~i suddenly felt enlightened~

tues went off to work and tat day was assigned to work at main lobby..supposedly tat day was kinda busy de but somehow manage to chop tat temperature scanner seat then tat day me and hm felt shoik man cos whole day just sit down there slack and chat nia. (But of cos at the same time got do work la) then tat day knew this guy thomas and he is kinda irritating i feel cos keep asking me this and that abt my personal life..but i must be honest to say tat i indeed felt happy when he guessed tat i am 19 yrs old when my actual age is much more than tat..i guess tat day perhaps my dressing was much younger than usual ba cos i wore a beach wear dress tat day to work..yeah but he is kinda irritating so i try to siam him whenever possible..

then yesterday was assigned to work at kent ridge wing and surprising i have to take my mum and dad's temperature for them..initally didnt saw them de, but once i heard my mum calling me "lian ah.." then i look up and saw its actually my mum cos no one else calls me tat except her.and soon after them i suddenly saw my mum's friend coming into my "Booth" to take temperature..my first rxn was "oh shit ! " but bo bian she already in front of me liao so i have to take for her..but surprising she couldnt recognise me at all man..duno why and weird thing is tat i never put on the mask lei,...so actually should be quite easy to recognise me de..i guess perhaps i have change my hairstyle to short hair liao, so maybe she coudnt recognise me..phew..

and so after my work went to find my dad since he is having his operation..but when i reach the ward, he was already sent off to the operation theratre so i was feeling kinda sian waiting at the vistor lounge since no chair for me to sit so i decided to went bac to work to find my friends..and yesterday i suddenly felt enlightened after talking to the auntie and those guys...and somehow after the talk i feel tat i should indeed do some self reflection on myself..cos its been yrs since i reflect on myself..i rmb mr XXX once tellling me before tat he would do a self reflection every yr but ever since he stepped out of my life, i have somehow forgotton abt it..cos previously i tell myself tat i should change myself for the better so i promise myself tat i will do some self reflection monthly de, but somehow days were so busy tat i have clean forgotton abt this important thing tat i need to do in life..and somehow yesterday through the bus journey way bac home, i thought through alot of things inside my heart and brain..perhaps i need to change alot,but i cant guarentee tat i can change tat much cos this is something tat cant be done overnite.and yeah i will try my best..(alrights i will always rmb this sentence : always think through ur brain of the consequences tat u or other ppl will get before u speaks..") in the past i changed myself to be more matured in thinking cos of mr XXX cos i wan to get to his frequency..but this time round, i am changing for myself cos of the enlightenment tat the auntie and those guys gave me..seriously tat nite i have never listen so attentively to anyone before, but somehow the chat with them i reali gave 100% attention to them..yeah it somehow changed my perception of him too..i am sorry, perhaps all along i have mistaken abt u since u never try to open urself up so ppl wont know wat u thinking inside..and yesterday tat auntie say my character is kinda stubborn and to certain extent i would say she is correct.but i am trying to change now..cos not all context i am stubborn de..and she said tat becos of my stubborn-ness i will never give up on myself when i am faced with a failure..from this i would say tat wat she sees through me is kinda zun..and she added a point saying tat i should try to spend more time at home probably at least 2 days in the weekends cos she knew tat from the way i talk, i am more of those type of ppl tat dun like to cope up at home..and yes she is super correct..but i will try to change this "Habit" of me of keeping to go out cos i know tat in future when i am married, i need to stop all these liao and be a 24hrs housewife if possible..and she says tat if i continue to be like this, my husband will suffer in future cos he might feel tat having a wife is equals to not having one..alrights i know wat she mean and her gd intentions tat she is trying to bring across..i shall try to change from now then..but yesterday i did ask myself this qn:" why is it tat i can chat and talk so much to other aunties but not my mum?" i always find tat other ppl's mum are super nice as compared to my mum, so does the problem lies with me or just her? or both of us did have some problems to correct? i reali duno where does the problem lies with..perhaps all of us in the family have already condition her to be a nasty and unreasonable women tat cant be reasoned out with, so everyone just cant be bothered with her? haiz..i seriously duno wat and where does the problem lies in?

and after the yesterday chat i felt tat my heart was somehow opened up cos certain things tat i always wanted to say has already been said out yesterday..and i am sorry if i have hurt u guys..somehow i reali appreciated these ppl for telling so much things to me abt life and i am glad tat i have gotten englightened cos all along i always like ppl to tell me stuff on life..and yesterday nite i thought through the bus why i always feel so deeply for mr xxx..now i know the ans le..cos all along i cant reali know wat's the X factor tat i am attracted to him and finally yesterday i gotten an ans le..its his maturity tat attracted me to him and through him i learnt alot of things which i never learn before from my other friends..

haiz..now hm is gone to work for other jobs le..kinda feel sian working alone liao man..alrights, i am off for my piano class le ;( sian