~troubled~

i feel tat i am always so blur..sometimes i feel tat i shouldnt be the PE rap., instead i feel tat ade or jihan should be the one becos i always veri blur, always forget to take attendance for the gers and ppl will always remind me to do so..somehow i feel tat i am not doing my job at all, in fact, i shoudnt take any pts being the rap..actually i do have in mind of giving up the post and giving it to others becos i feel guilty for not doing anything yet getting the pts..
seriously i like willam sim lesson cos i like the way he teaches and i find him quite funny to some extend..i am so called "in luv" with his lesson..but too bad now change to spm..was quite suprised tat darius oh knows me when i onli attened his lesson once onli..i think he is a reali nice teacher, can be friend friend like tat, just like ms lim..i seriously hopw tat i can go band 3 so tat i can be thought by him, dun mind being downgraded at all..
last tues went to find mdm ho to ask her qn..she seems veri "Fann" when i couldnt understand wat she trying to sae after explaining to me so many times..so scared tat later she become irritated then scold me, so i pretended to understand but actually i dun..just find tat her way of expressing is hard to understand and i canot reali connect with her..
thur was a happy day cos went to pizza hut to eat with the 2 of them at causeway..seriously i think the amt fo cheese and chilli tat we added are veri scary esp me and cm..we used up half the bottle of cheese and i used abt 1/5 of the chilli spices cos i just like to eat chiili..ya, anyway if guys are around, we wouldnt eat until so "ugly" cos guys seriously will shun off..after which went to walk walk until some "Nei yi" shop..it was an interesting shopping session to conclude cos i learnt a lot of things from the pro after going to tat shop..and anyway throught this, there are lots of laughter also esp from me cos i relai too stupid liao, basic things abt gers also duno..
fri was veri troubled by something after the talk with chua..actually all 3 of us are troubled by tat and also tat day i was veri sad cos i failed my phy..actually expected it already but duno why i feel so sad tat day..i have no mood to feel excited for the jam and hop, some sort like some dancing party..went in there just too see and i find it veri noisy and my ears canot take it,actually dun reali like this kind of things..somemore i cant dance at all, dance so stone..let ppl see liao, ppl will laugh..the place isnt dark at all loh, so tat's was the problem..seriously i am scared tat in future he will pick on me..actually tat time i wanted to cry out liao when i was saying wat i wan to sae, but i holded on to my tears, just dun wan to cry in front of guys..but the ger in my class cried out cos she feel tat he is stressing her..as for another ger, she was ok..my comment was just gereral,didnt wan to make it a personal attack and hurt the person and offend him..anyway one of the teachers know abt this le..and i hope tat he can stop telling ppl around cos it will have an impact indirectly on us, dun wish to be famous in tat sense..seriously i relai feel veri loss now, everything also dun understand..duno is i stupid or i just canot connect with certain teachers..sigh..they assume tat band 1 ppl are smart and clever, but tat'e not the case for me..my results are quite ok in j1 cos i studied b4 le, but now everything is new to me..sigh..chua is indeed gd in fact even though i dun understand, but his teaching style is meant for those clever ppl..ppl like me who is stupid gets more stupid under his teaching..sigh..hopefullly he will review wat we have said and let us tranfer out of this class..seriously i feel veri demoralised when everyone understand and i dun understand..just feel veri stress in this class..hopefully i dun breakdown one day and cry out..
sat went to ntu for its open house..saw a no of my friends over there..we go together as a grp in yj uniform scine b4 tat we went to the science centre exhibition so we feel veri extra becos nobody over btu wears uniform..anyway when we reached there, kana approach by one ger..and she keep dragging us to her own faculty, sch of physical and mathemical science..think tat his course is veri related to wat i am taking now, shouldnt be tempted to take this, even though its related..but most of them are doing experiments and research, which i think veri sian..thought of going into sch of design and psychology b4, but my parents sae designing is meant for ITE students and i student yc shouldnt take such course..maybe i shall keep it as a dream to be a designer ba..the ntu stuents kept asking we all to play games, which i think its veri stupid cos of the nature of the games, which is related to the course..they sae if win liao will have robinson voucher..we hear liao, then was giving the "diao" look..haha..just think we veri naughy man..after going this open house, i still got no idea wat i want to take, so its seems tat the trip is wasted..
luving someone is hard, many at times, its is often one sided luv, i still prefer to be luv by others..part of this comment was coated from TH..somehow i could feel tat TH feel sads when he make part of this comment..not sure why this happened but i still believe tat he is still a nice person..even though last time used to think tat he is quite fierce..
think weekend didnt do anything at all loh, sian arh, too lazy to do anything..in holiday mood now...some more next week got exams, make it even more sian more me..