holiday veri sian..the whole day onli does is mugging and going out to find food to eat..mum friend sae tat i often keep every thing inside myself and i seldom express how i feel for others int the sense of care and concern..duno why tat's why me..asking me to sae the 3 words to a guy takes me a lot of courage and i reali duno how to express my feelings to other in terms of actions..she gave me an anology tat if i am married in future and i dun express how i feel for husband then he wont know wat i am thinking and how i feel for him..then many disaster things will start to happen..ppl close to me will know how i think but ppl who arent close with me seldom will know wat i am thinking..i always take it tat ppl will understand how i feel for them without expressing much and probably this is one of the weakness in me..
this yr world cup didnt watch at all but staying in HDB flats reali make me feel the atmosphere cos i could hear clearly ppl shouting and screaming jusy opp my block when a goal was scored..4 yrs bac i did watch world cup cos tat time my previous eye candy likes italy so i just watch and he likes a song by westlife..even up to now, i still like tat song veri much..
duno nowadays wat's wrong with mum cos she often ask me if any guy likes me cos her friend's daughter has a rich guy jioing her..i was thinking even have also wont tell u..as if telling u will give me any benefit.aiya, anyway also dun have..so also have nothing to tell..but if in future have maybe will tell, provided tat i have gradauted cos i also dun wan to play hide and seek with my parents again..and i want to have an open relationship..sigh..it seems tat wat happens in the dream can ever happen..
this holiday study until super late until got dark rings and eye bag..ya, its so ugly..even my brother said tat..one of the days i stayed up to 6 am and pratically tat day i was just veri tired..exam week onli sleep like 4 hrs, 3 hrs and 2 hrs each day..lots of ppl sae i look veri stressed..do i?hmm..maybe i am just veri veri tired..
friends around me has changed a lot esp my graduated friends..many of them have working experience whereas i am still studying..nevertheless, this doesnt pose much barrier in any communication between my friends and i but somehow i do feel so gap difference but its not veri crucial here..we still talk tat much,,wee ping became totally different person, in fact prettier now..the princess look veri different due to the rebonded hair..tat day they came bac and talk to ganesh and i went in the room with them to chat..he also sae i look veri stressed..hmm..its seems tat my face has written the word "stressed"..anyway in the conversation came to know tat teaching young kids reali sucks becos they cant behave themselves..so i guess i will never want to be a teacher becos i know tat i cant discipline kids..ms lim is also veri nice teacher, so far the warmest teacher tat i ever seen..she can be a veri friend to approach to..anyway which guy gets her reali veri lucky and forunate..
last week class outing was pretty sian for me cos i didnt ice skate partly becos i am scared of falling and i has a bad experience when i was young..i am also veri gu gu in playing pool cos i cant even hold the stick properly..gave up half cos its just too difficult..i am also not gd at playing arcade either..anyway THIS guy looks veri cute to me..hehe..and now i know tat guys like to see and talk abt chio bu in their every conversation..even young mei mei also not spared..somehow i think tat guys and gers have different views on "Chio"..
seriously i think my brother is the louiest person cos he read my msg again..this time he sae tat i got a bf again..wat the hell this is ridiculous..he concluded tat just based on those few msg..obviously i was angry becos i am innocent and wat he saes isnt truw at all..mum was down there when we are arguing but she didnt sae anything and i told her tat this yr is my A level and i wont want to have a relationship..seriously everything is just a misunderstanding, i dun wish such things to affect the friendship bewtween us..in all, we are just friends and nothing else..sometimes i think my brother is a crafty person and always want to harm me and he always sae tat i harm him when this never cross my mind at all..though he is veri smart but i still think tat he is still a failure cos the basic manners also dun have..he always think he is veir clever but no one will succed forever..there will be a day when i will fall badly..marked my words..
i reali hate it when my house comp spoil becos i had to carry it down to bukit timah to service it..wat makes me more angry is tat whenever he play with the comp, it always spoil after tat..and he still dun wan to admit it..worst still tat sat, he rather go out with his friends than to help me carry down to the centre to service it when he is the one who sopil the comp..obviously it wasnt easy for a ger to carry such heavy stuff without someone to help and my bac became veri pain after tat day..luckily one guy volunteer to help me carry it to the main road while i call a cab..anyway i was reali pei seh to trouble him..the taxi driver also veri nice, ask me if i wan his help..tat time suddenly felt so forunate and lucky to have ppl to help me..maybe they think tat i am just a young ger and have to carry such heavy things, abit taxing for me..
sometimes i think tat wearing sch uni is a gd thing becos at leasy u wont get pestered by those promotors..wanted to siam tat guy but canot cos too many liao..my first rxn was "argh..sian..kay, never mind, i entertain him for a few mins and watever i reply tat he hopes to get from me, i all give him the opp ans..eventually i think he canot do anything with me and iw as freed..i gave him a polite smile after tat cos i no need to entertain him anymore..
recently just bought a bluetooth adaptor and a mouse shich is veri veri chio at sim lim..but so sway tat the mouse happen to be a bad one, so veri ma fan must go bac to change..
tues had sex edu, the lesson wasnt veri interesting becos of the wat it was conducted..duin understand why gers and guys must be separated either...the topic was abt intimacy and how far should it go..from the gers pt of view, they should always sae a no but many at times, values are often thrown out of the wondow though one might know tat its wrong..lust is something often seen in guys and many at times relationship dun last just by basing on physical apperances..if u were to ask wats luv?adults ans would usually be abt luv being a commitment..thought the word committment sound abit vague to young adults like us but i do understand abit of it..from wat was the feedbac given, gers wan to have respect and dignity from their bf..to me, i am neutral to it cos i believe guys would feel likewise also..guys should be responsible for wat they do and this is part of the moral values..runnning aways and avoiding the problem just shows tat one is irreponsible..one interesting qn tat was posed is tat why relationship start to turn stale after sometime?some interesting ans given is tat "u are not creative enough to add colours to ur relationship.."it seems tat creatibe has alot of hidden meaning in it..haha..
got bac the test results..seriously its super super bad..actually i do feel abit sad abt it..but there is nothing i can do either..just to tell myself tat i must buck up..prelim is reali coming round the corner in abt 1 month..seriously its veri fast..greatest worry for now i stat i am not able to do well in A levels..j2 stuff is in a mess..sigh..mood is getting worst day by day..everyday seems like a sad day to me..somehow i feel tat i am now veri hopeless, just like falling deep into a well and not able to get out of tat obstacle..mum is pretty worried abt my results..becos all failed..but ya, she didnt scold me..sometimes it seems to me tat everything is like the end of the world when things dun go smoothly..yh sad tat i dun look worried at all and i look bo chap when she is veri worried abt her results now cos i always smile and i dun seems sad at all..mum also said tat..its not i bo chap..i am just..though i still smile, actually inside me, i am veri worried cos i am scared history will repeat itself again..sometimesi hope i can find someone to talk to and perhaps someone who undstand wat i am going through..at least i dun need to kepp everything inside my heart,,thought crying at times do help abit but still heart still feels as if there is alot of unsaid things..dad is going to talk to me tonite abt my future..seriously i am veri uncertain abt my future..duno where am i heading to also..sigh..
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