~i miss u !~

ytd was supposed to go work in the morning..but then i overslept cos chatted with him kinda late then tat's it my $80 job gone ! .initally he jio me for breakfast one but then since my work starts real early so cant have breakfast with him alrdy..sob sob..actually wanna meet him before he flys to indo one.but then i cant make it.

and the nite before i guess the sms has sweeten my heart ;) but i didnt admit as usual..but i guess he knows it since he always knows wat i am thinking in my mind..tat day i was really very happy cos of him and ac actually..i damn long nv so happy before liao.oh my god, u are indeed slowly creeping into my heart alrdy..i alrdy promised myself to distance away from u once i get bac spore, but looks like its abit hard..CAN YOU NOT BE SO NICE TO ME??

then ytd went to bake cheesecake at ken hse.the cheesecake was a failure. ;( haiz like tat how to giv him for his bday man.ok i shall tink of alternative.if cheesecake failed again, muffins shall be nxt. and i hope nxt tues faster come..faster come bac SG !

~i finally broke the ice with mr A !~

2 days of convo is enough man.totally damn shagged after taking so many photos...mon came to sch wanted to research on FYP stuff but end up wasted my whole time.totally sian cos damn inefficient spending time in sch ! alrights ytd was a tiring days taking photos with yh and maril..and today the happiest moment of my life came man ! i actually met up wif mr A and catch up wif him after so many yrs...oh man i am been dying to break this ice for many many yrs alrdy..and today will mark the day.anw wat actually happened was actually me n hm wanna get into the audi to see the convo one...but then we cant enter cos we dun hv the invitation card.so yeah i text him to help us through the bac door but end up still dun manage to go through the convo cos we came too late and the ceremony has alrdy started !

so anw after the convo ended we met up to catch up on how we are progressing in life.yeah he say i changed alot in appearance.i agree too la.the old qm and new qm differs super alot man.anw hm managed to took a photo of us.omg this photo is like damn precious to me la.cos i nv took any single photo when we dated tat time.although i dun feel for him now, but apparently this photo brings bac my jc memories, which is part of my life.

ok nvm after this exciting ice breaking and catch up wif mr A, met up wif eug.actually today i damn happy also.though i really very very scared of needles and was kana reluctant to go for blood donation cos i am frekaing scared..but somehow this guy melt my heart and managed to convince me to go blood donation wif him.so i tried and it didnt turn out to be tat pain.so nice nxt time i dun mind donate again.anw after tat we went for food hunt in chinatown.wah go out wif him really full of new places to explore.super nice ! today i am really a happy ger..how i wished things would just stay on it is and nv go away..

~i am freaking darn stress now ~

i have lots of things to do and yet i duno where to start from ! tat's the worst thing ! freaking stress man ! FYP is really draining off my energy gradually man.i have seriously totally no idea wat i needa research abt and start from.hai ~ qm qm qm time to wake up ur idea alrdy.dun so slack everyday nuah ! and i am really very sian now.either its work or just seraching for fyp articles..seriously get a life man qm !

~i was just feeling empty inside~

i guess this few days i was just feeling empty inside.and this rj guy came along to occupy my emptiness.but i was certain tat wasnt love.or rather he was away for malaysia so i was feeling kinda real empty inside.the await for sms from him is kinda damn long.so this rj kinda suddenly pop out of the picture these few days and everything happened damn fast..i didnt expect this guy to come into the picture cos who would expect someone whom u just knew just a few wks seems keen in you. Lol the sms, txting online and the personal qns tat he asked me alrdy reveals everything ! but then i try to act blur and continue to act blur, cos i dun wan cai chuan ppl again though i always do tat to ppl one.but this time round i decided not to do so. so these few days i have been asking myself if would i choose someone who loves me more than i do, or would i choose someone tat i like? and i guess my heart alrdy has an ans. i would probably choose someone who loves me more than i do.ok, on my part i could be selfish but then i would feel very tired in the long run if i were to try real hard to get a relationship wif a guy i like.so i would rather choose someone who likes me more.but then i am scared tat i have this tendency to take ppl for granted for those who are nice to me.and i alrdy make this GRAVE MISTAKE in my past relationship, so i dun wan history to repeat itself again..tat's my greatest mistake in my life man ! if not probably we would be stil togther.hai ~ anw its the past alrdy.i shall look forward..but anw i did told him tat though most ppl at yr 4 will be super gan jiong alrdy when they are stil single..but i am not gan jiong at all.to me having a bf or not having one makes no differences, cos i am someone who likes freedom and i dun like to be tied to someone and reporting my daily updates to him.cos i see no point.or maybe i have been single real too long, and have been used to this kind of life.so i might probably not use to having a bf? lol i duno also la.

