yesterday couldnt just concentrate on anything, i was tossing and turning around my bed after i came to know abt wat has happened..practically i canot sleep for the whole nite, i think i onli slept for abt 2 hrs yesterday..sigh..the entire day i was just thinking and thinking..indeed i do know tat i cant expect mr C to stay single forever, afterall he is a guy plus he is quite "old" le..but just duno why my heart breaks whenever i knew tat mr C belongs to someone else le within a short time..one thing tat i am veri certain for now is tat mr C heart's has changed..at least now i do know tat i dun place tat much of importance in his heart in the past..somehow i feel tat being too devoted and planting too much feelings isnt gd..instead sometimes it will bring more hurt to a person..at least now, i can tell my heart to stop having feelings for mr C le, but i need some time..maybe it will take another 1.5 yrs to do so..i also duno..it reali depends on my determination to do it..anyway i do learn something..luv is something tat is 2 sided..if 1 is willing to give everything to the other, however if the other wouldnt want to accept it, it will be pointless and useless to put in so much effort in building up a relationship..i am a person who are always not serious with things, but whenever it comes to relationship and work, probably i will try to be more serious..in the past i wasnt serious in my studies, i slacked all the way, and end up i got retained..so this is wat i got for slacking..i should sae a punishment ba..but life in j2 now seems veri difficult..i am starting to learn new things..cant reali absorbed tat much cos i am a slow learner..
todae, i was reali sad..i just refused to talk becos i was pretty upset abt tat thing..bessie could see through me and she was asking wat exactly happened..i didnt reali tell her much, cos i knew tat this is something tat friends cant help u..onli u have to help urself..seriously even up to now i dun understand why is it tat others can easily forget abt their ex and moved on to find another new luv, but why just cant i do the same thing???maybe i think i hold on too tightly to my past relationship and i just refused to forget things..maybe tat explains why i am so sad when i knew abt tat..
indeed yesterday i feel like crying after i knew abt tat thing cos i just felt like a knife stabbing right into my heart..ya tat's how i feel..sometimes i think tat maybe mr C was once used to be my first bf, tat's why it made it veri difficult for me to forget him..
i reali think tat telling all these to my blog is better than my friends cos they always sae the same thing..at least i can find ways to let out my feelings..seriously i do feel quite hurt, is it wat it surpposed to be..i guess the onli way to stop thinking so much is to drown myself in studies...after telling all this, i feel lighter now and the impact of hurt is no longer tat painful as compared to yesterday..but seriously i hope tat i mr C marriage will invite me in a few yrs time for his marriage cos i abit curious how he will look like when he got married and how chio his wife will look..hopefully tat will be his final gf..
ya our sch is organising duno wat and we are surpossed to come out with a plan on tat day..our class has decided to wash cars..i was quite shocked when i heard tat cos its not easy at all...it looks easy but exactly it is not..cos i tried washing and waxing a few cars b4 when i was in jjc..and tat's all for todae..
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