i am damn pissed from yesterday night till now so pardon me for the crude language tat i will use in this post cos i need to vent my frustrations..if not i canot xiao qi man..i think in future "Damn bloody hell" will be the common quote tat i used whenever i get angry and scold ppl..though i did tell myself once before tat i shouldnt say such unglam and crude words,cos its kinda turn off for gers to say tat..but dun care liao..whenever u are angry, anything crude just comes to my mind..so wat happens actually yesterday night was i quarrel with my brother again over the same old issue..tat bloody ****er beat me man..then i damn bu shuang..of cos i retaliate la, cant possibly let him beat me up like some fool..wa lao this kind of guy damn rough man..who knows in future he might beat up his future wife in a fit of anger..wat the heck!! besides the issue tat his actions are not gentleman, he is a freaking bastard and jerk who beat gers..wa lao whoever likes him must be blind man..well, i guess i cant reali click with my mum and brother..duno why huh..i dun have such problems with my dad at all,. in fact i rarely quarrel with him since young cos i guess our character are veri similiar..whereas my brother and my mum are quite same in character..perhaps maybe tat's the reason why my mum always prefers my brother over me..but watever it is, i reali dislike this arrogant jerk, cant wait for him to fly off to sydney..i reali find him irritating at home..then yesterday we fought til i cry man and i think the entire neighbourhood must have heard the both of us quarrelling since we quarrelled at 11.30pm like tat..almost midnight liao..and i think my voice was super loud cos i was freaking angry tat time..didnt bother abt how the neigbhours will think cos i was fit in an anger man..when i am angry i reali heck abt ppl around me as to how they will think of me..
tat's the reason why i always say tat i must open my eyes big big before marriage and confirm tat he is the right guy for me..who knows later my bf is another jerk who beat gers up and get rough with gers then i confirm go seperate ways with him de lo..so i always think guys are reali scary creatures..of cos so far none of my friends are like my brother, if not i sure get turn off de..but so far he is reali the best guy i seen so far..though i still prefers mature guys cos at least i learn alot of things from them and i dun mind being dumb in front of them just to learn more things, but it seems tat its kinda hard for me to find someone who is older than me in uni considering tat i enter uni 2 yrs later..so every guys around me apparently all same age as me..so of cos i have decided to lower my expectations liao cos cant possibly find an ideal guy tat i hope to find..and i understand tat the age gap quite big huh..so perhaps many guys haven reach the level of maturity yet..it tooks me quite a few months to understand tat depth of maturity..not easy man considering tat my mind was kinda shallow initally few yrs bac..but i tell myself tat i die die also must reach at least tat certain amt of depth if not it will be kinda hard to communicate huh..
then yesterday i was thinking bac the past one yr how my heart struggled terribly over XXX..tat time i was thinking wat the heck i am thinking man..i was touched over XXX friendlyness and nice-ness to me..and i think tat time i too lonely liao la..so mind started to wonder and waived for a week..so tat time i reali asked myself if i am ok or not cos i doesnt seems to be ok lei from my pt of view..but few days bac, XXX once again bring out tat nice-ness and i dun feel anything anymore..heng man..means i reali ok liao..tat time i think something is reali veri wrong with me man..or rather i duno wat's going on in my mind thinking abt that time..but heng everything over liao..i have stepped out of tat dark memories.. ;)
yawns, today i am reali super tired cos yesterday slept kinda late cos of tat quareel and after which went online to chat with ppl to xiao qi..haiz..i feel like sleeping now..
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