~i have played hard this wk ! ~

last wk was kinda the play hard wk after so many wks of reading journals in sch.suddenly feel like a bird being free out of cage man.last sat which was christmas eve. This yr i spent it wif mr ec friends, where usually every yr this time round we would spend it wif the bday girl but she arent in china this time round. so this yr christmas eve i am rather free from activities.

sun went to jb early wif agnes and j. This thrifty couples wanted to explore jb by taking buses instead of taking cab so i guess i dun have a choice but to walk ard jb wif them..but somehow this trip is rather interesting as i get to see diff sides of jb.as i am rather bored going the same old place again and again..i tried the fish food spa that day..its damn fun but rather itchy and pain to certain extend.but considering its cheap and gd for the feet, i dun mind trying its again nxt time.then at nite ate at the roadside eating satays and otas.wanna whacks these fav food of mine, but i sore throat !! sian max..so cant eat much.but i stil continue eating those heaty food despite having very serious and pain sore throat.

mon and tues was the day for mr ec.mon was the shopping day at bugis for the retro clothes party.of cos shopping has always been my favourite activity.so if u ask me if i like shopping even not buying anything, i will definitely say yes i enjoy ! then tues was the cooking day at his hse and after that this crazy guy suggested to go jb sing k.i was like : " huh are u serious? " anw i also quite on de since i have my own passport now.can go overseas anytime. ;) actually singing k in jb is just a super great deal when everything is so cheap ! but this 2 days having spend quality time with mr bf is indeed very nice, cos we hardly can enjoy so much during sch period.

and wed i am back to sch again to do experiments again !!! so sian..and another sian thing is my comp break down after 6 yrs not giving me after any trouble after changing the hard disk.now problems has started to arise.and looks lik all my photos tat i have been keeping since jc will be gone ;( so sad....

~a hilarious joke, but yes i gt fine for jaywalking ! ~

hmm wat have i been doing this few days?? it seems tat i am very busy with tons of things, but apparently none get done..or rather i have too many things to do til i duno where should i start from..hai ~ and i am referring to my FYP.my mentor told me so many many things to do, but where should i start from? , when i have to meet him practically for the past 2 wks almost everyday..wanna slack also cant in this holiday..sometimes when i didnt do much, then he would show me the unhappy unexpression..then i was lik "opps" ..aiya i am getting really sick of this man..holiday also no time to relax and rest..

last fri i choose not to go bac sch for FYP cos i have yet to done anything.he sure unhappy de, so i told him i have something on that day =x so ended up i took the day off to meet playmate..sat did nothing but slept the entire day for over 12 hrs !!

and ytd i encountered the most hilarious joke of my life ! i was fined for jaywalking outside the cross junction of our sch..darn, i was never tat lucky even for toto lo ! guess wat, initally i alrdy saw a police car somewhere near the junction, but i thought they wanna look for eye witness for some accident, so i just disregard everything and jaywalk the road openly like wat i always do for the past 4 yrs...only when i was stopped for my student pass and ic, i realised tat "oh shit, something not gd must be coming up" and i was right, the policeman took down my student pass and he said i was fined for jaywalking and he say 2 wks time the letter will reached my home. ;( then he was telling me stories how dangerous it is to cross the road like how i does..aiya who duno its dangerous man..i also know.i also know its illegal to cross the road lik this, but everyone is crossing the road lik how i does wat..just tat i very suay ytd tio fined !!! nvm heng its $20 only.. after which went for skin appointment..sigh even the doctor duno wats wrong wif my problem.ended up he onli did a blood test ;(

ytd my foot was hurting very terrible til i could hardly walked.in fact i was limping on my leg since it was so painful out of the sudden.perhaps the pain last wk was alrdy a sign, but i chose to ignore it..i am really scared tat my foot will return to the china days where i could barely walk much..even if i could walk, only can walk for short distance as after a while i leg gets hurtful..hai~ like tat seems like a handicapped man..thinking of that, it suddenly reminds of my SZ neighbour..that nice lovely old couple..i can never forget the auntie who came down my hse in the middle of the night just to help me rub my foot with her foot medicine cos i rmb i could barely even walk a few steps..hopefully she is getting gd now ;)

~lab work sucks to the max~

i am so lonely and empty lately cos he is went for reservist..so sian.then this wk everyday do lab in sch.lab work seriously sucks to the max..today is my 1st time i really do experiment..i was tasked to capture image under the microscope by my mentor, but somehow i duno wat he wants..those image tat i captured i tink not bad, but he doesnt tink so..conversly,the final images tat i captured was very lousy cos i didnt put in effort liao cos i redo 3 times alrdy..super fed up..so i just bo chap and anyhow capture the image under microscope.but eventually he said those photos are better..i was lik FINALLY !!! no wonder my friends keep saying tat lab is a waste of time..indeed it is. from morning til evening, i did nothing except capturing a gd image.and i have yet to do my lit review cos everyday he has new things for me to do..freak !!! i am so tired !!! sigh i dun lik yr 4 life !!!

xxx can you faster come out, i am so sian..

~broke broke broke~

For the past 1 wk, i have been busy wif going out and working ad hoc jobs.singing k though wasnt as much happier as shopping, but fri was the day when me n wp went to sing k.her voice was damn awesome and i enjoyed listen to her live "concert" for tat 3 hrs.nevertheless during tat session, i tried finding songs tat suit my singing voice.and i managed to find a singer tat i can sing rather smoothly..but eventually at the end of the day i needa brush up my chinese ba.

then sat went to work in the 1atitude pub/resturant..tat's the worst job i did so far since young.the job is not onli super tiring and i dun really like the environment.lucky i hv friends' company, else in the first place i wont even work in this line.but the returant view at the 62 and 63 level is awesome indeed..but the waitress job really makes my arms damn tiring and muscle ache after tat..the pay is somemore kinda pathetic for the amt of sweat we put in..nt worth man..

then sun intended to go sentosa de, but the stupid morning rain spoil everything ! so ended up went for food explore at the east side.then went robinson sales..i bought wat i needed and he bought alot of shirts and its all i choose one.LOL.but i trust my taste cos i am always v particular abt guys dressing.but ytd was a shagged yet happy wkend together ;)

mon went to work again and i was tasked to input all the information in the photocopy box..i was lik OMG, so much to be completed in 2 days. this data entry job is super boring!

~my blog is no longer a secret !!! ~

guess wat, due to my foolish-ness or rather itchy hands, i actually indirectly link the impt key words to my blog.but nvm la.i shall still blog normally..shall not filter wat i wanna say or hide feelings nor emotions. and stupid dearest, i guess fate have been on ur side ya..seems like luck is always not on my side and made you found my dearest blog...

anw today went out for half a day wif mum.surprising today kinda click well wif her.firstly in the morning i woke up freaking damn early (6am) cos she damn kiasu wanna be the first patient, but apparently when we reached there, there are more ppl even kiasu than us..so eventually i was the no 9 patient.alrights wat the chinese doc said that my hives developed largely becos my immune system is too strong..lol when i was heard tat i was tinking, wat kind of crappy rubbish is this.cos usually ppl who has weak immune system then will fall sick wat, i dun see a reason when someone who has very high immune system falling sick easily..so i listen until blur blur so i decided to challenged wat the doc say..wa then the doc like kinda unhappy liao then started to raise his voice abit..then i was lik "orh orh, okok.." at this point of time i tink it best tat i shut my mouth in case i get snapped (since he is the doctor wat, then i cant say anything)

after tat went to IMM to window shop wif mum..she keep "nagging" to ask me buy hush puppies shoes for her..wth, she tinks i atm ah..i not even rich lo..in fact she much much richer than me..and she keep looking and looking and i knew tat she confirm wont buy de.so i cant be bothered to entertain her when she ask me if its nice or nt.and she try and try but i still very certain tat she wont buy..and indeed i was right !!! then after tat she keep bugging me to treat her lunch..ok lunch mayb i still got $ to eat..then i check my wallet and realised i left $5..damn pathetic..i say ok lo since u wanna eat resturant then we pay half half lo since i onli got $5..then i brought her to eat tahu tehlo ! somewat this time round, it doesnt seems as nice as the first time i tried, but tat was mum first time try, and she say indeed this dish is not bad.

then after which went to the temple to pray though i was very reluctant to go there but bo bian cos i was dragged there by my mum..and tat ends the entire half a day..was damn shagged la ! shall look forward to tmr ! i gonna to cut hair and spend the entire day with him ! ;)

~sometimes staying abroad alone indeed can be very tough~

yes my final exams just ended 1 wk ago..kinda tired of nuahing for one wk liao..seriously there is nothing to keep me occupied other than watching drama online.wanna job temp job leh, but then i needa work on my FYP during this holiday and perhaps start writing some part of the reports before sch starts.i wanna work to earn some money for the grad nite and grad trip.but somehow my motivitation arent tat strong this holiday to push me to work.. ;(

alrights i just came bac from batam..overall this small island is a nice place to eat eat eat and shop..i love their avogradro drink cos its super cheap and my 2 days stay in batam i drank 3 cups of avogradro drink..the hotel was super shoik..the room are super big and awesome..there is swimming pool some more lo..too bad i didnt bring my swimming costume, else i will defintely go down the pool since not much ppl swim there.but it was a nice travelling with him.. ;) we shopped lotsa of food bac..overall its a cheap country to spend in..all u needa is money ! but sadly i onli changed $50 so i dun have much money to shop after i bought the kueh lapis, cos the this kuej lapis itself alrdy cost $29..wth so ex la..initally i still thought its not tat ex can consider buying.end up abit regret after buying.alrights nvm actually i quite gian to buy their fried donuts and tibits bac cos i always lik them since my aunt always bring tat for us whenever she comes spore.too bad this time i no money to buy bac much..wat i lik overall this entire trip is the big big spacious hotel !!! wah if i ever have such big rooms, i will be defintely damn happy..

then mum ask me the nxt day after i came bac batam.she asked why arent my passport chopped at all...opps she actually checked it ! i was wrong man, cos initally i thought she wont check at all..i was very panic at tat point of time cos i duno how to reply her..so i pretend to continue sleeping while i tink of a solution to ans her..and heng i manage to get my way out..phew !!!

today had a long session talking wif my brother...suddenly feel very pitiful towards him..he told me now he can onli eat one meal everyday cos he has no money to eat..hai~ like so poor thing man..so i told him to buy bread as alternative lo..at least it will be more filling and at least he can get to eat 3 meals, not as bad as eating 1 meal per day...he told me tat he is very stressed over this current financial status now..he needs to buy a car now but he has no money and his daily accomodation is a big problem now..the standard of living over there is super high and he has no money to pay everything..sigh, hearing tat from him i feel very pathetic towards him cos in the past he nv had this problem..he is always a glutton when it comes to food.now he has to control wat he eats cos he has no money..so poor thing man !

i am gg to see the chinese doctor tmr for my hives !!! hope the chinese medicine can heal this long term hard to treat illness..i am seriously getting irritated by the constant hives man.

