haiz..i reali duno why my heart feels reali empty lately...tat time i still laugh at my friend tat he/she feels lonely out of the sudden. now i guess its my turn..haiz..duno why now lately i feel the same thing and this has never happened before ever since my last relationship..sigh..lately there are just too much things happening and its kinda too much for me to take, so i guess maybe i just need someone to talk to me and maybe i will feel better then..whenever i have problems, mr XXX will just came to my mind cos i believed tat he is the best friend tat can approach to talk problems to..though it might not solve my problems, but i guess saying out things might help to lessen my minds' burden.. .but too bad he is gone already..perhaps he is reali someone not within my reach anymore..sometimes once things are gone they will be gone forever, by then its too late for regrets le when u wanna make up to the person..i guess all i need now is a shoulder to lie on..i guess someone like me who is very independent feels like a xiao nu ren now cos i am too tired of hiding things inside my heart liao and yet appears to be happy.i guess sometimes someone who is very cheerful can feel sad at certain times, and tat's nw i am feeling now.so i need things to do to distract my mind now and the best thing is to keep me occuiped with studies and think of nothing else..
today my dad told me a very sad thing and he said " qm, u dun be too sad if i tell u that i am not going to live for long.after all its part and parcel of life.. indeed my heart feel reali sad when i heard this sentence from my dad cos he is my only dad and i adore him a lot though we dun reali communicate alot..but i know he cares for me alot though he dun say out unlike my mum..both parents show different ways of concern for me..but of cos i prefer's my way dad of concern...26th march he will be going for operation soon and hopefully he will be fine after tat..for now the doctor cant deduce anything from the test results.but my bro friend's doctor all feels tat its some sort of cancer..haiz.i duno why my dad get this kind of tumor when my family background dun have such cancer history..i guess for now all i need to do is to try to be more concern for my dad cos i feel i am now living in my own world now, as in quite bo chap towards ppl around me..i guess its time for me to cherish them and not take them for granted before i lose them..today i reali feel like crying out in sch le whenever i thought of wat my dad say to me today, but i hold on to my tears and remain calm cos i dun wan to shock my friends.perhaps my friends can make me happier now..at least staying around with my dearest friends might make me think less..and weekend i reali got super alot of things to catch up with and i am reali simply tired le both mentality and physically..i just hope to go on a holiday now..
and today after sch went to window shop at JP..somehow at tat time i feel more relaxed and brain reali thought of nothing..i guess i need ppl to shower me with concern now..mind too much to handle alone liao..and yesterday my student mum ask me if she has paid me for the month tat she owes me. but i told her its ok liao cos anyway i think i didnt reali teach her daugther much..so kinda feel guilty earning her money man..i guess at this point of life i feels tat money is reali not everything..its the process tat u enjoy wat u does..does i need alot of money to pay off my tuition loan but i guess i am happy with my life now with earning $100 every month for piano lesson..though my mum always ask me to ask for increment when i teach her things beyond her level le..but i feel its kinda not nice la..i think i am just too nice to ppl liao..haha..my student even say to me tat why i dun wan her mum's money when her mum wans to pay me..i told her its ok la..to me i think money is not every thing..
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