~i am busy nowadays~

last mon (18/12), i pon work since i reali tired of working everyday but i didnt tell my manager the real reason why i didnt turn up for work, just told her tat i got something on.seriously nuahing once a while reali feel shiok..working everyday from morning to nite reali make me veri tired, moreover its so far from my house.last wed also took half day leave cos mum found a new paino teacher and she is going to test me out whether am i capable fo taking the exam this july..yup, she is quite pretty considering she dun put any make up..also, think she looks reali sweet and she is the most chio teacher tat i ever have,i think she got went overseas for futher studies cos she got tat slang and i like her slang veri much..wonder when can i speak so gd eng like hers..haha..i am trying to learn well my spoken eng now as i speak..anyway thur feel reali bad for not going to the bbq cos last min i rmb i got training for the hotel, when i promised tat u wukk go for the bbq b4 he leaves singapore.so overall the training was alright, not as bad as i think..seriously i think its not easy to work as waitress cos they are veri particular abt how we place the utensils and all those and i was reali shock when theys sae tat the golden plate cos $65 each and i was reali impressed with the spoon and chocksticks cos they are quite heavy and they sae its plated with some metal.the trainer, christ mention somethings tat i must agree..he siad tat work is veri different from studying..the paper qualifications just show tat we have gone through the hardship..when it comes to work, everything starts from ratch..my brother kind of dislike him cos he feels tat he is a bootlicker..yup, i do agree with him and i think he is a veri alert and manulative person, someone who is veri smart and cant be fool around with..he also said tat in this world, its abt acting and how well u act..yup, wat he said is veri true in this society..tat day i was kind of switch off cos after work have to go..duno why those unimpt things did go inside my brain, but not the impt stuff tat i need to take note.but i am quite worried abt this job cos wat he sae is one thing but can u actually carried out wat is required is one thing.there is no trial seesion for u to practise, so i was kind of scared of making mistakes and getting scolded for ruining the hotel reputation.during tat nite went to their canteen to "take" some food..food want tat bad.i ate lots of their ice cream and lots of packet of yogurt..ended up feeling bloated cos tat nite ate nothing for dinner except lots of ice cream and yogurt..haha..
fri was a reali tiring day cos learn how to detorn roses..put in alot of strength to detorn roses, tat's why so tired..kay, there is this particular unknown guy who msg me and ask me how's my weekend..i was like huh?cos i was wondering who was it so i replied bac.so he intro himself but i still duno who he is until he told me tat he is the one tat i did survey for him.he asked if i still rmb him and i was think of cos i rmb him cos he veri irritating and keep pestering me and asking me qns which are unrelater to the survey,he said he wanted to make friend with me but i ignore his msg cos i find him disgusting , nerdy on the whole.just too bad loh, i just dun wan to make friend with strangers n the streets..i was kind og not happy with him cos how can u msg ppl's no without their consent.i did it out of kindness to do the survey for him cos i know doing survey veri chiam.i learn my lesson tat day and its never give unknown strangers your real no..
sat initally need to work but i told manager tat i canot make it cos wanted to go shopping becos there is warehouse mango sale, so she asked me to work at imm on sun, which was christmas eve..wanted to celebrate with yg, yh they all but since i work until veri late, we had to cancel the celebration..i realised tat after i work, spend quite a lot of money on clothes.in 2 days spent like $65 just on clothes and a bottle of leave on conditioner and a bottle of hair mud.tat's not like the usual past qm who dun spend tat much on money.
anyway sun was a bad experience at imm outlet.i think i create more trouble for her instead of helping her out..during busy timeing, i couldnt help her at all cos i know nothing abt the price of the things and watever customers ask me abt anything i also duno..and the worst case whenever every customer walk into the shop, all of them approach me instead of auntie poey..i was thinking, dun ask me cos i am just first day at work and i know nothing.hai~i was relai stress up cos she is just reali busy but i just cant help her in any way.all i can did for her is to entertain the customer and ask them wat they wan..i am especially scared when i deal with money cos i am afraid i will make mistake and give ppl the wrong money.i u keep praying tat customers dun pay by nets and mastercard cos i duno how to operate the machine and i reali make a mess out of it..there is this particular group of factory workers who came there and ended up they taught me step by step how to use the machine..everything was just veri funny cos i told them i was just first day at work at imm, so they sae dun stresss me tat much.there is this another customer and i dun understand he kept looking and smiling at me..i think he is crazy but i must agree he is friendly but i think he is not some gd guy also cos he sent flowers to a KTV pub but dun wan his name to be revealed..i also met up with another fussy customer,..he is just veri picky lah and auntie poey was kind of unhappy with him cos he is like not respecting her like tat..yup, i understand he wans the best for his gf, but shouldnt he change his character??tat day reali feel like i slack alot cos i did nothing but talk alot, yet getting paid at the sane time..kind of feeling abit bad.
christmas which was mon had gathering with my family members from my father side cos one of the daugther getting married on jan 7..the gathering was quite bored.we dun reali talk to them cos like i said b4 we are not in gd terms with one another and the family dispute have yet to resolved.seriously i duno alot of ppl there but yet most of them said they know me cos when i was young i take care of me..haha, some of them sae i pretty and my looks totally changed but i dun think so leh.still look the same as before..my father younger brother saw us and i overheard him saying tat we have grown up so big le..my dad didnt talk to him at all and they kind of pretend they duno each other..duno when will they will talk again..sigh..actually he is not reali tat bad person cos young tat time he is quite gd to us..i see him now like veri tired and looking reali in a bad condition..i got look at him but he never dare to look straight into my eyes..why arh?he is feeling guilty for wat he did? i duno..sigh..
at the workplace, got closer with janet, sharlyn and sharon they all..shuan are quitting cos of the low pay..yup, me, sharlyn and janet are quittin soon once we found another job cos we are reali unhappy with the pay..wa lao lunch time also must cut pay..we are already earning veri little le and still wan to cut pay for lunch time..i am reali veri unhappy with it cos where got ppl like tat de cos most companies dun cut pay for lunch time..u cant expect us to dun eat and work for 8hrs rite..i think this policy is ridiculous..and this place is kind of complicated..there are alot of backstabbers..they talk behind ppl's bac, duno if they got talk abt me, if they do then let them be..i dun like tat rosy cos she is veri blunt when she talk to ppl and she like to boss ppl ard just becos she is older than us and bully young ppl like us..seriously i will miss ppl there like sharon and mei jin cos they taught me lots of stuff and i still wan to learn more from them but next week i am tranferred to imm already..sharon is reali a nice person and i feel tat she can be a designer cos she got lots of talents..seriously i will gonna miss them..hai~~~
kay, fri nite when for a job interview with sharlyn..haha, it was a funny interview instead cos the moment i stepped into the room with sharlyn then i was so shocked to see the manager so young and he is exactly the same age as me..he said:"both of u all are young..hmm.."so i asked bac, u are also never young also, so how old are u??aiya everything just seems veri funny and we keep laughing away when this is an interview cos we think we are more like talking to peers rather than a manager whom i like should be someone like 30 plus yrs old..haha, i think he looks quite gd arh..but i think he got low qualifiations..actually have a reali nice time chatting with him cos everything was like just veri funny when he sae he is the manager..eventually me and sharlyn have decided not to take up this job cos canot relai earn much though its flexible working hours..the commision is low and there is no basic pay..so wat if we cant sell anything then how rite??haha,we sae we are veri slack cos we are looking for jobs and yet we still wan to go shopping after tat, which reali wat, last day of sale le so cant spare him anytime for more talking.he was reali nice to send us to the lift as he is the manager leh, haha, suddenly feel so hornoured..

