his english is quite slang, so i requested nicely for him to speak slower..then i think he was giving me tat pissed look..from this, i think he will confirmed marked me down liao..and when i was going out of the room, i took a glance at my results since he didnt cover properly..wah, the marks tat i scored is way below passing mark...i reali canot imagine tat my best piece actually got the lowest mark and my lousiest piece actually scored better than my best piece..this is something tat i reali canot understand and how could it be tat i did worst than before when previously those pieces is i anyhow play de..so i told my parents abt it and they said tat are u sure that the grades belongs to u??probably it could be someone else?? aiya i duno lah..i am not scaring myself, most prob wat i see is correct..so my parents are totally no mood after i told them this..mum was scolding obviously cos she sae tat she spend so much money on it and i still canot pass (Not confirm yet) ..dad kept quiet, but i believe tat he also feel disappointed abt it..just tat dun wan to sae..hai~then how was i feeling? of cos no mood lah, cos i spend so much effort and time learning and i canot pass..my mind was so lost and no mood tat i ordered the wrong things when i was eating at coffee shop after the exam..dad was saying, so left this 3.5 months time..this time must reali piah now..hai~i also think so..this is something tat is not mission impossible, actually there is still time and it can be done if i put in lots of effort now..i am just veri veri tired now..at the rate i am going, veri soon i will burn out cos my body isnt feeling veri gd now..seriously i am veri veri demoralised over my piano exam and everything in life.. =(

~wedding picts~

the four girls..
group photo at the table

me and wee ping

~wedding~

had a veri weird dream abt my ex on wed..dun think i want to elaborate more on tat..but when i woke up, i was just thinking tat why do i suddenly dreamt of him for no reason??i think this is kind of reali funny ah..maybe god is trying to play a prank on me..but seriously its reali been a long time since i last dreamt abt guys in my sleep..aiya, why dun i get to dream of idol in my sleep??at least it will make me happy just for tat while though its just an illusion..tat afternoon i was also kind of upset when i knew abt something, so instead of dwelling over it, i turn my attention to dolling up for my friend's wedding, and chatting and msging with my friends over the preparations, at least i will be distracted then i will stop thinking of tat upset matter.seriously i have no mood to study after knowing tat upset thing and mroeover my parents are not around at hime, so i will be free and easy to do watever i wan..tat day wore heels tat are 6 to 7 cm high..and it feels so shiok and cool cos at least finally i have the same height as the guys, else, i always looks so short in front of them..practically, all the gers wore heels tat day cos we have to look formal, so among the gers, i look the tallest, not becos i am tall, but the heels made me tall..but seriously i regretted wearing such a high heels cos the next day i could hardly walk cos my soles and feet are just too painful !! this is the consequences of wanting to act classy..haha..so the wedding was more like a gathering session for most of us..so some of them was asking me where i have gotton into? i told them i canot make it into local uni..then ben was giving me tat shock look, saying tat i thought i heard from ppl tat u are quite hardworking?nah...i dun think so lah and moreover being hardworking and able to do well are 2 different matters..so everyone told me tat since i am retaining then this time round must reali be hardworking liao.actually i am still left with slightly more than 3.5 months to A levels..its still possible to make a miracle to my 3 content subjects, afterall i did make a miracle for my chemistry last yr despite not knowing anything even up to prelims.i believe tat with all the drilling practises should be able to get at least a decent grade rather than my this slightly below average grades..for gp wise, i dun think i wil want to spend much time on it, afterall i want to do something tat i can achieve and do well in it.no point channeling all my energy into something tat i have no confidence in doing well..at least for now, i have pass all of the papers (For those i have received back) at least this is a gd start rather than seeing all F and AO last yr which is damn demoralising..though the improvement is not veri veri significant, but never mind i shall tell myself tat i will take small steps at a time.
basically the wedding was quite ok, except tat i think the hotel should reali make improvements on the ventilation cos the whole room just seems to be reali stuffy til eveyone was sweating like mad.food was mainly spicy food which i like alot cos i like to eat spicy foods !!, but as stomach wasnt feeling tat well, i couldnt eat tat much though i did want to eat more..haha..
actually tat day the centre of attraction was more on mark rather than tanu's sis..cos everyone was looking out for him and i am one of those kpos who is curious on how he looks like..since i onli got a glance at him and moreober i am not wearing spects, so i canot relai comment anything on him, gererally he seems ok to me..seriously i am more interested in his voice and the way he talks..came homre relai late tat day and ended up sleeping onli for 4 hrs and being so sleepy, i slept during gp class again..duno why i always fall asleep in gp class de..and i believe tat my teacher did saw me sleeping, cos she kept walking to my table and taking glance at wat i have written..so i just pretend too write something loh...
tat nite, my friend was mentioning abt her students saying tat idol will look nice with whiskles and was thinking "Huh??" wat kind of weird thinking is tat??seriously i believe tat idol is quite popular with the gers, else those gers also wont gossip all those stuff to my friend..

~slacking away~

this weekend was kind of reali slack man though i knew tat i still got 2 more papers to go..duno why i am not tat piah as before..maybe i study before liao, so my perception was "Why study so hard when i have studied it before.." though its not the right mindset, but seriously its damn sian to read the same thing over and over again lah..fri and sat i did nothing at all, but sun onwards i started to piah like mad liao cos i realised tat i no time to revise everything..hai~the 2 papers are another disappointment man..physics another gone case paper..chemistry didnt study properly and no time to finish the paper....aiya watever, i will stop thinking abt it since everything is over..
sat was piano lesson..suddenly i felt so stress when my teacher decides to go the exam style..oh man, duno why i think the more i practise, the worst i play man..i still play lots of wrong notes and like tat how to take piano next mon..wat i am scared is i cant understand the ang mo english then i will keep "HUH?" then tat will be damn malu..my dad is taking leave tat day just to see me take exam..wah, like tat i damn stress de loh..my parents die die also want me to pass exam this time round..but how sure can i be tat i will pass this time round..hai~i duno also..
tml i am going for a wedding dinner..wooh..so happy..some more tml afternoon lessons are cancelled..so i will be at home preparing and dolling for the dinner..hehe..i shall see if there is any nice picts to pose up..haha..
for now, in sch, sometimes, i feel reali bad when i pang seh her or neglect her for tat while cos afterall me and yk are friends for 2 yrs, so naturally our friendship are stronger..so sometimes i feel reali bad,so at times i share my time with him and her, so tat at least both of them i will talk to. its confirm tat i will get my appeal results this week le..but i am wondering why it takes so long for them to send a rejection letter to me ah?? although i reali dun hope receiving a rejection letter, but its kinda weird why they take so long just to send a letter to me..afterall its a rejection letter wat..they sae tat those ppl who haven get will have those tat are successful in their appeal, so eventually its up to the luck le..if u are lucky, then u will get it, else just have to continue retaining in ur jc..when can i get to see my idol again man..haha..its seems to be tat he has disappeared for months..