~very upset~

my paper paper today after half a yr nv touched exam liao.and the exam is seriously tricky max..initally i thought the paper was pretty ok one.but later i realised oh shit i have lots of wrong ans..so i was kinda sia liao..hai~but tat wasnt wat i was sad for today..i felt pretty left out today.i felt tat i am totally lost in their convo..i totally have no shit wat they are talking abt..cos most of the time they watsap so ppl lik me who dun own a data plan kinda lose out..hai~ i felt tat i was very transparent lo..hai~~~ but evertheless i hope things will be better after exams.

~am i really suited for you~

ytd nite was really a depressing nite to survive through..cos firstly i was very upset over him liao..after tat reached home mum keep scolding this and tat and it got me even more frustrated..and yes i was bloody angry..and ytd i really tried controlling my temper cos its alrdy late in the nite liao..i dun wan quarrel and disturb the neighbours cos if we were to quarrel, i am certain tat everyone in the blk can hear us..so fine i let her scold all she wans..while i was crying all alone in the room..i duno why i cant stop crying ytd either..i guess i was really very upset..the worst thing is i cried for 3hrs plus here and there until my eyes got really sollwen..and yes i knew tat i was very bad ignoring all his calls.initally i off my hp cos i knew he would certainly call me..but ltr i decided not to be so mean treat him so badly..so i decided to switch on my hp and i am sorry if he called me over 40+ calls for 2hrs plus consecutively and i ignored all his calls..i was feeling real upset tt time..dun feel lik taking up his calls...i was tinking am i really suited for u?? perhaps i am too dumb for you??perhaps u should find a smarter gf??perhaps i needa a more patient guy who can love me more than i love him?? or rather should i choose someone i dun like?? at least i wont be hurt in any way?? i dun wan go bac to the old times where i take the guy for granted and regret eventually..so i chose to be with someone i like rather than someone who like me..i am tired seriously..i just wanna get away from all these..just leave me alone..mum keep irritates me with peanuts issues and it makes me bloody pissed and angry..relationship wise i always feel tat he oftens get v pek chek wif me..ok mayb i admit tat most ppl will get pek chek wif me under these circumstances..but i guess i needa more time to learn and it will take very slow..i wonder down the road if we were to walk down the marriage will you be very pek chek wif me?? i have many things tat i duno and i cant even do simple things..by then will you find tat i bring u more of mafan rather than bring you love??? i guess no one knows..although u say tat u will change..but this is something tat i am very sensitive to..i get hurt by ppl easily..haiz..i am tired alrdy..dun wish to tink anymore..today early in the morning mum quarrelled wif me again..and i am seriously very very tired of it alrdy..i dun feel like gg home anymore..she took my atm card away cos i just refused to get bac my ic to her..seriously she is just damn childish...i just wanna stay out of this hse !!!!!!!!!!!!! wat the fuck i am seriously tired of ur nonsence..i wan to get out of this hse one day once i earn enough money..hai~ i am really tired alrdy..bf pls leave me alone for a moment..i am stil hurt by u ytd..i guess i will be ok after a while..

~sometimes i really wonder if i am 24 yrs old or nt~

qm sometimes i really wonder if i am 24 yrs old or nt.so many things also duno..bank transfer also duno wat to do nxt.end up also have to ask him to settle for me.ended up he show signs of pek chek..ok la i guess everyone under his shoes will be pek chek, but i guess i can still figure out how to do it.juz tat i will take probably some time to figure out.ok la i know i am blur..but afterall i will get to know how to do it.hai~ nvm la i guess ppl just have to be patient with me cos i am the blur qm..i always take a while to know wat u are talking abt.

dearest blog i guess u are still my great great friend.the one who i always confess my true feelings to..the one who always listen faithfully to me whenever i am feeling down. thanks you for being there for me since year 2004..i carried me lotsa of memories and sadness..hope it will carry on for life. Thank you for opening up to me for my sadness today !

~halloween nite~

past few days have been pretty fruitful spending my days wif dearest..first time spend my halloween nite in a cementry..wa this shall be my first and last experience tat i am going there.cos encountered things over there when we joined a grp as we head down the cementry route.ok perhaps this is kinda exciting for first timer to see this, but let this be the first and last excitement to end.

anw past few days kinda bad mood,angry over him, but after tat i think its my fault afterall..cos he did nothing wrong actually..juz tat i am in a foul mood so snap at him..anw after today's test i can finally relax for a wk liao..shoik...but i must catch up my FYP..i changed a totally new topic ! oh man, i tink i am the most zai person in mse liao who changed FYP topic in wk 10 and she has yet to start any experiemtns yet..zai max, i am sure no one can ever beat me liao..

but anw i realised that i haven been updating my dearest blog since i have him..i guess things are getting kinda repeative..so abit lazy to update my daily stuff..but anw i must think of something to give him for our 3rd month..come on, giv me more ideas !!! i shall go check it out for ideas this wk before i get bust again nxt wk !

~how are you~

how are u my dearest blog? its been weeks since i last updated u..have been pretty busy wif sch stuff as usual.and going out wif him..and ytd was our 2nd mth. ! so fast indeed ya..so far things have been pretty gd for both of us.he has been entertaining me and treating me real nice.i cant ask for more in fact cos he is really a nice guy.but nevertheless shouldnt take him for granted for his nice-ness.

anw wat i am worried abt for now is my FYP proj..everything doesnt seems to be going anywhere.and its pretty scary when its almost half a month and i haven started any lab work..HOW HOW HOW??? ppl are already finishing their lab when i haven even started a single one !!! and worst stil, now my mentor wants to change topic, which make me more gan jiong and panic. !!! freak man, i always feel tat my life is always damn screwed when it comes to study.hard part i will survive well through my final yr 4. i hope i can graduate with my 3rd class as i know tat its impossible to climb up to 2nd lower alrdy.so just needa maintain ;)

all i need now is strength to carry on with everything. keep me jia you man !

~recess wk~

this wk is finally recess wk, but apparently i still feel very busy..sigh..wat a life man.busy wif writing journals for FYP, endless projects and lecture notes and tutorials to catch up wif..ARGH ! this is irritating.and there is OP nxt wk..hopefully i dun screwed up my presentation man.cos i am damn scared. tis wk going to JB for stress relief..hopefully i will feel less stressful escaping from sch work for the day.and he has gone for diving for the past 3 days !! suddenly feel empty without anyone msg-ing me constantly asking me wat i am doing...blah blah blah..and yes he is finally bac today ! ;)

~stress stress stress~

haven been updating for long..nothing much happen recently..well i am just pretty stress with sch work when every of my friends alrdy start their expt liao but i haven even started a single expt..and wat my mentor wants me to do is to read and write jounals for now..ya even though i know he has alrdy planned out wat to do for me,..but apparently i still feel very worried and stress when i am doing diff things from my friends now.. ;( anw this few days very sleepy..cant concentrate on my studies man..haiz..i am feeling more and more sleepy and i woke up later and later as the days goes by..actually now i feel very sian in my sch life.cos everyone does their own things,rarely gt the time to get together to enjoy.haiz..anw hope i can do well for my CA nxt wk..pray hard man cos we have no sample this time round.

~a super gd job opportunity!! ~

last sat stayed over in sch cos he wanted to come to sch find me after his supper at bedok..initally i dun have the intention to stay overnite one, but since i feel kinda bad tat he travelled all the way just to find me, so ok lo then i pei him stayed overnite.tat nite was a wonderful nite having just his company..if only time could stay on at tat moment, i would certainly cherish tat moments. i guess i am really very forunate and xin fu now having him by my side.someone who always cared for me and its really been a very very long time tat someone actually cares for me so much.the night sms everynight asking if i reached home alrdy and what i doing, i guess all this has become part of my life gradually.indeed ytd nite when he didnt sms me cos he slept super early..i really feel very empty inside.i guess you have really became part of my life. then wed nite stayed over in sch again to do my fyp stuff.its god max shagged man.initally i also no intention to stay over one, but since he is staying over in sch, so i joined him lo..

anw ytd just had a phone interview wif shanghai loreal, and somehw i was selected for a job interview wif them.i was really very very tempted to take up tis job if they were to offer me this job.i will confirm take up this job if i am single now !!! but then sigh i cant really decide wif i wanna go if this chance really comes true..i cant possibly leave him in spore for yrs just becos i wanna go overseas work for many yrs..this wouldnt be fair to him asking him to wait for me..but on the other hand, working overseas has been my dream.i always wanted to choose a job that can travel around.and this job offer allows me to travel to diff parts of the world every yr. Japan, china, indo and india.all these countries seems so tempting..so kinda in a dilemna..how can i resist such a gd chance..hai hai hai..so during the phone interviewed i asked them wat would be the minimum no of yrs i needa commit.they say 1 yr.hai but 1 yr seems really damn long man..anything can change in tat 1 yr.now tat we see each other practically everyday.if i needa separate from him for 1 yr, how can i tahan man..i will be super duper sad de lo..hai hai hai..

this wk i will be super busy again ! but i seriously needa piah liao..dun slack anymore !