~i saw tse hao!~

how times flies..i have zhuo bo for almost a month le..the argument between my mum and my piano teacher is never ending.now, she is demanding my paino teacher to allow me to take my exams during july which even i myself also think i canot make it.but both my parents just dun wan to listen to me, they kept thinking tat my teacher wan to earn more money just by dragging time..atcually i duno if my teacher has this mentality, but for certain, i have no confidence to fight this battle..perhaps giving me another yr to prepare will have a higher chance to pass..mum always complain tat since now there is no sch u should be able to practise alot but tge problem is i dun like playing piano and i have no passion for tat..seriously asking me to play piano for long hours relai make me switched off..
I am also abit sick of shopping.tues went to orchard with wee ping they all..yup, quite a boring trip.with no money reali makesshopping sian cos even though u might like it but no money to buy.wed suddenly I was offered with 2 jobs.The flourist shop and the hotel job.i was confused ast the moment which job should I go for.The flourist shop seems ok but lesser pay and my hands were crumpled due to long hours of contact with water.The hotel job is fussy abt the dressing and attire.they sae females need to wear stockings and wear light make up.When I heard tat I abit sian diao cos this job veri mafan and the make up need to put blusher and all those makeup stuff which I dun like.lips are still alright cos tat one veri fast one.hai~it seems tat working in hotel reali not easy.and their attitude towards employees reali veri bad.they shout at ppl and scold pppl like nobody business.i still think sch is better.working is worst than schooling.u kept doing the same stuff again and again until I am reali sick of it.now I know how to do bouquet wrapping of flowers but standard wise still lousy, cos afterall I onli learn for 2 days onli.after the 2 weeks of training will be transferred to IMM to work in the flourist work le.i hope I will be the one doing the admin work and taking orders cos I am reali lousy at wrapping bouquet.moreover I am a science student,sci student are usually bad at handicrafts.the ppl there seems ok but I was reali puzzled when we have to call those aunties by their names, but I am reali not used to it, I always like to call them aunite leh.they sae since we are collegue, then should call them by name, by somehow I think its weird and rude.
Yup, also went to watch eragon with my brother since we have free tickets.i was quite surprised when he ask me to watch with him becos he could have ask his friend instead.actually I dun reali like watching movie, but since the tickets are free, then ok loh.if ask me to spend my money on movie, then I wouldn’t wan cos I think it’s a waste of money, rather spend it on food, clothes and accessories.in short I rather spend money on practical things lah.the show was nice as said by him as said by him.as for me, I had no comment cos wasn’t reali watching.was busy messaging away with cm abt the job thingy.moreover I dun reali fantasy those type of movie, would prefer would ghost movie ba.think it would be more interesting and scary.yup, on the same day when we went for the interview, I walk past a pub, so I was curious how it looks like and the environment, so I stand outside the pub.the pub looks reali dark inside, cant reali see much but I onli saw 1 guy drinking.beside it is a toilet.so I went in there since I wanted to pee.sucks loh, the toilet stinks of smoke and those “bad gers” climb onto the basin to makeup.aiya one word to describe them, that’s is vian.most of them are not Singapore.there are some Indonesian and some from other country.but some of them reali pretty but some of them reali ugly.anyway I was reali scared when I went in there, scared they would beat me up so I faster went out of toilet the moment I finish my peeing.anyway dun understand how can SHE actually work in tat environment, if give me lots of money, I also wouldn’t wan.
On my first day of work which was thur, saw tse hao when I was taking the train and he just happen to come out of train.we chatted for a while even though I am already know I am late for work.he said I was just lucky enough cos he just came bac the day before.yup,he is a graduate student now.but haha, he still look ah beng, dun look like a graduate student at all, but he indeed became slimmer as compared to the last time I last seen him.he said my looks changed a lot, haha, did I ?maybe he didn’t see before I let down hair, tat’s why he said I look different ba.and he said I became more “Hiao”(some dilect language).duno wat it means, but I am thinking isit vain or is he trying to sae I trying to seduce guys or wat.but tat day I just wore a normal jeans and t-shirt, wasn’t tat seductive at all loh.its my prom nite dress tat is reali seductive.anyway I gave him tat look.but wasn’t angry wit wat he said.i was just joking with him.actually I reali duno wat it means, but I am used to it liao, he always like to sae me until veri mean, as if I de zui him like tat.seriously I hope there will be a gathering for the mm ppl..reali miss the times togther.i duno if my heart still miss him or not.probably if there is a gathering then maybe I will know wat’s the ans.tse hao did ask abt us and he is just reali slow tat we are no longer togther.he did ask abt the reason but his friend suddenly called and eventually didnt tell him.yup, anyway it’s the past le, no pt mentioning up again when it is not possible to happen again.some things are best left in the heart unsaid.moreover, he is veri happy with her, dun wan to mess things up cos I know he veri big mouth one, confirm will ask him for the reason.
There is this show”triumph in the skies” which I think is reali nice, esp I am starting to idolized francis ng, the main actor in tat show.think he last time veri zuai , but this show he show the different side of him.aiya duno how to sae, but I just like him.the show did talk abt him and a ger being together.initally the ger tried veri hard to “Jio” him and yes she managed to moved and touched his feelings.the guy initially said he dun wan cos becos of the large age differences, but the ger wouldn’t mind as long as we can be togther.she wouldn’t care abt the incompetitble look with him.yup, but later in the show, many things started to surface out.their way of thinking are just totally different and the ger was kinda disappointed when things didn’t turn out as expected.somehow I think this show did resemble slightly part of my past relationship, so I was reali keen to watch tat show cos I wan to know wat’s the ending.i learn something from the show and it is if a couple wan to be foster closer relationship, can probably go for holiday or camping.actually i wouldn’t mind even though I know I might need to suffer during camping but it’s the process tat is enjoyable.i wanted to watch sunrise since last time but never have the chance cos my parents dun allow me to stay overnite outside.actually between a couple, wat u do doesn’t matter, as long as u can be together..haha.tat’s just my opinion on it.

~the prom-the prettiest me since i was born~

seriously its not easy to find a job..has been finding for 2 weeks le, but in vain..lost 2 job opportunities le..first was the flourist who was willing to hire me but tat day happens tat my hp low batt so hp auto off..then the manager called my house, but i wasnt at home..went out with my brother for the tuition agency interview..didnt know tat need to do test for the tutition agency interview, other wise i would have studied for it..so go there empty brained without knowing any pri work when i am applying to teach lower pri sch kids..seriously the test not easy..forgot most of the stuff for sci, maths still not too bad..my brother know how to do most of the qns onli duno how to do one qn,but i think the person wont hire him also cos he going for NS..hard to find time for him to teach...for me i think i flop the interview cos i kept smiling, dun think i look serious tat day and i knew tat for sure tat i wasnt veri confident when i speak up..but i like the pay veri much $10 per hour for lower pri..such gd pay where to find sia..at least better than outside pay..second opportunities lost was someone called my house looking for me but didnt give his/her contact no, so cant call bac..duno why tat person did call my hp when my hp is working and full of batt..hai~~then my ass brother bac out to go interview with me at shangarilla on wed cos my brother was throwing temper tat my mum dun wan to buy the bag for him so he bu shuang went straight home..i cant go for the interview cos i duno where is it..onli he knows cos he work there b4..next wed gg for the interview with cm instead, working as waitress..i guess working over there will be quite tough..from wat i heard from my brother and some other ppl..yup, but no cares, as long as get some experience and know how working life is like, then i will know wat to choose for future job..for the time being need some money for some things tat i want to buy for veri long time, but just no money, so have to work..
yup, seriously was veri grateful tat jin yi was willing to lend me his camera when i and him wasnt tat close afterall..never talk to him b4 face to face..onli recently then i started to talk to him online..seriously was reali scared to meet up with him for the camera so i ask my brother to follow me cos anyway my brother also need it for prom..tat day i was wondering wat should i call him arh cos i duno how to pronounce his name..so heck lah, didnt call him, just call him as "err.."haha..was veri ackward tat day..anyway he made us wait for half an hour, which is veri impunctual of him cos didnt like ppl to be late for tat long..15 mins or so is alrite..anyway i think i reali owe him a favour..shall think of a way to repay him..maybe go out wit him for a day cos he did ask me out but i didnt give him a reply cos like veri weird and pei seh leh..its like when i first went out wit ac for our first date and i kept changing topics when he mentioned to meet up or so cos veri pei seh and seldom talk to each other except during mm competitions..but eventually somehow i decided to change my mind and meet up with him..somehow it did leaves beautiful memories for me for tat half yr..anyway it isnt easy to borrow a digital camera..many ppl dun wan to lend cos it is an expensive thing,but i dun blame them cos i understand the suitation..parents wouldnt want their children to lend an expensive device to their friends..
yup, last week also went to akira walehouse sale to look for some cheap stuff..actually was looking for some cheap camera but tat lousy camera tat JT sae got sold out so soon..tat reali shows how kiasu how singporeans could be..eventually bought onli a earpierce and some recorable cd..seriously i think the ppl over there shop like no need money like tat..see liao reali oh my god..yup, tat day went imm too..saw guo mei mei, the singer..wah she super chio and cute, eyes super big but veri veri thin..
last week was busy preparing for prom too..had to meet up the makeup ppl plus accompany yh to shop for her prom stuff..seriously veri tiring of shoping..dun understand why those makeup ppl wan to smoke when they look so pretty..-shake head- one of them is even younger than me..anyway tat day was veri anxious for prom cos first time makeup..reached suntec earlier than 5pm but the makeup gers wasnt ard, but i guess they went smoking ba..seriously they told me they can get paid even though they did nothing and roam around..kay, my first experience for make up is i dunlike make up cos dun like to put those loose power or foundation on face cos i have a hard time removing the make up and i think i didnt remove properly, got 2 pimples the next morning..i think eyes and lips make up still ok, at least they wont spoil ur complexion.somehow tat day got free plucking eyebrow service by a veri experienced auntie cos the 2 gers sae my eyebrow reali too ugly le and they duno how to draw..yup, now got nice eyebrow..the 2 gers was also helpless with my eyelashes cos no matter how, it wont curl..then ask the auntie which is their master to use the formidable "kiap" to kiap the eyelashes and it reali curl..hair wise was also made by tat auntie, she sae she used to style hair for brides..yup, actually can see cos she quite fashionable..so afterall the makeup and hairstyling i look in the mirror, oh man, feels like some monster, but all of the ppl over there sae i look veri nice..maybe i am not used to seeing myself with makeup ba.seriously i think its a makeover cos even myself i also canot recognise myself..yi guang who was down there wit his friend waiting for us to finish the makeup, was nodding and smiling away..i think i look reali funny tat day, not used to it..and there is this guy who ask my 2 gers to do make up for him, duno leh, think he veri gay seh..why must guys do make up??no wonder i see he so shuai and with gd complexion..so i see, he got make up..my makeup ppl sae i look veri sexy tat day, like those ang mo tat would look for one nite stand..haha..do i??dun think so at all..but duno why end up like tat cos initally my intended image is to look sweet and pure, duno how come image came out to be wild looking..maybe the makeup makes it look so ba..but seriously after i look into the mirror for long, dun think its tat ugly lah..not like the first reaction when i "wah" veri loudly when i see myself in the mirror..actually prom wasnt tat interesting..quite bored actually..they played quite lame games, but the kissing part between the prom king and prom queen does interest me..oh man, i think its veri pei seh when every one is looking and imagine u have to kiss a stranger..haha..but i think every gers will wan a kiss from the prom king cos he veri popular plus he veri gd looking esp his eyes..haha..manage to toke a pict with him..oh man..the gers wise mostly veri pretty, no ugly from wat i see..but there is one who just use a rubberband to tie her hair and without makeup..think she looks kinda wierd.guys wise got 2 guys dress up as gers..think they are mad..but one of them is the prom king.i think they are siao ppl..mr darius oh was like saying tat i have veri successful plastic surgery cos he sae last time my nose is not tat sharp, now sharper..but seriously they did nothing to my nose, haha maybe my nose reali grow sharper..who knows..haha..tat day all i know yh is super chio, not like the usual her without makeup.bell bell is super chio too, but duno why she isnt voted as the prom queen..think she more chio than the prom queen loh.food tat day was reali nice, but too bad cant reali eat too much cos otherwise tummy would show out..anyway tat day finished quite late, by tat time its 1 plus le..went to yh house to sleep tat nite, oh my god her mum super fierce lah..duno lah, in future dun dare stay overnite at her house liao.anyway for the time being shall continue to find a job suitable for me..next wed going for waitress interview..hai~actually dun reali like tat job but hard up for money, no choice.

