~reali troubled~

seriously i am veri fann and troubled now..heart feel so heavy now, seems like i got alot of troubles to tell, but i have no idea where i should start from..to sae the truth, i am quite dishearted now cos everyday i would see the classified to look for job but no one wans me.but jason did find for me but its one month contract.i am scared tat i dun have the mood to work when results are releasing near the actual date, and moreover wat if i dun do well, then the more i dun feel like going for work but yet i have to cos its contract based..sigh..i know its pointless to worry abt anything now cos afterall every thing has been decided..its up to fate to decide my future path for me..i know tat it is easy to sae dun worry but probably from my view, i cant put all those troubles behind me..moreover i am a repeat student, i am scared of failure again.i put alot of courage to stand up again when i am in my j1 repeat, so i am kind of scared and worried tat history will repeat itself..hai~~
currently i am finding jobs tat require me for 2 weeks onli cos i wan to settle my studies first before i choose to work again wit a peaceful mind.duno why now i rather choose to study than to work cos i find tat in sch i am enjoy more and have more accompany of friends.In work, i dun find friends tat i can talk troubles to..sometimes i feel so lonely la, friends are busy wit work nowadays.hardly got time to talk also..sometimes i find tat i am drifting further and further from my friends, duno why also..sigh..duno why nowadays my close friends also seldom talk.its either they are busy wit studies or some of them are juz busy wit something.maybe i am a loner la, always has to be alone one.
toae finally going out wit yh to buy chinese new yr stuff and probably some clothes..but currently i cant spend alot of money cos for the time being i am broke cos i am not working now and moreover my mum didnt give me any money for anything..yesterday i saw a dress quite reasonable but i dun hav much money left so eventually i didnt buy.but i like tat dress veri much, haha but i cant buy cos i need to save the money for other use.
this few days stayed at home cos seriously i am fann when my mum keep nagging.i am already veri fann liao then she keep nagging.i ignored her for watever she sae.it seems tat i dun respect my mum at all, and yes i do agree wit it cos i always find her veri fann and unreasonable all along.cant reali stand her.if got chance to move out, i might choose to move out.seriously wat should i do during chinese new yr, i reali duno cos i belive there is no programs for me..i dun have to go visiting.sometimes i think it is gd to have another half around when u are bored, as least there is some companion.but maybe this wont happen tat soon to me..i shall wait patiently for my MR RIGHT to appear.haha..seriously i dun trust those outside guys cos the trust has been broken once and no matter how hard i wan to believe the person, my heart will think twice again before i choose to believe..
lately have been going running everyday cos i feel fat when whole day i onli eat and did nothing.my target is to hit 53kg..hmm..seems like i need to work abit harder cos i am 2 kg away from it..