i haven been updating for a week le, partly becos i was having exams..so how was the paper generally?? i think physics paper is kinda hard and gp too..maths was actually quite ok but just tat my damn maths teacher didnt tell me tat i am sitting a different paper from them so i didnt study for those topics tat are not covered in their syallabus, so ended up spending more time on recalling formuale rather than doing the paper fast..anyway i have reali lost lots of marks when i cant recall the formuale and so i am stuck and so ended up didnt do 1.5 qns which cost like 14 marks to fly away..sigh, i am going to get nagged for not doing well again.And i dun understand why must isolate all the repeat students so far away from the jc 2 ah..it seems to me tat we have some disease tat will pass and spread to ppl like tat..lohz...finally now i know tat my sch have 7 jc2 repeats..hmm..quite a lot ah...
last sat i was kinda feeling bad mood, duno why lah..so my performance for piano was reali bad..so my teacher was asking me why is it tat my performance has dropped so much when the exams are nearing...she asked is it becos i am heartbroken or wat??i told her no, cos i dun have a bf so i cant be heartbroken in any sense, neither do i see a reason to be heartbroken over someone tat i like or have a crush on, cos i think its kinda stupid to be sad over this..anway my piano exams is less than 2 weeks to go, and i am reali scared cos i have zero confidence of passing at this rate..and i reali dun like the touch and sound of the exam piano after trying out on mon cos it sounds veri soft and i need to press reali hard on the keyboard man..oh man, and i reali hate the oral part, esp the singing hard cos my singing sux..
one of the nights last week, i cried cos i was feeling reali terrible deep inside my heart..i was just thinking why do i have such a hard life man??uni is starting in aug soon and seeing all my close friends, be it pri, sec or jc friends are all entering uni and yet i am still stuck and left alone in sch..seeing and experiencing such a thing happening on me is just more than being emtionally sad, but the pain and disappointment inflicted on me was reali painful to the extent tat it is so unbearable tat i had to cry out at times to feel better..maybe it will reali take some time for me, afterall I AM A GER, not a guy..to gers 2 yrs mean alot to them but not to guys and its hard to me to pick up from where i fall esp when i have lost faith in myself..but this this week, having steeping bac into the sch, somehow i have straightened my thoughts le..since i have survived for the last 3 months,i shall just endure for another 4 months and after which i can slack like mad again..maybe everything is just fated..being born in a poor family just forbits me to go private uni though i could have gotton a place over there..so wat to do??I guess have to resign to fate ba..
sat afternoon i was damn angry cos my brother kana some spyware thingy in my computer when he was downloading some game and i told him countless times not to play games esp those unsecured websites and now see lah, wat have u done to the computer and created so much trouble for me..i spend most of the weekend last week fixing tat comp but still canot remove it completely despite installing those antispy ware programs..wanted to format it but duno why the computer doesnt allow it..i presume there is some error in it which i duno wat is it cos i am a computer idiot..by the way anybody who knows how to solve this problem, got to tell me cos i have reali given up hope fixing tat comp le..yk came down to my house on sun to fix it for me but still cant completely remove ah, but at least the performance of the computer is better now..but i still dun understand why tat stupid icon at the sides still cant be removed ah after doing so much things on it..anyway i feel reali pei seh tat he has to come all the way from his house to my house when is reali far..and i wasted like $30++ just on his taxi fares alone..so feeling bad abt it, me and my brother brought him to the coffee shop nearby my house to eat..but wat he ate wasnt enough to cover for the taxi fares alone..as he was the first guy tat came to my house before, so my mum started asking lots of qns and i told her tat "pls lah, we are not like wat u thought.."i knew tat she would ask tat, so i told her stop being paranoid abt it..
mon also met up with yh cos she was in ntu for checkup so being somewhere near my house, so we decide to meet up..she still feels tat i shouldnt stay on and i shouldnt give excuse for repeating just becos i have no money..she says tat i can take loans but in the first place i dun even meet the loan citeria..i like her new hair colour ah..reddish brown but i will never dye tat colour, haha..but i am redying after i finish my A levels exams cos it looks kind of ugly liao since new hair has grown and i doubt i wan to dye it now since i am still studying in sch, just to reduce the chances of kana caught again..For this period of time i was reali touched when everyone is willing to extend their help to me when i am truely lost in life..and i am veri glad to have this group of friends around me, else without them probably i will still feel veri veri lost..though i am still lost at this point of time, but not as much as before..next wed i am going to attend a wedding and probably will doll up abit cos afterall its a wedding dinner, cant be tat nuah like wat i dress usually rite..haha..but by the time i reach home, its kinda late and the next day i still got sch..hai~~sian man..wed morning need to go sch and after tat still need to rush home to attend my friend's wedding dinner..but i look forward to tat cos i am curious to know tat he looks like cos she was saying lots of gd things abt him..i predict tat few yrs down the road wil have to attend more weddings and tat will be the time when ur pocket will grow big holes..haha..
mum is still unsupportive of me staying on even up to now since she felt tat its wasting time and she gives me the impression tat she has reali given up hope on me after repeating yr after yr..my dad told her to be more understanding towards me cos he said tat she should stand in my shoes, which i think she didnt do tat in the first place..dad was scared tat i cant take the blow tat the uni didnt want to take me in such tat i will do foolish things..aiya i wont be tat dumb to end my life at such an early age, afterall its not worth it man..moreover i dun want to die unpeacefully lah..but i would say tat after so many rounds of failures and obstacles to go through, i would say tat life is reali not easy ah..probably once after the piano exams i will start everything afresh and keep my feelings and give my reali best shot this time round..if outcome still turns out to be bad, then i will take it tat everythings is predestined and i will accept my fate tat is given to me..
mum called NTU on wed to ask for the appeal results cos i have yet to recieve anything regardless of any rejection or acceptance letter..my mum was told by the adminstrative officer tat i could have gotton in if i have applied it last yr or the yr before, but chances for this yr are slim cos its dragon yr and this yr all the applicants tat are applying have veri excellent grades..wat the hell man, if i didnt retained probably i could have gotton in already..hai~~life is always full of regrets...if i didnt retain probably my life would have changed now..but wat to do, maybe i deserve it for being so lazy and slack when i was in yr 1...hai~~~
then during this chem block test i was reali wondering why is tat caleb lee kept looking and staring at my bus pass for so long when he onli took a glace at other ppl..why ah??i still dun understand leh..then he asked me tat am i a repeat student?? at tat point of time, i was feeling damn ashamed when i said a yes..hai~~when i can i get this shameful idea over, i think its kinda hard..telling ppl tat i study 4 yrs in jc is just way too shameful for me..sigh..
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