~come on, when can i be more serious!~

this entire wk i was busy with doing slides for my FYP.seriously when can i be more serious and start of my FYP !!!! i have been saying i wan to start but it nv seems to get going at all..either i too tired tat day read all the journals then keep falling asleep..jialat i really damn scared my FYP will be super super screwed, cos it seems tat i kinda heck care now.or rather i am really very lost as to where i should start from.so apparently i am not doing anything for now. but anw the met up session wif my prof was a screwed thing too.i totally utter rubbish cos i no nothing abt my project..haiz..this is seriously demoralising man..so anyway wed after the presentation we went out for dinner and somehow i felt happier..hehe.if only everyday can be tat happy how gd it would be man.but anw there is a long wkend coming up..i shall piah my studies this few days..dun slack liao !!!

i am getting more and more naughty!

fri was pretty looking forward to meet up his friends.alrights so when i reached timbre, all his friends were waiting for my arrival and i was kinda stressed over it cos i dun like the attention.ok nvm so tat day i wanted to leave early to catch the last train before there is no transport for me..but he die die wan to leave with me though he is the bday boy...so i kinda feel bad abt it cos he should be the one staying behind entertaining his friends..he shouldnt accompany me bac home instead !!! and i explain to him many many times dun send me bac but he just refuse to giv in to me..ok i guess partly becos i bought his bday cake out, so he wanna celebrate wif me..but anw tat nite it was a nice chill out nite at my hse neigbourhood.we sat down at my hse nearby blowing candles for his cake..kinda relaxing..but i went home at 1 plus..

sat went out to celebrate his bday.went to the great world to catch a movie, after which we took a bus ride to joo chiat for food hunt, then nite time went to ecp to chill out..tat nite reached home at 4am !!! and guess wat all thanks to the nite rider bus for the 1 hr plus journey !!! but anw tat nite i am really happy wif the moments with him..how i wished time could stop there and no need get bac to the sch stuff ..lol but i knew its impossible !!!

~i feel very blissful now~

thank you eug for stepping into my life.i really feel very blissful and happy with all the nice wonderful care that you have showered me.thanks you ! i guess its really my luck to have gone GIP and known you through this wonderful trip.if i haven gone this GIP trip perhaps i might know u. I guess its fate ya..i look forward to this fri for the meet up wif ur friends.though i feel abit weird having him introducing to his friends abt me.but anw i guess i shall try to mingle ard wif them though i know none of them.Sat we will have our own time out again..HEHE> ;) looking really forward to it

~13th aug the day to rmb ;) ~

thur nite was a sweet nite out though the walking journey to my hse was rather short.so we bought one tub of ice cream sitting at the void deck eating ice cream.but ended up i finished most of the ice cream ! guilty max man ! alrights then fri nite met up wif playmate to chill.

ytd (sat nite) was a a memorable nite for me..morning went to the zoo with him..then so qiao saw mr dentist when the zoo is freaking damn BIG.actually i nv saw him til he walk closer to me..cos i was wondering hmmm this guy not bad looking, then at a closer look it was ly ! alrights this guy damn act cool la,wear wat shades man..though i could still recognise him la.LOl but we did get to chat as he was wif his classmates too and i was with him.so we txt each other..

alrights then at nite went for the selsa church dance conducted by his friend church..so i pei him be his dance partner lo..hmm i must say the dance not bad..manage to learn a few dancing steps..then at nite went to the hendenson bridge there to chill out..and i guess tat really marks a memorable day for me..thank you ;) and thank you for the hand made angel ;)

~my heart totally melt~

mon was first day of sch..hai this is something sad cos i still holiday mood man..hard to get bac to studying mood.but anw met up wif anne for lunch and after which continue gossiping..then at nite as usual stayed in sch to do stuff..then ytd was national day and it was indeed a memorable day for me.in fact his guy has melted my heart by giving me a surprise call asking me out for breakfast when he told me tat he is actually at my hse downstairs alrdy..my first rxn was OMG, i couldnt believe this cos it was pretty early ard 8 plus and he called..meaning he needa wake up damn early just to travel to my hse as he stays pretty far..but i guess this small little actions did melted my heart for an instance..but i told him nxt time dun do it again cos its kind of time wasting travelling all the way to my hse just to have breakfast wif me.i know he is trying to be sweet la,but on my side i will feel very very bad lah..so ya lo..so anyway after which he passed me stuff then went bac home..those sweets tat he gave me indeed has sweeten my heart..thanks you ;)

~the club nite- an unforgettable nite~

thur went to meet up wif playmate to eat again.learned this word "uhoo" from him..HAHA this guy is interesting. ;) but anw the most harvoc thing happen in the club.amw ytd was some alumini party so before i asked him if he wanna come along since i forsee i will be pretty bored as everyone bringing their partners along.then as we club i told myself tat wanna go home by 11pm to catch the last few trains.but then ytd just duno why i suddenly dun feel like going home.so i try my luck and bluff my parents tat i am chilling outside wif my friends.so wont be home at nite til the nxt morning.and anw i must say clubs are a dangerous place esp when ppl can do alot of wrong things.almost did something wrong man.but luckily it didnt happen.but ytd was indeed an eye opener for me.i get to experience how those lousy guys tried to get close to me and ask my friends to convey msg.totally interesting man cos nv get to experience this before..but now i finally understand why ppl like clubs so much.cos i pretty fall for clubs after ytd nite.its kinda a fun place to relax and forget ur woes if u can dance.the onli thing tat i failed was i cant dance. ;( nvm i shall learned when i am finished with my yr 4.OHH man, ytd seriously happened too many things.its indeed memoriable one for me.and all these things came along came along cos of the club !!! and my relliousness to go home early for the nite.if i have gone home early ytd nite perhaps everything wouldnt have happened.i guess its fate tat is helping us. come on man, i feel tat things are still very very unreal..i felt tat i have just engage in a dream ;)

~i need a breathing space~

hai qm qm qm ! can you ask yourself wat u actually wan??? i really duno also...now tat i am pretty certain tat i wasnt thinking too much..and looks like he is pretty sure of wat he wants and i am waiting for him to pop the qn.but then apparently i wasnt tat excited and looking forward to it unlike in sz when the atmosphere was very keen and tense and i was hoping he could pop the qn at tat point of time. but now tat i am bac in spore, perhaps i like to enjoy freedom really alot.sometimes i really abit lazy to reply sms.or rather sometimes when i reply sms too much, i just cant focus and do my stuff then my lit review will take forever to finish..i alrdy owe my mentor 2 wks liao..and i haven did anything.sian i tink this is gonna be a super bad impression..

but i am very happy tat this coming sat he is going to pei me the whole day.HEHE so nice of him.actually i didnt expect tat he will willing to come pei me for clubbing on this sat nite, but he say he ok leh.whoo ! so this coming sat i shall see wat i can do with him..and sat i will be a ssexy qm ! HEHE.anw i am really happy when he txt me once he reached spore.at least he still rmb me.so ya thanks man ;) and it really did sweetens my heart for a moment. ;)

~i miss u !~

ytd was supposed to go work in the morning..but then i overslept cos chatted with him kinda late then tat's it my $80 job gone ! .initally he jio me for breakfast one but then since my work starts real early so cant have breakfast with him alrdy..sob sob..actually wanna meet him before he flys to indo one.but then i cant make it.

and the nite before i guess the sms has sweeten my heart ;) but i didnt admit as usual..but i guess he knows it since he always knows wat i am thinking in my mind..tat day i was really very happy cos of him and ac actually..i damn long nv so happy before liao.oh my god, u are indeed slowly creeping into my heart alrdy..i alrdy promised myself to distance away from u once i get bac spore, but looks like its abit hard..CAN YOU NOT BE SO NICE TO ME??

then ytd went to bake cheesecake at ken hse.the cheesecake was a failure. ;( haiz like tat how to giv him for his bday man.ok i shall tink of alternative.if cheesecake failed again, muffins shall be nxt. and i hope nxt tues faster come..faster come bac SG !

~i finally broke the ice with mr A !~

2 days of convo is enough man.totally damn shagged after taking so many photos...mon came to sch wanted to research on FYP stuff but end up wasted my whole time.totally sian cos damn inefficient spending time in sch ! alrights ytd was a tiring days taking photos with yh and maril..and today the happiest moment of my life came man ! i actually met up wif mr A and catch up wif him after so many yrs...oh man i am been dying to break this ice for many many yrs alrdy..and today will mark the day.anw wat actually happened was actually me n hm wanna get into the audi to see the convo one...but then we cant enter cos we dun hv the invitation card.so yeah i text him to help us through the bac door but end up still dun manage to go through the convo cos we came too late and the ceremony has alrdy started !

so anw after the convo ended we met up to catch up on how we are progressing in life.yeah he say i changed alot in appearance.i agree too la.the old qm and new qm differs super alot man.anw hm managed to took a photo of us.omg this photo is like damn precious to me la.cos i nv took any single photo when we dated tat time.although i dun feel for him now, but apparently this photo brings bac my jc memories, which is part of my life.

ok nvm after this exciting ice breaking and catch up wif mr A, met up wif eug.actually today i damn happy also.though i really very very scared of needles and was kana reluctant to go for blood donation cos i am frekaing scared..but somehow this guy melt my heart and managed to convince me to go blood donation wif him.so i tried and it didnt turn out to be tat pain.so nice nxt time i dun mind donate again.anw after tat we went for food hunt in chinatown.wah go out wif him really full of new places to explore.super nice ! today i am really a happy ger..how i wished things would just stay on it is and nv go away..

