the moment i am stressed by teachers to give an ans, then my mind will go blank..and if i want to approach teachers to ans my doubt, i will find those who have patience with me, cos many times they will vommit blood.and i tried b4 a few of the teachers and when they explained alot of times to me and i still dun understand then they start to feel fed up and irritated,,by tat time, i will pretend to sae tat i understand even though i dun understand cos i dun want to be scolded..
last week happen to see my sec 1 and 2 class guys..it was shan fu who called our for me, it was during the nite, cant reali see clearly tat its them neither if they never call me..shanfu, bing xi, zay ya is still as close as ever up to now, which made me a bit shock cos i long time never contact my sec sch le..all of them still look almost the same..shanfu became tanner and the way he speaks has changed..in fact he has become more matured to me, wondered if is it army tat changed him..in fact he has bcome more matured to me..hmm..anyway reali envy when he sae tat he did so well in A Levels and he still with elaine for 6 to 7 yrs le..hard to find such devoted guys nowadays cos guys nowadays changed gf within a few months..initally they still thought tat he is my bf, but later i sae no lah, but they dun seems to believe me..anyway i am too busy to be attached, so no guys for me..they sae tat i have changed after going jc, have i ?hmm..i never realised tat..one thing tat 3 of them duno tat i am from yj except shanfu cos the uniform looks alien to them/..
duno why i just dun like guys to tag along with me when i am buying things esp when i am shopping for clothes..i would prefer to shop alone..C in the past has never shop for clothes with me, neitehr do i wan C to pei me cos i know C Dun like such things and i dun like ppl to tag along with me esp guys..wondering wat couples usually do ah?seriously i salute ppl like shanfu who can maintain their relationship for so long cos its not easy at all..my mum friend was telling me tat my mum expect something from us during mother's day..actually i admit tat i am insentitve and i duno how to care for ppl and i am insentitive towards how ppl feels..i did tried to improve on myself but dun think i have succeded..
i am still as "cold" as ever..maybe tat also explain why most of then time i was veri cold to C in the past when C did nothing wrong..seriously i got no idea how to care for guys and wat is actually care to them?and i got nothing to talk to guys when i am alone with a guy, but not for the case for gers..i feel veri awkward being alone with a guy..i got a feeling tat in future the same problem will persist if i still dun change..seriously sometimes hope tat can have a bf nor sometimes i think its better not to have becos i am sick of the ugliness and cruelness tat guys have..most of the guys treat their gf like precious gems in the start and dump their gf for watever reason they like eventually..sometimes, i feel tat gers are the victims and not guys..and i reali depise guys who cheat on their gf, sometimes dun understand why gers should be the one suffering and not guys..
i am not sure if he still read my blog or not..but something to sae.."u are someone who is determinded and aim high..i still admire u for ur "never sae die" attitude towards mm..to u,nothing is impossibleesp towards mm becos u have confidence which is something tat i canot achieved up to now..maybe to now, u are my role model for most of the things and i look up to u for tat..but are we still friends>reali hope tat there will be a day when u sae a "hi" to me first..take care my dearest friend..
the chem SPA wasnt veri smooth at the start..i broke a conical flask during the start of expt..duno why this happens, but i guess i am hyst clumsy ba..when it broke, first thing i thought was, oh shit, how much does the flask cost, hopefully not too ex..
PE lesson was fun..a NIE trainee whom i find her quite chio becos of her nice wavy hair..took over our PE lesson for wed..seldom see trainee tat chio b4 considering they are from NIE cos most of them look auntie to me..activites carried out were fun esp the part when everybody have to stand on a long bench and nobody is allow to fall off the bench if u want to move from one end to another..throughout this game, had alot of physical contact with guys, but i think its ok cos afterall its a game and everyones hopes to win..so must help one another..after which played some games as a class and i got the most forfeit cos my reaction time too slow le..duno if they want to sabo me or wat cos i react veri slow and one thing i veri blur..hehe..
i am stepping down soon..so happy, wait for this day veri long le..the new memebers all CMI, so i doesnt matter who is the chairman..somehow i feel tat none of them have tat leadership qualites compared to myriam..my cca is reali zhuo bo, always go out with her to buy food during cca, maybe the word is to sneak out of cca ba..seriously i still prefer mm as my cca and i miss the day spending time with mouse..i miss mousing..
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