~my troubles~

last sun, on our way to NUS, i saw sharlyn..she mistook my brother as my bf..i thought a lot of ppl sae tat me and my brother look alike…hmm…tat day my brother friend was around and I ask the nus ppl funny qn like wat course can get in wit lousy grades? then my brother frien laugh..i know I am asking ridiculous qns but I relai wan to know which course I got chances to go in and eventually after all the asking, none of the courses I can actually go in..my brother friends got all “A”s just like my brother, actually I am more like extra over there cos I know tat I dun belong there..

yh also told me abt ms lim saying to her tat “dun u think tat u get the same grades as ur gang?”actually do feel a little hurt after I came to know cos I dun think she should sae tat….the gang she is preferring to is obviously me ! tues chatted wit lina over the phone for veri long over the application of uni..it seems tat we reali have no money to go private uni..even though we are willing to put our house as a deposit, the bank is not willing to accept..then how now?i can onli afford to go local uni, but grades wise are just too lousy, chances of going in are just veri little and I just realized tat SIM are mostly part time course and not full time..like tat canot la,like tat when will then I get to graduate and moreover the fees are not cheap.and they look at ur income and they will have the final say of wether they wan to accept u or not..wa..now, veri worried and headache, reali duno how now, ppl around me have a plan liao and yet I dun have cos my parents cant afford..now, as I grow older, I start to realized the impt of money becos money can solve a lot of problems..In the past, I never worry abt money cos I know my parents will always settle for me, but for now, the sum of the money is just too huge..hai~where should I find money for the fees??finally I understood why HE sae tat uni fees are ex..in the past I dun relai understand why HE Said tat,but now I understand what he has gone through le..maybe as a person grows older, he or she will start to think for the future liao and perhaps the responsibility burden gets heavier as we grow older..thought of going to UNSW, but tat’s worst..fess are even more ex than SIM..hmm..now I finally understand why ppl always get headache and worried when they talked abt uni fees..i thought of working of a yr and later then apply for uni but my parents are against it cos they know I wont have the heart to study anymore..actually wat they sae are true, I wont deny,,,cos even now, I nuah too much liao until I dun feel like studying..i enjoy my life now without studies.actually I study just to get tat degree cert..

chat over wit cm and Jason over the phone on tues too..it seesm tat tat day I spent like 2.5hrs over 3 ppl..its seldom like me cos usually I dun spend tat long on phone..i intro cm to Jason since she jobless now then maybe wit an agent she can find a job faster and moreover he is quite efficient..she asked me why am I so gd wit him..actually we are not reali tat gd, just tat at times he wil call me to ask me how is my application going on…sometimes I think he is quite a nice guy though I dun relai know him tat much..onli saw him once..but he indeed have left an impression on me becos I seldom see agent so “Caring” cos usually they will ignore and bo chap u after they found u a job and earn their commission..he indeed is a rare one tat will call me at times to ask me how am I doing..from wat I feel, he is quite a realistic person cos he judge ppl a lot on looks..he will treat those ppl who are better looking nicer, tat’s something not too gd..

wed bishi, my ex tutor came to visit us wit her 2 kids.oh man, she changed a lot after giving birth..become more auntie and the way she talks now is toally different now..she sound and talk totally like a mother ..seriously I feel tat I got this gap wit her now cos afterall she is a mother and teacher now..cant be like the past always joke joke wit her and always not serious when I talk..she came to give us a modem and tat modem super gd man, can acess free mails and msn and lots of things for free..so currently I changed to use her modem cos tat stupid dial up of mine are just too slow and ex..so bo hua.in around a month time, my laptop and broadband serive are coming, finally, my tat dial up can retire liao!

Bishi told my mum not to scold me and compare wit my brother so much cos tat day my mum keep scolding me in front of her..she always sae the same usual stuff , I hear liao always sick and sian of it.she sae its becos my mum always scold me stupid tat’s why I always no confident and feel inferior..when she said tat I feel tat wat she said was true..maybe I always no confident in whatever I do and it might be due to my mum constant scolding since young...somehow when she said tat I started crying abit cos finally someone understand how I feel when I always get scolding for being stupid.
My ex piano teacher msg me on wed nite and tell me tat she has a way to help me get in NTU even though my results are not tat gd..but I duno if should I trust her words or not cos she, her mum and my mum have a big misunderstanding now and my mum forbids me to reply and talk to her, else she sae she will throw away my phone.but I didn’t reali care abt her, so I replied bac without letting her know.but I am relai curious tat she reali have tat much of great influence meh?she sae she msg me not to laugh at me but rather she sae she want to help me,,she sae its up to me if I wan her help.but I reali wonder wat’s her motive for helping me..moreover my mum forbids me to talk to her, cant even contact her if I need her help too..

Thur someone called asking me if I wan to teach grade 1 piano kid and he is a guy..when I heard tat I was laughing like mad cos think this is a funny joke..if I were to tell this to my piano teacher, she will confirm laugh at me man..i cant even help myself , dun even talk abt teachin a k1 kid.and moreover is go his house, like tat super stress man cos his parents will be around to see how I teach..actually I am keen to try out cos its $90 for 4 sessions and each session last for 45 min.super gd money to earn man, BUT when I thought of the heavy responsibility tat I need to hold becos I need to teach him for exam, then I start to reconsider cos I dun have the confidence and moreover if I am not gd enough for him, I rather dun spoil the kid’s future.though its easy to “Cheat” this small little kid’s money, just like wat my mum sae but I think I better not do so cos I reali canot hold such heavy responsibility..when the person sae my spoken eng still ok, then I so happy cos I always thought tat I have bad spoken English..at least now I more confident to speak eng and I shall continue to make improvements through more talking.

Fri nite I spoke to wee ping abt the uni stuff and at the same time get to know more abt her sch..hai~~seriously I reali dun like all the courses in SIM,duno if should I apply or not..troubled over it..my grades shouldn’t be a problem of going in SIM, but I dun have the money to pay the fees..and my dad say tat if I cannot go local uni, then he will ask me to go to work liao..and in future I will just have an A Level cert..tat’s pathetic man..i think I will find a way to get my degree..all I can hope is I can go NTU..hai…then can save all the trouble..