this blog has been together with me for slightly more than 1.5yrs le..whether happy or sad things, i always blog on my blog..i have been thinking maybe after i graduate i wont be blogging tat much anymore, becos perhaps i wont have much things to blog abt and maybe i want to reduce the tendency of viewing "His" blog whenever i am online..sad to sae tat up to now, i still cant forget tat "Ta"..somtimes when i am studying, my mind just recall of him..seeing an lr during the holidays outside NTU, made it worst of me..i stood rooted at where i am and was pondering was it him?the back of the vehicle still got paste some yellow sticker which i still rmb tat last time he used to sae tat its quite nice to buy tat..i do know tat its over for so long le, and its not possible anymore, but just dun understand why my heart still lies with "Ta" wholeheartly..sigh..maybe like wat Z used to sae tat my profile in sch is low..but i always stick around with my close friends and how should i widen my social circle??i dun know either..being close to everyone seems difficult to me..i need friends who truly understand me but sad to sae most of my not close friends onli know me as hardworking and cheerful ger..they dun reali know the real inner qm..there will be times when i am vulnerable but yet i dun show becos i always keep everything to myself..and many at times, i always smile in sch..no one hwas ever seen i am sad or the ugly side of me before, except the day when i got retained and cry out..actually i am not reali hard to understand becos many at times i am too naive le and i think too simply, even though sometimes i may think some pervert things..but overall i am still innocent..many of my close friends can read my mind so i am not reali difficult to understand afterall..
chua didnt make life difficult for us during the holidays, except tat now he put more attention on us and he did slow down abit..i am glad tat he did review was we said..
next month going to be 19 le..dun feel excited or look forward to it at all becos i know tat no one "Special" to me will be celebrating with me..last yr still thought tat i can celebrate with tat "Ta" but who knows things turn out to be like tat..so ended up it was my friends who celebrated with me..i was quite touched at tat time becos i was feeling down tat time and my friends were there for me..now i truly understand by wat it means by being there for someone, but u no need to do anything and ther person will feel contented already..i am wondering how is he doing now?just hope tat my birthday wish will come true then i will be veri contented already and i wont ask for more le..
wed went to NTU to buy dinner since i am on my way there..when i stepped into canteen A everyone was like looking at me cos i am wearing uniform..felt so retarted tat time, just hopw tat i can quickly leave the place after i am done with buying my dinner..duno why whenever i go there, i always hope tat i can meet him by chance, but this never happens..maybe i should sae tat fate doesnt exist..sigh..
yesterday quarrel with my brother cos he look at my messages without my permission and i reali hate it becos this is not the first time le..whenever i dun let him read, then he will tell my parents tat oh, i got a bf, tat's why i am so secretive of not allowing him to read, then my parents will scold me and eye more often on me..seriously tat's not the bf problem, its own privacy!!!!!!!i dun read his msg so i dun see why he should read mine..and its all becos of him tat causes so many problems btween both of us in the past..seriously i reali hate him at times, duno why i have such a lousy brother..i am lucky tat both my parents duno how to read msg, if not they will also look and see..but i just dun like it when my brother is the younger and he control so much abt me, instead i should be the one controlling him since i am the older one..actually most of the time i dun bother abt him, wat he do is his own business,seldom care much for him..
eyes have been twitching veri badly since yesterday, just scared tat something bad will happen..and phy paper todae quite difficult..mcq like whole paper also duno, all i duno is i guess one..this is bad..past few days didnt go sch and i did nothing cos i am just reali sick..have been coughing until i feel veri tired..
todae is nauhing day cos i decide to nuah todae since exam just finish todae, shall decide to study tml then..
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