~i am freaking darn stress now ~

i have lots of things to do and yet i duno where to start from ! tat's the worst thing ! freaking stress man ! FYP is really draining off my energy gradually man.i have seriously totally no idea wat i needa research abt and start from.hai ~ qm qm qm time to wake up ur idea alrdy.dun so slack everyday nuah ! and i am really very sian now.either its work or just seraching for fyp articles..seriously get a life man qm !

~i was just feeling empty inside~

i guess this few days i was just feeling empty inside.and this rj guy came along to occupy my emptiness.but i was certain tat wasnt love.or rather he was away for malaysia so i was feeling kinda real empty inside.the await for sms from him is kinda damn long.so this rj kinda suddenly pop out of the picture these few days and everything happened damn fast..i didnt expect this guy to come into the picture cos who would expect someone whom u just knew just a few wks seems keen in you. Lol the sms, txting online and the personal qns tat he asked me alrdy reveals everything ! but then i try to act blur and continue to act blur, cos i dun wan cai chuan ppl again though i always do tat to ppl one.but this time round i decided not to do so. so these few days i have been asking myself if would i choose someone who loves me more than i do, or would i choose someone tat i like? and i guess my heart alrdy has an ans. i would probably choose someone who loves me more than i do.ok, on my part i could be selfish but then i would feel very tired in the long run if i were to try real hard to get a relationship wif a guy i like.so i would rather choose someone who likes me more.but then i am scared tat i have this tendency to take ppl for granted for those who are nice to me.and i alrdy make this GRAVE MISTAKE in my past relationship, so i dun wan history to repeat itself again..tat's my greatest mistake in my life man ! if not probably we would be stil togther.hai ~ anw its the past alrdy.i shall look forward..but anw i did told him tat though most ppl at yr 4 will be super gan jiong alrdy when they are stil single..but i am not gan jiong at all.to me having a bf or not having one makes no differences, cos i am someone who likes freedom and i dun like to be tied to someone and reporting my daily updates to him.cos i see no point.or maybe i have been single real too long, and have been used to this kind of life.so i might probably not use to having a bf? lol i duno also la.

but anw this guy surprising i click pretty well wif him though i just knew him not long nia.or perhaps i have lots of things to share wif him abt sz, so somehow we have lots of things to talk abt.cos usually guys who take the first move, most of which i have no interest in them at all.duno why also.so usually when they txt me, i would just reply coldly.or tell them straight.so in a way it can be real hurtful..i tink now i dun wan do this anymore, cos i feel its kinda hurtful to ppl.so i must minimise the impact now.tat's the way of life ..i alrdy broke a couple of guys's heart by saying in a hurtful way.thinking bac, i do feel abit guiilty also.but nevertheless i shall learn how to lessen the impact now.shall not be so direct now.but anw ytd i can somehow feel his concern abt me running very late at nite.thanks rj guy for the concern.but ya like i always tell myself tat when guys are nice to you esp when they are keen in you-you duno if they are really true or not.everything will only reveals when you get together.so yeah, its still too early to tell.though he told me tat in this half a yr in SZ, he wont get a gf.then i told him dun say too early cos i also said the same thing before i left china, but then up i did fall for a guy though he isnt my kind.its the interaction of staying wif him for tat half a yr makes me fall for him.afterall looks doesnt matter after tat.saying half a yr long also not long, but it can change alot of things within tat long duration of time.my batch alrdy churn out 3 couples from this trip.yeah so lets this be a test for everyone in this half a yr ba.if things turn out well, everyone will be happily attached.but if things dun turn well, then it will be a closure of a chapter again lo, like i always do.lol

anw ytd i went to bake brownie at ken hse.initally my purpose for baking is to let him try one.but then he is in malaysia.hai ~ so nvm lo. i guess still got nxt time..actually this few days kinda miss him badly, but then sadly this rj came to occupy this empty heart of mine.sigh duno wat i tinking also !!!!! argh ! alrights rj guy is off to SZ alrdy.he cant possibly txt me as much now since he is overseas.unless he really siao and rich to send me frequent sms.i alrdy made a mistake liao when my heart did waived for these few days when this rj guy came into the picture. qm qm qm canot like tat sia ! nvm i shall wait patiently for him to be bac frm malaysia and wait for him to txt me.i shall see how everything progress from there. qm qm qm my life is always full of uncertainty and messiness. HAI HAI

~my tao hua getting better~

qm qm qm, would u choose someone whom you like or someone who likes you more? hai~ hai~ hai~ cos both seems gd to me.but i prefer him ;( but everything is left hanging there not sure wat's going to happen nxt.its the uncertainity tat i wasnt sure.come on, can you drop more obvious hints ??? and duno why suddenly lately tao hua has become better out of the sudden.initally i thought i was thinking too much, but looks like my guessing was rite cos tat guy just too obvious liao la.serious.majority of the time i always hit the bingo only one time i failed to deduce correctly.so i guess this time round i should be 90% right.hai ~ hai ~ hai~ but this guy height...play sports wise do match my liking, but then hai~ i guess the god is fair man.rj guy some more.wah damn stress.

~i dun wan to think too much~

this few days we have been msg-ing and updating our daily life.hai~ thinking bac it seems like the days i had wif ac.everyday msg non stop abt our daily updates..but like tat abit weird leh cos usually i dun do tat wif normal friends one.but then why both of us are telling each other our daily updates leh.wa lao stop confusing me leh.i alrdy promise myself to forget you le after coming bac spore.so i dun wan sink deeper.but on ur side u keep confusing me with stuff.he stil jio me if i wanna join his odac friends for trekking before the railway track gets demolished.sigh can dun treat me so nice or nt.i really very confused leh,i dun wan to be mislead !.one moment i was touched but one moment i tell myself i dun really want to be attached cos afterall i enjoy my current freedom..dun wan to be tighted by relationship.and i scared i am not gd enough for him.cos i do feel tat.he is defintely way too gd for me..aiya actually i really duno lah.

actually this coming few days i tinking of baking for him and anne since both of them are coming to sch.but then i dun wan to make it too obvious.actually agnes did ask me if i miss him or nt when i dun see him.i told her my ans-i duno..looks like this is very confusing.hai !

~i stayed overnite for nite cycling and food marathon!~

this whole wk has been busy with working.mon and tues was busy wif working the survey job til damn damn shagged.it was damn demoralising when everyone kept on rejecting us.and i took many days to complete my area.sigh so afterall it wasnt tat worth it also.but anw wed went for the nite cycling wif anne and her sis.after which went for food marathon at the old airport road, and geylang for supper.and i ate until damn damn full man..actually this is my first time trying nite cycling and i tink its damn fun seriously.the weather is gd cos damn cooling..and then becos i wanted to stay til 5am to wait for the earliest transport to be bac, then she asked me if i wanna go her hse stay for a nite or nt..then i say ok lo..then just now he sms us asking the 2 of us if we wanted supper so i say anything lo since its alrdy 4am at tat time and i am not intending to sleep anyway le.so yeah we met up wif him at amk 24 hr mac then chill there for 1.5 hrs before heading for our first stop for breakfast.after our first stop, then we went the second stop checkpt for our breakfast as i wanted to try the very famous bread stall in sergangoon gardens, but apparently its kinda a disappointment leh.i dun tink its nice.nvm nxt time i wont go there again.after tat headed to ntuc finest to walk walk since nothing to do.after which i headed home cos i haven been home for a day and i needa go for work ltr.actually duno why after i came bac spore, i dun really feel much for him le.hai ~ duno why also.i seems very contridicting man.i guess perhaps tat time in sz, i somehow felt tat i needa someone to be with me or rather i needa concern from ppl.and apparently i over rely on him cos he is always there to help me out when i am in need of help.so i guess overtime i did fall for him.but ya now tat i am bac in spore.my independent life starts again.and i am bac to my normal rountine now.so i guess time will tell with everything will work out for us or nt.hai ~

anw 2 days bac went to collect my luagge.and sian come home kept on scolding non stop by my mum..seriously can she just shut her mouth for all.i am really sick of her scolding the same old stuff again and again..seriously i dun feel like tolerating her anymore.

~perhaps i shouldnt have come bac spore at all..~

ytd my mum had a super big quarrel with me.but i cant bothered to quarrel wif her seriously cos i get very tired if i argue bac.so let her shout and scold all she wants while i heck her and continue watching my tv..bloody hell, i shouldnt have leave stuff for her to eat man.leave some for her and she will complain tat i left abit for her and she will describe the portion size as something for dog to eat..walao seriously wat a description..i hear alrdy also angry..cos at least i still bother to leave some for her..and i dun tink its tat little either.she is just making a fuse out of it.ok fine, she wan to grumble all she wants let her grumble, so i kept quiet.then she threw my tibits tat i bought frm jb and smash everything until very cui i also tolerate her cos she wanna vent her angry.ok i let her be.then nxt she kept on throwing my things ard the house i got super angry liao cos there is a limit to a person temple.she threw my watch on the floor real hard til the glass on my watch broken into many many pieces and its badly shattered those kind..bloody hell i was damn damn angry wif her cos i like tat watch very much and now its all shattered thanks to her.then after which i cant be bothered to tolerate her liao cos she really make me angry...so i scolded and fought bac cos this is wat she want wat..she is out to throw my things ard the house just to spite me cos i kept on ignoring her.SERIOUSLY SHE IS DAMN CHILDISH ! she even wanted to took a knife to stab me..seriously i tink she is crazy, but i doubt she will dare to stab me cos its life sentence killing a person.but anw she was stopped by my dad.honestly seriously i dun understand wat has gotton into her brain ytd man..she is just totally crazy, kept on shouting on and off.wtf seriously.i am seriously damn bloody angry wif her for spoiling my watch alrdy..heng my phone wasnt left on the table ytd, else 2 of my phone sure gone case also.lucky i was fast to kept it in my bag cos i know the nxt thing she will sure anythrow throw my stuff on the floor to vent her anger. seriously sometimes i was tinking, why do i have such a mother man..ytd my dad was saying marrying her was a mistake.and only him can tahan her this attitude..my friends always say i am not very nice to my mum, but in the first place, how much do they know abt her before commenting on me not very nice to my mum.true indeed tat i am not nice to her..cos i just dun like her the way she do things.and u can see how different i treat her and my dad.alot of times i envy lots of friends having such nice mum..but wat kind of mum do i hv??? hai ~~~ perhaps i shouldnt have come bac at all.living in china for half a yr was paradise for me..now tat i am bac spore, its hell for me.which explains why i chose to go china tat time cos i wanna escape from this hse.few days bac did talk to my bro also.he didnt want to come bac cos of my mum.so both of us hv this problem.so i stil feel tat the problem doesnt lie wif me.it lies with her cos my bro also felt the same thing..seriously only staying out of home is the best way to avoid friction.she can have all the hse she wants.and i can enjoy my peace alone.hai ~ hopfefully tonite when i come home, my things are not thrown everywhere the hse.if she does tat again, i going to scream at her liao.seriously i have enough of ur nonsense.i am not going to tolerate u anymore !!!!!!!!!!!!!

