~i was just feeling empty inside~

i guess this few days i was just feeling empty inside.and this rj guy came along to occupy my emptiness.but i was certain tat wasnt love.or rather he was away for malaysia so i was feeling kinda real empty inside.the await for sms from him is kinda damn long.so this rj kinda suddenly pop out of the picture these few days and everything happened damn fast..i didnt expect this guy to come into the picture cos who would expect someone whom u just knew just a few wks seems keen in you. Lol the sms, txting online and the personal qns tat he asked me alrdy reveals everything ! but then i try to act blur and continue to act blur, cos i dun wan cai chuan ppl again though i always do tat to ppl one.but this time round i decided not to do so. so these few days i have been asking myself if would i choose someone who loves me more than i do, or would i choose someone tat i like? and i guess my heart alrdy has an ans. i would probably choose someone who loves me more than i do.ok, on my part i could be selfish but then i would feel very tired in the long run if i were to try real hard to get a relationship wif a guy i like.so i would rather choose someone who likes me more.but then i am scared tat i have this tendency to take ppl for granted for those who are nice to me.and i alrdy make this GRAVE MISTAKE in my past relationship, so i dun wan history to repeat itself again..tat's my greatest mistake in my life man ! if not probably we would be stil togther.hai ~ anw its the past alrdy.i shall look forward..but anw i did told him tat though most ppl at yr 4 will be super gan jiong alrdy when they are stil single..but i am not gan jiong at all.to me having a bf or not having one makes no differences, cos i am someone who likes freedom and i dun like to be tied to someone and reporting my daily updates to him.cos i see no point.or maybe i have been single real too long, and have been used to this kind of life.so i might probably not use to having a bf? lol i duno also la.

but anw this guy surprising i click pretty well wif him though i just knew him not long nia.or perhaps i have lots of things to share wif him abt sz, so somehow we have lots of things to talk abt.cos usually guys who take the first move, most of which i have no interest in them at all.duno why also.so usually when they txt me, i would just reply coldly.or tell them straight.so in a way it can be real hurtful..i tink now i dun wan do this anymore, cos i feel its kinda hurtful to ppl.so i must minimise the impact now.tat's the way of life ..i alrdy broke a couple of guys's heart by saying in a hurtful way.thinking bac, i do feel abit guiilty also.but nevertheless i shall learn how to lessen the impact now.shall not be so direct now.but anw ytd i can somehow feel his concern abt me running very late at nite.thanks rj guy for the concern.but ya like i always tell myself tat when guys are nice to you esp when they are keen in you-you duno if they are really true or not.everything will only reveals when you get together.so yeah, its still too early to tell.though he told me tat in this half a yr in SZ, he wont get a gf.then i told him dun say too early cos i also said the same thing before i left china, but then up i did fall for a guy though he isnt my kind.its the interaction of staying wif him for tat half a yr makes me fall for him.afterall looks doesnt matter after tat.saying half a yr long also not long, but it can change alot of things within tat long duration of time.my batch alrdy churn out 3 couples from this trip.yeah so lets this be a test for everyone in this half a yr ba.if things turn out well, everyone will be happily attached.but if things dun turn well, then it will be a closure of a chapter again lo, like i always do.lol

anw ytd i went to bake brownie at ken hse.initally my purpose for baking is to let him try one.but then he is in malaysia.hai ~ so nvm lo. i guess still got nxt time..actually this few days kinda miss him badly, but then sadly this rj came to occupy this empty heart of mine.sigh duno wat i tinking also !!!!! argh ! alrights rj guy is off to SZ alrdy.he cant possibly txt me as much now since he is overseas.unless he really siao and rich to send me frequent sms.i alrdy made a mistake liao when my heart did waived for these few days when this rj guy came into the picture. qm qm qm canot like tat sia ! nvm i shall wait patiently for him to be bac frm malaysia and wait for him to txt me.i shall see how everything progress from there. qm qm qm my life is always full of uncertainty and messiness. HAI HAI