Monday, November 27, 2006

~i reali feel veri tortured staying in this home..

fri went out with JT to suntec to makan..we went to swiss culture to eat..ordered melted cheese and some sauages..quite nice once u eat, but one will feel sick of it when u eat too much cos too cheesy liao and quite full also..tat day was down with sore throat and cough, yet still eat chocolate hot fuge cos veri nice, canot stand the temptation..end up the next day i reali lost my voice..but never mind at least i enjoy the food..pei seh thing is total cost was $50 somthing, feel abit bad tat JT treated me this lunch..afterall i didnt pay at all..seriously didnt expect it to be tat ex, still thought tat it would be $30++, but ended up $5o something..
sun went to expo..still thought got the food fair but ended up finish long time ago..hai~~wasted trip man..also still thought tat can go there buy adias sale, but so fast finish liao!! this reali shows how "Kiasu" singaporean are..kay, tat day went home empty handed without eating dinner..mum didnt go with us cos she bu shuang tat day, by all means if she dun want to go, i cant be bothered with her..dad being the silly one still please her to go..i dun think she deserve this kind of nice treatment from my dad when i did she was the one who is in the fault..she should do some reflections..sometimes i reali kelian my dad tat he often kana bullied and ordered around by my mum when i think tat as a guy he should have his own dignity and pride instead of getting hit and ordered around as and when my mum feels like it..wat is this man !!!! my mum is just lucky tat she married my dad, if other guys would get give her two tight slaps or beat her up, later then divorce her..my dad is just too nice to her, he is willing to tolerate and stand her but i cant stand her!! i reali wish tat my dad could divorce her..at least the family would stay peaceful without her around..i dun understand why our family canot stay happy as compared to other family???why why?? becos she is the one who created trouble and create havoc at home..why why??cant we just have some peace at home..i rather stay out than at home cos i dun feel any warmth at home, i rather go out everyday til late at nite and early morning leave house..i reali canot stand staying in his toturing family anymore!!!!my dad is nice but mum reali canot stand her..
mon had a reali violent with mum, reali violent one like those shown in videos..the fight started out becos she insist tat i play piano everyday for 4 hrs but i sae i canot, the most is just 2hrs, but she insist canot..so how, never mind i stay and locked myself inside my room but she kept wanting to blow up matters..she took up the keys to my room's door and opened my room when i was taking a nap lying on the floor..so she started scolding and finding fault with me cos she not happy tat she is giving away so much money to my teacher when we are not rich at all, yet i dun wan to learn..i told her many times tat i wont like piano since young and its a torture to ask me to play piano for 4hrs when the most i can take is 2hrs..actually half an hours my concentration is already gone...its like asking a 2 opp sex ppl to stay together when they dun like each other..it is veri torturing lah..i told her tat i rather study than to ask me to play piano but she rebut me bac saying tat then why my results still so lousy..kay fine...to me, i think they are two different thing, studies and art and two different thing, cant be compared together..wat it hurts me and make me angry at the same time is tat she asked me to go geylang to sell my body or i can sleep with my dad if i want to.. wat the f***, this kind of thing also can sae...i reali think tat she is not fit to be my mum..other ppl mum is so gd and nice to their children but not my mum..though i know tat she is too concerned abt us, but just too bad she used the wrong way to express herself until i hate her reali much..i often tell her why i prefer my dad over her, becos he can be reasoned out with and he understand wat a child goes through..for her, she is just cant be reasoned and she always think tat she is always rite..even my mum tried talking to her abt forcing me to play piano. but eventually things cant work out..tat nite went to my mum friend's house, she told me tat my mum just dun understand and kept insisting her stand until she canot tahan talking to her..she told me not to tell my mum and i agreed cos anyway i dun intend to tell also..yup, and tat day reali cry like anything until i got headache cos i reali canot tahan being torture from early morning til nite..cant even have a proper sleep..hai~~the fight was