he is coming bac spore soon this coming wed.looking forward to his arrival in spore.hai ~ seriously why does everything and surroundings seems to change so much this half a yr man.not to mention tat lots of my friends suddenly gt attached within this half a yr.and playmate suddenly aim-ing for one ger,which we suddenly talked abt it during my convo ytd.though it did stunned me for a while cos rarely will hear this frm him..but anw i only treat him as a very gd friend, so to me if he likes a new ger i would be happy for him.anw i tink he is not the kind of guy i would like, though looks wise he is one of the kind tat i would fall for..but anw this other guy tat i occasionally went out wif suddenly got attached a few wks bac and when i contacted him, he suddenly told me tat he is attached alrdy then i was stunned ! cos he contacted me in china so i told him when i come bac spore will contact him again.never will i expect he so fast attached ! or perhaps i always nv expressed interest for him when he jio me out.so i tink its getting too draggy.HAHA but anw we shall see how it goes.for now he is the guy tat i like.but i doubt now tat i am bac in spore, everything will be bac to wat i used to be.perhaps i should really forget u.having a nice memorable memories is gd enough le.

~trip to jb~

this few days have been nuahing non stop.totally nothing to do so nuah lo.then ytd went to jb with ben ang.eat non stop seriously.and he calls me a pig..seriously i must stop the rate i am eating with him.duno why only with him i eat non stop.and i must control my diet so tat i wont gain weight.i finally managed to slim down after so long in china,so i must maintain ! anw today i did the surveyor job.shagged max..i was turned down by many household and i gt really very demoralised after which.but lucky ben ang was there to pei me do together.at least both of us could help each other out.i would do the asking, and he would be the note taker.

actually i wonder hw is he doing now.u wil be bac real soon.but i doubt u gt time to meet up wif me?? afterall our common friend said tat u are kinda a busy person? hai i really hope u can txt me soon

~i am finally back to spore on 29.06.11 after half a yr ~

i am finally bac after half a yr..the feeling of stepping once again in spore feels kinda weird initally.it seems tat i have really lost touched with spore for very very long time.everything seems abit off for me..the surroundings and things seems to have changed quite a bit.apparently things and food isnt as cheap as china now, so i cant really spend llike nobody business now.hehe..anw the past few days before i left gz, he did msg me asking me to take care and have a safe trip..hehe i was quite happy in fact cos at least he still rmbs me..ok tat one whole wk for certain days i was kinda emo cos apart from being alone in guangzhou, i had to face up to the fact tat i am actually leaving china for spore ! actually i am really really very happy staying in china cos at least my life wouldnt be tat bored and being so rountined as compared to spore.i am seriously getting sick of spore life, which explains why in the first place i chose to escape to china for half a yr to seek for better life.and indeed this half a yr left me many memorable memories.and not to mention tat this trip did widen my travelling experience too. ;) seriously after stepping bac into spore once again, i do miss travelling.perhaps i shouldnt come bac tat early ya.should i hv continued travelling wif him in yunan and skip the desert trip.perhaps we could hv more time to understand each other better in yunan if i were to join him cos he is more than willing to let me tag along.cos initally he and anne keep physcho me to join them in the desert trip, but due to cost contraint i chose to leave them halfway through the journey and head for guangzhou instead.hai so duno now gt regret nt continue join-ing the trip wif they all or nt.come bac spore so early like seriously damn damn sian.i am not going to shop in spore area since i hv shopped super alot in china le.now looking bac i tink some china clothes are even better looking than spore clothes and most imptly its cheap.

anw when i stepped into spore, my mum was saying tat i did slim down quite a bit.ho ho ho kinda happy to hear tat i slim down..its hard nt to slim down in china when u are sick there for 2-3 mths non stop.so i guess it was worthwhile ..and the worst comment tat she made was she felt tat i did a nose surgery ! which i didnt ..but apparently both my landord and her also said the same thing tat i did a nose surgery ! how can it be man.the most i only did something to my eyes which is eyelash extension.anw when i came bac to sch the nxt day one of the guy also said tat i slim down, but sadly i now become flat chested..walao when i heard the word flat chested i was totally sian diao cos really very sian when you are alrdy a tang yuan liao then now flat chested !!!!! but anw i didnt take his comment to heart cos i dun really care, but sian diao only.

anw updating abt my guangzhou trip.i was asked to pay $50+ on excess baggage..totally xin tong max man.and the reason was becos i chose not to check in my luagge as i thought tat they wouldnt wan to check as i did the same time when i travelled to KL tat time but it was a diff airline though.hai totally sian max wasted so much of my money ! but anw there is nothing i can say cos i chose not to buy the check in luagge option initally.

i am bac to spore and now kinda miss him actually.wonder how is he getting on with his travelling man.although fri nite did managed to chat wif him, but apparently i hav to offline soon as i was in sch tat day.so cant continue chatting wif him though i was tempted to chat wif him until super late like how we htht in suzhou.but yeah i guess he is happy travelling in yunan now.actually i duno if i should trust hs words or nt.he says tat he wants it, just tat scared to try.but then on my part i dun tink so leh.actually i duno ! he always confuse me one cos he always so nice and cheeky to me.then i duno wat he thinking inside also.one moment he tell me this, one moment he tell me tat.totally damn confusing..but then we shall see how when he is bac.he say he will jio me for lunch or dinner when he come bac.i see hw it goes..but honestly i really damn scared to face him leh cos i dun wan sink deeper liao.i promise myself tat i wanna forget him once i get bac spore cos the wonderful memories has ended in inner mongolia.shall not extend it to spore cos i wish to withdraw frm him..but then hs say tat i should continue wif the flirting and stuff lik tat cos tat's how one build up understanding for each other.and he says tat i should seriously get a life ! true indeed i needa get a life, but then i really dun wan sink deeper ! hai ~ you are seriously messing up my life ! why do you always appear when i needa help most of the time during the crucial period.i guess heaven is trying to pray a prank on me.pls man, help me forget this gd guy.perhaps i really pei bu shan him.

~end of GIP trip which also marks the closure of my heart~

GIP has ended.somewat i do feel sad over it.afterall for the past 6 mths i have been really enjoying myself really much.i believe in spore, i wouldnt have the chance to enjoy tat much also.i do feel sad when i parted with my colleagues although i rarely talk to them.but they are nice people whon are quite concerned abt me at times.thus i feel very bad and guilty at times.and eric this colleague of mine, seems very nice to me also.apparently he is the only one who can continue the convo most of the time with me cos we usually msg each other by english.i guess if he were to msg me in chinese, i will lazy to reply him in chinese cos i will type very very slow.but anw kinda touched tat he msged me most of the time asking my stay in china.in fact i was stunned tat he msged me when i am in inner mongolia,cos didnt expect he stil rmb me.i thought once i left the company everything would hv ended.anw ytd he did chatted with me on msn when i am really bored in GZ alone at nite.god bless there is internet in this hotel man.else i surely damn sian..

alrights i shall update on our inner mongolia trip.honestly speaking, i feel tat this trip was too short.i guess i feel short probably becos i only have very limited tiime to spend with him.afterwhich we will go separate ways liao.but i am really touched tat he helped me so much especially with the carrying of my baggage.cos i really feel bad abt it when he alrdy has lots of things to carry wif him also. also,the htht nite before i leave was indeed a gd one.at least i know better wat kind of things he like and his way of thinking for certain issues.anw i did teared in the early morning when i bid gdbye to them in the lanzhou railway station.hai the feeling of saying gd bye to a person really very hard esp when past few days i have been very close to them.and i kinda bu se de leaving them for guangzhou.though i really dun mind going the desert area wif them but then i money constraint now.like i say, GIP has ended.qm its time to move on to a new chapter of life.he has given you a wonderful memory for the past 6 mths and tat's enough.once i am back in spore, i believe i will probably too busy meeting up wif friends and doing fyp stuff.thus, doubt he will appear on my mind.i guess this is how i can forget him for now.but nvm its not impt alrdy.actually we did mentioned to each other abt this issue, but most of the time we came to no conclusion. so i tink lets just call it a day ba.dun tink anymore.

ok lets move on to my guangzhou trip.actually i am damn scared travelling alone in guangzhou.the first thing when i reached lanzhou.i had to take a cab to the airport.and i really dun dare take cab overseas.but bo bian.then once i reached the GZ airport i was very very lost.i couldnt find my way to the airport.some more i was carrying so much stuff.i am totally cui to the max man.and some more i can turn to no one for help.but i was very blessed with nice ppl helping me on the way on finding my hotel.got one auntie told me not to loiter around til very late cos GZ is a dangerous place for a girl to travel alone.u know tat time i was damn touched la.cos i was very helpless carrying super heavy luagge then no one could help and guide me to my hotel.i almost broke down tat time cos i wanted to giv up finding my hotel liao and randomly find a hotel i saw on the street, but apparently all freaking ex.so i was forced to take a cab though i was really unwilling cos i am scared taking cab.but lucky the hotel service came out to be kinda gd.at least there is internet for me to use.so not too bad..and i was given a double bed room instead of a single bed room cos the other guest haven check out.so i zuan dao.hehe.anw today shopped kinda a lot of clothes liao.tmr needa explore some other places...shall find a bag and assessories nxt.