but anw this guy surprising i click pretty well wif him though i just knew him not long nia.or perhaps i have lots of things to share wif him abt sz, so somehow we have lots of things to talk abt.cos usually guys who take the first move, most of which i have no interest in them at all.duno why also.so usually when they txt me, i would just reply coldly.or tell them straight.so in a way it can be real hurtful..i tink now i dun wan do this anymore, cos i feel its kinda hurtful to ppl.so i must minimise the impact now.tat's the way of life ..i alrdy broke a couple of guys's heart by saying in a hurtful way.thinking bac, i do feel abit guiilty also.but nevertheless i shall learn how to lessen the impact now.shall not be so direct now.but anw ytd i can somehow feel his concern abt me running very late at nite.thanks rj guy for the concern.but ya like i always tell myself tat when guys are nice to you esp when they are keen in you-you duno if they are really true or not.everything will only reveals when you get together.so yeah, its still too early to tell.though he told me tat in this half a yr in SZ, he wont get a gf.then i told him dun say too early cos i also said the same thing before i left china, but then up i did fall for a guy though he isnt my kind.its the interaction of staying wif him for tat half a yr makes me fall for him.afterall looks doesnt matter after tat.saying half a yr long also not long, but it can change alot of things within tat long duration of time.my batch alrdy churn out 3 couples from this trip.yeah so lets this be a test for everyone in this half a yr ba.if things turn out well, everyone will be happily attached.but if things dun turn well, then it will be a closure of a chapter again lo, like i always do.lol

anw ytd i went to bake brownie at ken hse.initally my purpose for baking is to let him try one.but then he is in malaysia.hai ~ so nvm lo. i guess still got nxt time..actually this few days kinda miss him badly, but then sadly this rj came to occupy this empty heart of mine.sigh duno wat i tinking also !!!!! argh ! alrights rj guy is off to SZ alrdy.he cant possibly txt me as much now since he is overseas.unless he really siao and rich to send me frequent sms.i alrdy made a mistake liao when my heart did waived for these few days when this rj guy came into the picture. qm qm qm canot like tat sia ! nvm i shall wait patiently for him to be bac frm malaysia and wait for him to txt me.i shall see how everything progress from there. qm qm qm my life is always full of uncertainty and messiness. HAI HAI

~my tao hua getting better~

qm qm qm, would u choose someone whom you like or someone who likes you more? hai~ hai~ hai~ cos both seems gd to me.but i prefer him ;( but everything is left hanging there not sure wat's going to happen nxt.its the uncertainity tat i wasnt sure.come on, can you drop more obvious hints ??? and duno why suddenly lately tao hua has become better out of the sudden.initally i thought i was thinking too much, but looks like my guessing was rite cos tat guy just too obvious liao la.serious.majority of the time i always hit the bingo only one time i failed to deduce correctly.so i guess this time round i should be 90% right.hai ~ hai ~ hai~ but this guy height...play sports wise do match my liking, but then hai~ i guess the god is fair man.rj guy some more.wah damn stress.

