yesterday, 2/3/07 was the release of the results..i did veri badly this time, chances of going local uni veri difficult, i onli can take those dumping courses tat no one wans to take..my results can go private uni, but i dun have the money to study..then wat should i do now??i am reali totally lost and sad now..nothing can spell out how sad and lost i am now..i dun feel like thinking of wat courses to go now cos i reali duno where can i go wit this kind of shit results..surprising yesterday i didnt cry alot..i onli drop a few tears when i know i did badly..they did comfort me and give me tissue, but its no use de cos i still wont be ok de..i know i cant change anything cos it has become a fact, hope i can still eventually find a way out soon..god, pls englightened me ba..seriously when i recieve the results from ms lim, she gave me tat look..then i know i confirm did badly le.she sae she expect better, but its all done, nothing can change the fact..she sae i confirm can go engineering course in NTU or ARTS course in NTU, but i dun think can loh..somehow i think tat those course need veri high marks de loh..sure dun hav chance to go in..but where can i go now???SIM too expensive liao, i cant even afford it and moreover i dun like business related courses, dun think i even wan to go there..i am thinking of retaking but my parents dun allow me to do so..i am willling to take the gamble and try out another time..how??how??how??wat should i do now??i am damn fann now, just dun feel like thinking of anything..hai~~
my friends around me didnt do also tat well, but some of them still can go uni..majority fail gp this time, duno why..i didnt expect my maths to get a C, duno why also..i was expecting to get a B tat time..and tat chem, i didnt expect to do better than tat phy, but end up tat chem got better grades..think i reali need some time to cool down and get over it and decided wat should i do in my next stage of life..i got alot of path to choose now..should i retake, work or continue to study??seriously i cant make a decision..all i know for now is i am at least stepped into a local Uni then i will be veri happy le..my brother got straight As for all 4 sujects and his S paper got 1 distinction and a merit..damn gd la, my parents were veri happy abt it and now he is applying for sholarships..think my parents are going to groom him into a doctor and i think he can do it de..yesterday he was flipping all those booklets and looking for courses and sholarships, but i didnt even flip and bother to look cos i know i canot even go in...my brother is so busy wit his admission things now and yet i am so free.hai~~terribly lost now..
todae actually got the fhs gathering but i have decided not to go le cos i reali dun have the mood to go.i just wan to stay at home and go no where..todae i also did cry cos i am reali upset over it and mum keep nagging and scolding me and i reali canot take it so i cry out..my dad is understanding..he said he dun blame me cos he know i do my best liao..seriously yesterday and the day before, i cant sleep well..yesterday was worst..i keep waking up, duno why, maybe i am just too fann and upset over my results tat's why i cant sleep..sigh..yesterday initally i didnt wan to go home de cos i am afraid to face my mum, but eventually i choose to go home cos i cant find anywhere to go..i am reali angry wit my mum friend cos she keep comparing marks and ask me wat i got..i choose not to pick up her call cos i am reali fann and i have no mood to talk abt it..moreover she is damn kpo, keep telling ppl wat i got and like to gossip around.my mum is angry wit her too..yesterday tat agent of mine,jason did call me..i guess tat he wanted to ask how i fare for my results, but i didnt call him bac cos i reali dun have the mood to talk to him,but i know he is the concern type, not kpo cos the the day before the results are out, tat nite he call me to wish me gd luck..i was quite happy at tat time cos i feel tat somehow there is someone who is concerned and sincere..or mayb u can sae i am choosing to escape from reality, tats why i choose not to call bac..but i know he is a gd guy..i am reali sorry tat i treated him like tat yesterday..yesterday 2 of my close friends also call me up to ask me how i did, so i tell them and yup did ask them for their opinion..now i am fann over where should i get money to study if i reali no choice must study private uni, money now poses a big problem..tat's why now i die die also must try my chance for local uni cos at least still can borrow from bank..my ex tutor was also quite concerned abt me too..she advised me to go bac poly but i dun wan to choose tat route cos i think its a waste of time..i have wasted 3 yrs le, no way am i going bac to poly since i have chosen the jc path..i think i shall continue to work for a wk for the receptionist position since i have promised them, after which i will not think of work anymore..will concentrate on wat i actually wan to do in my next phrase in life..
thur, she msg me to call me tat she is jobless now cos her company suddenly ask her to leave last min and they sae they no need ppl liao..she was damn sad and i truely understand how she feels at tat time.. infuture, i cant get info abt him from her liao..but i guess now i reali no mood to think abt this kind of things..i just feel tat her company is just veri cruel and mean to do tat..
hopefully things will get better the next few days and hopefully i will feel better cos now i am damn quiet, just dun feel like talking to anyone abt it esp to my mum..
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