~i reali feel veri tortured staying in this home..

fri went out with JT to suntec to makan..we went to swiss culture to eat..ordered melted cheese and some sauages..quite nice once u eat, but one will feel sick of it when u eat too much cos too cheesy liao and quite full also..tat day was down with sore throat and cough, yet still eat chocolate hot fuge cos veri nice, canot stand the temptation..end up the next day i reali lost my voice..but never mind at least i enjoy the food..pei seh thing is total cost was $50 somthing, feel abit bad tat JT treated me this lunch..afterall i didnt pay at all..seriously didnt expect it to be tat ex, still thought tat it would be $30++, but ended up $5o something..
sun went to expo..still thought got the food fair but ended up finish long time ago..hai~~wasted trip man..also still thought tat can go there buy adias sale, but so fast finish liao!! this reali shows how "Kiasu" singaporean are..kay, tat day went home empty handed without eating dinner..mum didnt go with us cos she bu shuang tat day, by all means if she dun want to go, i cant be bothered with her..dad being the silly one still please her to go..i dun think she deserve this kind of nice treatment from my dad when i did she was the one who is in the fault..she should do some reflections..sometimes i reali kelian my dad tat he often kana bullied and ordered around by my mum when i think tat as a guy he should have his own dignity and pride instead of getting hit and ordered around as and when my mum feels like it..wat is this man !!!! my mum is just lucky tat she married my dad, if other guys would get give her two tight slaps or beat her up, later then divorce her..my dad is just too nice to her, he is willing to tolerate and stand her but i cant stand her!! i reali wish tat my dad could divorce her..at least the family would stay peaceful without her around..i dun understand why our family canot stay happy as compared to other family???why why?? becos she is the one who created trouble and create havoc at home..why why??cant we just have some peace at home..i rather stay out than at home cos i dun feel any warmth at home, i rather go out everyday til late at nite and early morning leave house..i reali canot stand staying in his toturing family anymore!!!!my dad is nice but mum reali canot stand her..
mon had a reali violent with mum, reali violent one like those shown in videos..the fight started out becos she insist tat i play piano everyday for 4 hrs but i sae i canot, the most is just 2hrs, but she insist canot..so how, never mind i stay and locked myself inside my room but she kept wanting to blow up matters..she took up the keys to my room's door and opened my room when i was taking a nap lying on the floor..so she started scolding and finding fault with me cos she not happy tat she is giving away so much money to my teacher when we are not rich at all, yet i dun wan to learn..i told her many times tat i wont like piano since young and its a torture to ask me to play piano for 4hrs when the most i can take is 2hrs..actually half an hours my concentration is already gone...its like asking a 2 opp sex ppl to stay together when they dun like each other..it is veri torturing lah..i told her tat i rather study than to ask me to play piano but she rebut me bac saying tat then why my results still so lousy..kay fine...to me, i think they are two different thing, studies and art and two different thing, cant be compared together..wat it hurts me and make me angry at the same time is tat she asked me to go geylang to sell my body or i can sleep with my dad if i want to.. wat the f***, this kind of thing also can sae...i reali think tat she is not fit to be my mum..other ppl mum is so gd and nice to their children but not my mum..though i know tat she is too concerned abt us, but just too bad she used the wrong way to express herself until i hate her reali much..i often tell her why i prefer my dad over her, becos he can be reasoned out with and he understand wat a child goes through..for her, she is just cant be reasoned and she always think tat she is always rite..even my mum tried talking to her abt forcing me to play piano. but eventually things cant work out..tat nite went to my mum friend's house, she told me tat my mum just dun understand and kept insisting her stand until she canot tahan talking to her..she told me not to tell my mum and i agreed cos anyway i dun intend to tell also..yup, and tat day reali cry like anything until i got headache cos i reali canot tahan being torture from early morning til nite..cant even have a proper sleep..hai~~the fight was reali violent one but she was the one who started it, cant expect me to get beaten up for no reason, of cos natural reaction is to react bac..i was so angry tat wanted to give a punch on her face but eventually didnt cos my brother stopped us..he ended up kana beaten up by my mum..hai~~poor thing..i didnt get any injuries at all except drop lots of hair, for her she kana some injuries..i think i am too violent yesterday cos i am just too angry..i never got so angry b4 until the plastic bottle tat i slam on the floor break..imagine plastic can also break, reali shows how i angry i was at tat pt of time..she said she could have called the police but it wasnt be who started out the fight..my brother can be the witness..i also dun give a damn if she reali call the police..i know tat its wrong to beat parents but when one is reali angry, they dun think of the conquences, beat finish then settle..i still think she deserve it cos i did nothing to her and she kept making me when i am in my room sleeping..she is just out to create trouble..watever it is i still think she deserve it..and wat, she still call my friend's mum to tell her tat i beat her but my friend will confirm know tat i do tat becos i am just too angry cos she know she am seldom like tat and i dun treat ppl like tat except my mum cos she is reali the extreme case..
tat nite i was still crying cos i reali canot take it le and i am reali tired being tortured..kay, went out secretly with my brother cos i dun wan to stay at home being tortured..kay, she took away all my money when i need to buy food since tat day and the day before haven eaten anything and she didnt allow me to eat anything tat belong to the house..fine, i was so angry cos i am so hungry and she took away the money when tat money is not hers and it belongs to my saving..wat the f***, like tat how to eat..FINE, i was super angry tat i shout hokkien vulgarities after i left the doorstep..think the whole block can hear it man, but i dun care man..wa super angry tat time..never got so angry before and seldom i will scold vulgarities unless i am reali super angry..tat nite feel like bashing her up again..so my brother gave me abit of his food outside cos he sae he kelian me, but its not enough to fill my stomach at all..suddenly feel he is not tat bad afterall..at least he still have a heart...tat day reali thought of commiting suicide cos i reali take the torture anymore, but i thought 4th level canot die, at almost is just broken legs, i want to die peacefully..i thought by dying all the troubles would come to an end..hai~~but dun have the courage..
dad cried tat day cos he duno how to handle the suituation and he kept worrying abt us when he is working...seldom see him cry, i guess he is reali vexed over us ba..i am willing to forget everything but mum said tat she is not going to let me off..i expected it and i knew tat the days ahead is going to be torturing for me..she is not going to cook for me everyday and she is not going to give me a single cent..i can eat outside but money will also use finish eventually..i dun earn any income where got money to eat??? i tok of eating a meal everyday, like tat money wont use finish tat fast..on the other hand i can slim down..but wat i scared is tat i will get gastric cos last time kana already and its super painful..hai~~~wat am i to do???i know she will create trouble for me so i purposely didnt wan to stay at home, but i cant always stay out do nothing..i will be bored to death also..house is like a hell, wat i am to do??? yesterday hope tat someone would take me away from this torturing place but dun have..hai~~dad gave up his food yesterday and gave it to me cos i didnt eat the entire day already..sigh..poor thing my dad..family problems are never ending in this family..she wanted to commit suicide yesterday nite but forget it lah, this tatic has been used many times since i was young, duno sae how many times liao..i told my dad dun be foolish to be fool by her, but he sae he is willing to be fooled by her..he wanted me to sae sorry to my mum when she sae she wanted to commit suicide but i insist "NO" cos i am not totally in the wrong, she has her fault too..everything started out becos she created the trouble herself..moreover, i know she wont commit suicide becos she dun have the courage to do so..she knows tat my dad will defend her if she were to threaten to commit suicide..forget it lah, u can trick my dad but not me..yup, i admit i am a veri stubborn person, but i reali canot stand unreasonable ppl, so ask me sae a simple "Sorry" also canot becos i have my dignity..

~i am reali bored~

i am seriously bored...i am sick of going out already..i am also tired of nauhing already..haha..first time hear i sae tired of nuahing..hai~~now i feel tat there is nothing to keep me occupied..at nite still got lots of shows to watch but morning and afternoon reali veri sian man..sometimes i think it is better if there is work and studies to keep one occupied, afterall one might not feel as if he or she has no mission is life..yup, this is the first time in my entire life tat i can nuah so peacefully cos last time they sae got holidays but ended up like dun have at all cos holiday still need to prepare for tests and exams..hai~~~i am reali bored to death...i see lots of NTU students studying veri hard now..and i am slacking away happily..oh man, if i reali got a chance to go uni, reali need to prepare for the worst cos see them like study until veri "cham"..yup, i am those slow person and i take veri long to understand things..i have a feeling tat my mind cant catch up with uni pace cos everythings is all independent learning..so far our sch have been spoon feeding us..at some extent it is not tat gd..wa i see the NTU students studying chemistry..it seems tat those they study i have studied b4 leh...ppl might tink tat everyone are studying so hard, why arent u studying and slacking away happily..haha..nowadays whenever i am bored, i would go NTU to walk walk see see if there is any there to do..hai~~life is seriously bored now..
yesterday had a quarrel with my mum over the piano thing...she sae tat i seems heck care abt the piano..yup, indeed i am heck care abt it..why should i bother to find a teacher to teach me when there is a teacher right in front of me and she kept complaining tat she is irresponsible..yup, though she is irresponsible, but at least i can connect with her, not like other teachers..those teachers onli scold me when i duno and they ask me to figure out myself..oh pls, i pay them to teach me not to scold me..i still rmb i am veri scared of one of my piano teacher cos no matter wat i will always cry when i go for her lessons..i feel tat coming for her lessons is reali scary and i always dun feel like going at all..kay dad was saying tat my mum was too over concerned tat's why she is like tat..yup, i do know tat she is concerned abt me but i feel veri fann when she is over concerned abt me..i give her an anology saying tat between 2 couples if one were to be over concerned for the other party or either one were to be too "Nian" towards ur the other half then ur the other half also canot stand it wat..this is the same thing wat..she was saying tat i can forget abt having a bf cos she sae this kind of thing also canot stand..wat i said was true wat, i believe tat not onli me agree with wat i sae but others will also feel the same thing..to me, if my other half is like tat, its either i tell him wat's his problem or either if the problem still persist then breaking up would a solution to it..seriously i have no confidence in any relationships after being hurt..sometimes i will feel sian after seeing the same person over and over again for weeks and months..perhaps i am reali not suitable for relationships..actually staying single also not a bad either, at least i am free to do wat ever i wan to do, no need to think abt the other half..however, at times, one might feel lonely and wish tat there will be someone to stay by ur side..actually being in a relationship has its pros and cons..it depends on how one view it..anyway i think mr A is reali compatible with his gf..glad for him also...oh my god i reali think his gf is reali chio and sweet..but too bad, i am not a guy..if not i will jio her cos first look she gave me the sweet and clean look..haha..she is real pretty..

