~i am kinda demoralised le~

its been a week since i last update my blog le cos i was busy with tests the entire week..hai~all i can say is my test results so far is reali damn cui man..kinda demoralised liao cos i didnt study lots of them cos no time since i am the person who always last min study de..then yesterday computing test i reali duno how to even start writing the program at all cos i didnt even study at all though previously i studied tat super long time ago but all forgotton le! so bo bian, i copied my friends' program and modify abit..then the chem test also damn cui man..damn it..means final exam need to do super well in order to pull bac the marks..i am seriously bad in doing MCQs especially since sec sch le..so i can onli score in structured qns..so last weekend sat i was busy booking air tickets though i was supposedly to study for the tests which is this week..tat sat i was seriously pissed with my mum cos she kept obstructing me to travel overseas when my dad agrees me to travel overseas with my friends liao..initally i thought my dad dun allow de, but i was so happy tat he agreed to my request so easily..i guess maybe i quite old liao la, know how to take care of myself..he said tat since i am still young i should go out and travel more and see the world..but my mum's view is "Since i got the money to travel why dun wan to save the money and pay off my bank loan.." aiya i am someone tat like to travel and see the world..27th june i will be flying off to jarkarta le for 2 weeks..and first time i am using my money to pay everything..and i even paid for my mum's air tickets too though she keep claiming tat she is not going with me since my dad's health is still not very gd and his test results is not out yet so she is kinda worried, but i think by the time she will sure go with me de la..if she dun wan go then i will just ask my friend to go with me..she is scolding me for booking the air tickets the entire day til i super pissed and fann man cos i see no wrong in myself lo..come on la, i even paid for ur air tickets lei..at least i use my own money to buy the air tickets and not their money..and before tat i told them i wan to find a job for tat 1.5 months so tat i can earn money to use it for my travelling period..i even planned everything nicely liao lo..she even called my grandmother to tell them not to take care of me and not to let me stay in their house..my reaction was " wat the hell man..fine ! dun wan then dun wan la..i dun believe i cant find my own way there to find a shelther for myself..even my dad supports me lo..he say tat if my grandmother dun allow me to stay at their house then at most i will go to those tour agency and sign up for their travelling package..aiya watever it is, once i have made up my mind, i wont change my decision de..if i say i wan to go overseas i will reali mean it de..cos i think my mum thought tat i am just making some causual remark nia..cos i feel tat once its time to grow up u should learn to grow up and be more independent..dun allows hide in tat overprotected "house" of ur parents cos in future when u come out to society u sure suffer like hell man if u are too over protected..i am glad tat at least i have grown up liao..i dun like to stay in tat childish period cos i need to wake up my idea liao man cos i not young anymore.

then sun was preparing for my maths test and speech..and tat damn bloodly speech took up so much of my time man and end up i cock up for tat speech cos i forgotton everyline of my speech the moment i stood in front of the class cos i am too panic liao..and i am kinda staged fright having so many eyes on me..so i heck liao and read directly from my script..tat time my mind was totally blank man and i was telling my mind tat this is damn bloody shit ! haiz..at home i reali practised very gd liao, but practise in front of everyone i am so scared man..but my pronouncation was perfectly fine cos i am not scared of pronouncing words, just tat i couldnt recall my speech..in fact i am quite confident for my spoken english cos i think its not as cui as my spoken chinese cos many times i can reali speak gd chinese..all i can say tat time of the day is i am totally screwed up! so my day was kinda sad tat day cos i spent alot on time on this, but end up screwed up totally..damn it !

