2 weeks of torturous period has passed and i am so glad tat i have managed to live and survive it through cos it was indeed not easy man cos i reali cut down on my sleeping hours alot cos i am rushing for time to study..but end up like also no use cos i always take my own time to study and nuah when til until the last min then i start to panic like mad..tat's just very me..but i feel reali regretted for my maths paper cos i never practised my past year paper at all so alot of qns duno how to do cos i tink majority of it came out from the past yr papers..haiz..then some more tat day was my bday then i super upset over the paper cos i cant do ! but reali thanks to those ppl who msg me the night before at 12am exactly and wished me happy bday ! cos tat time i just woke up from my nap and my hp keep on having continous inflow of messages..thanks ppl ! duno why somehow tat nite i felt slightly happier after seeing so many bday messages..haha ;) but on that tues which i came to sch for my math paper, i was totally damn sad after stepping out of the exam hall cos math is consider quite ok suject for this sem liao..if i dun do well for this subject then the rest of the subjects is even worst ! haiz..dun tell me for the next 3 yrs i got to spend my bday during exam..like tat seems kelian man..if lets say paper is easy then perhaps i will be happy, but if the paper is hard, then i sure sad liao man..haiz...so tat day after reached home, i was super determined to change my studying method liao cos i know tat with my studying speed i sure cant finish studying de and some more i feel tat its kinda pointless to read lecture notes alone without practising..(But seriously i duno how last sem i survive through without practising past yr papers, and yet results still not too bad) this sem i think cant work liao man..so tat night after my maths paper, i started to piah in the night and try my very best for my computing paper cos this particular paper is the paper tat i am the most CMI with..and turn out exam come out reali super difficult man..those memory parts tat require us to vomit out watever we has memorized (of cos i know) but then the logic part for programming, i seriously know nuts abt tat..in fact i finished the paper quite early cos i duno how to do alot of qns ! then came out of the exam quite sad too as usual (but not as sad as maths paper cos i already expected tat)...
then during the weekends, i was so stress studying le, then my student's mum called me..at first i was reali scared wat she was going to ask me cos i very scared to talk to parents abt their children progress cos to me i reali think tat her daughter didnt improve at all, but i try not to say until so direct..so actually her mum wans to ask me if i can teach her 3rd youngest daughter piano or not..so meaning now i got 2 students..actually when she said tat i dun reali feel like having another student cos i scared i cant scope with my studies man..and though the money seems very temping man..2 hrs can get $50 liao..super easy earn money man..so i kind of accepted the offer though tat time i was feeling undecided as to whether i should take up another student or not..seriously i dun understand why her mum wans to hire me lei..cos i dun think i am gd at teaching at all lei..perhaps i am more of leanient and dun scold ppl so maybe her daughter can learn better? aiya i just got alot of qns in mind why her mum wans to hire me instead of other better teachers out there..and i sometimes feel kinda bad earning their money cos i dun think i taught much to them, partly becos they cant be bothered to use in practise wat i told them and also i duno should i teach them classical music or just pop music, cos since young i was trained to learn classical music, so its kinda impossible for me to teach pop music when i never got taught by a pop music teacher before..and this sec student tat i will be taking now wans me to teach her something tat is quite broad based..so i reali duno how should i go abt and start teaching her from..haiz..seriously i abit stress teaching her compared to the older sister that i am teaching now cos her expectation abit high man..aiya duno la, since i got 3 months now no sch i shall do research for wat materials to teach her..sian lo...still thought can nuah..
but hor this exam duno why this particular person kept on appearing my mind when i was kinda bored with studying man..haiz..dun tell me...actually i also not sure either..mind very luan..maybe i just need something to distract me nia from stress,perhaps tat's not the real feeling of like..( i guess) so physics tat paper was kinda reali disastrous..but i think everyone also duno how to do lei..so means tat i am safe too..i think i will do better than for physics rather than computing man..and today my last paper is chem ! and i seriously dun think the paper was easy lei when most of my friends say are quite easy..jialat man..i hear liao also panic lo cos i alot duno how to do..haiz...but anyway everything also over liao lo..think so much over tat also no use cos my ans still cant change..
then yesterday before my chem paper i was freaking pissed off with my bloodly hell mum cos she knew tat i am having exam the next day still wan to find fault with me over unnessary issues..cos she bu shuang tat this june holiday i am going 2 places for holiday cos mon tues night i asked wp to help me book the air ticket to taiwan le..but before i book the air ticket i did ask for my dad permission if i can go or not, and he said yes so i went ahead with the booking without telling my mum abt it cos i know tat she surely wont let me go de cos she feels tat i should save up the money instead of using it to travel around..so i reali heck her and she was reali bu shuang with me..ok partly its my fault not telling her tat i am going to taiwan for holiday, but i feel tat even if i tell her she wont let me go either..so i must fast fast book the tickets liao then she cant do anything abt it..then yesterday she quarrelled with my dad over this issue cos she kept on scolding tat my dad is not setting a gd example by letting me go to taiwan..then my dad was very bu shuang with her too cos he finds her very unreasonable..yeah practically everyone in the house just cant tolerate her la..my dad said to my mum tat" why is it tat u always want to keep her at home when she wans to go out and look for survival herself.." when i heard tat i was happy cos tat's was wat i was thinking deep inside my heart and my dad knows wat i am thinking, but not my mum..so my purpose this time to go overseas without my parents is to train myself to be independent and earn money for myself then see how can i survive out there without the help of my parents..and wat reali pissed me off is tat i feel tat i am not wrong in any sense at all when my mum keep scolding me non stop and i got reali damn bloodly pissed off when i am already so stressed and she keep scolding non stop from afternoon til at nite..i dun think i am wrong in any sense cos i never ask a single cent from them for the trip...at least i bother to go out earn money myself and pay for both trips myself..and another thing tat pissed me off is i already treated her the air ticket to indo and she keeps complaining this and tat, that she will spend alot of money on relatives once she reach indo, so she rather not go..bloodly ass la..i hear liao also pissed man..if u dun wan go then FINE ! i shall ask my friend to go with me..
then yesterday my dad just gotton his test results for the cancer thingy..and its been finalised tat its a first stage cancer..haiz..when i heard tat i was kinda abit sad..cos i scared my dearest dad will leave me anytime..cos i respect my dad alot but not my mum..so naturally if he is gone, i wont listen to my mum de..haiz...anyway just hope tat everything will be ok and he live up to a long life ba.. ;( tat's all i can do for him now is to treat him better
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