life in the past one month..

life was seriously terrible in the past 1 to 2 months and its all becos of A Levels..ya man, tat time super stress, going to go siao soon..plus tat time i kept having fever and the stupid fever just kept coming bac even though it seems tat i am ok le..but somehow tat time i suddenly recall of physics..temperature always flow from high region to low region, so i place a cloth over my head then after tat everything is ok..luckily there is 5 days break after the gp paper, if not i am reali worried if am i suitable to take my A levels with a fever..tat time was reali sick, hardly got energy to talk bac to my mum..life was veri stressful...moreover, things became worst when the construction workers start working at this pt of time when i am having my A levels!!!wat the hell, it was sickening..so noisy and i cant study..so bo bian, went out with my brother to study..seriously outside environment reali canot study, noisy like anything..moreover cant get use to the outside environment..
so how was this yr papers on the whole??seriously i think its quite tough, esp phy..actually u can just go in the exam hall without studying for it cos its all application and i feel tat the trend is changing towards more critical thinking rather than memorizing facts and vomitting it out.i think my phy is gone case le..chem paper 3 and 1 also gone case, sigh...reali duno if i can go uni or not..maths was alright..reali must thx mr sim cos tat time he said one thing tat rung my bell..he say must do finish the whole of 2001 to 2005 then shouldnt be a problem..thx to him and one of the qn reali came out and its copy and paste directly..so heng man..i think maths shouldnt be tat bad when i get the results..wat i am most scared is my phy and chem...hai~
now life is so bored without sch..i am just idling away at home rotting and either going out with friends..i am starting to miss sch le..i miss the time when i can get to see my 2 idols and miss the busy time..it seems tat time is difficult to pass nowadays..and my sickening parents kept bothering me with my piano stuff..seriously i reali dun like playing piano, even though i know tat they are doing for my own gd..i told them many times le tat i am no talent for tat and they still want me to learn..such things need in born talent inorder to appreciate..seriously i am just bindly following wat i am taught and i have no opinion of my own.this is not wat a reali pianoist should do..haha..
this few months reali learn alot from my brother, he teaches me alot of stuff tat i dun understand in the past..was quite grateful to him in fact..he helped me quite a bit in all my subjects..seriously i think he is reali super smart..i and him are just extreme ends..brother is going to army on 11 jan, shiok man, i will have no disturbance from then on..and i can do watever i like openly le..
seriously i am just stuck between when should i start to work cos my parents have not yet to find a piano teacher for me and i cant confirm the time with the agent..wa lao i am just stuck..seriously i am still worried abt my results even though A levels has ended..i am reali scared..reali uncertain if i can go uni or not, if tat's the case then reali must plan another path of my life..last day of exam, everyone was like so crazy, it seems tat we have regain our freedom..yup, tat day after exam i directly went to pierce my eyes..finially after so many yr so saying..seriously i think its pain loh, but duno why cm sae not pain at all, its just some insect bite..maybe my ear lops are thick tat's why so pain..anyway first thing tat i did after ear piercing was to buy a nice earring..yup, quite vain arh..hehe..past few days cm was saying tat if she is the boss, she wouldnt hire me cos i smile too much and it seems tat i am not a serious person when it comes to work..haha..but all along i am like tat, suddenly dun smile abit hard leh..plus she sae i am slow and inefficient and everything duno and i always look so unconfidient..actually wat she sae is veri true, i am indeed veri inexperience in everything..even the basic also duno, but i am brushing up my eng in this half a yr cos i think my english reali sucks, need more improvment for tat..
i am so bored, wat should i do to kill time?????hai~~~too bored also complain, too busy also complain..hai~

~one month since i last blog~

how has things been so far.seriously the graduation day was a sad thing, afterall tat will be the last time in sch le..hai~~and worst thing during A levels have fever!!! hai~~shall update more in the up coming week..and moreover i was reali touched when spm came to sch all for me just to teach me maths..such a nice teacher where to find rite..haha..and ms lim also, came all the way just to teach me phy..so nice of her..sad man, now must leave sch le..and canot see my 2 idols anymore..tat day came bac sch saw idol 2, haha, he look different with tat lam nuah clothes, at least there is a time when he look untidy..then idol 1 saw him during after my exams..hehe still look the same as b4..then this exam a super host contestant came to our sch to invilegate and he is a teacher..oh man, i was thinking why this person so familiar man..oh ya, he is the super host lah..

~the long up date~~

its been a long time since i last blog..seriously things have been quite bad..a week ago, i was feeling reali lost, as i reali duno who should i listen to..should i listen to my heart and friends, or should i listen to her and attend sch..becos of this , i was reali confused..mind was totally veri lost..cried for 2 days cos i cant make a decision..tat's another point in time when i have to make another impt decision..as it will affect how much i study..last time was the decision as to keep the relationship or not...yup, tat's was the first pt in time when my heart did struggled alot..anyway glad to sae tat i have no feelings for him le..which is something glad to hear abt..yup, i took abt 1.5yrs to forget him..anyway feel happy for him too, at least he is happily attached now..somehow i feel tat i reali dun match him at all..his current gf is so smart and pretty. whereas i am so lousy compared to her..anyway i still think tat i reali canot be compared to her...she is reali way to0 smart le..perhaps she is reali the one for him..=)anyway still hope tat he will still sae a hi to me if one day he were to see me..i will certainity wont dao him, cos i not tat bad lah..
next up was studies, reali man, in 2.5 weeks time, first paper GP is coming..scared man..i got a feeling tat my gp canot make it..duno why also..sigh..wat am i to do..after tat was the 3 subjects..scared man..how???it seems tat i still have many duno, and my lectures still haven read..all the past few weeks was piahing tys..but it seems tat its not getting into my head..hai~~~so now, kept consulting teacher last min..phew..anyway todae is the last day before A levels i am touching the comp, not again i am going to use it unless after As..so must control now...
and todae ms lim treats us eat pizza, so nice of her..and so sway todae everthing went wrong..hp spoil, came late to sch veri late cos i over slept by too long..aiya todae is just an unlucky day..=(later is haveing graduation day..last time seeing the 2 idols le..if got chance to know them, then i will happy like mad..hehe..

~how how??feeling of lost~

A levels is just one month away..i am still veri loss over should i go to sch or should i just stay at home to study on myself..i understand the fact tat if i dun go to sch then i will miss out alot wat the teachers have said, but if i go sch, i will be veri tired by the time i reach home and i wont study and immedately i will fall alsleep..how how, talk to her le, and she dun encourage me to pon, but if i dun pon, i canot study everything finish and i canot be like last time le, never study for the exams then go in unprepared..how man?wat should i do..its just seems to be troubling me alot and alot..this great fear in me is indeed worrying me..sigh.then the basic things also forget even up to now..esp maths..wat should i do????sigh sigh sigh...i am so lost now!!!!

~the feeling of lost~

past few days, i was reali lost..i duno should i do my sch prelim papers or do my tys???how how??somehow some ppl like wee ping, JT, Tanu somehow gave me some opinion..somehow i was enlightened and i do feel better now, at least i have a sense of direction now...hehe, suddenly feel tat actually there are ppl who are concerned abt me,still thought tat i am all alone to fight the battle..phew...this week is gona to be fast again..2 to 3 weeks time graduating le, which means leaving yj soon..sigh..abit sad, actually i do miss sch although i often complain sch sucks..

~worried me~

seriously i am super worried now..my maths is like shit, even the basic also forgot how to do..like tat how to pass?????and i have so many things to do yet i always sleep veri early when i came home so late..how how??reali feel like not coming to sch cos i need to give for time for myself to do my tys, at least finish one round..what should i do??i am lost!!!! dad talks to me and kept telling me to ask ppl to tutor me if possible but not tat i dun wan, i wan to do more practice for myself..A Levels is just like 40 days more..not exactly tat long if asked..i got a feeling tat i will fail my gp in A Levels too cos i hardly pass my gp, onli once in a blue moon then can pass..and it seems tat my chem teacher do know tat i am veri blur cos she kept asking me if i understand..but i told her yes cos if not if she were to explain alot of time to me then she will get angry and i will be scared..spm was quite fierce too..i am scared of asking him too cos he quite fierce at times and if i duno then he will get angry..
i seems to be veri awake when i saw idol 2..haha..why arh???this is weird...anyway both of us admired him too..i realised tat i like older guys, tat is something tat i just reaslied not long ago cos during sec sch, never thought of it but i guess it is..haha..
week ahead is more and more busy...argh!!!! sian!!!!