~i dun wan to think too much~

this few days we have been msg-ing and updating our daily life.hai~ thinking bac it seems like the days i had wif ac.everyday msg non stop abt our daily updates..but like tat abit weird leh cos usually i dun do tat wif normal friends one.but then why both of us are telling each other our daily updates leh.wa lao stop confusing me leh.i alrdy promise myself to forget you le after coming bac spore.so i dun wan sink deeper.but on ur side u keep confusing me with stuff.he stil jio me if i wanna join his odac friends for trekking before the railway track gets demolished.sigh can dun treat me so nice or nt.i really very confused leh,i dun wan to be mislead !.one moment i was touched but one moment i tell myself i dun really want to be attached cos afterall i enjoy my current freedom..dun wan to be tighted by relationship.and i scared i am not gd enough for him.cos i do feel tat.he is defintely way too gd for me..aiya actually i really duno lah.

actually this coming few days i tinking of baking for him and anne since both of them are coming to sch.but then i dun wan to make it too obvious.actually agnes did ask me if i miss him or nt when i dun see him.i told her my ans-i duno..looks like this is very confusing.hai !

~i stayed overnite for nite cycling and food marathon!~

this whole wk has been busy with working.mon and tues was busy wif working the survey job til damn damn shagged.it was damn demoralising when everyone kept on rejecting us.and i took many days to complete my area.sigh so afterall it wasnt tat worth it also.but anw wed went for the nite cycling wif anne and her sis.after which went for food marathon at the old airport road, and geylang for supper.and i ate until damn damn full man..actually this is my first time trying nite cycling and i tink its damn fun seriously.the weather is gd cos damn cooling..and then becos i wanted to stay til 5am to wait for the earliest transport to be bac, then she asked me if i wanna go her hse stay for a nite or nt..then i say ok lo..then just now he sms us asking the 2 of us if we wanted supper so i say anything lo since its alrdy 4am at tat time and i am not intending to sleep anyway le.so yeah we met up wif him at amk 24 hr mac then chill there for 1.5 hrs before heading for our first stop for breakfast.after our first stop, then we went the second stop checkpt for our breakfast as i wanted to try the very famous bread stall in sergangoon gardens, but apparently its kinda a disappointment leh.i dun tink its nice.nvm nxt time i wont go there again.after tat headed to ntuc finest to walk walk since nothing to do.after which i headed home cos i haven been home for a day and i needa go for work ltr.actually duno why after i came bac spore, i dun really feel much for him le.hai ~ duno why also.i seems very contridicting man.i guess perhaps tat time in sz, i somehow felt tat i needa someone to be with me or rather i needa concern from ppl.and apparently i over rely on him cos he is always there to help me out when i am in need of help.so i guess overtime i did fall for him.but ya now tat i am bac in spore.my independent life starts again.and i am bac to my normal rountine now.so i guess time will tell with everything will work out for us or nt.hai ~

anw 2 days bac went to collect my luagge.and sian come home kept on scolding non stop by my mum..seriously can she just shut her mouth for all.i am really sick of her scolding the same old stuff again and again..seriously i dun feel like tolerating her anymore.

