Tuesday, September 06, 2005

~was it fate~

On sat, dad suggested that we go canteen A to eat since he sae tat he got money to treat us..and he sae tat the chicken rice there veri nice..then the uncle gave us extra chicken cos he knows my dad..then the uncle still thought tat my mother is my dad’s daughter..then I was laughing inside my heart..cos my dad look like some old man..then a lot of ppl ask is tat ur daughter??then I just smile..then I think tat I eat so damn lot tat a guy was looking at me maybe at the way I eat the spring chicken..i duno how I eat laso but I know tat it’s veri ugly and rough..but after tat I stopped eating le cos I feel veri pei seh..then halfway through I was eating, I just duno why I manage to capture tat particular person of all ppl..becos he just seems to be like him..his attire and all those just seems too alike like him..so I am not reali certain whether is tat person him becos I cant see clearly..i tried hard just looking at him but I still cant see clearly..i duno wether he did see me or not..hopefully not cos I wear until damn ugly..at tat time I was hopeing tat he can join us to eat since all of my family members are there…but sad to dae, its no longer possible..maybe I just think too much, but I reali hope tat this day will come..my heart saes tat I still hav feelings for him when I saw him even though from dar apart, I can onli see tat not clear of him..i duno whether should I call it as fate or not becos everything is just too qiao..and it was my dad who let me see him..and I reali duno tat is it tat whenever I see a lr means tat I will see him veri soon..cos its like on last tues and wed I did see 2 lr..i duno if heaven is helping me out of kindness or wat becos its like even my dad is working there..but still I am telling my self tat at the end of next yr, if there is no ans from him and if he didn’t bother to make any moves, then I am just not waiting anymore..to sae the truth, I was quite sad when he didn’t turn bac to look when I went off..actually at times I do find myself veri stupid but gers are like tat one..not meh??yh also same as me..she would wait all day long just for terence msg but this never happens..actually at times, I find tat terence is veri heartless..i should sae tat all guys are heartless!!!!!!!!!!!
Then I called yh on sun cos I feel like talking to someone to tell my troubles to..i told her abt wat happened on sat and she told me tat most of the chances is tat I recognized the wrong person becos most of the time I never recognized a person correctly..but duno why I am quite certain tat the person is just him..it’s tat feeling tat cant be explained tat I am right this time..sigh..actually I already have an ans deep in my heart without even waiting for the ans from him..but seriously I reali hope tat there will be a miracle to wat I am thinking..at times, I felt tat my greastest mistake is to go into a relationship..if I know tat I hav such a weak character, then I wouldn’t wan to commit myself..and go into a relationship becos I know tat I dun know how to handle everything if there will be a break up..seriously I will reali think twice, thrice or even more if I ever wans to go into any relationship again becos I reali dun wan to get hurt again..and I dun think tat I will be tat easily touched by anybody until b4..becos for nowmy heart has died..actually I hav a lot of things to ask him in my mind, but I just dun dare..my mentality tells me tat gers shouldn’t and should never make the first move becos it will just show tat u are veri despo and it is a disgrace to gers..maybe I will just left the qns unanswered forever..yh told me tat we will eventually be together if he marrys late..but do u think its possible???sigh..
Then by accident I found where my mum wrote his hp no..so I just liquid it away beocs I dun wan anyone of them to bother him again..i dun wish to give him a fright just like last time..like tat he will then live in peace..
Then yesterday went bowling with those ppl..then guess wat only 7 ppl turn up out of the 20 something ppl..then I think is super sian man beoc sof the ppl I am playing with and I think I reali wasted my time traveling from jurong to yishun just to turn up for this outing becos I am forced to go by someone..then I was angry with my mum cos she just die die dun wan to giv me the hairdresser no..and plus my hp went out of batt..it just spoil my day..i am also angry with her becos she lied to me..i just canot stand her, must she nag and irritate me for 2 whole days just becos I wan to cut my hair..i am just peace off with her becos whatever I do, she just wan to control..the hair dresser said tat me and my mum hav 2 totally different character and I totally agree..i take after my dad..then my brother take after my mum..actually I dun know wether this short hair looks nice or not..but I must sae tat I different now..probably ppl cant recognized me now..lina said tat my innocent look is longer there after I hav this short hair..haha..i didn’t know tat I got innocent look..but never mind I will keep it long after this..

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