~11 more days to departure~

days of leaving sz is nearing day by day.hai abit of mixed feeling cos afterall i have grown to like and adapt to this place..though i dun hv friends and family here, but apparently i feel much happier here and in SG.perhaps here i really feel no stress at all.enjoyed the slow pace of life and the zhuo bo life in suzhou where everynite we will chill at eug's hse til late nite and watch movie.this life is something tat i nv get to experience before.so will kinda miss all the happy times tat i spend in suzhou.

anw last fri went to pluck pipa..its interesting to pluck fruits and peaches cos afterall its my first time plucking fruits straight from a tree and eat it fresh.and fri marks the last day of sch..which means i graduated frm sz uni le..hehe. ;) tat nite had a grp dinner with the teacher.then sun went to eug house to cook.first time in the 5 mths stay overseas cook man.not sure why i gt the sudden impulse wanna learn to cook, but i certainly want to learn someting new before i go bac SG.at least wrapped up the whole trip with beautiful memories and new skills.anw fri i gt to learn a damn shocking news.in all i would like to say, "life is indeed unpredictable..anything can happen" ...nv would like expect a suddenly couple to turn out.alrights not bad so far this gip for sz gang has churn out 3 couples also.whoo !

btw i nt sure if i wanna tell him hw i feel deep inside on the last day of inner mongolia or nt.though i really feel like telling him my inner thoughts, but apparently i really dun dare.i hv totally no couraged.should i let chance slip away just like tat? ks mentioned tat she isnt his type also, but end up they just got together ! which explains why i say life is indeed unpredictable. and saying is easy but carrying out the actions are very very hard esp i am a girl, hard to express wat i wanna express to a guy.somewat alot of times i tink he is really way too gd for me.kinda dun match him.i believes tat there are much more better gers for him out there.but if i always tink like tat, i will forever regret one cos i always let chances slip countless times alrdy.many times i met a few right guys, but i often dare not confess, so bo bian regret for countless times.but wat can i do other regretting?ｉguess tat's just qm life.its has become a viscous life of regrets.sigh..apparently i can feel the wall between us now.i ask him not to treat me so nice now.and yes he did drew a line now.at least i feel better with the line drawn now.cos i dun wan sink any further liao.sometimes i wonder once we are back in spore, will u still contact me? i know u do have lots of friends as ur social circle is super super big,but i do hope u will still rmb me as a friend whom gave u entertainment for the past 5 mths.or perhaps jio me go out eat i will be happy also.anw life is short, at times i just feel like doing things on impulse and this is the impulse tat i feel like engaging in.but high chances i wont dare to confess one.hai

~lets call an end to this~

whoo ! so far i am doing pretty well.as long as i dun see him my feelings start to fade for him.i guess tat's how i usually forget ppl and i did the same way as how i forget my ex too.yeah man, just keep up the gd work and everything will be fine after 3 wks when everything is coming to end.hai duno to feel sad or nt, i am finally going bac spore..go bac spore means everything will be bac to normal again.my rountine lifestyle whereby i will mug in sch everyday, stayed bac late to avoid home and wat else i can tink of?? this time round my 2 jc gd friends hv graduated, left me alone now.emo man, i guess nxt yr my wkdays nite will be even lonelier.sigh..


last wk went to shanghai and i bought $80++ worth of clothes.omg i really spend money on clothes like water man.at this rate i sure broke cos i am really getting poorer day after day.and should i go for the photoshoot?? i really damn tempted man..cos afterall i know tat i wont come bac to SH again once i leave china.

~lets put an end to the hesistant feeling..~

sun went to remove my mole.but apparently i felt tat my mole kana disfigured cos it became darker than before.duno is becos its normal cos i read online it is supposed to be darken cos it will be "dried up"..wah if really disfigured then jialat man.i shall giv another 1 more wk.if its still like tat, then i will go hospital see doc alrdy .. ;( anw i should hv removed it in the hospital man..duno why tat day suddenly so chong dong see ppl do, then i do..i must be crazy man..cos i always wanted to remove this mole since jc alrdy. but apparently SG is ex.no money so nv tried removing.

anw mon met up wif his household for dinner..and he is rather nice to offer a ride to me..initally i was quite hesistant to take his ride one, cos u know i am supposed to distance frm him now as i cant fall for him any further..but apparently i just heck alrdy, anw its just a ride, nothing else.but anw i tink tat will be the last time i am taking his scooter.. want also no more chance.lets just face up to reality ya..

ytd i booked my air tic back to Sg alrdy.i will be bac on 29th june.actually i really kinda dun feeling like leaving this place as it gets nearer to departure date.can i not leave you suzhou?? i hv grown feelings for you over this few mths.once i am bac in spore i wont be close to him anymore.doubt we will even hav a chance to bump into each other in sch.actually there are various reasons why i dun feel like leaving.one of the reason is him.second reason is tat i really enjoy the freedom i enjoy here.totally no restrictions to do anything in sz..though in sg i dun really hv much retrictions too..but afterall its a diff feeling when you hv your parents in sg to take care of u.

today went running wif him after so many mths nv run le cos leg injury previously.initally intended to postphone the run to nxt wk wif him cos he wanted to run kinda late, but i wanna reach home earlier to do report.but end up i still run cos somewat i hav the momentum to run today, so dun wan my momentum to die today.i was damn proud of myself tat i actually manage to run quite a lot without stopping alot though i do feel abit bad slowing down his speed really alot cos i can feel tat tat's not the usual speed tat he ususally run..but i told him tat u just run at ur own speed..i will catch up wif u..cos i am a person tat needa a person to run in front of me so tat it will giv me the momentum to continue running.if i were to run alone, i will definately stop and rest a lot off time which will defeat the purpose of running.anw its kinda quite a nice run wif him though its just tat 45 mins of run.haha ok la, actually i am abit of chen ji making of the chance i hv.cos anyway i hv less than 1 mth to spend wif him alrdy.after i reach sg, everything will close case alrdy. sadded man.hai ~

~my mind just couldnt focus~

today somehow i am feeling quite down..somewat i just couldnt focus on anything i do..stayed at home initally to start my report, but ended up my mind just couldnt focus over ytd HTHT session.i guess my heart was feeling impactful over certain things..i feel tat perhaps your presence really did affected me..hai qm qm qm ah, how now?? i still needa face him for another 1 mth..pls tell me wat i can do to forget him when he is always appearing in front of me..hai ;( giv me another 1 month and you will slowly fade off from my mind when i am back in spore. i will drown myself and start fyp early.drown myself busy with sch work and mug really hard.i guess tat's the only way to make me forget ur presence..actually i nv thought tat ur presence will affect me cos so far not much guys hav impacted me in a way, except my ex..looks like i am really serious this time, but fate just dun exist for me..so lets be it ba..i am tired alrdy..

apparently currently i am trying to avoid him in a way..duno why also, when supposedly i should cherish the time spend with him for the last 1 mth cos when we are back to spore, there wont be chance anymore,.but apparently it turn out likewise, so its kinda an irony..watever it is today dinner i somehow avoided him..dun dare to eye contact him, tried to avoid him if possible.when he talked to me i just smile smile and reply him with a short sentence.honestly speaking, i duno wat's wrong with me man.perhaps i am just trying hard to forget him so tat i wont like him tat much..and i cant forget a person when he keeps on appearing right in front of me !!! argh ! tis is damn fann..

sometimes i really tink tat is the dream tat i dreamt of is it true??? "i rmb smt like " the gal is you.." pls enlightened me !! i really hope tat its him who said tat.but looking at things now i doubt so..anw pls just end my torture quick and fast,..i dislike the feeling of the long dragging torture..;( qm qm qm jiayou, i can defintely survive it through.all you need is just determination.perhaps i guess ytd HTHT session was a wrong one.i shouldnt hav HTHT　with him, i should hv waited for the last nite of the mongolia trip then i tell him wat i feel abt him.now tat i hv said wat i wanted to say, i feel very weird now facing him.i guess i need him to break the ice now.if he doesnt break the ice, i guess i will remain cold towards him from now on cos i just wanna forget him. ;(

~My sixth sense is wrong this time~

alright so far my 6th sense have been accurate for the past few yrs, but tis time round, it totally FAILED...my sixth sense is actually wrong !!! but anw its gd to realise now than later.at least i make the right choice by waking up my idea now.no more sinking in deeper..but anw so far he is still a really nice guy tat i met so far..so near yet so far can only be applicable for now.1 more mth frm now and i guess you will go lead your own life and i will lead my own life.you will slowly disappear and fade off frm my memories..but i will always rmb the days i spend in suzhou with you guys...;) cos u guys did became part of my life which i do really cherish it really much. deep frm the bottom of my heart.. ;)

well i guess sometime life is always full of ups and down.i lost a few nice guys who are kinda nice to me in the past, but duno wat i tinking at tat pt of time.so kinda regret it now.but anw its the past. for me currently i really feel like upgrading myself..dun like the feeling of being a bimbo with no brains.perhaps i should learn more abt ren ji guan xi.i should level up my tinking..but how should i go abt doing it?? i would like to be myself, but currently i am not in the state of doing so..cos i hv alot of improvement to improve on..at times i really hope tat ac would be here to giv me advice on, cos apparently at times i do feel tat i am stil under his shadow not able to escape out of his clutches.but anw its the past and history will always be history.let it just be part of our sweet memories.