~perhaps i shouldnt have come bac spore at all..~

ytd my mum had a super big quarrel with me.but i cant bothered to quarrel wif her seriously cos i get very tired if i argue bac.so let her shout and scold all she wants while i heck her and continue watching my tv..bloody hell, i shouldnt have leave stuff for her to eat man.leave some for her and she will complain tat i left abit for her and she will describe the portion size as something for dog to eat..walao seriously wat a description..i hear alrdy also angry..cos at least i still bother to leave some for her..and i dun tink its tat little either.she is just making a fuse out of it.ok fine, she wan to grumble all she wants let her grumble, so i kept quiet.then she threw my tibits tat i bought frm jb and smash everything until very cui i also tolerate her cos she wanna vent her angry.ok i let her be.then nxt she kept on throwing my things ard the house i got super angry liao cos there is a limit to a person temple.she threw my watch on the floor real hard til the glass on my watch broken into many many pieces and its badly shattered those kind..bloody hell i was damn damn angry wif her cos i like tat watch very much and now its all shattered thanks to her.then after which i cant be bothered to tolerate her liao cos she really make me angry...so i scolded and fought bac cos this is wat she want wat..she is out to throw my things ard the house just to spite me cos i kept on ignoring her.SERIOUSLY SHE IS DAMN CHILDISH ! she even wanted to took a knife to stab me..seriously i tink she is crazy, but i doubt she will dare to stab me cos its life sentence killing a person.but anw she was stopped by my dad.honestly seriously i dun understand wat has gotton into her brain ytd man..she is just totally crazy, kept on shouting on and off.wtf seriously.i am seriously damn bloody angry wif her for spoiling my watch alrdy..heng my phone wasnt left on the table ytd, else 2 of my phone sure gone case also.lucky i was fast to kept it in my bag cos i know the nxt thing she will sure anythrow throw my stuff on the floor to vent her anger. seriously sometimes i was tinking, why do i have such a mother man..ytd my dad was saying marrying her was a mistake.and only him can tahan her this attitude..my friends always say i am not very nice to my mum, but in the first place, how much do they know abt her before commenting on me not very nice to my mum.true indeed tat i am not nice to her..cos i just dun like her the way she do things.and u can see how different i treat her and my dad.alot of times i envy lots of friends having such nice mum..but wat kind of mum do i hv??? hai ~~~ perhaps i shouldnt have come bac at all.living in china for half a yr was paradise for me..now tat i am bac spore, its hell for me.which explains why i chose to go china tat time cos i wanna escape from this hse.few days bac did talk to my bro also.he didnt want to come bac cos of my mum.so both of us hv this problem.so i stil feel tat the problem doesnt lie wif me.it lies with her cos my bro also felt the same thing..seriously only staying out of home is the best way to avoid friction.she can have all the hse she wants.and i can enjoy my peace alone.hai ~ hopfefully tonite when i come home, my things are not thrown everywhere the hse.if she does tat again, i going to scream at her liao.seriously i have enough of ur nonsense.i am not going to tolerate u anymore !!!!!!!!!!!!!

he is coming bac spore soon this coming wed.looking forward to his arrival in spore.hai ~ seriously why does everything and surroundings seems to change so much this half a yr man.not to mention tat lots of my friends suddenly gt attached within this half a yr.and playmate suddenly aim-ing for one ger,which we suddenly talked abt it during my convo ytd.though it did stunned me for a while cos rarely will hear this frm him..but anw i only treat him as a very gd friend, so to me if he likes a new ger i would be happy for him.anw i tink he is not the kind of guy i would like, though looks wise he is one of the kind tat i would fall for..but anw this other guy tat i occasionally went out wif suddenly got attached a few wks bac and when i contacted him, he suddenly told me tat he is attached alrdy then i was stunned ! cos he contacted me in china so i told him when i come bac spore will contact him again.never will i expect he so fast attached ! or perhaps i always nv expressed interest for him when he jio me out.so i tink its getting too draggy.HAHA but anw we shall see how it goes.for now he is the guy tat i like.but i doubt now tat i am bac in spore, everything will be bac to wat i used to be.perhaps i should really forget u.having a nice memorable memories is gd enough le.

~trip to jb~

this few days have been nuahing non stop.totally nothing to do so nuah lo.then ytd went to jb with ben ang.eat non stop seriously.and he calls me a pig..seriously i must stop the rate i am eating with him.duno why only with him i eat non stop.and i must control my diet so tat i wont gain weight.i finally managed to slim down after so long in china,so i must maintain ! anw today i did the surveyor job.shagged max..i was turned down by many household and i gt really very demoralised after which.but lucky ben ang was there to pei me do together.at least both of us could help each other out.i would do the asking, and he would be the note taker.

actually i wonder hw is he doing now.u wil be bac real soon.but i doubt u gt time to meet up wif me?? afterall our common friend said tat u are kinda a busy person? hai i really hope u can txt me soon