~day dream~

i realised tat i day dream alot..oh my god, like tat how???and nowadays i reach home veri late le, then ended up dozing off instead of studying for my A levels..how???how???and i always feel veri tired even though i slept quite a lot le...oh man..worried seh..
todae, idol 2 walked past twice..hehe..finally see him after so long..wow, he is so cool man...hehe..onli got chance to admire him..idol 1, became less shuai le after the hair cut, but still tat smile on him still remains the same..hehe..anyway still my idol =)
A levels still left less than 50 days, around 40 something..scared man..going to piah all my tys until i drill myself..no time die die also must do some..seriously not easy..life is getting more and more busy..sigh...

~the gala dinner~

gala dinner was quite a memorable and wonderful event..tat nite reach home at 12 midnite exactly..actually wanted to stayed on longer for the programms after the dinner, but i have to worry abt catching up the last train to reach jurong, of not then i would have to take taxi hom which cost alot of $$$$..
dinner was quite nice,,got restaurant ppl to come here to cook for us..and we are sitted with strangers whom are alot more older than us and hardly got any interaction with them lei, onli when the guys do the serving for us tat time..and this particular guy, smiled to me when he asked if anymone wants to eat the prawns cos veri mafan to peel the shells mah..then end up onli i am the onli ger eating cos the other gers dun want to use their hands to peel or should i sae they care onli for their image cos they quite pretty mah..anyway, i dun reali care abt using hands to eat, cos i am still young compared to them to have a image for myself, plus, i am hungry tat time, got any food can eat just eat..
tat nite glance around for my 2 idols..they still look the same,no changes at all whereas LTK somehow became better looking tat day and spn looks quite clean looking and neat..btw spn sang a chinese song tat nite, his singing not bad seh..i always thought tat he veri shy to sing song one, how come suddenly come to stage to sing???Hmmm..
in all this event is quite a meaning one..imagine u gather all the uncles and aunties and the ex students together and it seems tat there are alot of things to catch up with..my batch dun reali have alot who turn up for this event, but those graduated long time ago indeed has alot.many of them are chio bu and shuai ge..tat nite, came home with a painful leg cos wore those veri high heel tat nite..initally dun wan one, but later since i thought prom also need to wear, so wear it for once to try out the feeling..seriously duno why gers can wear heels for so long when it is so painful and moreover, u canot walk fast when u are wearing heels, but one gd thing is tat u feel tall..=)
she was saying me tat outside looks nite but once i speak, spoil the whole image le..haha..seriously need improvement to teh way i speak, canot be tat childish forever..
sch has starts..quite happy abt it, at least no need to stay at home anymore..however, it would meant tat there are more stress and more work to do..holiday onli studied chem..die man, the rest of the subjects didnt even touch at all..how how?

~the dream abt wat he said~

yesterday had a dream abt him telling me tat i should move on in life..cant reali rmb wat's the dream was abt, but its something like tat..i guess this is something tat he wish to convey to me too..after the dream, i woke up immediately but couldnt reali recall anything..all i believe is tat every dream tat i dreamt abt will always come true.all i hope is tat everything for him will be fine..wonder when will i ever get to see a lr again..??
in 1.5 months time, i will be graduating le..being in this sch for 3 yrs somehow make me a better person..though in the beginning i reali dislike this sch veri much becos everything is so dead in this sch, including its atmosphere, compared to other jcs..however, this sch make me feel tat everyone is part of the big family, which is something tat i never experience in jj or perhaps during jj, i could reali click along with my class gers becos they are all from top schs..dun reali want to make friends with neighbouring schs like me..this sch has made me learned tat we need to face our setbacks bravely and pick up from where we fall..though i took 3 yrs to complete my A levels, but i am still grateful to the sch for retainning mebecos at least i learned something from my setbacks which other might not probably understand becos they have not experienced or gone through it.
yup, for the time being, cherish the last 1.5 months with our friends cos after which u will miss sch like mad..and yup, i onli got 1.5 months to see my 2 idols, after which wont be able to see them again..hardly get to see idol 2, onli once in a blue moon then i get to see him..whereas idol 1 always get to see him but not much interaction too..and i am not sure if the rumor abt him is it true or not..
holiday didnt reali do much of things..i could sit there for the whole day yet did nothing..duno wat i am thinking also, but i guess i reali need to be more focused and discipline so tat more things can be done each day..my dream is to go NTU..saying is easy but whether u can achieve it is still a thing..nevertheless, the next 2 months is reali crucial, its reali determines ur future road to sucess and how u want to pave out ur future..
i realised something lately..and tat is i have neglected one of my friend..it seems tat XXX wants to find someone to talk to, but i hardly got time to talk to XXX, so sorry..anyway after my A Levels, i will find time for XXX..
why do i find tat coming to sch is such a chore..yes, indeed it is cos i live super far, coming to the north is like so sian and tiring to me when i live in the extreme west..life is so sian man..

~the talk with maril~

last fri was an enjoyable nite..after so many weeks of mugging..reach home at abt 11.30pm..dad was abit unhappy cos as a ger shouldnt be out so late..i guess he was just unhappy lah..tat nite went to jp reach there abt 10 le..so happen tat maril happened to see me so she called for me..yup and we chatted for an hour..her bf and her mum was around..tat time i was wondering tat when will i get to see my future bf sitting together with my parents and chatting happily away??hmm..tat seems something tat is hard to happen..she told me tat initally she also got alot of objections but somehow her parents manage to accept him eventually..seriously i am scared of objections and i duno wat to do if my parents couldnt accept for whom i have chosen to be with..her bf seems to give me a gd impression cos he looks quite guai to me or perhaps he is in army couldnt style his hair until some bad looking guy..me and maril was talking abt our past, wat exactly happened for the past 2 yrs..yup, both of us indeed miss the time when we are playing mm in sec sch..somehow, maril, yi hui and wan yi became an instructor of a sec sch, but currently they are not teaching anymore..then through this get to know zhi hao, an AJ guy and NUS graduate guy whom i think i seen twice before when i went to bernard house for CNY gathering and the last time when bernard went overseas..but actually, i dun reali rmb his face, all i rmb is tat he seems veri quiet to me..maril told me tat he is another bc pattern, nice and caring person..seriously i have forgotten everything on how to do mm, even the basic..if i got chance to touch mm again, might need some reteaching from someone again so tat can refresh my memory..
we also did talk abt relationship..she siad tat she was veri surprised tat we became together when he never came into the picture during sec sch time..instead both of us like the same guy..actually initially i find it hard to believe but yup somehow it became true..she said tat he wasnt veri understanding becos at tat pt of time he should understand wat is impt to me..but i told her tat it would be unfair to him too..somehow she had a bad impression of him, but nevertheless i still defended him becos i still think tat he is a nice person..whereas she told me tat her bf is super caring but the problem is she dun feel anything when they are together, yet her heart was somewhere else in my pri sch ex classmate..if i want to pair them up tat would be an easy task for me cos afterall in pri sch, we did talk quite a lot..but i think tat would be unfair to her bf cos i think her bf cares and likes her veri much..i duno wat maril is thinking also, but hopefully things will be ok for them..
it is surprising tat gers can talk anything under the sun..can talk abt wat couples do in a relationship..so now i know tat guys are all the SAME..i can even predict wat are the steps guys will take in a relationship..hehe..seriously maril looks veri pretty leh when he used to sae tat she is just ok when she has so many guys jioing her..
sometimes i think i am quite a stubborn person..if i sae tat i wont go i reali meant wat i sae, regardless of the consequences tat i will face for not turning up for sch..i reali feel tat coming for the NAFA thing for half an hour onli is reali wasting my time when my travelling time takes 2.5hrs..todae so happy cos somehow manage to get a silver for NAFA FINALly by some means which i canot sae...FINAlly no need to see the pe teachers le..sick of their faces too..so happened to see outside the table with cm, outside the entrepreneur room then idol 1 happened to pass by and he was smiling..wonder why man, anyway i think he is siao lah..then after he left duno why he turn bac then both of us turn bac together then smile at each other for no reason..me was of cos veri pei seh..hehe..i think he overheard the conversation tat i sae to cm, saying tat why is he always smiling for no reason..tat's why he turned bac, maybe?haha..after he put bac all the things then he still smile to me and sae thanks you..hehe..so happy cos last time i did sae tat if can know him then will be super happy but got smile can le lah..cm said tat i can confess my luv for him after i graduated but i said forget it cos i onli admire him not like..they are not the same to me..anyway i think he is a happy guy lah, always full of smiles..
i think my hp going to spoil soon..i realised tat 2nd hp is reali lousy..most of them can onli last u abt 1.5hrs..i am waiting to bvuy a better camera hp when i earn enough money..
for the gala dinner, mr XXX said he will treat the 4 of us..but i feel veri guilty to use ppl money cos its is $80 per person and btw its not cheap..dun think i want to use ppl hard earned money like tat..i am wondering why he wants to treat us when he could have chosen other ex students, excluding me cos i am onli taught by him 1 yr onli..up to now we still smile to each other, not like ms ong who totally pretended not to know the students once they left her,btw she left yj le..just got bac prelims results..results are indeed super sucky but i am quite surprised tat i manage to pass phy when i spent the least time on it..but seriously MCQ alot is i ti gam one so not counted..chem teacher was saying "ur results are veri poor.." i was thinking of cos lah, i didnt study so many things and many didnt do confirm will do badly mah..but when i received the results, its not as bad as i think cos everyone almost get the same marks as me when they got do the organic and option qns when i left it totally blank..so i am equally bad with them..haha..but i am quite glad tat those i got do i got correct, at least didnt waste my time studying..
one show was saying tat in life, there is ppl who will onli feel veri deeply for a particular guy..probably i guess i belong to this grp of ppl..hmm...
principle saw me then she called for me..she asked me "so how?"wat an open ended qn to ans man..but never mind i didnt sae anything, onli smile cos i dun think i want to mention my results to her cos its reali bad..why does she always think tat my mum is china person arh>>weird?anyway she is not, an indo chinese but indeed she look like some china woman..i always ask her to sun tan abit but she dun wan..i am ok with sun tanning abit but not too much cos i dun wan to turn veri tan, abit dark can le..
holiday is just next week, there is reali alot to do during this holiday..where should i start from??hmmm..