~closure to my heart~

tonite had a HTHT session with this guy friend of mine, while the rest of my friends were chilling in the living room..anw i tink i should just make a closure to my heart...perhaps we are just poles apart and its kinda impossible for anything to happen..although at times i do see some reflection of ac on him..is tat the reason why i am starting to fall for him?? i duno too..but anw i feel like telling him stop being so nice to me..cos tat is my weakness..-dun ever be nice to me, cos i will be touched and fall for u...or rather just treat me just like a normal bo chap friend at least i wont continue having hopes...watever it is i should really just close my heart before i sink deeper..i should know tat he is nice to everyone, but then somewat i hv unknowningly fallen for him after interacting and bonding with him for the past few mths when initally i have totally zero feelings for him when i came china..come on, 1 more mth left..1 more mth then i will be free-ed from ur presence..ur presence wouldnt influence my heart anymore..u can continue to lead ur life and i can continue to lead my life..our lifes unlikely would ever crossed again..all i can say is, u are somewat the right guy i am looking for..but i am not the right girl for u..let's just leave it to fate...honestly speaking, first time in my uni life, i actually wholeheartedly like a guy..cos the past few guys tat i admire isnt really my kind though they are gd looking to me.i guess the god is fair..guys who are gd looking usually isnt my type, whereas guys who are avg looking are actually my type...anw qm qm qm !　u can do it..just put a closure to everyting now before u sink deeper..

and past few days el suddenly HTHT with me and he was still telling me "qm mai tu liao..u alrdy hv an ans tat u dun wan regret alrdy..then what are u waiting for??? " u alrdy regretted alot of times..and el said smt like u always like gd looking guys...now tat u met someone who is actually ur type of guy..its actually true love..and do u really want to regret again after u come bac spore?? initally i really had the intention of thrashing everything out alrdy long long ago..but i guess he alrdy knew wat i wanna say so i see no point in telling wat i feel..and afterall he alrdy knows everything alrdy..so i guess after the mogolia trip, we will go separate ways and that will mark a closure to everything alrdy. it sounds sad though but i guess your presence are fluencing me too much..i am just not the one for you..just let it be and i will count down to 1 mth departure frm you :(

~having mixed feelings~

anw the huang shan trip was quite jialat.stamina was totally cui to the max and i couldnt really make it to the top..and i really feel tat i am dragging down those 2 guys who always waited for me cos i am always the last since i am feeling quite sick and i couldnt really catch up with their pace..honestly speaking, i feel tat this trip is more like a training for me rather than enjoying the trip itself cos climb mountain also hv to climb fast fast in order to catch up their pace..need a rest also no time cos by the time i reached the rest point, they would have continued with the journey. so end up i nv rest much ! so i was freaking shagged and tired til i hardly talk throughout the trip.and moreover i was coughing terribly, plus i couldnt sleep for 3 consecutive days, makes me totally drained like vampire man..and i could feel tat i was damn weak tat time.plus my freaking rashes totally spoiled my whole trip cos this bloody rashes made my legs so itchy tat i cant sleep and my legs now are like so red !! hai come here really damn suay man..legs initally are smooth and nice, now the legs are so red though the doctor say tat it will heal one..but how long will it takes man..i see wanna wear shorts , short skirts and dress ! haiz... anw talking abt the 2 guys i tink they are kinda nice to be always waiting for me cos they know tat i am always very slow in climbing..but i feel kinda bad cos i felt tat i dragged down their stamina when they could have actually climbed much much faster than the pace tat i am climbing..so yeah, so kinda feeling guilty over it..but anw tat trip i miss much of the interaction with him..aiya, another chance wasted !!! cos i still thought can get to interact more with him, but apparently end up i wass too shagged to talk to anyone..and mentioning abt tat, the 10 hrs train ride was damn bad man..cos its damn damn long and i couldnt sleep at all cos the train kept on moving and light sleeper ppl like me totally cant sleep..but anw i just told my house mate one of my secret.not sure if he will aids in helping me or nt but, but i hope he does and hopefully give me some opinions..

this few days have been having mixed feelings over flying bac to spore soon..cos afterall i have alrdy gotton used to the life here.then suddenly in 1.5mths time i need to go bac to my old life..its like everything will be bac to square one..honestly speaking, i dun really like the life in china now, but somewat i hv gotton used to it..and most importantly once we are back in spore, i doubt we will be as closed as before, and i doubt we will hav chances to meet up again.so moral of the story is i wont be seeing him tat often anymore.so its kinda sad somehow..but afterall its still life..this is something which i have to part away wif eventually..

~come on, pls faster heal~

i have been feeling really tired and sleepy over taking so much medicine..the non stop coughing and flu is really damn jialat..summer pls faster come, honestly i cant take the transition temp change in the morning and nite,which explains why i always get sick here when in SG i rarely get sick man..

anw get to the topic, actually i do feel like telling him tat actually i should be honest to myself, being tat actually i do feel abit for him..but duno why when there are chances for us to walk together, i always avoid him or duno how to get the topic running..cos most of the time he is out to tease me, and moreover most of the time his tone wasnt serious at all.so i didnt take his words seriously, but if he really meant wat he say, i would be defintely happy ;) but anw left ard 1.5mths bac to SG..lets leave up to fate yeah ;) cos i predict once sch starts, everything will be bac to normal..i will mug in lwn everyday after sch..no time for relationships..and moreover this yr have fyp, i will be even busier...so most likely its kinda impossible to have any progress

~am i tinking too much???~

anw my 24th pre-bday was not bad..had a really big surprise by my room mate, housoon smasking cake on my face...this was my first time getting cake smash on my face..though the whole process was damn horrible cos it is damn dirty, but it was fun cos its the process tat we had fun together..anw it was sweet of them to tink of having 18 baos for my bday..haha cos i like eating pao so much tat they can rmb tat i am a pao queen..but anw tat day i wished for something tat nite, and hopefully it will be fulfilled ;) and i do see some hope..hehe

anw fri was out to shanghai and we stayed at the shanghai ppl hse..went there to make spects on fri nite and it cost only $20..super damn cheap man ! whoo ! anw throughout this entire trip i was kinda happy over him, but i dared not admit..hai qm qm qm ah, if u dun admit u will nv get ur happiness man..then this kinda nice caring guy will be gone just like this..abit wasted ;( perhaps i should learn to be more thick skin hor.. hmm.. anw the story goes like this...sat was supposed to go for the clubbing and drinking..then end up i realised tat at the drinking pub we are sitting pretty close and apparently i do feel happy when he sits very close to me..i guess i hv really fallen for him ! else i wont feel happy when a guy sits so close to me rite??? or rather i should feel paranoid when a guy sits so close to me rite?? cos tat will be my usual reaction..but anw tat nite i do feel tat somehw he is quite caring towards me or maybe i am over sensitive..cos can see tat he keep "protecting" me during clubbing tat time..or perhaps its just guys' job to protect girls..i not sure either..but apparently tat nite i do feel happy though i really duno hw to dance, but i am happy with the company i am with...anw tat nite i wasnt sure if wat he said was joking or nt leh..he said he can lend me his shoulder and carry me cos i cant walk properly..and his tone was those joking joking kind, so i dared not take his words seriously..but i do see another ac ..how how how?? so i replied him jokingly and ask him nt to be so irritating..and the slow walk home was indeed a nice one, although the dist was pretty short..cos my legs still hurts, so cant walk fast then he purposely slowed down to wait for me..then giv excuses saying tat "they trying to create chance for us..blah blah blah.."　of cos this time round, i will take it as he is joking also cos his tone like not serious at all..but if everything tat he said was serious, then i would have gotton and given him a reply..

~swollen legs~

hai today i am damn damn emo man...cos leg super pain til i can hardly walk properly..cos lately i feel very down man cos it seems tat god is trying to play a prank on me man..first is toe infection and grey nails..now swollen legs for no reason ever since the hangzhou trip..and i have to suffer all these shit..honestly speaking i really felt helpless when my foot is really pain..wanna see doc but duno which place got clinic or hospital..so super emo and sad..so i was feeling really down man..at tat point of time, i was hopping someone would concern and care for me...even if it wont heal my leg its ok, as long as there is someone to lend me some moral support..cos for nw i really need moral support..when u are overseas, there is alot of things tat are beyond my reach..and i dun wan mafan ppl also..so i kept quiet abt it til my friend asked me why i am walking so weirdly..yeah then when i was very sad tat time this sporean neighbour struck my mind...so i msg them to ask if they know any sporean doctors cos i dun wan waste my money over crap doctors..but i am really damn touched when that sporean husband and wife came down to our flat and her wife even help me rou my leg..wah tat moment of time i really feel tat she is my mum man caring for her daughter..honestly tat rou on my legs really very touching..and tmr they bringing me to some foot massage and leg scrapping..and perhaps see doc..omg i duno hw to repay them man..seriously i gonna do something or buy something in return.. anw i am counting to 2 more days to happy 24..this yr will be special cos i will be spending my bday overseas..i predict they will be cooking for me ..hehe ;)