reali violent one but she was the one who started it, cant expect me to get beaten up for no reason, of cos natural reaction is to react bac..i was so angry tat wanted to give a punch on her face but eventually didnt cos my brother stopped us..he ended up kana beaten up by my mum..hai~~poor thing..i didnt get any injuries at all except drop lots of hair, for her she kana some injuries..i think i am too violent yesterday cos i am just too angry..i never got so angry b4 until the plastic bottle tat i slam on the floor break..imagine plastic can also break, reali shows how i angry i was at tat pt of time..she said she could have called the police but it wasnt be who started out the fight..my brother can be the witness..i also dun give a damn if she reali call the police..i know tat its wrong to beat parents but when one is reali angry, they dun think of the conquences, beat finish then settle..i still think she deserve it cos i did nothing to her and she kept making me when i am in my room sleeping..she is just out to create trouble..watever it is i still think she deserve it..and wat, she still call my friend's mum to tell her tat i beat her but my friend will confirm know tat i do tat becos i am just too angry cos she know she am seldom like tat and i dun treat ppl like tat except my mum cos she is reali the extreme case..
tat nite i was still crying cos i reali canot take it le and i am reali tired being tortured..kay, went out secretly with my brother cos i dun wan to stay at home being tortured..kay, she took away all my money when i need to buy food since tat day and the day before haven eaten anything and she didnt allow me to eat anything tat belong to the house..fine, i was so angry cos i am so hungry and she took away the money when tat money is not hers and it belongs to my saving..wat the f***, like tat how to eat..FINE, i was super angry tat i shout hokkien vulgarities after i left the doorstep..think the whole block can hear it man, but i dun care man..wa super angry tat time..never got so angry before and seldom i will scold vulgarities unless i am reali super angry..tat nite feel like bashing her up again..so my brother gave me abit of his food outside cos he sae he kelian me, but its not enough to fill my stomach at all..suddenly feel he is not tat bad afterall..at least he still have a heart...tat day reali thought of commiting suicide cos i reali take the torture anymore, but i thought 4th level canot die, at almost is just broken legs, i want to die peacefully..i thought by dying all the troubles would come to an end..hai~~but dun have the courage..
dad cried tat day cos he duno how to handle the suituation and he kept worrying abt us when he is working...seldom see him cry, i guess he is reali vexed over us ba..i am willing to forget everything but mum said tat she is not going to let me off..i expected it and i knew tat the days ahead is going to be torturing for me..she is not going to cook for me everyday and she is not going to give me a single cent..i can eat outside but money will also use finish eventually..i dun earn any income where got money to eat??? i tok of eating a meal everyday, like tat money wont use finish tat fast..on the other hand i can slim down..but wat i scared is tat i will get gastric cos last time kana already and its super painful..hai~~~wat am i to do???i know she will create trouble for me so i purposely didnt wan to stay at home, but i cant always stay out do nothing..i will be bored to death also..house is like a hell, wat i am to do??? yesterday hope tat someone would take me away from this torturing place but dun have..hai~~dad gave up his food yesterday and gave it to me cos i didnt eat the entire day already..sigh..poor thing my dad..family problems are never ending in this family..she wanted to commit suicide yesterday nite but forget it lah, this tatic has been used many times since i was young, duno sae how many times liao..i told my dad dun be foolish to be fool by her, but he sae he is willing to be fooled by her..he wanted me to sae sorry to my mum when she sae she wanted to commit suicide but i insist "NO" cos i am not totally in the wrong, she has her fault too..everything started out becos she created the trouble herself..moreover, i know she wont commit suicide becos she dun have the courage to do so..she knows tat my dad will defend her if she were to threaten to commit suicide..forget it lah, u can trick my dad but not me..yup, i admit i am a veri stubborn person, but i reali canot stand unreasonable ppl, so ask me sae a simple "Sorry" also canot becos i have my dignity..

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