~prelim are over!~

long time since i last blog..cos having prelims then must study..
happy birthday to ac..not tat i have forgotton his birthday, just tat i think she would have wish him so i dun want to spoil his mood..so wat can i sae..its not easy to forget someone esp when someone who used to be part of ur life suddenly disappear..hmm..though i dun feel the pain anymore, but heart still cant move on to someone else..i tried to, but not reali successful in doing it..yup, never mind abt tat cos i believe tat fate will bring someone else to forget him..somehow i feel tat the point of time when i am attached is not the rite time..i am reali busy with studies and hardly got time for him..if time could reali turn bac, i wish tat i could be born earlier..at least those problems wouldnt appear and i wont feel totally lost for wat i decide..nevertheless, i am happy for him tat he has found someone to settle down..hopefully tat this will be his last one le..anyway she is reali pretty with make up, without make up is just average..but overall she is quite pretty with those sharp features..(ponders) how did ac manage to attract so many pretty gers arh..hmm...haha..
gp paper was veri distracting cos idol 1 kept walking around and i kept looking at him cos i duno how to do the eassy paper..was searching ideas from his face to write..haha..anyway idol 2 wasnt around..if not i will be more distracted..
2 weeks of prelims are finally over and indeed its not an easy task..imagine i just got 1 week to cramp all the j1 and j2 info inside my head and indeed its veri tough.actually most of the papers i onli studied the day before..so most of it i didnt reali finish studying, which was bad cos whatever i study they didnt come out..A levels is indeed coming in 2 months time..this 2 months is reali crucial cos it will determineur future..i am reali veri scared cos still got some duno and i reali duno when i can actually have time for myself to do wat i want to catch up with when sch work is always giving more and more and i am also lagging quiet behind time..sigh..jc life is indeed not an easy one..thought i took 3 yrs, somehow i find it reali short and moving reali fast..
i think i am growing fat too..this 2 weeks was just sitting down everyday after eating and i think i got 3 layers of fats le as the chinese saying sae san chen rou..
save the last dance is also a veri nice and sweet show too..sometimes u will wonder fate is something tat can be quite weird..many at times u didnt know things will turn out tat way but somehow it just happen to turn out tat way..life is always so unpredictable..
prom cost $70 and its is in mariot hotel, somewhere near far east..indeed its quite ex but i was thinking this is the last time le, so i decided to go..i think i have big problem with make up cos i duno anything abt make up plus my mum also duno..i wonder who can help me with the make up also..luckily someone was willing to help me with the nails, tat's nice of her..prom tat day i want to see lots of pretty babes, esp pretty babe..think she gonna looks veri sexy..after A levels i want to pursue my passion for fashion designing and i am thinking of going overseas for holiday when i earn enough money..there are just lots of things linning up for me to do..
todae have cake with the class cos ms lim (yi xian) birthday..yup, she is a veri nice teacher indeed..she seen me through 3 yrs le..cake is nice but too bad have too little to eat..sigh..after this week must start to piah again..sian man..
todae saw someone doing veri bad thing..though i cant see clearly without spect usually but somehow my eyes can see clearly wat the person was doing..somehow tat time i feel tat the guy was up to something cos i see him kept looking round to see if ppl are looking at him but somehow i caught wat he was doing..so i pretended to walk slowly so tat i can walk behind him..guess wat, he didnt tap his mrt card when he went out of the mrt, wat he did wat he followed one person veri closely behind until the person dun even how and tat's how he manage to ecape..hai~~(shake heads) i guess he did the same thing when he went into the train ba..i hope one day he will kana catch by the mrt ppl man, cos i reali canot stand wat he is doing..trying to pretend to tap the card when i think there is no card inside his wallet..
todae is a relax day indeed, but 2 months left..heart indeed worried cos i am reali uncertain if i can go uni..seriously cant afford to go private uni so die die also must go local uni..hopefully god will bless me with knowledge and past my A levels with flying colours..my brother is veri smart which i reali canot compare with..i think me and my brother are just reali extreme ends..why do i feel tat my jc life is not smooth sailing at all..full of ups and down..the point when i had a terrible fall was reali a bad experience for me..after tat i manage to pick up my confidence for the next yr..but this yr reali seems to be like when i am in new j1..nevertheless my jc life has made me know alot of things in life..

~the words to decribe my life now~

how to decribe my life now? 2 words in a mess..i guess prelim confirm canot do well cos not even prepared yet and less than 1 week to go..everyone seems so piah now, even those who slack alot in the past started to be veri hardworking now..yesterday stayed bac with joey and the 2 guys who suddenly pop out from no where..weird thing is tat i am the onli ger and i am usually seldom with a grp of guys sitting together..nevertheless i was down there to ask qn onli and i realised tat joey is their everything..watever they duno, they will call joey for help..tin an and ci hui was down there to teach me and indeed learn quite a no of things from them..ci hui was a veri nice person..now i know why she is fond of him in the past le..
seriously i feel bad when both of them came bac just to pei me to eat dinner when i told them tat i can eat alone without anyone accompany cos they think i like veri ke lian and lonely..sometimes its gd to be independent and dun be over reliance on friends..if friend dun eat dinner tat early doesnt mean tat becos friend never eat so u wont eat..no rite?so sometimes need to be independent and flexible abit becos when u steeped out of the society, u need to learn to be independent and not be too reliance on ppl..
anyway todae celebration was reali stupid, i think cos i think reali waste my time when i could have stay at home to study for my upcoming exams..anyway they invited the new broadcaster from ch8, which was an ex yjcian too..she gave her speech and i was reali shocked to know tat she repeat her j2 too cos she failed her gp and she hand in a blank paper on tat day of exam..but now she is so successful now and even became one of the mediacrop ppl..she makes me think tat nothing is impossible as long as u are willing to work hard..after todae i will piah le for my prelims..so i will be offline for 1 month, wait til my prelims are over then i go online again..
todae have sport day..seeing the teachers running is the interesting part onli..the rest not reali..oh my god, my idol is so attractive when he is running..hehe..got 2 idols in sch, maybe makes me more alert when they are around.hehe..

~some things sparkle me~

somehow some words tat she said so make some sense..now, must reali piah le..duno must clarify until know..yes, tat's the attitude..the grouping somehow i am ok with it as long as i can communicate with the person can le..nad most impt must tell yourself tat u can do it..ya?? i will do my best and strive.. =)

~exam stress~

adults dun like ppl to sae " go and die lah" and i often used tat but i dun literally meant tat way and i have no intention to curse the person..mum was saeing me cos i was scolding her some time ago and i did noted tat he did told me once before tat this phrase seems like u are cursing the person to die and he dun like it..hmmm..somehow i have been saying this for many yrs le..want to change also difficult..
many of my dad's friend has passed away one by one due to cancer..somehow i feel tat cancer is a deadly illness and u may leave the world anytime without any signaling to ur family memebers..somehow i think tat the most pitiful is their children..they have no one to earn for them and they need to start everything from scratch despite the emotional pain tat they need to dace..tat egg seller uncle was quite nice to my dad in the past, then now he passed away..somehow feel abit upset for him..seeing him like tat makes me feel tat we should reali cherish wat we have when they are still around..sometimes see my dad so old liao still must work for us, reali pity him..moreover he got alot of health problems plus he is going to the mid 60s soon..so abit scared and worried for him..whereas for mum, she is still tat energetic, cant be reali bothered abt her..anyway she still got lots of enegry to scold ppl..
lately have been feeling quite happy..no idea why also but indeed seeing "Her" sometimes do makes me feel happier,..past few days reali scared to ask qn cos later teachers will sae so simple also duno..andi scared teachers dun understand wat i am asking cos many at times they dun understand wat i asking and i am not gd at conveying wat i want to ask..somehow i feel tat asking friends is better cos most of them understand wat i am talking abt..duno lah, maybe teachers' frequency and my frequency different..
now i think must abit thick skin to clarify my doubts le..if not like tat confrim A levels canot do well..at most get a scolding from them if i am reali too stupid to understand wat they are trying to explain..sian~~~
prelim is just less than 2 weeks and i haven even started revision yet..stress...yet every day i sleep automatically at 10..die seh, like tat duno how can finish my revision..now even hardly got time to go online..
look forward to the prom nite which is going to be held in dec..venue not confirm yet but most prob i am going..
hai~going home to study again..sian wat a life i have..

~hopefully i didnt i am not wrong abt him~

why do i feel as sad when its seems to be tat he seems to have forgotton me as a friend?hmm...reali hope tat at least he can still sae a hi to me instead of daoing me in msn..wanted to talk to him but i guess i shouldnt cos he has a gf so i shouldnt talk to him and pretending as if he has no gf..hm...never mind..nowadays they kept ga jiao me calling me mrs XXX and he is call mr XXX..seriously after those things happened, i veri pei seh to talk to him and face kept on blushing when its not the truth at all..and i know where my heart lies in, confirm not him, so reali hope tat they dun sae liao lah..now reali veri veri pei seh to talk and face him when sometimes i feel like laughing.never mind, just hope tat this shall end soon.
and past few days just saw my ex eye candy..tat time both of us are looking into each direction..feel like smiling to him but i didnt cos anyway he also duno me then smile liao ppl will think i siao..anyway first time see each other so close..
somehow i feel better now, the feeling of lost not tat much anymore..mon met up with them and somehow they enlightened me with a lot of things..actually i was veri grateful to him for spending 3 and the half hours with me teaching me things tat i duno..and not forgetting the gers also..anyway reali thanks..
prelim is abt 2 weeks time..reali scared..how arh, j2 work still canot make it..luckily my j1 work still can make it if not reali veri tough for me to catch up..tat's all for now..hopefully pray tat i can still hold on to myself and thrive harder..

