fri i was reali in a daze even when i was walking bac home..duno why also,maybe i am just thinking abt lots of some worrying stuff tat has been bugging me lately, such tat i didnt even notice my classmates waving to me even though they are standing so close to me..duno why lah,i am just not being myself..mind is just reali full of worries..
sat supposely need to go for detention since i was late for 3 times,but i told my class chairman tat i am not going cos i got piano lesson in the afternoon and i am not going to travel all the way to the north just to do detention, and moreover i find it damn lamn lah, if they want me to do detention,then fine i am willing to be responsible for being late, but provided its on weekdays..maybe i am just reali stubborn but once my mind is made up, i wont change my decision de unless there are some forseen circumstances..sat i spend my day doing some of my tutorial and it seems tat this weekend i dun reali have much hw to do,duno why..or maybe i just dun feel like doing since i dun have the mood to do...my piano teacher was saying on sat tat " u ah, need to concentrate more liao and dun be so depressed anymore for any reason.." hey it seems tat my teacher knows tat my mood are not feeling reali gd..but i am reali scared too for the piano exam and its coming up in july..and now i haven even finish learning the basic things..so feel kinda stress cos i dun wan to fail again and take another grade 8 exam again cos i reali dun feel like learning piano anymore..
sun i was reali feeling veri jialat tat i cried during the night cos my heart was feeling veri terrible..i guess tat i have bottled up too much unhappy things in my heart tat i have decided to let out my emotions by crying and yes indeed it does help abit..through this 1 and the half months,i have been feeling upset and depressed over the application and the way of life tat i am going through now..though i never like studying all along, but the irony part is tat i am reali afraid tat no sch are willing to take in me then i cant have the chance to study anymore to get a cert..maybe i am just afraid of the consequences of not having a cert when u go out to the society to work..stress,worriedness and fear have recently piled out so much tat my heart cant take it anymore so i believed tat crying will be a way out to help me release the tention in my heart..though yesterday nite i do feel like talking to someone abt my problems but who can i talk to?? and i believe tat everyone faces the same problem as me in life, so i will bored the person to death if i talk abt this..but yesterday joey's friend did msg me at the right time, but somehow i still didnt want to reply him though i want to find ppl to talk to..he knows i wont reply cos he said tat if i am busy then never mind then..so i guess tat he knows tat i wont reply him, so he was just trying his luck this time round if i will reply..but everytime i have been giving excuses tat i am veri busy..but in fact, i am not reali tat busy,just tat i am exaggerating..yes,indeed sometimes i am busy, but sometimes i am reali free like anything..i duno if i am veri meant by doing this to him, but its just weird la..
todae mdm ho saw me in library..she was asking me,so how's is the application results...i told her tat i duno yet..she sae tat if u know the gd news, call to tell me hor..she advised me not to choose engineering cos she said tat most of the teachers in my sch took engineering and they dun like, so they change to teaching eventually..she said tat i should choose something tat i like, but i guess tat up to this point of time, i dun have a choice to choose, just take watever u can..though she said tat its a lifetime thing, but i guess tat i will just see how its goes and take things step by step ba..for all i know tat my road ahead might be difficult to go through and full of obstacles tat i need to overcome..
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