~Heart vs logic~

Ever since uni starts, many things has happened regardless of happy or unhappy events. Blogging has always been my “best friend” since 2004 cos whenever I am feeling down or wat, I always feel better after expressing out whatever I feel like expressing. My sadness and unhappiness and happy moments..but recently I reali felt that too many people are reading my blog le and I reali feel INSECURE saying so much private comments and feelings which explains why I have stop bloggin on my private comments and feelings and blog more on my sch work. This is also one of the reason why I always refused to give ppl my blog webbie cos I feel INSECURE letting ppl whom I know knowing a lot of of stuff abt me.Though I do know tat my blog are quite nice to read cos quite a no of my friends tole me tat..but I guess in future I wont blog so much on private stuff le..its either I keep it to myself or just move blog or just find a new blog to write my private stuff.
Today I shall talk abt my chime and hard to understand theory which is the heart VS logic theory tat mr A mentioned to me before.The output tat u will get is proportional to the amt of effort tat u put in which mr A mentioned to me in the past.But for now, I felt likewise cos I lost the battle le which initially upset me a lot initially.So, crying out is the best alternative tat can makes me feel better and yes I do feel better after crying out. At least I have let out my emotions le..perhaps one might say why I so inconfident of myself, but I guess I dun wan to lie to myself already cos the truth is just veri obvious and I am following logic instead of heart..(which I made a mistake)
I have experienced many many obstacles and failures in life and perhaps it has made me more stronger and independent cos I dun like to reply on ppl. I rather choose to believe myself than other ppl cos too much hurt has incurred in me already before. The retain period and the post break up period. It takes a lot of courage for me to pick up from where I fall and stand up again. MY dad always say that he admire me on that cos not everyone can manage to do tat.Some either just give up on themselves or just go into deparation. I choose to believe myself tta I can do it and not giving up on myself and I reali got into NTU after many struggles from the emotional and the psychological aspects that I feel. Indeed its not easy for me. Not many ppl understand what I feel unless they reali experience it for themselves. As for relationship wise, I was too deeply hurt once and reali sink into depression for many months cos I was just too upset. Thus, I always have the tendency to think twice from then on cos I dun wan to get hurt again afterall once bitten twice shy. The healing process is reali not easy . In fact it was a tough journe for me to carry on life alone at tat point of time with a such shattered and broken heart.It tooks me yrs to reali forget everything and move on in life. Though you can say I stupid or silly or whatever shit, but tat’s just the way I am. Hai~ I am veri shagged and tired over the issue tat I realized and know today. All I know is my mind has overloaded of info now. Cant reali take it. Yes, I am reali sick and tired of this issue le.. dun feel like getting invovlve in this issue anymore. Sigh..many at times I always hope someone will “ save” me from the situation and get me out, but those will onli happen in dramas, not reali life. Haiz..i cant do anything now except just to indulge in homework to forget and make me busy. Cos my logic is wrong. I should have followed my heart in the first place.
I guess this is the most “Sincere” post tat I have written since uni starts cos I reali put in all my effort and feelings to write this post. For those hwo dun understand what I am trying to say at the end of the post, its ok cos its not meant for u guys to understand. In fact, its more of me to distress my feelings in my heart. Qm’s heart and brain is dead and tired for now and from now, I must learn to be less superficial and less simplistic cos I reali feel tat its super unrealiable and unrealistic in real life. For now, I shall just go with my feelings and go with whatever I have,. I guess my theory still holds and I shall set my expectations super high now. Dun care now cos I dun have learnt my lesson le..i am NOT going to lower my expectations tat he sets.gd luck to me man.