~the quarrel~

i was rite..i knew tat was her when ms lim look at me..knew my mum too well le..anyway i was reali angry for wat she did..when i reach home i asked her..yesterday kept on crying and todae got swollen eyes..veri cham now..sigh..they are talking as if i reali canot make it de..seriously i myself have no confidence in this big battle..aiya its up to heaven le..just bless me and hope tat i do well..todae, seems to have a cheerful day to me..

The feeling of very lost..

my blog has unknownlingly has music when the weird part is i duno even know how to insert music into my blog.and duno how come suddenly has jiang nara song in it..weird...
what am i gd at? haha..ans is daoing ppl.mr heng tat day was saying tat this ger doesnt seems to recognise me after i never teach her..i was down there smiling away..ya, i admit tat sometimes i do dao him cos duno wat should i sae to him..but this onli happens to some ppl onli..doesnt apply to all..ppl tat i got talk to, i will usually wont dao them..the minimum tat i will give them is a smile..seldom will i forget my friends faces, but names sometimes will..the mm guy was quite happy when i added him becos he thought tat all along i forgot him liao but atcually no lah..i was just pei seh to look at him in the past cos of wat they sae..so i pretended tat i duno him all along..sometimes just want to fake innocent tat i duno him..
tues was at giant shopping for bread..happen to saw zay ya so decided to sae a hi to him since he didnt saw me..yup, he changed alot, became a little matured after yrs od didnt see each other..somehow i feel tat he has became a totally different person..tat day it was nice of him to pei me walk the long route when his house is just nearby..
he said tat i have become more naughty..hmm..should i take it as a compliment??Haha..hmm..anyway i told him tat the past qm and the current qm are no longer the same..and the smart and hardworking qm no longer exist and the current qm is stupid and lazy..actually i myself do realised tat i have changed over the yr..somehow after the talk with him, i do feel the anxiety for the A levels..he is piahing veri hard now, i think tat i should reali start working hard now..slightly 3 more months to A levels and less than 1 month to prelim..and everything shall be over ..nobody could actually believe tat i actually retained when in the past in sec sch, i was the top few stduents in calss..but we are both the same, play too much and didnt study tat why retained..
he even has a driving licence now and he was asking me if i have one..hmm..i shall consider if i want to have one after my A levels..seriously i got lot of things to fo after my A levels..
got bac my results slip recently..bad until duno like some shit..seriously i got too much things to start with until i duno where should i start from..sigh..the next few months will be a tough period of me to go through..mum was more and more worried day by day and she was saying tat i must be mentally prepared tat i canot go uni and be prepared tat i need to go a private uni..sigh..i kept quiet..seriously currently i am undergoing alot of stress when u feel tat alot of things u still duno..the feeling of being lost in a big sea is indeed a difficult task tat i need to overcome now..sigh...work is getting more day by day.. and i can hardly finished when most of the time i am veri tired after reaching home..sigh..ms lim sae tat sometimes its gd to let go and not to hold on too tightly..but somehow letting go abit do makes me feel a bit guilty when i am thinking tat i have so much hw to work and yet i am still using the comp..

~the lousiest and attitude teacher i ever seen~

if u like him, just let him go and u shall just watch him secretly and pray tat everything for him will be going smoothly..yes, i shall just do tat, but heart wise not ready to let go though time has past veri long..had the sec sexually edu, someone sae tat luv is abt being there for another..somehow it sounds veri familiar to me cos he did sae this once b4..likewise the video clip also mention something tat he once sae b4..i was wondering does adults think alike>?how come their thoughts just seems to be the same..hmm..anyway among all the guys i like b4, i guess he is the one whom i have the greatest feeling for..the rest didnt reali have much chance to know them better as a whole..maybe tat explains why heart still not ready to let go..
seriously i never seen such attitude teacher b4..initally i still pity him for being handicapped but later i changed my mind..in fact, i think he deserve it..he sae me until duno like wat..even yh who was down there was angry with wat he sae and he is just being unreasonable and showing me attitude..kay FINE, i wont argue with him since he is a teacher and i shall give him some respect..initally i reali want to cry liao cos he sae me until like some downgraded shit..kay, i didnt retaliate and just sat down there quietly..yh sae tat i should have sae bac instead of keeping quiet becos he is just unreasonable plus it just shows tat i am someone nice to bully..he asked me to hurry the person to send me the income tax slip for 2006 when it is a govt thing and he is saeing as if my dad is the one in charge of the income tax, which something can be hurried..i just feel tat he is just being unreasonable plus he is not fit to be a teacher when his attitude is so bad towards students..no wonder so many students dun like him..the angriest part is tat i made every effort to search for him everyday when everytime he is not around and he saes tat i didnt even bother to look for him..
friendship between us has somehow became further and further away..duno why either..but somehow became closer to the 2 guys. at least we talk more to them now, and got share more things abt one another now..
todae look for mdm ho to talk..wanted her to move me and yh out of her class and she agreed but the head saes canot so bo bian must stay in her class for the rest of 4 months..sigh..duno leh, i just want to get out of her class cos somehow i feel we have different frequency and watever she saes i also dun understand..sigh..wat am i going to do..she said something like for my case, the most i can get is D or E..then she added tat if i work super hard now then the most i can get is C..sigh..was veri hurt when i heard tat..going to cry le, but never..
later in the afternoon went to chat with ms lim..ya she is the nicest teacher i ever seen..talk abt our inner feelings now..somehow both of us cried when we are talking halfway through..duno leh, somehow i feel my heart veri tight..need to release some tension by crying..its been long since i last cry..maybe i need to do some reflections of myself..

~the disappointment~

i am a little disappointed with A, dun know why either, maybe i expect more from him..i am not exactly sad either..though i did sae b4 tat i hope tat A will be happy, so no matter wat the decision is, i will respect A 's decision..maybe i am too young to understand why such decisions were made, but i guess A has his reason for doing so.

~my greatest worry~

holiday veri sian..the whole day onli does is mugging and going out to find food to eat..mum friend sae tat i often keep every thing inside myself and i seldom express how i feel for others int the sense of care and concern..duno why tat's why me..asking me to sae the 3 words to a guy takes me a lot of courage and i reali duno how to express my feelings to other in terms of actions..she gave me an anology tat if i am married in future and i dun express how i feel for husband then he wont know wat i am thinking and how i feel for him..then many disaster things will start to happen..ppl close to me will know how i think but ppl who arent close with me seldom will know wat i am thinking..i always take it tat ppl will understand how i feel for them without expressing much and probably this is one of the weakness in me..
this yr world cup didnt watch at all but staying in HDB flats reali make me feel the atmosphere cos i could hear clearly ppl shouting and screaming jusy opp my block when a goal was scored..4 yrs bac i did watch world cup cos tat time my previous eye candy likes italy so i just watch and he likes a song by westlife..even up to now, i still like tat song veri much..
duno nowadays wat's wrong with mum cos she often ask me if any guy likes me cos her friend's daughter has a rich guy jioing her..i was thinking even have also wont tell u..as if telling u will give me any benefit.aiya, anyway also dun have..so also have nothing to tell..but if in future have maybe will tell, provided tat i have gradauted cos i also dun wan to play hide and seek with my parents again..and i want to have an open relationship..sigh..it seems tat wat happens in the dream can ever happen..
this holiday study until super late until got dark rings and eye bag..ya, its so ugly..even my brother said tat..one of the days i stayed up to 6 am and pratically tat day i was just veri tired..exam week onli sleep like 4 hrs, 3 hrs and 2 hrs each day..lots of ppl sae i look veri stressed..do i?hmm..maybe i am just veri veri tired..
friends around me has changed a lot esp my graduated friends..many of them have working experience whereas i am still studying..nevertheless, this doesnt pose much barrier in any communication between my friends and i but somehow i do feel so gap difference but its not veri crucial here..we still talk tat much,,wee ping became totally different person, in fact prettier now..the princess look veri different due to the rebonded hair..tat day they came bac and talk to ganesh and i went in the room with them to chat..he also sae i look veri stressed..hmm..its seems tat my face has written the word "stressed"..anyway in the conversation came to know tat teaching young kids reali sucks becos they cant behave themselves..so i guess i will never want to be a teacher becos i know tat i cant discipline kids..ms lim is also veri nice teacher, so far the warmest teacher tat i ever seen..she can be a veri friend to approach to..anyway which guy gets her reali veri lucky and forunate..
last week class outing was pretty sian for me cos i didnt ice skate partly becos i am scared of falling and i has a bad experience when i was young..i am also veri gu gu in playing pool cos i cant even hold the stick properly..gave up half cos its just too difficult..i am also not gd at playing arcade either..anyway THIS guy looks veri cute to me..hehe..and now i know tat guys like to see and talk abt chio bu in their every conversation..even young mei mei also not spared..somehow i think tat guys and gers have different views on "Chio"..
seriously i think my brother is the louiest person cos he read my msg again..this time he sae tat i got a bf again..wat the hell this is ridiculous..he concluded tat just based on those few msg..obviously i was angry becos i am innocent and wat he saes isnt truw at all..mum was down there when we are arguing but she didnt sae anything and i told her tat this yr is my A level and i wont want to have a relationship..seriously everything is just a misunderstanding, i dun wish such things to affect the friendship bewtween us..in all, we are just friends and nothing else..sometimes i think my brother is a crafty person and always want to harm me and he always sae tat i harm him when this never cross my mind at all..though he is veri smart but i still think tat he is still a failure cos the basic manners also dun have..he always think he is veir clever but no one will succed forever..there will be a day when i will fall badly..marked my words..
i reali hate it when my house comp spoil becos i had to carry it down to bukit timah to service it..wat makes me more angry is tat whenever he play with the comp, it always spoil after tat..and he still dun wan to admit it..worst still tat sat, he rather go out with his friends than to help me carry down to the centre to service it when he is the one who sopil the comp..obviously it wasnt easy for a ger to carry such heavy stuff without someone to help and my bac became veri pain after tat day..luckily one guy volunteer to help me carry it to the main road while i call a cab..anyway i was reali pei seh to trouble him..the taxi driver also veri nice, ask me if i wan his help..tat time suddenly felt so forunate and lucky to have ppl to help me..maybe they think tat i am just a young ger and have to carry such heavy things, abit taxing for me..
sometimes i think tat wearing sch uni is a gd thing becos at leasy u wont get pestered by those promotors..wanted to siam tat guy but canot cos too many liao..my first rxn was "argh..sian..kay, never mind, i entertain him for a few mins and watever i reply tat he hopes to get from me, i all give him the opp ans..eventually i think he canot do anything with me and iw as freed..i gave him a polite smile after tat cos i no need to entertain him anymore..
recently just bought a bluetooth adaptor and a mouse shich is veri veri chio at sim lim..but so sway tat the mouse happen to be a bad one, so veri ma fan must go bac to change..
tues had sex edu, the lesson wasnt veri interesting becos of the wat it was conducted..duin understand why gers and guys must be separated either...the topic was abt intimacy and how far should it go..from the gers pt of view, they should always sae a no but many at times, values are often thrown out of the wondow though one might know tat its wrong..lust is something often seen in guys and many at times relationship dun last just by basing on physical apperances..if u were to ask wats luv?adults ans would usually be abt luv being a commitment..thought the word committment sound abit vague to young adults like us but i do understand abit of it..from wat was the feedbac given, gers wan to have respect and dignity from their bf..to me, i am neutral to it cos i believe guys would feel likewise also..guys should be responsible for wat they do and this is part of the moral values..runnning aways and avoiding the problem just shows tat one is irreponsible..one interesting qn tat was posed is tat why relationship start to turn stale after sometime?some interesting ans given is tat "u are not creative enough to add colours to ur relationship.."it seems tat creatibe has alot of hidden meaning in it..haha..
got bac the test results..seriously its super super bad..actually i do feel abit sad abt it..but there is nothing i can do either..just to tell myself tat i must buck up..prelim is reali coming round the corner in abt 1 month..seriously its veri fast..greatest worry for now i stat i am not able to do well in A levels..j2 stuff is in a mess..sigh..mood is getting worst day by day..everyday seems like a sad day to me..somehow i feel tat i am now veri hopeless, just like falling deep into a well and not able to get out of tat obstacle..mum is pretty worried abt my results..becos all failed..but ya, she didnt scold me..sometimes it seems to me tat everything is like the end of the world when things dun go smoothly..yh sad tat i dun look worried at all and i look bo chap when she is veri worried abt her results now cos i always smile and i dun seems sad at all..mum also said tat..its not i bo chap..i am just..though i still smile, actually inside me, i am veri worried cos i am scared history will repeat itself again..sometimesi hope i can find someone to talk to and perhaps someone who undstand wat i am going through..at least i dun need to kepp everything inside my heart,,thought crying at times do help abit but still heart still feels as if there is alot of unsaid things..dad is going to talk to me tonite abt my future..seriously i am veri uncertain abt my future..duno where am i heading to also..sigh..

