~The pain of staying on..~

i told my mum abt the paying of the 4oo bucks for the exam and she told me tat it is not reasonable for me to pay now when the results are not out yet and moreover the A levels is like 6 months from now..so she was telling me to try to drag as long as possible cos she knows tat the min i give my teacher tat 400 bucks then it will be hard to get it bac..and yes i know tat..but my dad was telling me early in the morning tat u must pay tat 400 bucks no matter wat cos its ur future and u shouldnt joke abt such matters..though u lose tat 400 bucks, tat money still can earn bac de..so i guess tat i am taking a gamble out of this 400 bucks..so just have to pray reali hard tat i can get in, else my 400 bucks will be gone down the drain..todae my tutor was asking me, so how? have u think abt wat i told u yesterday, which was something regarding whether i still want to stay on..i told her tat i reali duno, see how it goes when i receive the results..but she said tat the 400 bucks then how? i told her at most i have to forgo getting bac tat money if i cant get in..then she smiled..i believe tat she knows wat my mind wants, but just tat i am just scared to make watever decisions tat i hope to get..then todae damn sway tat my pe teacher caught me for ponning pe and she asked me why am i not here since the day when i came bac..i told her tat i have thrown away my pe shirt, so cant take pe..though its a lame reason, but i cant find any reason as to why i pon for tat 1.5 months pe..then she sae me tat saying tat since u have throw away ur pe shirt, then might well u throw away ur uniform as well..then i kept quiet cos afterall its my fault tat i pon pe for months..then she sae do u know the consequences of poning, then i sae ya..i know tat i will be faced with disciplinary actions and the sch can forbit me to stay on if i continue to pon my pe lesson..actually all the repeat students are also like me, never even attend a single lesson for pe..cos all of us find it no point going for such stupid things..so she said tat i have to attend every morning make up lesson for 3 days per week at 7.15am..wa lao then i told her i live veri far leh, then she sae then those ppl living in johor then how, they still can sch to sch on time wat..fine ! so i didnt want to agrue with her cos i know tat no matter wat i sae, i will always be the one in the wrong and moreover she is the teacher wat, she has the final sae and i dun have the chance to express my unhappiness though i reali want to sae..wa lao i also duno if is there such early bus service at my house or not..aiya never mind, if i still cant reach sch by 7.15am,then cant be helped cos i have already tried my best liao..sian man..duno why when she keep forcing me to ans her questions, then i started to tearing..and i think she knows tat cos her tone towards me became better..duno why i just dun feel like answering watever she ask me and she keep forcing me to sae and i am veri unwillingly to talk abt it and i feel veri pressurized by it so i started crying..i also feel guilty for creating troubles for my friends who tried to cover for me..so i signal to them and ask them not to lie for me anymore cos afterall i believe tat she knows wat is going on..so i told them to be honest with her and dun help me anymore..hai~ i have 2 dentions to clear and tat alone will last for 6hrs and plus tat pe make up lesson every morning..hai~~~i reali feel painful staying on..wat should i do..i cant decided on any thing and many troubles keep piling on me..life is reali tiring on go on..