then wed i was spending my entire day to study chem and i totally neglected my computing cos i know tat even i spend lots of time studying tat subject i surely cant perform de cos i am not those comp person..cos i dun like study comp stuff..so i got my lesson man so now i very stressed up liao man cos i feel tat i have lots of things duno..haiz..and final exam is ard one week time..its kinda not easy to perform a miracle, but i must still try no matter wat..then yesterday i had dinner at my student's house..initally i reali dun wan eat at their house de cos i feel tat its reali not nice to eat at ppl's house..but yesterday the food was reali nice and i reali enjoy eating dinner at an outer space especially the ambience cos i feel like having some candle light dinner outside..and we are having dinner at a wooden hut with a fish pond beside us..everything just seems so cool !but yesterday i feel kinda pei seh eating with their family members cos i am afterall considered an outsider..but yesterday her mum did ask abt my student's progress and i was like oh shit !, how should i go abt telling her man..so i thought through abit in my brain and decided to tell her the truth tat her daughter is not improving much..but her mum wasnt surprised when i told her cos she knew tat her daughter cant focus..she did chatted with her alot and i reali find her much better to talk to as compared to my mum..she says tat sometimes if its within my means i can influence her postively and talk to her daughter wat's life abt and teaches her how to be a better person..cos she feels tat ppl like my age can communicate better as compared to her since our frequency are almost the same..sometimes i just dun understand why she hires me as her daughter piano teacher cos i feel tat with the money she has, she could have easily find a very gd teacher, but til now i am still puzzled..i guess maybe she wants me to teacher her daughter well..yup so my role is not just a piano teacher nia..but also to act like a counsellor and teach her daughter well..then she mentioned to me tat she is apologetic of paying my pay kinda late but i told her its ok cos afterall tat money isnt tat much either..and moreover i teaches piano not reali becos of money (and its from my bottom of my heart)..wat can tat $100 do much man..i guess sometimes i just wan to learn something in life and i told her tat many of times its not just earning money nia cos u have lots of things to pick up in life ! actually i will reali feel happy if i can reali educate and teach well for my student and i guess tat will be the best present i can get if she can play a very nice song for me cos her dad was saying to her tat "melody play some songs for me when i am having my birthday lei.." so i guess her dad mentality is also like mine..( Hopes to see something from her)..if she can manage to play a song for me, then i would be very happy liao cos at least i have made her learn something..though many times i got nag her cos sometimes she reali too lazy liao and take things for granted just becos she is freaking rich, so her mum tells me tat i should talk to her abt this taking things for granted mentality..perhaps she is still young, but i guess when she is older perhaps she will understand ba...her mum chatted kinda long with me over the table and she said tat i am quite a cheerful and nice person..she said tat if i continue to be like tat, i would surely be likeable by everyone..hehe..when i heard her comments, i was smiling away..but i think i am quite cheerful to certain extent but once i bad mood then my face would surely super black like anything man..haha...and yesterday i ate a peach dessert with wine tat they had it in shanghai cos they say this dessert cant be found in spore de..wah when i frst eat the dessert, i was like oh gosh, tat's reali super nice ! haha..

then yesterday after sch was with lab guy at library since he wans to surf net while i need to copy his notes and return him ..i think i have got to understand better of this mature guy whom i didnt realised previously and its onli after the long chat with him in library and our journey back in bus then i realised it..haha..but yesterday i explained to him tat wat they did in chem lesson was just joking nia and its all thanks to tat ah lim man ! but after tat i think i didnt feel pei seh anymore after explaining everything to him and continue our convo..but i seriously dun understand why my ger friends feel tat i am specially nice and concerned for him, but i dun feel tat at all..i think i treat any guys equally de..so they always like to gossip this and tat abt the guy i like..but watever it is, if i were to like the guy i wouldnt show any signs at all de cos i dun wan to be obvious,..and i am glad to say tat least they have finally change another target liao cos i am sian of hearing the same old person tat time when its not true..this lab guy also not true either but i think time will just tell everything la..maybe i will like him in future or maybe not, it will just depends on how well and suited for each other..all i can say is i dun feel much for him now or dun feel anything for him at all..just tat for now he is my eye candy nia..

haiz..next week still got another 2 tests then after tat major exams come liao..super stress man..;( i feel tat i dun have much time left though this sem i didnt get distracted much as compared to last sem and my studying speed this sem was much more faster le ..nevertheless i need to jiayou !