Dream? Do I have one?

After watching that show “sweet 18”, I learnt something and I asked myself do I actually have dreams?i was reflecting on myself and I have yet to have a goal and mission in life..neither do I have any dreams..education oftens help one to search for their goal in life, but so far, I have yet to found one, which make me feel tat I am just wondering aimlessly and passing life day by day without any future plans.
Growing up is a stage whereby one starts to think and question abt themselves..many at times they do reflect on themselves..maybe I should sae tat I have grown up abit becos in the past I dun think abt such things..neither do I question myselfsomehow he did make a small impact in part of my life..he taught me tat one should always plan ahead..maybe I should feel elated tat I have finally grown up..sometimes I am wondering wat dreams do I have?teacher? certainly no cos my studies isn’t tat gd and I am bad at teaching, but one gd thing is tat I got patience..somehow I think tat its an achievement if u can make a student understand wat u teach..fashion desigining I something tat do interest me, but I find tat its just not preactical, esp when all ur 19 yrs of edu will be gone down to waste..
I was reali shocked when I knew tat milli entered the competition in the singpaore idol and yes she is from yj and she is the same batch as me..she guess she must be veri popular now cos most of the ppl are talking abt it in yj..i still prefer the look when she didn’t wear make up..to me, I think she loks attractive becos of her eyes and tat why I noticed her on the first day of sch when I stepped into yj..nevertheless, its seems tat everything is so fake on the tv cos everything just dun seems to be like her, beside the makeover..
Mum and I was discussing abt some bf stuff on wed..she said tat if a rich guy likes u then u must bring him bac hor..my first reaction to tat is tat, is rich reali tat crucial and impt? Maybe I think tat all she wants is someone who is rich and have gd character..but to me, I think rich isn’t a problem and it doesn’t matter to me..as long as he is honest and have gd character and nice to me can le..i am just wondering id one day I were to break the news to her tat actually he is veri rich, how will she react?actually I didn’t know actually when I know him..its onli when we used to be together then I came to know abt this..actually initially I am scared tat tongues might wack saeing tat I onli go for his money but eventually as time goes by such feelings have disappeared,,every wonderful memories always some to a closure and mine has ended with no regrets in life..in fact, I am glad tat he is my first one..normally to gers, the first one makes a lot of importance for setting the standard for the following ones, and to gers, the first one always leave the greatest impression compared to the subsequent ones..
Class outing was quite ok,,but still somehow there are some of them who didn’t turn up again..and it was quite expected lah..we chilled out at starbucks first and after which went to marina south to play bowling..me and yh felt veri “gu gu” when we orederd the wrong drinks..supposely should be cold drinks cos we thought its cold but ended up with hot drinks..and ya, its not nice even though we added the 3 to 4 packets of sugar..and after I drink the coffee , I suddenly realised tat I shouldn’t be drinking coffee cos it will stain my teeth, but its too late cos I drank already..duno why I am veri concern of having nice and white teeth cos int eh past I have lots of decayed tooth and ever since then need to drill holes to put the fillings in and from sec sch onwards started to be veri scared of such drilling of holes in the teeth,,and worst still in pri sch , I dun brush my teeth to sch at all cos I am too lazy and I am a regular customer of the dental..and I always kana scolded by the dentist becos my teeth is always veri dirty and yellow..thinking of my pri sch days, reali duno how I survive with a bad breath man.
Bowling at marina souyth is reali cheap..i didn play with them cos I am just broke for this week, cos I bought 6 tubes of whitening toothpaste with my money..so I just gossip with agnes throughout the whole thing..talking with her is just reali funny esp when we talked abt our first one..from this gossip sessioin came to know lots of stuff and some abt my eye candy..abit sadded tat he has some special relationship with this particular female..duno why all my eye candies are wither attached or either in luv with another person..maybe I am just not fated to have a close connection with them..or probably my mr right is just none of the eye candies..
Saw my sec sch mates yesterday and I was veri shocked when I saw her holding hands with a guy..she gave me the feeling tat she super guai one and ownt go into relationship but I am wrong..i realised tat lots of ppl around me are getting attached..why is it arh?nevertheless I wont be influenced by them cos I still prefer to stay single..
Actual holiday is just tml..yeah finally..this few weeks kept feeling veri tired and wanting to sleep..not sure why also..sigh..

~worried~

studies isnt veri gd up to now, which make me reali worried..yup..now abit stressed up..for the next 2 weeks, i shall tell myself tat i am going to be super hardworking and catch up with my work, cos i think there isnt much time left..and i think i am still not prepared with my j2 work..all onli know abit here and there..i am aiming for at least B, C, C or B, B , C for A levels, but wonder if can i make it or not..sigh..

~something happening in NTU~

fri went to buy some undergarments..never felt so stupid before cos one auntie was sort of like laughing at me for knowing anything abt such stuff at my age..even her pri 4 daughter also know and its her pri 4 daughter who teach me..felt so ma lu man..maybe sometimes too ignornant isnt too gd either..
something happening big in NTU is tat my dad's workplace hire lots of illegal immigrants and last week somehow the police went there to catch..i guess somebody must have sabo and tell the police..my dad's female friend was caught and yup she was hand craft by the police and she is now in jail and i think she has to be canned for using fake passport to enter singpore,,duno how she did it also..everthing was so secretive and none of us knew abt it til last week when she was caught by the police..seriously i veri kelian her cos afterall she come here just to make a living and she is veri nice to my dad and us..whenever we go NTU she will give us extra food secretly, yet we pay the same money..got one time she even treat my brother eat..yup, its not the food tat sounds, but how her heart towards us..actually i feel reali sorry for her..=( my dad sae tat police nowadays are smart ppl, they dun look like police at all, in fact they disguise themselves like normal ppl and when they carry out their operations they seal all the place and no one is allowed to leave..now, the boss kana already and i am just scared tat it will affect my dad..hmm..adults world is always so complicated, but like our childhood days..
yesterday just bought a new CD cum VCD player..so shoik man, in future can watch VCD at home le..
thinking of eye candy reali make me smile cos he always wear a smile cos he always wear a smile whenever i see him..i think he is someone who dun alot of rubbish, yet his jokes can be funny..aiya, in all just think tat he is a nice guy..one thing is i think he duno me at all, so i just be secret admirer just for the rest of this yr..hehe..
miss C quite a bit..how nice if i could get to see C the last time again..sigh..wonder how C is getting on...