~feeling very very down~

hai i feel very down recently..many things have start to surface..i guess many at times i am really not sensitive enough..cos many at times i really nv tink of the consequences of how i will indirectly affect other ppl through my actions..perhaps tat's the reason why i am feeling the "wall" between them..or rather i am trying to talk lesser to them cos i scared the more i talk, the more trouble i create..so talk less then less trouble i will create..honestly speaking when she said tat " qm can u use ur brain to ....." at tat moment i was super damn hurt..cos it was unintentional and i really didnt thought tat by air-ing my fu rong fu outside the bacony would actually spread the germs to their clothes cos all i thought of at that time was i wanna air it so tat it wouldnt be tat stink..but they tink it as i spreading dirty germs to their clothes..so they kinda unhappy wif me..ok so i apologized to them cos it was intentional and i didnt mean it purposely..but wat hurts me was the words tat she use was really impactful when it was unintentional..ok fine, past few times abt the cupboard thingy perhaps its really my fault..so i giv in to her, but she keep insisting of doing her way then i was kinda unhappy liao cos everyone has their own way of doing things..alrights mayb my way of doing things might nt be ur style but u cant force me to follow ur style when i am used to my style of doing things..first few times i gave in to her cos somehow i tink its really my fault but after a while i really cant tahan liao cos she keep nagging and i really dislike ppl to nag and luo suo at me cos i get irritated easily and tat's the reason why i escape to china for gip instead of staying in spore for IA..hai but come here i realised i am not sensitive enough to handle things..often send out unintentional wrong signals..perhaps i really need a lot of time to learn slowly..this is something tat i cant master overnite so i really need time..and the past incident at the bus..he commented tat "ｕreally have low EQ ..." when i heard tat i was super hurt man..though i appeared ok cos i wont show ppl how i feel...so mr nice came in and break the ice between us..cos i was damn sad at tat point of time liao..then mr nice said tat he can see the sadness on my face, so he tried to lessen the tense atmosphere.well, again it was unintentional tat i wanted to scold tat ass guy inside the bus in english cos i was quite irritated alrdy when he keep looking at me from head to toe..seriously wat's there to look on my body man..and moreover i dun dress til very sexy or wat..so of cos i damn irritated cos i assume tat he dun understand those chime english when he suddenly said one sentence tat he studied overbroad..then i was like OPPS..then after tat once i got down the bus i got scolded by my friend liao saying i low EQ..and somemore said tat if i were to be a guy i surely kana whack liao,,,so lucky tat i am a ger..wah u know how upset i was when i heard tat??? ok i tried to act cool as if nothing happen..actually deep down i was really really very very upset..ok nvm perhaps everything is just my fault..everything just voice down to me not being tat sensitive enough..and i didnt tink of the consenquences before doing things..i feel very xin ku and tiring now man..just now broke down in the living room when all of them was sleeping..i guess its time to release my emtions..bottled up too much for mths alrdy..anw hope this cry will last me better for the remaining nxt few mths..and hopefully tmr will be a better day yeah !! jiayou qm !

anw its been a damn long time since i last blog man..have many things to blog abt but i have forgotton most of the stuff wat i wanna to say..just today i kinda feel very sad so wanna find a listening ear and somewat my blog is my listening ear so i guess coming here to type out my emtions is the best for me..anw for the past one wk i was in nanjing..this place is awesome man..it has nite life and everything is kinda shoik over there..hehe..

and lately there is rumors between me and him..aiyo now like very gan ga man..i dare not look at him..the talk cock and joke feeling like doesnt exist now after they keep kar jiao-ing us..hai..ok maybe the problem lies wif me again.I must break the ICE ! must go bac to the funny and talk cock days..honestly speaking his personality is somelike tat i will like..but then i feel tat i pei bu shang him..i am a noob in everything..blur and always get lost..cant cook and a totally nuah person..whereas he is someone with leadership qualities..but wat am i ？？ forget it ba..just let nature takes it course ba..if sparkles do come then tat will be gd..else just let it be ba..

so wat's the moral of the story today?? QM u needa be more sensitive from now on..always needa tink of consequences before u act..u know now i really well like hving the past ac, who can guide me wat should i do and giv me advice..many at times i just always bottled up my feelings..