~super heart pain over medical fees~

last wk sat had a buffet at marriot hotel in suzhou.the cakes are awesome ! whoo ！ and its really heart warming to meet all the singaporeans in suzhou..when u can hear all the singlish where i haven been hearing for months..alright then after the buffet when to eug hse for movie marthon, ended up falling asleep at their hse, so stayed over at their hse til the nxt day then i go home cos tat nite was freaking cold..too lazy to go home man..then last sun was out to celebrate anne bday..i guess celebrating ur bday overseas is something special, esp when ur family and friends arent wif u and the only blessing u got from ur friends would be through ur gip friends, so its kinda a heart warming thing when u gather ur friends to celebrate ur bday..:) fri went to see doc cos i felt my toe nail wasnt getting any better..in fact its getting worst..so i am kinda scared now man..cos it seems tat more and more of my nails are getting purple..but then in order not to let my parents worry i bluff them tat my toe nails are getting better..sometimes white lies are for their gd..bo bian..first i went to the sch clinic then the doctor quite cui also..keep giving me infection medicine to disinfect my toe nail which is pointless cos it doesnt solve the root of the problem..so end up they suggest me to go to the sch hospital..so i went cos i was told most likely i needa remove my entire nail cos the infection is serious liao..when i heard tat i was totally dishearten and stunned cos i didnt expect it to be so serious.. anw when i reached the hospital, i was alrdy very sian diao alrdy cos they told its kinda serious..so went to the foot dept to see my nails..then they also duno wat's the real cause of this problem..so they transferred me to the skin dept..then the doc told me one of the nail is infection, and the other is due to grey nails..wa lao different doctor tell me diff things..who should i trust and listen man..u know i was totally damn demoralised and sadded tat day cos i felt totally hopeless..wanna see doctor and yet was totally handicapped cos i duno hw to get there and couldnt understand wat the doc is trying to convey my condition..and worst stil she still commented tat she felt tat i am a little child when i am alrdy old enough yet cant settle things myself cos i am overprotected in spore..hai this comment really sadded me man..its not i cant settle things myself..i just feel handicapped..if i wan to go that hospital, i could hv gotton there by a cab, but i chose not to do so..anw i am just sadded by her statement in short..and wat makes me even sian dao was when i was the medical fees it costs a bomb ! $90 in total..wa lao freaking ex man for seeing one doc..initally the doc wanna giv me 3 months medication straight, but i told her i just wanna 1 mth since its freaking ex..at least try for the 1st mth first to see if there is any improvment or nt.. alrights then after tat went off for the hangzhou trip..in short the trip was so so..staying in a dorm was a new thing though the toilet is kinda dirty..but there is always a first time..and tat trip i suffered terribly over cold legs..cos i didnt want to wear my boots since i thought initally i was cycling, but ended up i didnt cos i was given a option to shop over cycling..but i must say hangzhou is a gd place for shopping..although most of the shops sell many tiongs stuff, but if u really slowly shop and go through every shops, there is surely nice clothes tat u can buy..in all i bought 8 clothes items in this trip and its only for $60..super worth.. but this trip was disappointing wass tat i didnt hav much interaction wif him cos we stayed in diff hostel..so ended up most of the time the activities tat we did was own time own target..so i chose to do shopping for 3/4 of the entire trip since it was freaking cold and my legs just couldnt take it so its better to stay indoor..anw i am really scared over my toe nails..cos the doctor said it was contagious..come on, at least show me some improvement, at least giv me some slighiest hope tat there is some recovery..hai..... and my bday is slightly 1 wk away from nw..i hav a couple of wishes this time round..pls blessed me...

~i am feeling happier~

anw ytd i had nothing to do til i went to do eye extension for my eyes man..its damn cool man..$7 for the cheapo one..and the outcome still not too bad..just tat the eyelash not tat curl and thick enough cos i wan those super thick and vol those kind..but apparently the effect didnt really come out like this...perhaps when i go bac spore will do this eyelash extension again..hehe..and tat day i was tempeted to do the mole removal also..cos its damn cheap..but then i scared not safe afterall its on my face..so cant play play wif this man..if i save money over this cheap things then my face gone more bo hua man..perhaps i will go do it in the sch hospital..at least its safer man.. ;)

and today i pon sch just to go shanghai for work..it was indeed a diff experience though my supervision job of ensuring those obsolute pdts must reach the incineration plant safety without any ppl sabo touch it..and i have to take photos on and off to proof tat the company pdts have reached the incineration plant safely..lol honestly speaking this job quite lame but anw my colleague asked me if i wanna go or nt..then i say ok lo since i nv do such things before..so try out for once lo..but i must say the car journey ride is kinda tortuorous..sit inside the car for ard 2 hrs and the air cirrulation is bad man..and everything ends ard 8pm when initally my colleague told me tat chop chop early afternoon should be done..but then it ended til freaking late cos everything was delayed due to the traffic jam..honestly the traffic jams here and super jialat..now i know why they say shanghai traffic is really super bad..anw when we reached office bac its kinda late liao..then i intended to take cab home liao cos bo bian cos the bus service could have ended..initally was hoping tat this female colleague of mine can send me home cos anw she drive..but sadly she is totally diff direction as me..so cant..so ended up this guy tat we met at the incineration plant send me home.and wat i scared was i was left wif him alone so naturally i damn scared la afterall i dun really know the directions here well...but he super friendly and nice to me la..so nice to me tat i am scared man..cos he offered to bring me tour ard before bring me bac home..initally i dun wan de cos i scared he is up to no gd..but after tat perhaps i thought a while thinking perhaps i should just giv ppl face lo..since he wanna bring me ard tour then just accept the offer lo..at least its some form of politeness..and he is so friendly up to the extend tat he wanna bring me ard tour sz for tmr and the wkends..then i told him tmr i needa go sch and sun perhaps going out wif friends..so somehow i just ying chou him nia cos i dun intend to go out wif him alone..like damn weird going out wif a married guy..and lately i kept on meeting those bad guys..so suddenly someone so nice to me i will naturally scared ma..i kana eat toufu in nanjing, then went shopping at nite alone got approach on the street by 2 diff guys..then naturally i will sterotype those guys le ma..and moreover whenever i stepped into the bus, i always get glanced and sometimes by starred by some guys, so naturally i kinda rate guys wif very bad impression..either they are tigou or wat..



anw he is kinda sweet to ask me ytd if i am alright through sms..and the msg saying " SMILE ;)" really did cheer me up for tat a while...actually i alrdy ok liao but when i saw his msg i really did smile somewat..then today i didnt went sch so he did msg to ask me why i nv come sch..then i say i going shanghai for work..hehe ..tat sentence is gd enough..i did smiled when i saw wat he wrote to me..

~feeling very very down~

hai i feel very down recently..many things have start to surface..i guess many at times i am really not sensitive enough..cos many at times i really nv tink of the consequences of how i will indirectly affect other ppl through my actions..perhaps tat's the reason why i am feeling the "wall" between them..or rather i am trying to talk lesser to them cos i scared the more i talk, the more trouble i create..so talk less then less trouble i will create..honestly speaking when she said tat " qm can u use ur brain to ....." at tat moment i was super damn hurt..cos it was unintentional and i really didnt thought tat by air-ing my fu rong fu outside the bacony would actually spread the germs to their clothes cos all i thought of at that time was i wanna air it so tat it wouldnt be tat stink..but they tink it as i spreading dirty germs to their clothes..so they kinda unhappy wif me..ok so i apologized to them cos it was intentional and i didnt mean it purposely..but wat hurts me was the words tat she use was really impactful when it was unintentional..ok fine, past few times abt the cupboard thingy perhaps its really my fault..so i giv in to her, but she keep insisting of doing her way then i was kinda unhappy liao cos everyone has their own way of doing things..alrights mayb my way of doing things might nt be ur style but u cant force me to follow ur style when i am used to my style of doing things..first few times i gave in to her cos somehow i tink its really my fault but after a while i really cant tahan liao cos she keep nagging and i really dislike ppl to nag and luo suo at me cos i get irritated easily and tat's the reason why i escape to china for gip instead of staying in spore for IA..hai but come here i realised i am not sensitive enough to handle things..often send out unintentional wrong signals..perhaps i really need a lot of time to learn slowly..this is something tat i cant master overnite so i really need time..and the past incident at the bus..he commented tat "ｕreally have low EQ ..." when i heard tat i was super hurt man..though i appeared ok cos i wont show ppl how i feel...so mr nice came in and break the ice between us..cos i was damn sad at tat point of time liao..then mr nice said tat he can see the sadness on my face, so he tried to lessen the tense atmosphere.well, again it was unintentional tat i wanted to scold tat ass guy inside the bus in english cos i was quite irritated alrdy when he keep looking at me from head to toe..seriously wat's there to look on my body man..and moreover i dun dress til very sexy or wat..so of cos i damn irritated cos i assume tat he dun understand those chime english when he suddenly said one sentence tat he studied overbroad..then i was like OPPS..then after tat once i got down the bus i got scolded by my friend liao saying i low EQ..and somemore said tat if i were to be a guy i surely kana whack liao,,,so lucky tat i am a ger..wah u know how upset i was when i heard tat??? ok i tried to act cool as if nothing happen..actually deep down i was really really very very upset..ok nvm perhaps everything is just my fault..everything just voice down to me not being tat sensitive enough..and i didnt tink of the consenquences before doing things..i feel very xin ku and tiring now man..just now broke down in the living room when all of them was sleeping..i guess its time to release my emtions..bottled up too much for mths alrdy..anw hope this cry will last me better for the remaining nxt few mths..and hopefully tmr will be a better day yeah !! jiayou qm !

anw its been a damn long time since i last blog man..have many things to blog abt but i have forgotton most of the stuff wat i wanna to say..just today i kinda feel very sad so wanna find a listening ear and somewat my blog is my listening ear so i guess coming here to type out my emtions is the best for me..anw for the past one wk i was in nanjing..this place is awesome man..it has nite life and everything is kinda shoik over there..hehe..

and lately there is rumors between me and him..aiyo now like very gan ga man..i dare not look at him..the talk cock and joke feeling like doesnt exist now after they keep kar jiao-ing us..hai..ok maybe the problem lies wif me again.I must break the ICE ! must go bac to the funny and talk cock days..honestly speaking his personality is somelike tat i will like..but then i feel tat i pei bu shang him..i am a noob in everything..blur and always get lost..cant cook and a totally nuah person..whereas he is someone with leadership qualities..but wat am i ？？ forget it ba..just let nature takes it course ba..if sparkles do come then tat will be gd..else just let it be ba..

so wat's the moral of the story today?? QM u needa be more sensitive from now on..always needa tink of consequences before u act..u know now i really well like hving the past ac, who can guide me wat should i do and giv me advice..many at times i just always bottled up my feelings..